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Can I retire at 47 with a monthly expense of Rs.2,25,000?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 47 y old .I want to retire because of my health. I have following investment and liablities. FD 90 L, EPF 77.5L, Mutual fund 15 L, shares 6 L, PPF 35L , post office NSC 3.4 L .My monthy expenses are Daughter Fee - Rs64016 EMI Rs 33200 Health Insurance Rs3666 Life Insurance Rs 4500 Education SonFee Rs10000 House Hold Rs15000 Dog(Egg + Medicine)Rs5000 Milk Rs2700 Maintance Rs6000 Internet Rs700 Medicine Rs2500 Electicity Bill Rs 600 News paper Rs200 CylinderRs1100 My Monthy saving as of now Rs 75000/- My Wife also earn Rs 52000/- per month. I want Rs 225000/- per month for all these expenses and continue doing savings . please suggest it is possible with these savings or i have to do some thing different

Ans: Hello;

Your corpus adds upto around 2.27 Cr, which I have rounded off to 2.2 Cr.

This corpus if annuitized, may generate a post-tax monthly income of around 93.5 K.(6% annuity rate considered)
Add 52 K monthly income of your spouse.
So total monthly income may be around 1.45 L however your current monthly expenses are to the tune of 1.49 L.

This implies that you may have to cut down on few expenses and also you will have to pursue some alternate vocation, after quitting regular employment, for another 5-7 years to ensure monthly expenses are adequately funded plus some additional investments are made for future goals.

Best wishes;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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I am 48 years old. I owe a small house and a car without any loan. My monthly income is 50 thousand per month. Daughter is pursuing Graduation and son in 8th standard. I am having medi claim, and 50 lakh term plan. Fixed deposits ( Bank and Post office). Worth Rs 40 lakh. My monthly expenses is parallel to my income. No extra source of income. Want to retire by 55 . Not having high dreams need 50 thousand per month after retirement through my savings. Pls guide
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
At 48, planning for retirement by 55 is prudent. You have a small house, a car, and no loans. Your monthly income is Rs 50,000, with equivalent expenses. You have Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits, a term plan of Rs 50 lakh, and medical insurance. Your financial planning should ensure a stable post-retirement income.

Retirement Corpus Estimation
To achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Assuming a retirement duration of 20 years and considering inflation, a rough estimate is Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore.

Current Investments and Gaps
Your Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits is a good start. However, you need to build additional corpus to meet your retirement goals. Diversifying investments beyond fixed deposits can yield better returns.

Recommended Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Regular Contributions: Start SIPs in mutual funds. Invest a portion of your income regularly. This can build a significant corpus over time.
Equity Funds: Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Equity funds can offer higher returns over the long term.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Tax Benefits: PPF offers tax benefits under Section 80C. The interest earned is tax-free.
Long-Term Safety: PPF is a government-backed scheme, providing safety and stable returns.
3. National Pension System (NPS):

Additional Retirement Savings: NPS is designed for retirement savings. It offers tax benefits and market-linked returns.
Systematic Contributions: Contribute regularly to build a substantial retirement corpus.
4. Balanced Approach:

Diversification: Balance your investments between equity, debt, and fixed income. This helps manage risk and ensures steady growth.
Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on performance and changing financial goals.
Managing Monthly Expenses
1. Budgeting:

Track Expenses: Monitor your monthly expenses. Identify areas to reduce unnecessary spending.
Allocate Savings: Direct a portion of your income towards savings and investments. This ensures disciplined financial planning.
2. Emergency Fund:

Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides financial security during unforeseen circumstances.
Accessibility: Keep this fund in a liquid or easily accessible form, like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Term Plan:

Coverage: Ensure your term plan coverage is adequate to support your family's financial needs in your absence. Rs 50 lakh coverage is good but assess if it needs enhancement.
2. Medical Insurance:

Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure your medical insurance provides comprehensive coverage. Review and upgrade if necessary to cover future medical expenses.
Final Insights
To retire by 55 and achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, start with disciplined savings and diversified investments. SIPs in mutual funds, contributions to PPF, and NPS can help build a substantial corpus. Maintain an emergency fund and review insurance coverage. Periodically monitor and adjust your investments. A balanced approach ensures financial stability and growth, aligning with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
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Hello I want to retire . My current liabilities are my daughter education MBBS Rs 85000/ per month, Son education 11000 per month,, home loan 33000/- per month , House hold 50,000 per month , Term Insurance , Mutual fund , health insurance RS 1L per month . Come to savings. I have 87 L FD, 35 L PPF, 5 L shared, 76 L EPF, post office other scenes 6 L, Mutual fund 19 L . I have my own house worth of 2 Cr . My net take home salary is 2.09 L per month , wife take home 52K per month . This saving is ok to generate cash for above mentioned expenses. I want to retire as soon as possible. Please guide
Ans: Hello;

Let us summarize your monthly expenses:
1. Kid1 Education: 85 K
2. Kid2 Education: 11 K
3. Home loan EMI: 33 K
4. Household Exp: 50 K
5. Insurance & MF: 100 K
Grand TOTAL: 279 K(2.79 L) per month

Now let us summarize your monthly earnings:

1. Self Salary: 209 K
2. Spouse Salary: 52 K

Grand TOTAL: 261 K (2.61L per month)

Now let's summarize your savings:
1. FDs: 87 L
2. PPF: 35 L
3. Stocks: 5 L
4. EPF: 76 L
5. POS: 6 L
6. MFs: 19 L

Grand TOTAL: 228L (2.28 Cr)

If you liquidate this sum from current investments and buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 2.28 Cr, assuming annuity rate of 6% you may expect a monthly payout of 1.14 L(pre-tax).

Adding this to your spouse income it gives us monthly earnings of 1.66 L

Expenses- New Earnings=
-279+166=-113 K(1.13 L shortfall per month)

I understand your situation. Unhealthy work life makes one hellbent to stop working at some point.

Take a break. Seek alternate job opportunity but hang in there because your responsibilities regarding loan liability and children's education are ongoing.

Focus on prepaying the home loan as early as possible.

The incremental savings may be transferred to regular MF investments for 5-7 yr horizon so as to enhance your retirement corpus.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 now and I want to retire at the age of 56 and my monthly expenditure is 40000PM and i have two daughters presently studying in 10th and 11th class. below mentioned financial situation please suggest me way forward on how can manage to retire or better my situation I have a 1Cr in Bank FD 12 lacs inequity ( invested 8lacs in 2021) PF as of today its accumulated to 25 lacs i am doing SIP worth rs6000 from2011 in different funds which is worth around 15 lacs now recently from feb2024 I stared doing 50000 thousands monthly SIP just last month i invested 12 lacs in hybrid mutual funds I had a house loan which is cleared now and besides this i have medical insurance which i pay 54000 for the complete family Per anum and Term insurance for which i pay 51000 PA
Ans: You are 50 years old, with a goal to retire at 56. Your monthly expenditure is Rs 40,000, and you have two daughters currently studying in 10th and 11th standards, who will require financial support for their education.

Your current financial assets include:

Rs 1 crore in Bank FD
Rs 12 lakhs in equity (invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021)
Rs 25 lakhs accumulated in PF
Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs (since 2011)
Rs 50,000 monthly SIP (started from February 2024)
Rs 12 lakhs invested in hybrid mutual funds recently
Medical insurance costing Rs 54,000 PA for your family
Term insurance with an annual premium of Rs 51,000
House loan already cleared
I appreciate the strong foundation you have built with substantial savings and clear financial goals. Let's explore the way forward to optimise your retirement strategy and secure your financial future.

Step 1: Assessing Your Monthly Needs After Retirement
You need Rs 40,000 per month for your current expenses. However, this amount will likely increase due to inflation over the next six years until retirement. Let’s assume an inflation rate of 6%, which is typical in India. This means your monthly expenditure may rise to around Rs 57,000-60,000 by the time you retire.

Since you aim to retire in 6 years, the goal will be to create a financial plan that allows you to cover these rising expenses comfortably after retirement. We also need to consider the potential education expenses for your daughters in the near future, which will add another layer to your financial planning.

Step 2: Evaluating Your Current Investments
Bank FD (Rs 1 crore): While FDs offer safety, they have low returns. In the long run, they barely beat inflation. You should look at moving part of this into more growth-oriented options, like mutual funds, that can give you inflation-beating returns.

Equity Investments (Rs 12 lakhs): The equity market is an essential part of your portfolio, but given that you have invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021, the returns may be volatile in the short term. However, staying invested in good-quality actively managed mutual funds can yield higher returns over time. Equity exposure is crucial to grow your wealth, especially given the inflationary pressures.

PF (Rs 25 lakhs): Provident Fund is a long-term wealth-building instrument with the benefit of compounding. It provides a decent rate of return and safety. This will form a significant part of your retirement corpus. You should continue contributing to this.

SIPs (Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 50,000/month): Your SIPs are excellent long-term wealth builders. Since you are already committed to Rs 50,000 monthly SIPs, you are on the right path to generating good returns. SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds will help you stay ahead of inflation over time.

Hybrid Mutual Fund (Rs 12 lakhs): Hybrid funds offer a balanced mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability. They can be useful as you approach retirement, but their equity exposure should be closely monitored.

Step 3: Optimising Insurance
Medical Insurance (Rs 54,000/year): You have medical insurance in place, which is essential for covering health-related risks. Ensure that the coverage is sufficient for your entire family. Given the rising healthcare costs, consider reviewing the sum assured and increasing it if needed.

Term Insurance (Rs 51,000/year): Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family in case of unforeseen events. It’s good to have this in place. You may not need it post-retirement, so review it closer to retirement age.

Step 4: Prioritising Your Daughters' Education
Your daughters will soon enter college, and their higher education will be a significant financial commitment. It’s wise to set aside a portion of your investments to meet these expenses. Given their ages (10th and 11th standard), you can expect to incur these costs within the next 1-3 years. Consider earmarking part of your Bank FD or hybrid mutual fund investment for their education.

The Rs 1 crore FD could be partially redirected towards a safer option, like debt mutual funds or hybrid funds, to provide liquidity for education expenses without sacrificing growth entirely.

Step 5: Managing Post-Retirement Income
To ensure a steady flow of income post-retirement, let’s look at how your current portfolio can be structured to meet your monthly needs:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments to provide a regular income. This way, you can withdraw a fixed amount every month, while the remaining capital stays invested and continues to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: As you approach retirement, you should gradually reduce exposure to high-risk equity and shift to a balanced portfolio. A mix of 40% equity and 60% debt will give you stability and growth, ensuring that you meet your monthly expenses while still preserving your capital.

Continue with PF and SIP Contributions: Your Provident Fund and SIPs should remain untouched until retirement. Both provide long-term growth and tax benefits. Continue your SIPs as planned, and consider increasing the amount when possible to accelerate your retirement corpus.

Step 6: Plan for Rising Medical Costs
As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. Ensure that your medical insurance coverage is adequate. Review the current policy and look for options to increase the coverage if needed. A good health insurance policy will prevent you from dipping into your retirement savings for medical emergencies.

Step 7: Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Capital Gains Tax: When you withdraw from mutual funds, remember that equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outgo.

Debt Fund Withdrawals: If you hold any debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. Use these funds carefully to manage your tax liabilities post-retirement.

Step 8: Setting Up an Emergency Fund
It’s essential to keep some money aside as an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Since you have substantial assets, you can allocate part of your Bank FD towards this. The emergency fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unforeseen expenses.

Step 9: Reassess Your Risk Profile
At 50, your risk tolerance may be lower than when you were younger. However, to maintain your lifestyle after retirement, some equity exposure is necessary to beat inflation. Work on balancing your portfolio so that it reflects your need for both growth and stability. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, will give you more flexibility and potentially higher returns.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial base and are well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, a few strategic adjustments will help optimise your portfolio and secure your financial future:

Increase your equity exposure slightly while balancing it with debt to ensure growth and stability.

Plan for your daughters’ education by earmarking some of your FD or hybrid fund investments.

Consider SWP for post-retirement income, and set up a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy.

Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs.

Stay disciplined with your SIPs and continue contributing towards your PF to build a robust retirement corpus.

By carefully managing your existing assets and planning ahead for both education and retirement, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a secure post-retirement life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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