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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I'm 45 years old investing for retirement corpus and plan early retirement at 55. Below is my portfolio and current value-23 lacs 1.Nippon small cap 2.quant ELSS 3.Kotak flexicap 4.UTI nifty 50 index-new 5.Motill Oswal midcap150 index-new 6.HSBC midcap am doing a sip of 50k-is it enough? to reach Target of 1 crore in 10 years.

Ans: It's fantastic that you're already thinking about retirement at 45. Life has a way of whizzing by, doesn't it? Having a 10-year plan towards a ?1 crore corpus for early retirement at 55 shows real foresight.

Now, looking at your portfolio with a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, it's clear you've diversified across market capitalizations. That's a smart approach! But with a goal ten years down the line, have you considered how much risk you're comfortable with? Remember, the ride might get bumpy closer to retirement, and you might want to consider a chat with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help you fine-tune your asset allocation to balance growth potential with stability as you near your retirement mark. Think of it like planning a trek to the Himalayas – you want the right gear for every stage of the climb!
Asked on - Apr 29, 2024 | Answered on Apr 29, 2024
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I'm looking for a financial expert to review my investments and advice so that I don't miss Target at 55 years.please share your contact number or mail id so that I can fix an appointment for formal discussion.Thank you!
Ans: I appreciate your trust and willingness to connect. Let's embark on this financial journey together. You can reach me at the details provided in my profile https://gurus.rediff.com/question/guru/ramalingam-kalirajan/137 or just do a google search to find my website. This platform has restrictions to share the personal contact. Hope you understand.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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i am 37 years old.i want to have retirement corpus of 10 crore & retire when i am 55 years old. i am currently doing the following SIP.axis small cap fund 6500, Nippon small cap fund 6500, Mahindra manulife small cap fund 6500, icici prudential nifty midcap 150 index fund 11000, navi nifty next 50 index fund 12000, parag parikh flexicap fund 13000, bandhan nifty 50 index fund 12000, hdfc dividend yield fund 4000, bandhan sterling value fund 4000. Please analyse by Sip investments & whether its sufficient enough ro reach my target of 10 crore corpus.i can take high risk and high return
Ans: Your Retirement Goal
You aim to build a ?10 crore retirement corpus by age 55, starting at age 37. This is a great goal, and you have 18 years to achieve it.

Current SIP Investments
You are currently investing ?68,500 per month across various mutual funds. Here’s a breakdown of your investments:

Axis Small Cap Fund: ?6,500 monthly
Nippon Small Cap Fund: ?6,500 monthly
Mahindra Manulife Small Cap Fund: ?6,500 monthly
ICICI Prudential Nifty Midcap 150 Index Fund: ?11,000 monthly
Navi Nifty Next 50 Index Fund: ?12,000 monthly
Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund: ?13,000 monthly
Bandhan Nifty 50 Index Fund: ?12,000 monthly
HDFC Dividend Yield Fund: ?4,000 monthly
Bandhan Sterling Value Fund: ?4,000 monthly
Analysis of Current Investments
1. High Exposure to Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds
Your investments have a significant allocation to small cap and mid cap funds. These funds offer high returns but come with high volatility. Given your risk tolerance, this is suitable for long-term growth.

2. Index Funds
You have invested in several index funds. While they offer low expense ratios, they lack the flexibility to outperform the market in volatile conditions. Actively managed funds could provide better returns with professional management.

3. Flexicap Fund
The Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund provides diversified exposure across market caps. This is good for balancing risk and return.

4. Dividend Yield Fund
HDFC Dividend Yield Fund focuses on stocks with high dividend yields. This is more suited for regular income rather than aggressive growth.

5. Value Fund
Bandhan Sterling Value Fund aims to invest in undervalued stocks. This can be beneficial but requires patience as value stocks may take time to perform.

Recommendations for Improvement
1. Reduce Index Fund Exposure
Index funds provide market returns but lack the potential for higher growth. Consider reducing exposure to these funds.

2. Increase Allocation to Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market with expert management. Allocate more to well-performing actively managed funds for higher growth potential.

3. Diversify Across Market Caps
While your small cap exposure is good for high returns, balancing with more large cap and flexicap funds can reduce volatility.

4. Consider Equity and Debt Mix
For long-term stability, a small portion in debt funds can provide a safety net. Consider allocating 10-20% of your portfolio to debt funds.

Suggested New Allocation
Actively Managed Large Cap Fund: ?10,000 monthly
Actively Managed Mid Cap Fund: ?10,000 monthly
Actively Managed Small Cap Fund: ?10,000 monthly
Flexicap Fund: ?13,000 monthly
Actively Managed Debt Fund: ?5,000 monthly
Remaining in Current Funds: Distribute the rest evenly across your high performing small cap and flexicap funds.
Conclusion
Your current SIPs reflect a strong commitment to building a substantial retirement corpus. By reallocating some of your investments to actively managed funds and diversifying across market caps, you can enhance your portfolio's growth potential. Regular monitoring and adjustments will ensure you stay on track to meet your goal of ?10 crore by age 55.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Annual Review: Assess the performance of your funds annually. Make adjustments based on market conditions and financial goals.
Rebalancing: Ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives through periodic rebalancing.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi All, I am 40 years, currently investing in Nippon Small cap 2k, Kotak Small cap 2k, Parag Parikh flexi cap 7k, Mira Asset Large and Mid cap 7k, Kotak Emerging 2k, ICICI Value Discovery 1k, NPS 4K, Motilala Oswal Nasdaq 100 FOF 1K My Goal is 10cr at retirement at age of 60. Need to know can I achieve with above mentioned investing portfolio.
Ans: Review of Current Portfolio:

Your investment portfolio reflects a diversified approach with exposure to small-cap, flexi-cap, large & mid-cap, emerging companies, value discovery, international, and NPS funds. Given your age of 40 and retirement goal of 10 crores at age 60, let's assess the potential of your current portfolio.

Analysis:

Equity Funds:
Nippon and Kotak Small Cap, Kotak Emerging: Small-cap and emerging companies have potential for higher growth but come with increased volatility. Given your aggressive stance, these funds align well with your growth objective.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap, Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap: These funds offer diversified exposure across market caps, providing a balanced approach to growth and stability.
ICICI Value Discovery: This fund follows a value-oriented approach, emphasizing undervalued stocks with potential for growth.
International and Specialized Funds:
Motilal Oswal Nasdaq 100 FOF: This fund offers exposure to the top 100 companies listed on the Nasdaq stock exchange, focusing on technology and innovation-driven companies. Given its growth potential, it can complement your domestic equity holdings.
NPS:
NPS Contribution: Regular contributions to NPS can provide tax benefits and long-term retirement savings. Ensure your asset allocation within NPS aligns with your risk profile and retirement goals.
Analysis for Retirement Goal:

To achieve a corpus of 10 crores in 20 years (by age 60), consider the following:

Expected Returns:
While equity funds historically offer higher returns compared to other asset classes, it's essential to be realistic about your expected returns. A balanced approach with an average annual return expectation can be around 10-12% over the long term.
Regular Contributions:
Regularly review and increase your contributions over time to benefit from the power of compounding. Consider adjusting your contributions based on your income growth and investment opportunities.
Periodic Reviews:
Periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust your strategy based on market conditions, ensuring alignment with your retirement goal.
Conclusion:

While your current portfolio reflects a diversified approach with potential for growth, achieving a corpus of 10 crores in 20 years requires disciplined investing, regular contributions, and a balanced approach to risk and return.

Consider maintaining a diversified portfolio aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. Regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio, along with disciplined contributions, can help navigate market dynamics effectively and work towards achieving your retirement goal.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help personalize your investment strategy, ensuring alignment with your long-term goals and risk tolerance. Embrace this investment journey with confidence, discipline, and patience, aiming to achieve your financial aspirations over time.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hello dear, i am currently 33 year old and am doing an sip of 39k per month for the last one year (5k in canara robecco small cap & sbi magnum midcap fund & pgim midcap opportunities, 8k in nippon small cap, 4k in tata small cap & parar parekh flexi cap fund , 3k in icici value discovery fund , 2.5k in mirae asset flexi cap & canara robecco flexi cap fund. Apart from that i have 32k per month put in RDs, 22k in chitt funds, 12.5k in sukanya samridhi yogana , 12.5 in. Nps tier -1. Will be it be enough to build a corpus of 5-6 crore after 25 years for retirement?
Ans: It's commendable that you're actively investing towards your retirement at such a young age. Let's assess your current investment strategy and whether it's sufficient to build a corpus of 5-6 crores over 25 years.

Analysis of Current Investments
SIPs in Mutual Funds
Diversification: Your SIPs across various categories such as small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds demonstrate a diversified approach to equity investments.
Consistency: Consistently investing in SIPs over the long term can potentially generate significant wealth through the power of compounding.
Other Investments
RDs: Investing in recurring deposits provides a secure avenue for accumulating savings over time, although the returns may be modest compared to equity investments.
Chit Funds: Chit funds offer a traditional savings mechanism, but ensure that they align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: This scheme is ideal for long-term savings for your daughter's education or marriage, offering attractive interest rates and tax benefits.
NPS Tier-1: Contributing to NPS enhances your retirement savings, providing tax benefits and the potential for long-term growth.
Assessing Retirement Corpus Target
Retirement Goals
Corpus Requirement: To achieve a retirement corpus of 5-6 crores over 25 years, you need to estimate your future expenses, accounting for inflation and lifestyle expectations.
Investment Growth: Evaluate the expected growth rate of your investments, considering historical performance and market conditions.
Strategies for Building Retirement Corpus
Increase Investment Contributions
SIP Amount: Consider gradually increasing your SIP contributions annually to accelerate wealth accumulation and keep pace with inflation.
Additional Investments: Allocate any surplus income towards additional investments in mutual funds or other suitable avenues to boost your retirement corpus.
Optimize Investment Portfolio
Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your mutual fund portfolio and make necessary adjustments to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Asset Allocation: Maintain a balanced asset allocation strategy, diversifying across equity, debt, and other asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Retirement Planning Tools
Retirement Calculators: Utilize online retirement calculators to estimate your future financial needs and determine if your current savings and investments are on track to meet your retirement goals.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation and retirement objectives.
Conclusion
While your current investment strategy demonstrates a proactive approach towards retirement planning, achieving a corpus of 5-6 crores over 25 years requires consistent savings, disciplined investing, and periodic review of your financial plan. By optimizing your investment contributions, diversifying your portfolio, and utilizing retirement planning tools, you can work towards securing a comfortable retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |955 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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