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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Gaurav Question by Gaurav on Jun 05, 2024Hindi
Money

If I have 70 lakh and I want to leave job of 60k per month due to some circumstances. What should I do to get atleast 30-35 k per month and grow money also.

Ans: Thank you for reaching out with your query. Deciding to leave your job and ensuring you have a steady income while also growing your wealth is a significant step. Let’s explore how you can achieve your goal of earning Rs 30,000-35,000 per month from your investments while also ensuring your wealth grows over time.

Current Financial Situation
You have Rs 70 lakh in hand, which is a substantial amount. You are currently earning Rs 60,000 per month from your job. Your goal is to replace half of that income (Rs 30,000-35,000 per month) through investments.

Investment Goals
Regular Income
The primary goal is to generate a regular monthly income of Rs 30,000-35,000.

Wealth Growth
Additionally, you want your Rs 70 lakh to grow over time to ensure financial stability.

Investment Strategy
To achieve these goals, a diversified investment strategy is essential. This strategy will involve a mix of investments that provide regular income and those that offer growth potential.

Creating a Monthly Income Stream
Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds
Fixed deposits and debt funds are relatively low-risk investment options that provide regular interest income.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): These offer a fixed rate of return over a specified period. They are safe but provide lower returns compared to other investments.

Debt Funds: These invest in fixed-income securities like government and corporate bonds. They offer better liquidity and potentially higher returns than FDs.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income. With an SWP, you invest in a mutual fund and withdraw a fixed amount regularly.

Benefits of SWP: It provides regular cash flow while the remaining investment continues to grow. This can help in generating Rs 30,000-35,000 per month.
Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds
Investing in dividend-paying mutual funds can provide regular income. These funds invest in stocks of companies that regularly pay dividends.

Benefits: Regular dividends can supplement your monthly income. However, dividends are subject to market risks and may fluctuate.
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
The Post Office Monthly Income Scheme is a government-backed investment option that offers a fixed monthly income.

Safety and Returns: It is a safe investment option with moderate returns. This can be part of your income-generating portfolio.
Growing Your Wealth
While ensuring a regular income, it's also crucial to invest a portion of your Rs 70 lakh for growth. This will help in maintaining your wealth and beating inflation.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential to provide high returns over the long term.

Diversification: They offer diversification across various sectors and companies, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds are passive and aim to replicate a market index. They do not aim to outperform the market.

Lack of Flexibility: They do not adjust to market changes or economic conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds: These funds can adapt to market conditions, potentially providing better returns.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds invest in both equities and debt, offering a balance of growth and stability.

Risk Mitigation: They help mitigate risk by diversifying across asset classes.

Steady Growth: They provide moderate returns with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require investors to have a good understanding of the market. Without professional guidance, you may miss out on strategic investment opportunities.

Benefits of Regular Funds: Investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional management and strategic investment decisions.
Comprehensive Investment Plan
Step 1: Allocation for Regular Income
Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds: Allocate a portion of your Rs 70 lakh to fixed deposits and debt funds to ensure a steady income. For example, Rs 20 lakh can be invested in these low-risk options.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Invest another portion, say Rs 15 lakh, in mutual funds and set up an SWP to withdraw Rs 15,000 per month.

Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs 10 lakh to dividend-paying mutual funds. This can provide additional monthly income through dividends.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): Invest Rs 10 lakh in POMIS to receive a fixed monthly income.

Step 2: Allocation for Wealth Growth
Equity Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 10 lakh in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Choose funds with a strong track record and managed by experienced fund managers.

Balanced Funds: Allocate Rs 5 lakh to balanced funds for a mix of growth and stability. These funds provide diversification across equities and debt.

Step 3: Regular Review and Adjustment
Review Investments: Regularly review your investments to ensure they are performing as expected. Adjust the allocation if necessary based on market conditions and personal financial goals.

Certified Financial Planner: Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to guide you through investment decisions and ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals.

Understanding Risks and Returns
Investing involves risks. It’s crucial to understand the risk associated with each type of investment and balance it with your risk tolerance.

Risk Assessment
Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds: Low risk but also lower returns.

Equity Mutual Funds: High risk but potential for high returns. Suitable for long-term growth.

Balanced Funds: Moderate risk with balanced returns.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification helps in spreading risk across different asset classes. It ensures that your portfolio is not overly dependent on the performance of a single investment.

Inflation and Wealth Growth
Investing in equities and balanced funds helps in beating inflation. Fixed-income options like FDs and debt funds may not provide sufficient returns to outpace inflation over the long term.

Managing Liquidity
Ensure that a portion of your investments remains liquid. This allows you to access funds quickly in case of emergencies.

Liquid Funds
Invest in liquid funds for short-term needs. These funds offer high liquidity and are suitable for managing day-to-day expenses.

Emergency Fund
Maintain a separate emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability without disrupting your investment plan.

Tax Efficiency
Tax Planning
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Different investment options have different tax treatments.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% beyond Rs 1 lakh.

Debt Funds: LTCG on debt funds are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Invest in tax-saving instruments to reduce your taxable income. For example, Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) provide tax benefits under Section 80C.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular monitoring and rebalancing of your portfolio ensure that it stays aligned with your financial goals.

Performance Review
Review the performance of your investments at least annually. Assess if they are meeting your expectations and make adjustments if necessary.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This involves selling some investments and buying others to keep the portfolio balanced.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
Engaging a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your investment strategy is well-planned and professionally managed.

Benefits of a CFP
Goal-Based Planning: A CFP helps align your investments with your financial goals.

Risk Management: They assess your risk tolerance and recommend suitable investment options.

Performance Monitoring: Regular monitoring and rebalancing by a CFP ensure optimal performance of your portfolio.

Empathy and Understanding
I understand that leaving a job and ensuring a steady income can be stressful. It’s impressive that you have a substantial amount of Rs 70 lakh to invest. By following a well-planned investment strategy, you can achieve your goal of earning Rs 30,000-35,000 per month while growing your wealth.

More About Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
What is SWP?
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) allows investors to withdraw a fixed amount of money at regular intervals from a mutual fund investment.

How SWP Works
Investment: You invest a lump sum amount in a mutual fund.

Withdrawal: You set up a plan to withdraw a fixed amount monthly, quarterly, or annually.

Residual Growth: The remaining amount in the fund continues to earn returns, providing potential for growth.

Benefits of SWP
Regular Income: SWP provides a predictable income stream, which is ideal for meeting monthly expenses.

Tax Efficiency: Each withdrawal is part capital and part gains. This can be more tax-efficient compared to withdrawing the entire amount at once.

Flexibility: You can choose the frequency and amount of withdrawals, providing flexibility based on your needs.

Residual Investment Growth: The remaining investment continues to grow, benefiting from compounding returns.

Setting Up SWP
To set up an SWP, you need to:

Select a Mutual Fund: Choose a mutual fund with a good track record and suitable risk profile.

Lump Sum Investment: Invest a lump sum amount in the chosen mutual fund.

Withdrawal Plan: Decide the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

Monitor: Regularly monitor the performance of the mutual fund and adjust the withdrawal amount if necessary.

Example of SWP
Suppose you invest Rs 15 lakh in a balanced mutual fund with an expected annual return of 10%. You set up an SWP to withdraw Rs 15,000 per month. Even after the withdrawals, the remaining amount continues to grow, providing a balance of income and growth.

Potential Risks
Market Volatility: The value of your mutual fund investment can fluctuate based on market conditions.

Erosion of Principal: If the withdrawal rate is higher than the fund's return, it can erode the principal amount over time.

Mitigating Risks
Choosing the Right Fund: Select funds with stable performance and good management.

Regular Review: Regularly review the fund's performance and adjust the withdrawal amount if necessary.

Conclusion
To achieve your goal of earning Rs 30,000-35,000 per month and growing your wealth, diversify your investments across fixed deposits, debt funds, mutual funds, and POMIS. Engage a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance, regular reviews, and rebalancing of your portfolio. This strategic approach will help you achieve financial stability and growth. Remember, investing requires careful planning and regular monitoring to ensure your financial goals are met.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir , I am a 32 yr old with 50 k per month salary. How can I get 6 lakhs per month when I am 60 yrs.
Ans: Planning for a 6 Lakhs Monthly Income at 60
Planning for a comfortable retirement is crucial, and your aspiration of achieving a 6 Lakhs monthly income at 60 is commendable. Let's explore strategies to help you achieve this goal.

Understanding Retirement Income Needs
Before devising a plan, it's essential to understand your retirement income requirements:

Inflation: Account for inflation to ensure your future income maintains its purchasing power.

Lifestyle: Consider your desired lifestyle in retirement, including expenses for healthcare, travel, and leisure activities.

Longevity: Plan for a longer life expectancy to ensure sufficient income for potentially extended retirement years.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
Evaluate your current financial standing to determine the gap between your existing resources and retirement income goal:

Income: Assess your current salary, savings, and other income sources to gauge your ability to save for retirement.

Expenses: Track your expenses to identify areas for potential savings and determine your current savings rate.

Retirement Planning Strategies
To achieve your retirement income target, consider the following strategies:

Start Early: Begin saving and investing for retirement as early as possible to benefit from the power of compounding.

Investment Diversification: Allocate your savings across various asset classes, including equities, bonds, and alternative investments, to manage risk and optimize returns.

Regular Review: Periodically review and adjust your retirement plan based on changing life circumstances, market conditions, and investment performance.

Benefits of Active Management
Actively managed funds offer several advantages for long-term investors:

Expertise: Experienced fund managers actively manage the portfolio, aiming to outperform the market and generate superior returns.

Flexibility: Active management allows for adjustments in investment strategies based on market trends and economic conditions, optimizing returns.

Risk Management: Skilled fund managers employ risk management techniques to mitigate downside risk and protect investors' capital.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds have some limitations compared to regular funds investing through a Certified Financial Planner:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds require investors to make investment decisions independently without professional guidance, potentially leading to suboptimal investment choices.

Limited Expertise: Investors may lack the expertise and resources to analyze and select suitable investment options, increasing the risk of underperformance.

Behavioral Biases: Without professional guidance, investors may succumb to behavioral biases such as overtrading or market timing, negatively impacting investment returns.

Conclusion
Achieving a 6 Lakhs monthly income at 60 requires careful planning, disciplined saving, and strategic investment. By starting early, diversifying investments, and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner, you can work towards realizing your retirement income goal.

Remember to regularly review your retirement plan, adjust your savings and investment strategy as needed, and stay committed to your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 year old I have 1core in fixed deposit I have 75 lakh in post office scheme 34 lakh in ppf an 92 lakh in insurance which are paid I have agricultural land 45 acer an a 2 shop 2 house my annual income is 35 lakh from agricultural and from my money what's should i do to grow fast from my resources
Ans: You have a solid financial foundation. Your assets are diversified across fixed deposits, post office schemes, PPF, insurance, and land. This variety reduces risk and ensures steady growth. Your income from agriculture and other sources adds to your stability. You have a great starting point to achieve even greater financial growth.

Focus on Maximizing Returns
Your current investments are secure but might not offer high growth. Fixed deposits and post office schemes are low-risk, but their returns may not keep pace with inflation. It's essential to look into options that provide better growth, while still balancing safety.

Reassessing Insurance Policies
The Rs 92 lakh in insurance is a significant amount. If these policies are investment-linked, they might not offer the best returns. Consider surrendering any ULIP or endowment policies. Instead, invest the proceeds into mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner. This move could potentially increase your returns over time. Remember, insurance should be for protection, not investment.

Leveraging Agricultural Income
Your 45 acres of agricultural land is a great asset. You can use the income to reinvest in higher-yield opportunities. Consider diversifying into horticulture, organic farming, or even agritourism. These areas can offer higher returns compared to traditional farming. With proper planning, you can significantly increase your income from this land.

Boosting Your Investment in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a balanced mix of growth and stability. Given your risk appetite, a mix of equity and debt funds could suit your profile. Equity funds can offer high growth, while debt funds provide security. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner will help you pick the right funds tailored to your goals.

Exploring Gold Investments
Gold has always been a hedge against inflation. You can invest a portion of your assets in Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) or Gold ETFs. These offer better returns compared to physical gold. Gold can add a layer of security to your portfolio.

Enhancing Returns from Fixed Deposits and PPF
Your Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits and Rs 34 lakh in PPF are safe investments. However, the returns are limited. Consider moving a portion of these funds into hybrid funds or balanced funds. These funds offer better returns while maintaining a degree of safety.

Creating a Diversified Portfolio
To achieve faster growth, a diversified portfolio is crucial. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for high growth.

Debt Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and to balance the risk.

Gold: Include gold for inflation protection.

Agriculture: Reinvest in your agricultural business for higher returns.

This mix ensures a balance of growth, stability, and security.

Tax Efficiency and Planning
It's important to consider tax efficiency in your investment strategy. Mutual funds, especially equity-oriented ones, offer tax benefits. The returns from these funds are often more tax-efficient than fixed deposits or post office schemes.

Additionally, your agricultural income is tax-free. You can use this to your advantage by reinvesting in tax-efficient instruments. Ensure your investments are aligned with your tax planning to maximize your net returns.

Estate Planning and Succession
Given the value of your assets, estate planning is crucial. This will ensure a smooth transfer of wealth to your heirs. Consider setting up a trust or writing a will. This will help in avoiding legal complications and ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Retirement Planning
You should also think about retirement, even though you have substantial assets. With proper planning, you can ensure a comfortable retirement with a steady income stream. You may want to look into annuity options, although not as an investment, but as a steady income source post-retirement. However, focus on building a retirement corpus through mutual funds and other growth-oriented instruments.

Managing Liquidity
While growing your wealth is important, maintaining liquidity is equally crucial. You should always have a portion of your investments in liquid assets. This ensures you can handle any emergencies without disturbing your long-term investments. Keep some money in liquid mutual funds or short-term fixed deposits. These instruments offer quick access to funds without compromising much on returns.

Regular Review and Monitoring
The financial landscape is constantly changing. Regularly reviewing your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner is important. They can guide you through adjustments needed to keep your portfolio aligned with your goals. This ongoing review will help in optimizing returns and minimizing risks.

Finally
Your current financial position is strong, and with careful planning, you can achieve even greater growth. Focusing on mutual funds, optimizing your insurance, and leveraging your agricultural income can significantly enhance your wealth. Stay committed to your goals, and consult a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you're on the right track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 ,me n my family has 8 cr in mf,5 cr property,1 cr in fd ,50 lacs gold , n i have health insurance ,my monthly expense of family is 3 lacs ,please suggest I am planning to quit my job..
Ans: Your financial situation is impressive. You’ve built a strong foundation across multiple asset classes. Here's a detailed review of your portfolio:

Rs 8 crores in mutual funds.
Rs 5 crores in property.
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits.
Rs 50 lakhs in gold.
Health insurance is in place.
Family's monthly expenses are Rs 3 lakhs.
You are now considering quitting your job. Let's break down the critical factors and give you a clear picture of your financial future.

Monthly Expenses vs. Existing Assets
Your monthly family expenses are Rs 3 lakhs. This translates to Rs 36 lakhs annually. It's crucial to ensure that your investments generate enough returns to cover these expenses without depleting your capital.

The key focus should be on maintaining a steady cash flow to sustain your lifestyle.

While Rs 8 crores in mutual funds and Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits are solid, we need to evaluate their liquidity and returns.

You also need to consider inflation, which will increase your expenses every year.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
You have Rs 8 crores invested in mutual funds. Let’s look at how this can be optimized for your long-term needs.

Active vs Passive Management: Actively managed mutual funds could offer better returns. Index funds, while low cost, tend to follow market trends. They might not always outperform actively managed funds. Given your goal of quitting your job, maximizing returns is crucial.

Direct vs Regular Funds: If you're investing directly, it could be more taxing for you to monitor the funds. Regular funds managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer professional oversight. This ensures your portfolio stays aligned with market conditions and goals.

Debt Allocation: Ensure that a portion of your mutual funds is allocated to debt funds. This will reduce the volatility and provide a steady income. Equity-heavy portfolios can give good returns, but you also need stability, especially when planning to quit your job.

Real Estate: Liquidity and Considerations
Your property worth Rs 5 crores is valuable, but real estate is not very liquid. In case of an emergency, it might not provide quick cash.

Property investments are often illiquid and may not generate regular income unless rented. If there’s no rental income, you should not depend on it for cash flow needs.

While it contributes to your net worth, its direct impact on your monthly cash flow is limited.

Fixed Deposits: Security but Limited Growth
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits offers stability. However, the returns from FDs are relatively low, especially when you consider inflation.

Interest Income: The interest from your FDs can contribute towards covering your monthly expenses. However, inflation could erode the purchasing power of this income over time.

Inflation Consideration: The average inflation rate in India is about 6-7%. FD returns often do not match up to this, meaning your real returns (after adjusting for inflation) could be negative.

Taxation: Interest earned from FDs is taxable as per your income slab, reducing your net returns. Keep this in mind while evaluating its contribution to your financial goals.

Gold as a Hedge
You have Rs 50 lakhs in gold, which is a great hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Role of Gold: Gold doesn’t generate regular income, but it acts as a store of value. It’s more of a wealth-preservation tool.

Liquidity: Gold can be easily liquidated during times of need, but it’s better to use it as a backup rather than a primary income source.

Health Insurance: Peace of Mind
You already have health insurance, which is excellent. Ensure it covers all major medical expenses and has sufficient coverage for the entire family.

Review Your Coverage: Reassess the sum insured regularly to ensure it matches the rising healthcare costs. Ensure you have family floater health insurance to cover every member.
Post-Retirement Strategy: Generating Regular Income
Quitting your job means you'll need a consistent income stream from your investments. Let’s see how you can plan for this:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): A SWP from your mutual fund portfolio can generate a regular monthly income. This would be tax-efficient and can help meet your Rs 3 lakh monthly expenses.

Debt Fund Allocation: Debt mutual funds could provide stability. Returns are lower than equities but more predictable. They can be used for your regular monthly expenses.

Equity Allocation: Equity funds can still be a significant part of your portfolio. Over the long term, they will provide growth and protect against inflation.

Diversification: Ensure that your portfolio is diversified across asset classes—equities, debt, and gold—so that you’re not overly dependent on one type of asset for income.

Adjusting for Inflation
Inflation is one of the most significant risks to your financial security after quitting your job.

Higher Living Costs: Inflation could push your expenses from Rs 3 lakhs to Rs 6 lakhs in 15-20 years. It’s important to plan for this.

Growth-Oriented Investments: To counter inflation, ensure that a good portion of your investments is in growth assets like equity mutual funds. Over time, these should provide returns that outpace inflation.

Managing Taxes
Tax efficiency is crucial when you’re relying on investments for regular income.

Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Fund Taxation: Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab, so consider this while withdrawing.

Tax Planning: Work with a Certified Financial Planner to minimize your tax outgo and maximize your post-tax returns. It’s important to balance income generation with tax efficiency.

What Should You Do Next?
Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you transition smoothly when you quit your job:

Review Your Current Portfolio: Work with a CFP to review your existing mutual fund portfolio. Shift towards a mix of growth and income-generating funds.

Set Up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This will provide you with a steady monthly income from your mutual funds.

Build a Debt Mutual Fund Cushion: Allocate a portion of your portfolio towards debt funds to reduce volatility.

Ensure Tax Efficiency: Keep an eye on taxes, especially capital gains and interest income. Use tax-efficient strategies to protect your income.

Plan for Inflation: Ensure that a significant portion of your investments remains in growth-oriented assets to beat inflation in the long run.

Finally
Your decision to quit your job is supported by a solid financial base. However, managing your portfolio for regular income, tax efficiency, and inflation protection will be key to sustaining your lifestyle without stress. A clear strategy with professional guidance will ensure a smooth and secure transition into this new phase of life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
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2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
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Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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