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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Prathap Question by Prathap on Apr 27, 2023Hindi
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Hello, please advise. I want to create of corpus of 5 crores in 5 years, the value of my current portfolio is 50 lakhs. I am 44 years. My monthly SIP is around 2.25 lakhs. Rs. 1.25 lakhs in Franklin India US opps fund, Smaller companies, Tech fund, Axis Bluechip and small cap, Mirae Asset Blue chip, Canara Robeco Equity hybrid, Motilal Nasdaq 100 FOF, Parag Parikh long term equity. Started another Rs. 1 lakh last month in ICICI Prudential Mutual bank, DSP, Franklin India smaller companies, Kotak Emerging Equity, HDFC Flexi, HDFC Smaller Cap, Tata Digital India Fund. Please advise.

Ans: It's commendable that you're focused on building a significant corpus in a relatively short period. However, aiming for a corpus of 5 crores in just 5 years is an ambitious goal and may require a carefully crafted strategy and potentially higher investments.

Here are some considerations:

Investment Amount: Given your current portfolio value of 50 lakhs and monthly SIP of 2.25 lakhs, you may need to increase your investment amount to achieve your target. Consider whether it's feasible to increase your SIP amount or allocate additional lump sum investments.
Risk and Return: With a relatively short investment horizon, it's crucial to strike a balance between risk and return. Evaluate the risk profile of your investments and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and goals.
Diversification: Review the diversification of your portfolio across different asset classes, sectors, and market capitalizations. Consider diversifying further if needed to reduce concentration risk.
Regular Review: Given the short time frame, regularly monitor the performance of your investments and adjust your strategy as needed. Be prepared to make tactical changes based on market conditions and evolving financial goals.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner or advisor who can provide personalized guidance based on your financial situation, goals, and risk profile.
Remember, achieving such a substantial corpus in a short period requires disciplined savings, prudent investing, and realistic expectations. While it's essential to aim high, it's also crucial to maintain a realistic perspective and adapt your strategy as needed along the way.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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I need to create corpus of 5 crores in 10 years. im currently investigating of 46500 past one year. i have following mutual fund in my portfolio Hdfc sensex index 20k pgim midcap 3k motilal midcap index 3k sbi next 50 index 1k motilal micro index 46 icici prudential technology 1k quant small cap 7k parakpari flexi cap 5k axis small 2k. im private employee and earning of 140000 per month. so please provide suitable answer which created 5cr in 10 years also i have lic of 50k per year,ppf of 50k per year and nps 5k every month. my current age is 34
Ans: Creating a corpus of 5 crores in 10 years is an ambitious goal, but with careful planning and strategic investments, it's achievable. Your current investment portfolio and savings habits provide a solid foundation for reaching this milestone.

Given your age of 34 and the 10-year time horizon, we'll need to focus on a growth-oriented investment strategy while ensuring diversification and risk management.

Let's start by optimizing your mutual fund portfolio. While you have a diversified mix of funds, we may need to make some adjustments to align with your goal. Consider increasing allocations to high-growth potential funds like mid-cap and small-cap funds, which historically have outperformed broader market indices.

Regularly review your portfolio to monitor performance and make necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Additionally, continue your disciplined approach towards savings. Your LIC, PPF, and NPS contributions provide stability and long-term growth opportunities. Ensure you maximize contributions to these instruments within permissible limits to harness their full potential for wealth accumulation.

Remember to stay patient and committed to your financial plan. Building a significant corpus requires time and consistency. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to guide you every step of the way and help you navigate through market fluctuations and uncertainties.

With determination and strategic financial planning, you can achieve your goal of creating a 5 crore corpus in 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 33.5 years old and want to built a corpus of 5 crore by the age of 40. My current investment are: Mutual funds - 37 lac Fixed deposits of around 50 lac PPF - 25 lac Gold and Gold bonds - 20 lac Indian stocks - 1 lac mainly HDFC US stocks - 7 lac mainly etfs This is my and my wifes combines portfolio For next 6.5 years we will be investing in Sip - 2 lac per month PPF - 25k per month Sovereign Gold - 12g every year Nifty 50 etf niftybees 30k per month only days when market is down. Please guide me.
Ans: It's impressive to see your proactive approach towards building wealth and securing your financial future. With a well-diversified portfolio and a systematic investment plan in place, you're on the right track to achieve your goal of reaching a corpus of 5 crore by the age of 40.

Your current investment mix demonstrates a balanced approach, encompassing various asset classes like mutual funds, fixed deposits, PPF, gold, and stocks, both domestic and international. Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns over the long term.

Continuing with your SIPs, PPF contributions, and sovereign gold investments will further strengthen your portfolio's foundation. SIPs in equity mutual funds provide exposure to the equity market, offering the potential for higher returns over time. PPF and sovereign gold investments offer stability and act as a hedge against market volatility.

Your strategy of investing in Nifty 50 ETF during market downturns is commendable as it allows you to capitalize on market opportunities and accumulate units at lower prices, potentially enhancing your long-term returns.

Active vs. Passive Management:
While you've included both actively managed mutual funds and index funds (ETFs) in your portfolio, it's important to understand the differences between the two. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through active stock selection and portfolio management, while index funds passively track a specific index's performance.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, especially during market inefficiencies or when skilled fund managers can identify lucrative investment opportunities. Additionally, active management allows for flexibility in portfolio construction and adjustments based on market conditions.

Potential Disadvantages of Index Funds:
While index funds offer low expense ratios and broad market exposure, they may lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, they're subject to tracking error, which occurs when the fund's performance deviates from the index it's designed to replicate.



Regularly review your portfolio's performance and rebalance as needed to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to fine-tune your investment strategy and address any specific concerns or objectives you may have.

Stay disciplined with your savings and investment approach, and continue to monitor market trends and economic indicators. With patience, perseverance, and prudent financial management, you're well-positioned to achieve your target corpus by the age of 40.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 35 year old, I need to build the corpus of 5 crore rupees. Currently I am investing in MF 47,000 monthly, I have 4 lakh invested in PF. I have a home loan of 37 lakh with emi of 33,000
Ans: You are doing very well at 35 with Rs 47,000 monthly SIP and Rs 4 lakh PF. Handling a home loan of Rs 37 lakh with Rs 33,000 EMI along with investment is not easy. Still, you are investing consistently. That shows good discipline and financial maturity. With right structuring, you can achieve your Rs 5 crore goal.

» Present financial standing

At 35, you have a long investment horizon.

You already have PF and mutual fund investments.

Your income is being managed for both EMI and SIPs.

Balancing debt repayment and wealth creation is key for you.

You are showing good focus on building long-term assets.

Rs 5 crore is a strong target but possible with discipline.

» Mutual fund investing approach

Rs 47,000 monthly SIP is a good starting point.

Over 15–20 years, it can grow to big corpus.

Your focus should be on quality over quantity.

Too many funds create confusion and dilute growth.

Better to keep 6–8 good funds across categories.

Consistency is more powerful than chasing hot funds.

» Active funds over index funds

Some investors look at index funds for lower cost.

But index funds only mirror the market, no extra return.

In market falls, they drop as much as the index.

No active decision is taken to protect downside.

Actively managed funds can shift allocation in tough times.

Good fund managers can capture new sectors early.

This helps you achieve higher long-term returns than passive funds.

For Rs 5 crore target, active funds are better choice.

» Regular funds over direct funds

Many people think direct funds save money.

But without guidance, wrong fund selection can hurt.

Investors often panic and exit at wrong time.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide with regular plan.

Regular funds allow disciplined rebalancing with expert monitoring.

Commission cost is small compared to the value of right decisions.

Regular funds bring more stability for long-term wealth building.

» Suggested portfolio structure

Your SIPs should be spread across core categories.

35% in large cap and flexi cap for stability.

25% in mid cap for growth in 10+ years.

15% in small cap for higher risk-reward.

15% in hybrid or balanced advantage for stability.

10% in debt or liquid funds for emergencies.

This structure balances growth with safety.

» Role of PF

You have Rs 4 lakh in PF.

PF is a safe, fixed return instrument.

It adds security to your retirement planning.

Continue PF contributions for steady growth.

Treat PF as part of your retirement bucket.

Do not withdraw PF unless emergency.

» Strategy for home loan

Rs 37 lakh loan with Rs 33,000 EMI is manageable.

Do not rush to close home loan by stopping SIPs.

Your investments earn higher than loan interest over long term.

If you get yearly bonus, use partly to reduce principal.

Maintain both EMI and SIP discipline side by side.

Loan will reduce with time, while investments compound faster.

» Building Rs 5 crore corpus

Rs 5 crore in 15–20 years is possible.

With Rs 47,000 SIP and periodic increase, you can reach it.

Increase SIPs by 8–10% every year as income grows.

This step-up will boost your corpus greatly.

Do not stop SIPs during market falls.

Compounding during bad markets creates wealth later.

» Review and rebalancing strategy

Review portfolio once a year.

Do not check performance every month.

Replace funds that consistently underperform for 3 years.

Check overlap between funds and reduce duplication.

Rebalance allocation to keep large-mid-small-hybrid ratio intact.

Reinvest redeemed amounts in your core funds only.

Avoid random new fund entries without purpose.

» Risk management

Keep 6–8 months expenses in liquid or debt funds.

This will protect you in job or health emergencies.

Maintain proper term insurance for your family.

Health insurance is equally important.

Do not mix investment and insurance.

Avoid ULIPs or traditional LIC policies for wealth creation.

If you already hold them, surrender and reinvest into mutual funds.

» Tax efficiency

Equity mutual funds are taxed favourably.

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

For long-term goals like retirement, focus on equity allocation.

For short-term needs, prefer liquid or debt mutual funds.

» Goal alignment

Your single target is Rs 5 crore.

Break it into sub-buckets for clarity.

Allocate more to retirement corpus, as it is non-negotiable.

Home loan will end, but retirement will not.

PF and hybrid funds can support retirement needs later.

SIPs in equity funds will be your main engine.

» Discipline with investments

Do not stop SIPs during market corrections.

Avoid chasing recent top performing funds.

Stick to chosen portfolio through cycles.

Review annually with Certified Financial Planner.

Keep step-up SIP as habit with every salary hike.

Over time, this discipline alone will take you to Rs 5 crore.

» Finally

You are already on the right track at 35.
With Rs 47,000 SIP and PF, you have created strong base.
Managing home loan along with investing shows strong control.
By consolidating funds, stepping up SIPs, and staying consistent, Rs 5 crore is realistic.
Avoid index and direct funds, focus on active regular funds guided by a Certified Financial Planner.
Keep insurance separate, maintain emergency funds, and review annually.
Your dream corpus will be achieved through steady compounding and discipline.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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