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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi All, I am 40 years, currently investing in Nippon Small cap 2k, Kotak Small cap 2k, Parag Parikh flexi cap 7k, Mira Asset Large and Mid cap 7k, Kotak Emerging 2k, ICICI Value Discovery 1k, NPS 4K, Motilala Oswal Nasdaq 100 FOF 1K My Goal is 10cr at retirement at age of 60. Need to know can I achieve with above mentioned investing portfolio.

Ans: Review of Current Portfolio:

Your investment portfolio reflects a diversified approach with exposure to small-cap, flexi-cap, large & mid-cap, emerging companies, value discovery, international, and NPS funds. Given your age of 40 and retirement goal of 10 crores at age 60, let's assess the potential of your current portfolio.

Analysis:

Equity Funds:
Nippon and Kotak Small Cap, Kotak Emerging: Small-cap and emerging companies have potential for higher growth but come with increased volatility. Given your aggressive stance, these funds align well with your growth objective.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap, Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap: These funds offer diversified exposure across market caps, providing a balanced approach to growth and stability.
ICICI Value Discovery: This fund follows a value-oriented approach, emphasizing undervalued stocks with potential for growth.
International and Specialized Funds:
Motilal Oswal Nasdaq 100 FOF: This fund offers exposure to the top 100 companies listed on the Nasdaq stock exchange, focusing on technology and innovation-driven companies. Given its growth potential, it can complement your domestic equity holdings.
NPS:
NPS Contribution: Regular contributions to NPS can provide tax benefits and long-term retirement savings. Ensure your asset allocation within NPS aligns with your risk profile and retirement goals.
Analysis for Retirement Goal:

To achieve a corpus of 10 crores in 20 years (by age 60), consider the following:

Expected Returns:
While equity funds historically offer higher returns compared to other asset classes, it's essential to be realistic about your expected returns. A balanced approach with an average annual return expectation can be around 10-12% over the long term.
Regular Contributions:
Regularly review and increase your contributions over time to benefit from the power of compounding. Consider adjusting your contributions based on your income growth and investment opportunities.
Periodic Reviews:
Periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust your strategy based on market conditions, ensuring alignment with your retirement goal.
Conclusion:

While your current portfolio reflects a diversified approach with potential for growth, achieving a corpus of 10 crores in 20 years requires disciplined investing, regular contributions, and a balanced approach to risk and return.

Consider maintaining a diversified portfolio aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. Regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio, along with disciplined contributions, can help navigate market dynamics effectively and work towards achieving your retirement goal.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help personalize your investment strategy, ensuring alignment with your long-term goals and risk tolerance. Embrace this investment journey with confidence, discipline, and patience, aiming to achieve your financial aspirations over time.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2024Hindi
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am now 42 year old I don't have Any investment till now just started 4 month below I want to retire after 10 years but I want fund should reach atleast 2.50cr how much should I invest more and my below funds are ok to continue I can take risk canara Rabeco equity Hybrid fund regular plan growth 5000 month ICICI Prudential equity &Debt Fund growth. 11000 month Mirai Asset Emerging Bluechip fund Growth 2500 month Motilal Oswal Midcap fund regular growth 10000 month Nippon india Large cap fund Growth 10000 month Nippon India Small Cap fund Growth 15000 month Quant Active Fund growth 11000 month SBI Large & Midcap Fund regular growth 7500 month Tata digital India fund regular growth 6500 month Nippon multiCap 15000
Ans: Evaluating Your Investment Plan
You have started investing recently and aim to retire in 10 years with a corpus of Rs 2.50 crores. You are currently investing in several mutual funds. Let’s assess your current investment strategy and determine how much more you need to invest to achieve your goal.

Current Investment Contributions
Your current investments per month are as follows:

Canara Rabeco Equity Hybrid Fund: Rs 5,000
ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund: Rs 11,000
Mirai Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund: Rs 2,500
Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund: Rs 10,000
Nippon India Large Cap Fund: Rs 10,000
Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Rs 15,000
Quant Active Fund: Rs 11,000
SBI Large & Midcap Fund: Rs 7,500
Tata Digital India Fund: Rs 6,500
Nippon MultiCap: Rs 15,000
Total Monthly Investment
Your total monthly investment is Rs 93,000.

Risk Tolerance and Investment Horizon
Given your risk tolerance and 10-year horizon, equity investments are suitable. However, it’s essential to have a balanced portfolio to mitigate risks.

Assessing Fund Choices
Hybrid Funds: These funds balance between equity and debt, reducing volatility. However, they might not provide the highest returns.

Equity & Debt Funds: These also balance risk and return but focus more on equity.

Large Cap Funds: These funds are less volatile and suitable for stable growth.

Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: These have higher growth potential but are more volatile.

Digital India Fund: This sector-specific fund focuses on technology, which is high-risk but potentially high-reward.

MultiCap Funds: These funds diversify across large, mid, and small cap stocks, balancing risk and return.

Recommendation for Asset Allocation
Diversification: Ensure your investments are diversified across various sectors and market capitalizations.

Balance Risk: Balance your high-risk investments with safer, more stable options.

Regular Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and performance.

Calculating Future Corpus
To reach Rs 2.50 crores in 10 years, you need an effective strategy. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, let’s calculate the required monthly investment.

Required Monthly Investment
Based on a 12% annual return, you might need to invest approximately Rs 1,00,000 to Rs 1,10,000 per month to reach your goal. This is an estimate and actual returns may vary.

Steps to Achieve Your Goal
Increase SIP Amount: Consider increasing your SIP contributions by Rs 7,000 to Rs 17,000 per month.

Review Fund Performance: Regularly review the performance of your funds. Replace underperforming funds with better options.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Periodic consultation with a CFP can help you stay on track.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Actively managed funds benefit from professional fund managers’ expertise.

Market Opportunities: Fund managers can exploit market opportunities for higher returns.

Risk Management: Active funds often have strategies to manage and mitigate risks.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds aim to match the market, not outperform it.

No Flexibility: They lack the flexibility to react to market changes quickly.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds offer access to expert advice and financial planning.

Better Performance: These funds often outperform direct funds due to professional management.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Conclusion
Your investment strategy is on the right track. With a few adjustments and increased contributions, you can achieve your retirement goal. Regular reviews and professional guidance will ensure you stay on course.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Vivek am now 42 year old I don't have Any investment till now just started 4 month below I want to retire after 10 years but I want fund should reach atleast 2.50cr how much should I invest more and my below funds are ok to continue I can take risk canara Rabeco equity Hybrid fund regular plan growth 5000 month ICICI Prudential equity &Debt Fund growth. 11000 month Mirai Asset Emerging Bluechip fund Growth 2500 month Motilal Oswal Midcap fund regular growth 10000 month Nippon india Large cap fund Growth 10000 month Nippon India Small Cap fund Growth 15000 month Quant Active Fund growth 11000 month SBI Large & Midcap Fund regular growth 7500 month Tata digital India fund regular growth 6500 month Nippon multiCap 15000
Ans: Analyzing Your Current Investment Portfolio

You have taken the first steps toward a secure retirement by starting your investments. It’s commendable that you are willing to take risks for potentially higher returns. Your current portfolio comprises a mix of equity, hybrid, midcap, large cap, small cap, and multicap funds. This diversification is a good strategy, but let's see how you can optimize it further.

Current Investment Strategy

Your monthly investment in different funds totals Rs 94,000. Given your risk appetite, your portfolio’s focus on equity funds can help achieve higher returns. Each fund category serves a different purpose, from stability to growth, balancing risks and rewards.

Required Monthly Investment to Achieve Your Goal

To reach a target of Rs 2.50 crore in 10 years, considering an expected annual return of around 12%, you need to evaluate your current investment amount. While Rs 94,000 is a substantial contribution, a precise calculation with a financial tool would confirm if additional investment is necessary. Generally, with a higher equity exposure, achieving a 12% return over a decade is feasible.

Assessing and Optimizing Fund Allocation

Equity Hybrid Fund

These funds balance risk and return by investing in both equity and debt instruments. They provide stability in volatile markets, ensuring steady growth over time.

Equity & Debt Fund

Similar to hybrid funds, these offer a balanced approach, mitigating risks associated with pure equity funds. They are ideal for long-term goals, blending growth with safety.

Emerging Bluechip and Midcap Funds

These funds invest in companies with high growth potential. They are riskier but can offer substantial returns, suitable for aggressive investors like you.

Large Cap and Small Cap Funds

Large cap funds invest in well-established companies, offering stability and moderate returns. Small cap funds, though riskier, provide high growth potential. Combining both creates a balanced risk profile.

Multicap Fund

Multicap funds diversify across various market caps, balancing risk and returns effectively. They provide a mix of stability from large caps and growth from mid and small caps.

Sector Funds: Disadvantages

While sector funds, like the Digital India Fund in your portfolio, can offer high growth potential, they come with certain disadvantages:

High Risk: Sector funds are highly volatile as they depend on the performance of a specific sector. If the sector underperforms, the fund's value can decline significantly.

Lack of Diversification: These funds invest in a single sector, leading to concentrated risk. Unlike diversified funds, poor performance in the chosen sector can lead to substantial losses.

Market Timing: Successfully investing in sector funds requires precise market timing, which is challenging even for seasoned investors. Misjudging market trends can lead to poor investment outcomes.

Economic Cycles: Sector funds are highly sensitive to economic cycles. In a downturn, sector-specific investments can be hit hard, while diversified funds can better weather economic fluctuations.

Regulatory Risks: Sector funds are also subject to regulatory changes. For example, government policies affecting the IT sector can impact a Digital India Fund negatively.

Complementing Existing Investments

To further strengthen your portfolio, consider increasing investments in underrepresented sectors or categories. Ensure you review and adjust your portfolio periodically, aligning it with market conditions and personal financial goals.

Continuous Monitoring and Rebalancing

Investment strategies should evolve with market trends and personal circumstances. Regularly monitor fund performance and rebalance your portfolio annually. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your retirement goals.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner

Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help optimize your investment strategy. They offer tailored advice, helping you navigate market fluctuations and adjust your portfolio accordingly.

Final Thoughts

Your proactive approach to securing your retirement is admirable. By maintaining a disciplined investment strategy and continuously optimizing your portfolio, achieving your Rs 2.50 crore goal is within reach. Stay committed and periodically review your investments for the best outcomes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
am now 42 year old I don't have Any investment till now just started 4 month below I want to retire after 10 years but I want fund should reach atleast 2.50cr how much should I invest more and my below funds are ok to continue I can take risk canara Rabeco equity Hybrid fund regular plan growth 5000 month ICICI Prudential equity &Debt Fund growth. 11000 month Mirai Asset Emerging Bluechip fund Growth 2500 month Motilal Oswal Midcap fund regular growth 10000 month Nippon india Large cap fund Growth 10000 month Nippon India Small Cap fund Growth 15000 month Quant Active Fund growth 11000 month SBI Large & Midcap Fund regular growth 7500 month Tata digital India fund regular growth 6500 month Nippon multiCap 15000
Ans: Evaluating Your Investment Plan
You have started investing recently and aim to retire in 10 years with a corpus of Rs 2.50 crores. You are currently investing in several mutual funds. Let’s assess your current investment strategy and determine how much more you need to invest to achieve your goal.

Current Investment Contributions
Your current investments per month are as follows:

Canara Rabeco Equity Hybrid Fund: Rs 5,000
ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund: Rs 11,000
Mirai Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund: Rs 2,500
Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund: Rs 10,000
Nippon India Large Cap Fund: Rs 10,000
Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Rs 15,000
Quant Active Fund: Rs 11,000
SBI Large & Midcap Fund: Rs 7,500
Tata Digital India Fund: Rs 6,500
Nippon MultiCap: Rs 15,000
Total Monthly Investment
Your total monthly investment is Rs 93,000.

Risk Tolerance and Investment Horizon
Given your risk tolerance and 10-year horizon, equity investments are suitable. However, it’s essential to have a balanced portfolio to mitigate risks.

Assessing Fund Choices
Hybrid Funds: These funds balance between equity and debt, reducing volatility. However, they might not provide the highest returns.

Equity & Debt Funds: These also balance risk and return but focus more on equity.

Large Cap Funds: These funds are less volatile and suitable for stable growth.

Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: These have higher growth potential but are more volatile.

Digital India Fund: This sector-specific fund focuses on technology, which is high-risk but potentially high-reward.

MultiCap Funds: These funds diversify across large, mid, and small cap stocks, balancing risk and return.

Recommendation for Asset Allocation
Diversification: Ensure your investments are diversified across various sectors and market capitalizations.

Balance Risk: Balance your high-risk investments with safer, more stable options.

Regular Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and performance.

Calculating Future Corpus
To reach Rs 2.50 crores in 10 years, you need an effective strategy. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, let’s calculate the required monthly investment.

Required Monthly Investment
Based on a 12% annual return, you might need to invest approximately Rs 1,00,000 to Rs 1,10,000 per month to reach your goal. This is an estimate and actual returns may vary.

Steps to Achieve Your Goal
Increase SIP Amount: Consider increasing your SIP contributions by Rs 7,000 to Rs 17,000 per month.

Review Fund Performance: Regularly review the performance of your funds. Replace underperforming funds with better options.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Periodic consultation with a CFP can help you stay on track.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Actively managed funds benefit from professional fund managers’ expertise.

Market Opportunities: Fund managers can exploit market opportunities for higher returns.

Risk Management: Active funds often have strategies to manage and mitigate risks.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds aim to match the market, not outperform it.

No Flexibility: They lack the flexibility to react to market changes quickly.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds offer access to expert advice and financial planning.

Better Performance: These funds often outperform direct funds due to professional management.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Conclusion
Your investment strategy is on the right track. With a few adjustments and increased contributions, you can achieve your retirement goal. Regular reviews and professional guidance will ensure you stay on course.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Milind Vadjikar  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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