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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nil Question by Nil on Jun 22, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 years old, family of 3.my in-hand salary is 60000.i have sip of 20 k and rd of 3 thousand.i have loan of 17lakh.shoul I go for home loan now? Is it good to buy property by taking loans?.how should I plan for better financial health in the coming year..plz guide

Ans: It’s great to see you’re thinking about your financial future. At 39, with a family of three and an in-hand salary of Rs 60,000, you're already taking some good steps by investing in SIPs and an RD. Let's go through your situation and explore how you can enhance your financial health.

Understanding Your Current Financial Picture
You have a SIP of Rs 20,000 and an RD of Rs 3,000. Additionally, you have a loan of Rs 17 lakh. Considering a home loan now might require careful evaluation. Let's break down the factors to consider and how to plan for a better financial future.

Evaluating the Home Loan Decision
Loan Burden and Monthly EMI
Taking a home loan is a big decision. Given your existing loan of Rs 17 lakh, adding a home loan will increase your financial burden. Evaluate your current EMIs and how an additional EMI would affect your monthly budget. Ideally, EMIs should not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, like in a savings account or liquid fund. It acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Planning for Better Financial Health
Increase Savings and Investments
You are already saving Rs 20,000 through SIPs and Rs 3,000 in RD. This is commendable. Try to gradually increase your SIP contributions as your income grows. SIPs are a great way to benefit from the power of compounding and market growth.

Reviewing Insurance Policies
You haven't mentioned any insurance policies. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. Term insurance is essential to secure your family's future in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance protects against high medical expenses.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification and Professional Management
Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading investments across various securities, reducing risk. They are managed by professionals who make informed decisions based on market conditions.

Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, providing regular income and stability.
Balanced Funds: Mix of equity and debt, offering moderate risk and return.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate market indices, offering lower costs but also lower flexibility. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities and managing risks better. They are ideal for achieving higher returns with professional management.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized advice, regular monitoring, and adjustments as per market conditions. Regular funds ensure you have a dedicated advisor for guidance, crucial for long-term financial planning.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth over time. The earlier you start, the more you benefit. For example, investing Rs 20,000 monthly at an average return of 12% over 20 years can accumulate a substantial corpus due to compounding.

Final Insights
Balancing current responsibilities with future goals is key. Prioritize emergency funds, review insurance, and plan for children’s education and retirement. Utilize your PPF maturity wisely and increase your SIPs gradually. Mutual funds, with their diversification and professional management, are excellent for achieving long-term growth and stability.

Keep in mind that a balanced approach, mixing equity for growth and debt for stability, is essential. Regular reviews and adjustments to your investment plan will help you stay on track and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 33yr old. I have a salary of 50k/month. I m living in rented house 8k/month. And SIP of 5k/month. Other expenses of 5-8k/month. Please suggest financial planning. And wanted to buy house.
Ans: It's great that you're thinking about financial planning at 33. Let's craft a strategy tailored to your needs and goals.

Emergency Fund:
Goal: Build an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of living expenses.
Action: Allocate a portion of your savings monthly until you reach this target. Aim to have this fund in a liquid and easily accessible account.
SIPs & Investments:
Current SIP: 5k/month
Action: Consider increasing your SIP amount as your income grows. Diversify investments across equity, debt, and other asset classes to manage risk and achieve growth.
Home Purchase:
Goal: Buy a house.
Action: Start saving for a down payment. Consider your current expenses and see where you can cut back or increase savings. Also, explore home loan options to understand the amount you'd need to borrow and the EMI you'd be comfortable with.
Retirement Planning:
Goal: Secure your retirement.
Action: Start an SIP specifically for retirement. The earlier you start, the better. Consider allocating a portion of your monthly savings to this SIP.
Insurance:
Goal: Protect yourself and your loved ones.
Action: Ensure you have health insurance, life insurance, and if possible, disability insurance. Review and update coverage as your circumstances change.
Additional Income:
Goal: Increase income streams.
Action: Explore opportunities for side hustles, freelancing, or upskilling to boost your income.
Budgeting:
Goal: Manage expenses effectively.
Action: Create a monthly budget to track income and expenses. This will help you identify areas where you can save more.
Remember, financial planning is not a one-time activity. It's an ongoing process that requires regular review and adjustments as your life circumstances change. It's also essential to consult with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your plan aligns with your goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 35 year old doing govt. Job in railway Getting 49k in hand having fixed expenditure of 30K think for taking home loan for 20lac Having 2.5 lac in stocks and mutual fund Is it good to go for better home as i sold my 2bhk home for new 3bhk home Or else take low amt loan and settled with other 2bhk as previous one was not in good society. But being new good society increase my other expenses like maintenance I have one son 7 year old
Ans: Evaluating Home Loan Options and Financial Impact
Current Financial Situation

Income: Your monthly take-home pay is Rs 49,000.
Fixed Expenditure: Your monthly expenses are Rs 30,000.
Savings: You have Rs 2.5 lakh invested in stocks and mutual funds.
Family: You have a 7-year-old son.
Home Loan Considerations
Loan Amount and Monthly EMI

Loan Amount: Considering a home loan of Rs 20 lakh.
EMI Calculation: Ensure the EMI fits within your budget. Typically, a Rs 20 lakh loan over 20 years may have manageable EMIs. However, calculate the exact EMI based on the loan tenure and interest rate.
Affordability Assessment

Existing Expenditure: With Rs 30,000 spent monthly, assess how the EMI will affect your finances.
Additional Costs: New maintenance costs in a better society can increase your expenses.
Current Savings: Your Rs 2.5 lakh investments provide a financial cushion but may not be enough for large emergencies or unexpected expenses.
Evaluating New Home vs. Existing 2BHK
New Home Benefits

Better Society: A new 3BHK home in a better society offers improved living conditions.
Space: Additional space can be beneficial for your growing family.
Existing 2BHK Considerations

Lower Loan Amount: Opting for a smaller loan may be financially safer.
Maintenance Costs: Consider the potential rise in monthly maintenance charges in a better society.
Financial Implications of Each Option
High Loan Amount for New Home

Increased EMI: A higher loan amount will result in higher EMIs.
Impact on Budget: Ensure your monthly budget can comfortably handle this increase.
Maintenance Costs: Factor in increased maintenance charges.
Low Loan Amount for Existing Home

Reduced EMI: Lower loan amount leads to lower EMIs.
Financial Cushion: Less strain on monthly budget and better financial flexibility.
Maintenance Costs: Lower costs may be manageable within your current expenditure.
Financial Health and Future Planning
Emergency Fund

Current Savings: Rs 2.5 lakh is a good start, but ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses.
Investment Growth

Long-Term Planning: Invest any surplus wisely to build wealth and cover future expenses like your child’s education.
Professional Advice

Certified Financial Planner: Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to get a detailed analysis of your financial situation and best loan options.
Final Insights
Loan Suitability: Evaluate the loan amount based on your budget and future expenses.
Existing vs. New Home: Weigh the benefits of a new home against the financial strain of a larger loan.
Financial Cushion: Ensure you have a robust emergency fund to handle unexpected costs.
Taking a calculated approach will help you make a well-informed decision. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide additional insights tailored to your specific situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, my age is 29. I am a IT employee doing job since 2020 June.. present my monthly salary 70000, I started inverting in Mutual fund from 2020 November with amount of 1000 bluechip fund, and increase 10% sip amount every year. Now I am having 7.5Lacks fund in bluechip fund and after change new organization i started one more 10,000/- SIP in quant ELSS fund for tax saving fund from April 2024. Along with that I invested 1.7lacks in FD for emergency fund.. and for family security purpose I took a 1cr term insurance, I have a dream that is build a own house so I am planning to take a home loan for 50-60lacks. So I can full fill my dream with little changes in my investment plans..
Ans: You are in a good place financially. With a monthly salary of Rs 70,000, you have been steadily building your wealth since you began working in 2020. The fact that you started investing in mutual funds from November 2020 is a positive step towards securing your financial future. Your decision to increase the SIP amount by 10% each year reflects a disciplined and forward-thinking approach to wealth accumulation.

The Rs 7.5 lakhs you’ve accumulated in the bluechip fund shows the power of consistency and long-term investing. Additionally, your Rs 1.7 lakhs in a Fixed Deposit for emergencies is a sensible move, ensuring you have a safety net. Your Rs 1 crore term insurance policy is also a wise decision, offering financial security to your family in case of unforeseen events.

Your recent investment of Rs 10,000 per month in an ELSS fund is a strategic choice, combining tax savings with equity growth potential. This is an intelligent move considering the tax benefits under Section 80C, along with the long-term growth prospects of equity investments.

However, your dream of owning a home and the associated plans to take a home loan of Rs 50-60 lakhs requires careful consideration, especially in the context of your current and future financial goals.

Home Loan and Its Impact
Owning a home is a significant milestone. However, taking a home loan for Rs 50-60 lakhs is a substantial financial commitment. A loan of this size could lead to an EMI of around Rs 40,000 to Rs 50,000 per month, depending on the interest rate and tenure. This will significantly impact your cash flow.

Things to Consider Before Taking the Home Loan:

EMI Burden: The EMI will consume a significant portion of your monthly income. This could limit your ability to invest in other areas. With your current salary, this EMI might take up over half of your monthly income, potentially straining your budget.

Interest Cost: Over the tenure of the loan, the interest component could be considerable. Even though the real estate appreciates, the interest you pay over time might outweigh the gains unless the property’s value appreciates substantially.

Opportunity Cost: The funds directed towards home loan EMIs could otherwise be invested in high-growth avenues, potentially offering higher returns over the long term.

Adjusting Your Investment Strategy
Given your current situation and future plans, a few adjustments in your investment strategy might help balance your dream of owning a home with your long-term financial goals.

Increasing SIPs Gradually:

Continue with your existing SIPs in mutual funds, including the ELSS fund for tax saving. Given the power of compounding, even small, regular investments can grow significantly over time. Since you have already implemented a strategy of increasing your SIP by 10% each year, ensure you continue this practice. This will help counter the effect of inflation on your investments and ensure your wealth grows in real terms.
Diversification of Investment Portfolio:

While bluechip funds are a good choice for stability and growth, consider adding mid-cap and small-cap funds to your portfolio. These funds carry higher risk but offer the potential for higher returns. A diversified portfolio can help you achieve a balance between risk and return, thereby optimizing your overall portfolio performance.
Avoid Overreliance on FD for Emergency Fund:

Your Rs 1.7 lakh FD serves as an emergency fund, which is essential. However, Fixed Deposits may not be the best option in terms of returns. Consider moving a portion of this fund to a liquid fund or a short-term debt fund. These funds offer better returns than FDs and are equally liquid, ensuring you can access the money when needed without sacrificing returns.
Reassessing the Home Loan Plan
Given the potential financial strain of a large home loan, it might be worth reconsidering the size of the loan or even the timing of your home purchase. Here are a few strategies to help you align your dream of homeownership with your financial security:

Delay the Purchase:

Consider delaying the home purchase by a few years, allowing your investments to grow further. This could reduce the loan amount you need to take, thereby reducing the EMI burden. A delay of even 3-5 years could make a significant difference in your financial comfort.
Save for a Larger Down Payment:

Increase your savings to make a larger down payment on the house. This will reduce the loan amount, subsequently lowering the EMIs and interest paid over time. Given your disciplined approach to SIPs, you could allocate some of your savings towards this goal.
Consider a Shorter Loan Tenure:

If you are set on buying the home now, consider opting for a shorter loan tenure. Though this would mean higher EMIs, you will pay significantly less interest over the loan’s life. It will also help you become debt-free sooner, allowing you to focus on other financial goals.
Maintain a Healthy Debt-to-Income Ratio:

Aim to keep your debt-to-income ratio below 40%. This means your total EMI payments (including the home loan) should not exceed 40% of your monthly income. This will ensure you have enough left over to invest in other areas and meet your living expenses comfortably.
Ensuring Long-Term Financial Security
Owning a home is a part of your financial journey, but ensuring long-term security requires a broader approach. Here’s how you can align your home purchase with other financial goals:

Retirement Planning:

Continue building your retirement corpus alongside your home loan repayments. With the power of compounding, the earlier you start, the more significant your retirement fund will be. Even a small monthly SIP dedicated to your retirement can grow substantially over time.
Review Your Insurance Needs:

Your Rs 1 crore term insurance is a good start, but with a home loan, your liabilities increase. Consider reviewing your insurance coverage to ensure it adequately covers your outstanding loan amount along with other potential financial responsibilities.
Education Fund for Future Children:

If you plan to have children in the future, consider starting an education fund early. SIPs in equity mutual funds or child-specific investment plans can help you accumulate a substantial corpus by the time your child needs it.
Tax Planning Strategies
Given that you are already investing in an ELSS fund for tax saving, continue doing so. However, with the addition of a home loan, you will have more tax-saving avenues available:

Section 80C Deductions:

The principal repayment of the home loan qualifies for a deduction under Section 80C, along with your ELSS contributions. This could help you maximize your Section 80C deductions up to the limit of Rs 1.5 lakhs.
Section 24(b) Interest Deductions:

Under Section 24(b), the interest paid on your home loan is deductible up to Rs 2 lakhs per annum. This deduction will significantly reduce your taxable income, thereby lowering your tax liability.
Maximizing HRA and Home Loan Benefits:

If you continue living in a rented house even after purchasing the new home, you can claim both HRA (House Rent Allowance) and home loan deductions, depending on the location and circumstances.
Final Insights
Your financial journey is off to a great start, and your disciplined approach to saving and investing will serve you well in the long run. However, balancing your dream of owning a home with other financial goals requires careful planning and consideration.

While taking a home loan is a viable option, ensure it does not strain your finances to the point where it compromises other aspects of your financial well-being. By gradually increasing your SIPs, diversifying your investments, and possibly delaying your home purchase or saving for a larger down payment, you can achieve your dream without compromising your financial security.

Remember, your financial plan should be flexible, allowing you to adjust as circumstances change. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your strategy with the help of a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track to achieve all your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in a 14 year old relationship with a man, the relationship is quite healthy until now, but our families are not accepting for marriage. Since his parents are divorced and her elder sister to. Everyone in my family is against this marriage and not one person is supporting it, but we truly love each other. Even the boy does, and he is doing everything he can for a mutual acceptance. There is no divorce history in my family till date. So sometimes, even I get sceptical about taking this relationship forward as I understand the seriousness of marriage, but I also understand that there is attachment, love, commitment, duration, everything involved in this 14 year old relationship which will make it very hard to accept someone else in place of him, so basically, I want to marry the guy, but not his family I know that’s not possible, but then what should I do? Should I just take the step forward with total faith in the man, or should I marry somewhere else where everything is great, only love will be unsure. The man has connections with both his parents and there is no custody involved. In this case. He is in a good relationship with both the parents, although he lives with his mother and sister.
Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
Maam In last question of mine you told me that im taking meaning out of a friendly casual conversation. I may be doing so but I tried to ignore that guy but he is still staring at me and roaming around my house. What does that mean.???? Im not seeking attention from him. He himself is giving intense looks and appearing from no where. Our kids are in same school so I cant avoid seeing him. Its just not possible but i try not to give him.attention but he coming in front of me for no reason. Giving me suggestions about my child when I have not even asked him.anything.
Ans: One possibility here could be that he genuinely believes he’s being friendly and is unaware that his actions might be coming across as intrusive. Some people aren’t as skilled at reading subtle social cues or may interpret polite responses as openness to further interaction. Another scenario could be that he’s misinterpreting a simple acquaintanceship as an invitation for more personal connection, especially if he hasn’t recognized your signals for wanting distance.

It’s also possible, especially if he’s trying to advise you about your child, that he’s viewing himself as helpful or knowledgeable—again, likely without realizing he’s crossing a line. If he’s repeatedly making intense eye contact or appearing at odd times, it may also reflect a need for attention or connection on his part, even if it’s unintentional.

If this behavior continues and your efforts to distance yourself subtly aren’t working, it might be time to consider setting a gentle but clear boundary. This can be done with nonverbal cues, like quickly redirecting your gaze or finding reasons to leave a situation as soon as he tries to initiate a conversation. However, if his presence continues to bother you, there’s no harm in being more direct. A polite but firm approach, like thanking him for his advice and mentioning that you’d prefer to handle things yourself, can send a message that you’re not looking for further involvement.

Your well-being and comfort come first, and your instincts are valid. If his behavior is persistent and truly uncomfortable, it may be best to acknowledge it internally and remind yourself that you’re under no obligation to respond or interact beyond what feels right for you.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1031 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
My son is in grade 10th, he wants to prepare for neet but he went for counselling twice where he had given some test which gave him results to prefer engineering now he is confused if i will not be able to do fare in neet thn what should i opt for since hes planning to go for integrated? Ease help
Ans: Hello.
To which tests your son appeared is not mentioned by you. I am assuming that he may be based to appear for either an IQ test or a DMIT Test. I would like to say that there is no need to 100% trust these tests. The results of these tests depend on the mindset of a student at that time. These tests are never 100% correct. Hence there is no need to worry about the results of these tests and what the counselor has told you.
Here are some key points on which you can work:
(1) Please ask his school teachers about his subject understanding.
(2) Please take an overall review of maths and science subjects from an understanding point of view only.
(3) Have an open talk with your son about his interest either in mathematics or biology.
(4) If possible, try to make an interaction with senior students who are preparing for JEE or NEET.
(5) Even though the coaching is now focussing either on PCM or PCB groups, it is advisable to take all 4 subjects PCMB in the 11th standard.
(6) Take a trial for at least 2 initial months in 11th standard for maths and biology subjects.
(7) Your son will automatically tell his interest in either engineering or medicine.
(8) Don't force your willingness on him to prepare for NEET.
(9) Based on the final decision, you may think of integrated courses.
(10) Your's sons interest matters more. If he is firm to go for NEET, then motivate him and keep the results of counselor tests aside.
Best of luck to your son for his bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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