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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Prahlad Question by Prahlad on Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money

I am now 62 and retired. Having 1.75 cr in Mutual fund, 20 lacks in scsc, 10 lacks in gold,40 lack in equity and 5 lack in liquid. Need 1.5 lack SWP for monthly expenses. Pl suggest where should I invest and get monthly of 1.5 lack without reducing my investment

Ans: Congrats on your retirement and your well-structured investment portfolio. With Rs 1.75 crores in mutual funds, Rs 20 lakhs in SCSS, Rs 10 lakhs in gold, Rs 40 lakhs in equity, and Rs 5 lakhs in liquid funds, you have a diversified portfolio. Your goal of generating Rs 1.5 lakhs monthly without reducing your capital is achievable with strategic planning.

Understanding Your Financial Goal
Monthly Withdrawal Requirement:

You need Rs 1.5 lakhs per month, which amounts to Rs 18 lakhs annually.

Current Portfolio:

Mutual Funds: Rs 1.75 crores
SCSS: Rs 20 lakhs
Gold: Rs 10 lakhs
Equity: Rs 40 lakhs
Liquid Funds: Rs 5 lakhs
Strategic Investment Allocation
To generate a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakhs, we need to optimize your portfolio to ensure both growth and stability.

Utilizing Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
1. SWP from Mutual Funds:

SWP from mutual funds can provide a steady monthly income. You can set up an SWP to withdraw Rs 1.5 lakhs monthly.

Benefits of SWP:

Regular income stream.
Tax-efficient.
Keeps your capital growing.
Allocating Your Portfolio for Optimal Returns
1. Debt Mutual Funds:

Allocate a significant portion to debt mutual funds. They provide stability and regular income.

Suggested Allocation:

60% in Debt Funds: Rs 1.05 crores in debt mutual funds.
40% in Equity Funds: Rs 70 lakhs in equity mutual funds.
This ensures a balanced approach with stability and growth.

Enhancing Your Current Investments
1. SCSS (Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme):

SCSS provides guaranteed returns and regular income. Continue to keep Rs 20 lakhs in SCSS.

2. Gold Investments:

Gold is a good hedge against inflation. Maintain your Rs 10 lakhs in gold for diversification.

3. Direct Equity:

Your Rs 40 lakhs in direct equity can be left for long-term growth. Monitor and rebalance periodically.

4. Liquid Funds:

Rs 5 lakhs in liquid funds acts as your emergency fund. This should cover any immediate financial needs.

Implementing the Systematic Withdrawal Plan
1. Setting Up SWP:

Set up an SWP from your debt mutual funds. Withdraw Rs 1.5 lakhs monthly. This provides a steady income stream while preserving your capital.

2. Rebalancing:

Review and rebalance your portfolio annually. Shift some gains from equity to debt to maintain the 60-40 allocation. This ensures stability and growth.

Managing Risks and Ensuring Growth
1. Diversification:

Diversify your investments within debt and equity mutual funds. Choose funds from different categories and sectors to spread risk.

2. Regular Review:

Review your investments quarterly. Monitor performance and make adjustments if needed. Regular reviews keep your portfolio aligned with your goals.

3. Professional Guidance:

Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide tailored advice and help you make informed decisions.

Tax Efficiency
1. Tax on SWP:

SWP withdrawals from mutual funds are more tax-efficient than traditional fixed deposits. Only the capital gains portion is taxed.

2. Long-term vs Short-term Gains:

Hold your equity investments for more than a year to benefit from long-term capital gains tax rates, which are lower than short-term rates.

Contingency Planning
1. Emergency Fund:

Keep an emergency fund to cover at least six months of expenses. This ensures you don’t have to withdraw from your investments during market downturns.

2. Health Insurance:

Maintain comprehensive health insurance to cover medical emergencies. This prevents erosion of your savings due to unexpected medical expenses.

Creating a Sustainable Income Plan
1. Estimating Expenses:

Estimate your monthly expenses during retirement. Consider inflation and potential lifestyle changes to ensure you have a realistic figure.

2. Planning for Longevity:

Plan for a longer retirement period. Ensure your investments can support you through your expected lifespan.

3. Considering Health and Medical Costs:

Healthcare costs tend to rise with age. Ensure you have adequate savings and insurance to cover medical expenses during retirement.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
1. Set Clear Financial Milestones:

Break down your retirement goal into smaller, achievable milestones. Track your progress and adjust your strategy as needed.

2. Budget and Save Aggressively:

Maintain a disciplined approach to budgeting and saving. Allocate a significant portion of your income towards investments to accelerate wealth accumulation.

3. Maximize Tax-Advantaged Investments:

Utilize tax-advantaged accounts like PPF and NPS to enhance returns and save on taxes. These are excellent for long-term savings with added tax benefits.

Final Insights
Your diversified portfolio and strategic investments can help you achieve your goal of withdrawing Rs 1.5 lakhs monthly. Utilize an SWP from a balanced portfolio of debt and equity mutual funds. Ensure diversification, regular review, and rebalancing to manage risk and grow your corpus. With disciplined planning and strategic investments, you can enjoy a steady income and financial security in retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 35 yrs I can invest 25000-50000 per month, where should i invest. I can take moderate risk, 10yrs time horizon, I invested 10lakhs in direct shares already. Investing in Mirae ELSS monthly 4000rupees Not invested in any other mutual funds. I earn monthly 1 lakh, no emi, i can save 80k per month, let me know where i can invest 25-50k monthly
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach to investing and your willingness to explore additional investment avenues. Given your risk tolerance, time horizon, and monthly saving capacity, mutual funds can be an excellent option to diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns over the long term. Here's a suggested approach for your monthly investments of 25,000 to 50,000 rupees:

Increase SIP Investment:
Since you're already investing in Mirae ELSS with a monthly SIP of 4,000 rupees, consider increasing your SIP amount in this fund or adding SIPs in other mutual funds.
Diversify Across Fund Categories:
Allocate your monthly investment across different categories of mutual funds to diversify your portfolio and manage risk effectively.
Consider investing in large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to gain exposure to different segments of the market.
Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
SIPs offer the advantage of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing, making them suitable for long-term wealth creation.
You can start SIPs with varying amounts in different funds based on your risk appetite and investment objectives.
Fund Selection:
Choose mutual funds with a proven track record of consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and a robust investment process.
Look for funds with low expense ratios and high-quality portfolios that align with your investment goals and risk profile.
Regular Monitoring and Review:
Keep a close eye on the performance of your mutual fund investments and regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial objectives.
Make adjustments to your investment strategy as needed based on changes in market conditions, your risk tolerance, and investment goals.
Seek Professional Advice:
Consider consulting with a financial advisor or Certified Financial Planner to develop a customized investment plan tailored to your specific needs and goals.
A professional can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you make informed investment decisions and navigate the complexities of the financial markets.
By diversifying your investments across mutual funds and adopting a disciplined approach to investing, you can potentially achieve your financial goals and build wealth over the long term. Remember to stay patient, stay focused on your long-term objectives, and avoid making impulsive investment decisions.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I am retired person of 66 years. I have 22 Lakhs in Mutual Fund in SWP plan, get monthly rent Rs. 12000. I am soon going to get Rs. 1.5 Cr. (After tax) after selling property. I am staying in my Flat. I want you to Suggest me where i invest so that i get regular income & appreciation. I have mediclaim of Rs. 5 Lakhs jointly for my wife & me
Ans: At 66 years old, you are retired and living in your own flat. You currently have Rs. 22 lakhs in a Mutual Fund Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) and receive a monthly rent of Rs. 12,000. Soon, you will receive Rs. 1.5 crore after selling your property, and you have a mediclaim policy of Rs. 5 lakh covering both you and your wife.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Your primary goal is to secure a regular income while also ensuring that your investments appreciate over time. This is crucial to maintaining your lifestyle, accounting for inflation, and providing for any unforeseen expenses.

Importance of Regular Income and Capital Preservation
At your age, preserving capital while generating a steady income is paramount. The focus should be on low-risk investments that provide consistent returns while also offering some growth potential.

Diversified Investment Strategy
To meet your objectives, it’s essential to diversify your investments. Diversification helps in balancing risk and ensuring that your portfolio remains stable even if certain investments underperform.

1. Debt Mutual Funds (40%)
Debt funds are ideal for conservative investors. They offer regular income with lower risk compared to equity.

Consider investing in debt funds that focus on high-quality bonds. This ensures stability and regular payouts.

SWP from these funds can provide you with a steady monthly income.

2. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) (20%)
SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering regular interest payments.

It’s a safe investment option with decent returns, ideal for your regular income needs.

The interest is payable quarterly, which can supplement your monthly income.

3. Monthly Income Plans (MIPs) (20%)
MIPs invest in a mix of debt and equity, providing a balance between income and growth.

They offer regular monthly income, though the returns may fluctuate slightly based on market conditions.

This can be a good addition to your portfolio for some equity exposure with lower risk.

4. Fixed Deposits (FDs) (10%)
FDs offer safety and guaranteed returns. Although the interest rates are low, they provide assured income.

Keep a portion of your funds in FDs for immediate liquidity and safety.

5. Equity Mutual Funds (10%)
While equity carries higher risk, a small allocation is essential for growth and beating inflation.

Focus on conservative equity funds that invest in large-cap companies with stable performance.

This portion should be for long-term growth rather than immediate income.

Managing the Rs. 1.5 Crore Corpus
With the Rs. 1.5 crore corpus, a balanced approach to allocation is important:

Rs. 60 lakh in Debt Mutual Funds to generate steady income.

Rs. 30 lakh in SCSS for regular quarterly interest.

Rs. 30 lakh in MIPs for a mix of income and growth.

Rs. 15 lakh in Fixed Deposits for safety and liquidity.

Rs. 15 lakh in Equity Mutual Funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Consideration
Your current mediclaim policy of Rs. 5 lakh might not be sufficient, considering rising healthcare costs. Consider enhancing your coverage or opting for a top-up plan that provides additional coverage at a lower premium.

Final Insights
Your financial plan should focus on generating regular income, preserving your capital, and allowing for some growth to counter inflation. By diversifying your investments across debt, equity, and fixed-income instruments, you can achieve a balanced portfolio that meets your income needs while also offering potential for appreciation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
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Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

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Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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