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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |63 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Nitin Narkhede, founder of the Prosperity Lifestyle Hub, is a certified financial advisor with eight years of experience in helping clients design and implement comprehensive financial life plans.
As a mentor, Nitin has trained over 1,000 individuals, many of whom have seen remarkable financial transformations.
Nitin holds various certifications including the Association Of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI), the Insurance Regulatory and Development Authority and accreditations from several insurance and mutual fund aggregators.
He is a mechanical engineer from the J T Mahajan College, Jalgaon, with 34 years of experience of working with MNCs like Skoda Auto India, Volkswagen India and ThyssenKrupp Electrical Steel India.... more
Joy Question by Joy on Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am a group d railway employee .My total income in hand is 40000. I distribute my money as personal loan emi 14702 (3 years left) Fridge emi 1700 (2 left) For marriage purpose 10000/month Investment mf 5500 (just started 5 months) My expense 4000 Family 5000 Now I have to marriage in January 2026 ,try to arrange money 2 lakhs, I know that's not enough but still I try to make up, after marriage I live in rent of 7000, then my marriage purpose 10000 break into rent and my expense. I bought a land 2 years ago, after 2 years of my marriage I want build my home and then I think I have 2.5 lakh in mf and rest I should take a home loan... Am I right path? Please suggest a proper roadmap for my current financial situation.

Ans: Dear Jay, Its good to see that you are sensitive about the future and concerned about how to achieve it, sere are some suggestions, 1. Savings for Marriage: Target: ?2,00,000 by January 2026-Your current savings approach of ?10,000/month is excellent. By January 2026 (approximately 15 months), you’ll save ?1,50,000. Add the maturity value of your MF investments (?5,500/month for 15 months = ~?82,500 assuming 10% returns). Together, this will bring you close to your target.
2. Post-Marriage (From January 2026)- Adjust Budget for Rent:- Allocate ?7,000/month from the ?10,000 set aside for marriage savings. About Expenses: Consolidate other expenses into ?6,000–?7,000. Continue Investing in Mutual Funds: maintain your SIP. 3. Home Construction Planning (2028)-Assess how much additional funds you’ll need beyond the projected ?2.5 lakh from MFs.lan to take a home loan while ensuring your EMIs remain below 40% of your monthly income (~?16,000). 4. Start building an emergency fund of ?50,000–?1,00,000 gradually to handle unexpected expenses without disrupting other goals. By staying disciplined and regularly reviewing your financial plan. Regards, Nitin Narkhede Mentor, Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

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Money
I am 39 years old, family of 3.my in-hand salary is 60000.i have sip of 20 k and rd of 3 thousand.i have loan of 17lakh.shoul I go for home loan now? Is it good to buy property by taking loans?.how should I plan for better financial health in the coming year..plz guide
Ans: It’s great to see you’re thinking about your financial future. At 39, with a family of three and an in-hand salary of Rs 60,000, you're already taking some good steps by investing in SIPs and an RD. Let's go through your situation and explore how you can enhance your financial health.

Understanding Your Current Financial Picture
You have a SIP of Rs 20,000 and an RD of Rs 3,000. Additionally, you have a loan of Rs 17 lakh. Considering a home loan now might require careful evaluation. Let's break down the factors to consider and how to plan for a better financial future.

Evaluating the Home Loan Decision
Loan Burden and Monthly EMI
Taking a home loan is a big decision. Given your existing loan of Rs 17 lakh, adding a home loan will increase your financial burden. Evaluate your current EMIs and how an additional EMI would affect your monthly budget. Ideally, EMIs should not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, like in a savings account or liquid fund. It acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Planning for Better Financial Health
Increase Savings and Investments
You are already saving Rs 20,000 through SIPs and Rs 3,000 in RD. This is commendable. Try to gradually increase your SIP contributions as your income grows. SIPs are a great way to benefit from the power of compounding and market growth.

Reviewing Insurance Policies
You haven't mentioned any insurance policies. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. Term insurance is essential to secure your family's future in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance protects against high medical expenses.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification and Professional Management
Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading investments across various securities, reducing risk. They are managed by professionals who make informed decisions based on market conditions.

Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, providing regular income and stability.
Balanced Funds: Mix of equity and debt, offering moderate risk and return.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate market indices, offering lower costs but also lower flexibility. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities and managing risks better. They are ideal for achieving higher returns with professional management.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized advice, regular monitoring, and adjustments as per market conditions. Regular funds ensure you have a dedicated advisor for guidance, crucial for long-term financial planning.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth over time. The earlier you start, the more you benefit. For example, investing Rs 20,000 monthly at an average return of 12% over 20 years can accumulate a substantial corpus due to compounding.

Final Insights
Balancing current responsibilities with future goals is key. Prioritize emergency funds, review insurance, and plan for children’s education and retirement. Utilize your PPF maturity wisely and increase your SIPs gradually. Mutual funds, with their diversification and professional management, are excellent for achieving long-term growth and stability.

Keep in mind that a balanced approach, mixing equity for growth and debt for stability, is essential. Regular reviews and adjustments to your investment plan will help you stay on track and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir I m 48 years old and me & my wife got earing of 1+ lakhs per month and home loan of rs 40 lakhs.. Which i took 4 years back..with EMIof ?39615/ month Which i have planned to increase by 5% every year I too have daughter of 5 years .. Who has started going to school From this year As per saving is concerned.. I have ppf... ?2000/ month Bajaj allience? 6000/year Sukanya s yojana ? 1000/ month Met life pnb ? for last 10 years. ? 3000/ month Epf.. Both me & my wife Since last year 19& 18 years respectively How shd i manege my finance So that i could.. Finish the loan before me & my wife retirement.. Thank you
Ans: Managing your finances effectively can ensure a secure and comfortable future for you and your family. At 48, with a combined monthly earning of over Rs 1 lakh and a daughter starting school, it's essential to have a robust financial plan. Let's dive into how you can manage your finances to finish your home loan before retirement and secure your family's future.

Understanding Your Financial Position
Firstly, let's assess your current financial status:

Age: 48 years
Combined Monthly Earnings: Over Rs 1 lakh
Home Loan: Rs 40 lakhs, taken 4 years back
EMI: Rs 39,615/month, planned to increase by 5% annually
Daughter's Age: 5 years, recently started school
Existing Investments and Savings
You have several ongoing investments and savings plans:

PPF: Rs 2000/month
Bajaj Allianz: Rs 6000/year
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Rs 1000/month
Met Life PNB: Rs 3000/month (for last 10 years)
EPF: Both you and your wife have been contributing (19 years and 18 years respectively)
Goal: Finishing the Home Loan Before Retirement
Your primary goal is to finish the home loan before you and your wife retire. Let's break down the steps to achieve this.

Step 1: Evaluating and Adjusting the EMI
You're currently paying an EMI of Rs 39,615/month. Increasing this by 5% annually is a good strategy. This will help you pay off the loan faster and reduce the total interest paid. Here’s how you can implement it effectively:

Yearly Increase: Make sure to adjust your budget to accommodate this increase each year.
Prepayments: Use any bonuses or extra income for prepayments. This reduces the principal amount and the interest burden.
Step 2: Reviewing Your Investments
Now, let's review and optimize your existing investments for better returns and liquidity.

PPF (Public Provident Fund):

Pros: Safe, tax-free returns.
Cons: Lock-in period of 15 years, partial withdrawals allowed after 7 years.
Recommendation: Continue with PPF for its safety and tax benefits.
Bajaj Allianz:

Pros: Provides insurance cover along with investment.
Cons: Returns are generally lower compared to mutual funds.
Recommendation: Consider surrendering this policy and investing the proceeds in mutual funds for better returns.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana:

Pros: High-interest rate, tax benefits, specifically for girl child.
Cons: Lock-in period until the girl turns 21.
Recommendation: Continue with this as it's specifically for your daughter’s future.
Met Life PNB:

Pros: Provides insurance cover.
Cons: Lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Recommendation: Evaluate the surrender value and consider moving the funds to mutual funds.
Step 3: Building a Balanced Portfolio
Creating a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity and debt investments will help you achieve your financial goals.

Equity Mutual Funds:

Pros: Higher potential returns, suitable for long-term goals.
Cons: Market risk, requires patience and a long-term horizon.
Recommendation: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds for wealth creation.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Pros: Lower risk, stable returns.
Cons: Lower returns compared to equity.
Recommendation: Use debt mutual funds for medium-term goals and to balance the risk in your portfolio.
Step 4: Increasing EPF Contributions
Both you and your wife have been contributing to EPF for many years. Consider increasing your voluntary provident fund (VPF) contributions. EPF offers safe and tax-free returns, making it an excellent tool for retirement planning.

Step 5: Education Fund for Your Daughter
With your daughter starting school, it's essential to plan for her future education expenses.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana:

Continue contributing as it offers good returns and tax benefits.
Education Fund:

Recommendation: Start a dedicated education fund with equity mutual funds. This will help you meet her higher education expenses.
Step 6: Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in liquid assets like a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Step 7: Insurance Coverage
Having adequate insurance coverage is crucial to protect your family’s financial future.

Term Insurance:

Ensure both you and your wife have term insurance coverage that is 10-15 times your annual income. This provides financial security in case of an unfortunate event.
Health Insurance:

Have comprehensive health insurance for your entire family to cover medical expenses.
Analyzing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation between equity and debt.


It’s commendable that you are focused on managing your finances and securing your family’s future. Your commitment to increasing your EMI and planning for your daughter's education is impressive. Balancing multiple financial goals at this stage of life is challenging, and your proactive approach is truly inspiring.

Final Insights
To achieve your goal of finishing the home loan before retirement, focus on increasing your EMI, making prepayments, and optimizing your investments. Building a balanced portfolio with equity and debt mutual funds will help in wealth creation and risk management. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Money
Sir, I am a group d railway employee .My total income in hand is 40000. I distribute my money as personal loan emi 14702 (3 years left) Fridge emi 1700 (2 left) For marriage purpose 10000/month Investment mf 5500 (just started 5 months) My expense 4000 Family 5000 Now I have to marriage in January 2026 ,try to arrange money 2 lakhs, I know that's not enough but still I try to make up, after marriage I live in rent of 7000, then my marriage purpose 10000 break into rent and my expense. I bought a land 2 years ago, after 2 years of my marriage I want build my home and then I think I have 2.5 lakh in mf and rest I should take a home loan... Am I right path? Please suggest a proper roadmap for my current financial situation.
Ans: Your current monthly income is Rs 40,000, which you have thoughtfully allocated among various financial obligations. This disciplined approach is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your financial planning. Here’s an evaluation of your current outflows:

Personal Loan EMI: Rs 14,702 (3 years left).
Fridge EMI: Rs 1,700 (2 months left).
Marriage Savings: Rs 10,000.
Investment in Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 5,500 (Started 5 months ago).
Personal Expenses: Rs 4,000.
Family Support: Rs 5,000.
Once your fridge EMI ends in two months, you will have Rs 1,700 freed up, which can be redirected towards your marriage savings or investments.

Marriage Savings Goal
You aim to save Rs 2,00,000 for your marriage in January 2026. Here's how you can achieve this goal:

Existing Savings: You are already setting aside Rs 10,000/month for marriage. By January 2026 (24 months), you will accumulate Rs 2,40,000.

Optimisation: After your fridge EMI ends, increase the marriage savings to Rs 11,700. This adjustment will provide an additional Rs 40,800 over 24 months.

Liquid Funds for Safety: Park the marriage savings in a liquid mutual fund or recurring deposit. These options offer better returns than a savings account and ensure liquidity for your goal.

Post-Marriage Financial Adjustments
After your marriage, you plan to live in a rented house for Rs 7,000. The Rs 10,000 saved for marriage can be split as follows:

Rent Payment: Rs 7,000/month.
Personal Expense Increase: Rs 3,000/month.
This adjustment is manageable within your existing cash flow.

Home Construction Plan
You plan to build a house two years after your marriage. Here’s a roadmap to align this goal with your finances:

Mutual Fund Investment: Assuming Rs 5,500/month continues, you could accumulate around Rs 2.5 lakhs by then. This can act as a partial down payment.

Home Loan: For the remaining funds, a home loan is a viable option. Ensure the EMI does not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Construction Budget: Set a realistic budget for your home construction. Avoid exceeding the affordability limit, considering your other obligations.

Savings Cushion: Maintain a contingency fund to cover unexpected expenses during the construction phase.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Investment
Your investment in mutual funds is a positive step. However, here are some pointers to optimise it further:

Avoid Direct Funds: Direct funds require expertise and constant monitoring. Instead, invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can provide guidance and monitor the performance of your portfolio.

Stick to Actively Managed Funds: These funds can deliver better returns with professional management, unlike index funds.

Tax Efficiency: Note that equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh and 20% for STCG. Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. Factor these into your financial planning.

Managing Debt and Cash Flow
Debt repayment consumes a significant portion of your income. While it is unavoidable, here’s how to manage it better:

Personal Loan: This EMI will continue for 3 more years. Avoid taking any additional personal loans during this period.

Avoid New EMI Commitments: Once your fridge EMI ends, avoid replacing it with a new EMI. Instead, redirect the funds to savings or investments.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for financial stability. Currently, it is unclear if you have one. If not, here’s how you can build it:

Target Amount: Save at least 6 months’ worth of expenses (Rs 24,000 x 6 = Rs 1,44,000).

Allocation: Use the freed-up EMI amount of Rs 1,700 to start building this fund.

Instrument: Keep the funds in a liquid or ultra-short-term mutual fund for accessibility.

Long-Term Planning
Your long-term goals, including building a home, require strategic planning:

Retirement Planning: Although not mentioned, ensure you allocate funds for retirement. Starting early provides the benefit of compounding.

Children’s Education: If you plan to have children, start a separate fund for their education early.

Key Recommendations
Marriage Goal: Increase savings by Rs 1,700 after the fridge EMI ends. Use liquid funds for better returns and liquidity.

Post-Marriage Adjustments: Split the Rs 10,000 into rent and increased expenses without affecting other allocations.

House Construction: Use your MF investment as partial down payment. Take a home loan with affordable EMIs.

Mutual Fund Strategy: Stick to regular plans with a CFP. Avoid direct funds and index funds.

Emergency Fund: Build a fund of Rs 1,44,000 using the freed-up EMI amount.

Avoid New Loans: Focus on clearing the personal loan before taking additional debt.

Invest for Retirement: Start investing early for your retirement. Use equity mutual funds for long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline is impressive. With careful adjustments, you can achieve your goals. Prioritise your marriage savings, home construction, and emergency fund. Seek guidance from a CFP to optimise your mutual fund portfolio and long-term planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

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