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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Altaf Question by Altaf on May 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 48 yrs old l am investing 7k per month in MF from last 2 years. Rs 1000 each in DSP Multi Asset allocation fund. Canara robeco bluechip equity fund. Mirae asset large and midcap fund. Motilal oswal nifty next 50 index fund. Kotak Emerging equity fund. Quant smallcap fund. Parag parikh flexi cap fund. My horizon is 10 yrs.

Ans: That's a great start! Investing Rs. 7,000 monthly for the past 2 years shows discipline. Let's analyze your portfolio for your 10-year investment horizon.

Diversification is Key

Your portfolio has a good mix of fund types:

Multi-Asset: Provides diversification across asset classes for stability.
Large & Mid-Cap: Offers growth potential with established and growing companies.
Small-Cap: Carries more risk but has the potential for high returns.
Index Fund: Tracks a market index, offering market-related returns.
Actively Managed vs. Index Funds

While your Motilal Oswal Nifty Next 50 is an index fund, your other choices are likely actively managed. These funds have managers who try to outperform the market. This approach can be beneficial, but also carries inherent risks.

10-Year Timeframe Advantage

A 10-year horizon allows you to ride out market ups and downs. Equity funds, though volatile in the short term, have the potential for higher growth over the long term.

Points to Consider:

Overall Asset Allocation: Review the percentage allocation across each fund type to ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.
Fund Performance: Track the performance of each fund and compare it to its benchmark.
Role of a CFP Professional

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) professional can offer a more personalized assessment. They can help you:

Analyze Asset Allocation: Ensure your portfolio mix matches your risk tolerance and goals.
Review Fund Performance: Identify any underperforming funds and suggest adjustments.
Rebalance Regularly: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.
Remember:

Market performance can impact your returns. However, your diversified portfolio and long-term focus are positive steps.

Next Steps:

Consider consulting a CFP professional for a detailed portfolio review.
Monitor your fund performance and rebalance as needed.
Keep investing for the long term!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hardik

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Hello Sir , My Self Manoj ,I am 40 years old a salaried person , and investing in MFs Since 5.5 years I have below current ongoing investments Aditya Birla FlexiCap Fund -- 7000 p.m.(SIP) HDFC Midcap Opportunities fund ---4000 p.m.(SIP) HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund ----2000 p.m.(SIP) DSP mid cap fund ---2000 p.m.(SIP) DSP Select Focus Fund ---2000 p.m.(SIP) DSP Small Cap Fund 3000 p.m.(SIP) Kotak Equity Opportunities Fund ---2000 p.m.(SIP) SBI Blue Chip Fund -----64000 (lumpsome) SBI Small cap fund ----2000 p.m.(SIP) Nippon India small cap fund ----2000 p.m.(SIP) Invesco Small cap fund ---1000 p.m.(SIP) Tata Small cap fund ----1000 p.m.(SIP) Mahindra Unnati Emerginf Business yojana ----2000 p.m.(SIP) Tata Balanced Advantage Fund -----50000 Mirae Asset Mid cap Fund ---2000 p.m.(SIP) ICICI Flexicap fund -----70000 (lumpsome) DSP Equity and Bond Fund---- 32000 (lumpsome) DSP Dynamic Asset Allocation Fund ----23000 (lumpsome) Sundaram Emerging small cap series1---17000 (lumpsome) Sundaram Services Fund---500 p.m.(SIP) Tata Flexicap Fund ----17400 (lumpsome) Baroda BNP Paribas Flexicap Fund ----50000 (lumpsome) Icici Blue chip Fund ---400 p.m.(SIP) Edelweiss small cap fund ----2000 p.m.(SIP) Axis Flexicap Fund ----19000 (lumpsome) Sundaram Small cap fund ----98000 (lumpsome) ICICI mnc fund---- 6000 (lumpsome) Axis mid cap fund ---500 p.m.(SIP) Canara Robeco small cap fund -----1000 p.m.(SIP) BOI small cap fund ----1000 p.m.(SIP) Aditya birla multicap fund----50000 (lumpsome) Kotak Multicap fund -----25000 (lumpsome) HDFC world indexes fund of fund---10000 (lumpsome) SBI Multicap fund ---1000 p.m.(SIP) PGIM India mid cap oppportunities fund ---1000 p.m.(SIP) Axis small cap fund ----500 p.m.(SIP) Edelweiss focused equity fund ---21000 (lumpsome) UTI flexicap fund ---3000 p.m.(SIP) Quant Large cap fund ---25000 (lumpsome) IDFC mid cap fund ---25000 (lumpsome) White Oak mid cap fund ---20000 (lumpsome) Sundaram Flexicap fund ---700 (lumpsome) Canara Robeco mid cap fund ---2000 p.m.(SIP) Mahindra small cap fund---2000 p.m.(SIP) Total amount of SIP is roughly around 45k per month, Since December 2016 till the date now my investment corpus in Mutual Fund has been now 30.5 lakhs , also i have 30k invested in direct stocks in Indian equity Market. I have 3 LIC policies and 1 term insurance policy of 1 crore cover,I have Bank FDs in nationalised bank for about 27 lakhs , and 3 lakhs in PPF My Goals are 1) 2 crores for my children's marriage and education 2) 2 crores for buying home 3) 4 crores for retirement life (after 10 years) In total i want to generate 8 crores in next 10 years. Kindly suggest if i would be able to achieve the goals in next 10 years,and changes if required any Regards Manoj
Ans: Hello Manoj,

It's great to see that you've been disciplined with your investments and have built a sizable corpus already. To assess if your current investments will help you achieve your goals of 8 crores in the next 10 years, let's take a closer look at your financial situation and goals.

Current Investments:
Mutual Funds: ~30.5 lakhs
Direct stocks: 30k
LIC policies and term insurance: Not considered for investment purposes
Bank FDs: 27 lakhs
PPF: 3 lakhs
Total: ~60.5 lakhs
Monthly SIP investments: ~45k
Now let's analyze your goals:

Children's marriage and education: 2 crores
Buying a home: 2 crores
Retirement life (in 10 years): 4 crores
Total: 8 crores
Assuming an average annual return of 12% on your equity investments, here's a rough projection of your portfolio's growth:

Current investments (60.5 lakhs) in 10 years: ~1.87 crores
Monthly SIPs (45k) in 10 years: ~1.05 crores
Total: ~2.92 crores
Based on this calculation, you would not reach your goal of 8 crores in the next 10 years. However, you can consider making some changes to improve your chances:

Reassess your goals: Consider if your goals are realistic and if there's any flexibility in the amounts or timelines.
Increase your SIP investments: As your salary increases, try to increase your SIP investments to accelerate your portfolio's growth.
Rebalance your portfolio: Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it's aligned with your risk appetite and financial goals. This may involve reducing the number of funds or shifting the allocation between equity and debt.
Monitor fund performance: Keep an eye on the performance of your funds and consider replacing underperforming ones.
Remember that financial planning is an ongoing process, and it's essential to periodically review and adjust your strategy. It's also a good idea to consult with a professional financial advisor to get personalized advice for your specific situation. While it might be challenging to achieve 8 crores within 10 years, these suggestions may help you get closer to your goals.

Best regards,

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

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Hi sir I'm from Assam and doing a job as Teacher, i m investing in various MF schemes from last 3yrs.My risk appetite is very aggressive. My portfolio is 1canara Robecco blue chip equity fund direct 2000/ month & emerging equity fund 3000/ month 2Mirae Assets emerging blue chip equity fund direct 3000/ month. 3 J m flexi cap fund 3000/ month 4Motilal oswal midcap fund 1500/month 5Pgim india midcap oppurtunities fund 2500/ month 6Quant small cap fund 2000/fud 7,Quant midcap fund 2000/ month 8 Quant flexi cap fund/2500.9 Hsbc value fund 2000/month. 10 sbi small cap fund 2000/ month 11 Tata digital india fund 1000/ month 12 Tata small cap fund 1000/ month
Ans: Assessing and Optimizing Your Mutual Fund Portfolio for Aggressive Risk Appetite

As a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), I'll evaluate your mutual fund portfolio and suggest potential optimizations to align with your aggressive risk appetite and long-term financial goals.

Analyzing Current Portfolio Allocation and Diversification

Your portfolio comprises a diverse mix of equity funds spanning various market capitalizations and sectors. While this diversification can potentially enhance returns, it's crucial to assess the overall allocation and ensure it aligns with your risk appetite and investment objectives.

Identifying Overlapping Holdings and Concentration Risks

Reviewing your fund selection, I observe potential overlap in holdings across funds, leading to concentration risks. Overlapping investments may increase portfolio correlation and susceptibility to market fluctuations, necessitating a reassessment of fund selection to achieve better diversification.

Assessing Fund Performance and Consistency

Evaluating the performance of individual funds over different time horizons can provide insights into their ability to deliver consistent returns. It's essential to identify funds that have demonstrated resilience across market cycles and outperformed their benchmarks and peers over the long term.

Considering Expense Ratios and Fund Costs

Expense ratios and fund costs impact overall returns and should be scrutinized to ensure they align with the value proposition offered by each fund. While lower expense ratios are desirable, it's essential to weigh them against other factors such as fund performance and portfolio management quality.

Exploring Opportunities for Optimization and Rationalization

Given your aggressive risk appetite, optimizing your portfolio to enhance potential returns while managing risks is paramount. This may involve consolidating overlapping holdings, reallocating investments towards high-conviction funds, and introducing exposure to emerging themes or sectors with growth potential.

Emphasizing the Importance of Regular Monitoring and Review

As a CFP, I stress the significance of regular portfolio monitoring and review to adapt to changing market dynamics and investor preferences. Periodic reassessment of fund performance, asset allocation, and risk exposure can help optimize your portfolio and capitalize on emerging opportunities.

Seeking Professional Guidance for Portfolio Optimization

I recommend consulting with a qualified financial advisor or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential to conduct a comprehensive portfolio review and optimization exercise. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights and recommendations tailored to your specific risk profile and investment objectives.

Making Informed Investment Decisions for Long-Term Wealth Creation

In conclusion, optimizing your mutual fund portfolio for aggressive risk appetite requires a strategic approach that balances potential returns with prudent risk management. By conducting thorough analysis, seeking professional guidance, and maintaining a disciplined investment approach, you can work towards achieving your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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I am 32 yr age I am central government employees my investment is 11500 mutual funds is prag parikh flaxi fund 4500, Canara rebeco bluechip direct fund 3500 Axis small cap 3500 Kya m sahi investment kr rha hu
Ans: Let's evaluate your current portfolio and provide insights on how to enhance it for long-term growth.

Analysis of Current Investments
Mutual Funds Allocation:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 4,500
Canara Robeco Bluechip Direct Fund: Rs 3,500
Axis Small Cap Fund: Rs 3,500
Total Investment:

Rs 11,500
Your portfolio includes a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversification helps balance risk and returns.

Assessment of Direct Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds don't offer professional advice.
Time-Consuming: Requires active management and research.
Risk: Potential for higher risk without expert guidance.
Benefits of Regular Funds via CFP:

Expertise: Certified Financial Planners (CFPs) provide professional advice.
Convenience: Saves time on research and management.
Risk Management: CFPs help tailor investments to your risk profile.
Recommendations for Enhanced Portfolio
Diversification:

Ensure a balanced mix of equity and debt funds.
Consider adding debt funds for stability.
Long-Term Focus:

Prioritize funds with a proven track record.
Stay invested for the long term to maximize growth.
Alternative Investment Options
Mutual Funds:

Equity Funds: For long-term growth. Suitable for your age and risk profile.
Debt Funds: For stability. Balances the risk in your portfolio.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Benefits: Tax savings and stable returns.
Long-Term: Suitable for building a retirement corpus.
Detailed Insights on Investment Strategy
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers.
Flexibility: Adjusts to market changes for better returns.
Research: Backed by extensive research and analysis.
Your Portfolio Enhancement Strategy
Balanced Portfolio:

Mix of equity and debt funds for balanced growth.
Continue SIPs for disciplined investing.
Professional Guidance:

Invest through a CFP for tailored advice.
Benefit from expert insights and risk management.
Final Insights
Your current investments are well-diversified. Consider the benefits of investing through a CFP for professional guidance. This can help you manage risks and achieve long-term growth. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam under debt of Rs 10lac and my salary is 23k per month. How to come out from debt and i need to get debt free. So, please guide me.
Ans: Being in debt can be overwhelming, especially on a limited monthly income. But with disciplined planning and commitment, you can gradually achieve financial freedom. Here’s a detailed guide to help you pay off your Rs 10 lakh debt and build a stable financial foundation.

Step 1: Calculate Your Monthly Expenses and Set a Budget
Start by understanding your cash flow. Track every expense to get a clear picture of your spending.

Essential Expenses: These include rent, food, utilities, and any other basic needs.

Discretionary Expenses: Cut back on non-essentials like dining out, entertainment, and shopping.

Savings and Debt Repayment: Dedicate any amount left after essential expenses towards debt repayment.

Tip: Keep a written budget or use a mobile app to monitor your expenses. Reducing discretionary spending will help increase the amount available for debt repayment.

Step 2: Increase Income if Possible
Boosting income, even slightly, can significantly accelerate debt repayment. Here are some ideas:

Freelance or Part-Time Work: If possible, look for freelance work in areas you’re skilled in, like writing, tutoring, graphic design, or programming.

Overtime or Extra Shifts: If your employer offers overtime, consider taking it on to increase your income.

Sell Unwanted Items: Sell items you no longer need, such as electronics, clothes, or furniture, to generate additional cash.

Increasing your income, even temporarily, can help you pay off your debt faster.

Step 3: Create a Debt Repayment Plan
List all your debts, including outstanding amounts, interest rates, and due dates. Here are two strategies for paying them off:

Snowball Method: Pay off smaller debts first to gain momentum, then tackle larger ones. This provides psychological motivation by clearing debts faster.

Avalanche Method: Focus on debts with the highest interest rates first. This method saves more on interest in the long term.

Choose the strategy that suits you best and start making extra payments each month.

Step 4: Prioritize High-Interest Loans and EMI Payments
Debt with higher interest can escalate quickly, so prioritize clearing them first. Some common examples include:

Credit Card Debt: If part of your debt is on credit cards, try to pay it down as quickly as possible. Credit card interest rates are often the highest.

Personal Loans: If your Rs 10 lakh debt includes high-interest loans, prioritize these over lower-interest obligations.

Contact your creditors to explore if they can reduce your interest rate temporarily. Any reduction helps ease the debt burden.

Step 5: Consider Debt Consolidation Options
Debt consolidation combines multiple loans into a single, lower-interest loan, making it easier to manage. Options include:

Personal Loans: Look for a lower-interest personal loan to pay off existing debts. This can reduce the overall interest burden.

Balance Transfer: If a major portion of your debt is on a credit card, look for a card offering a low or zero-interest balance transfer option.

Be cautious of fees associated with consolidation options and make sure to do thorough research. Consolidation can simplify payments and potentially save you money on interest.

Step 6: Start a Small Emergency Fund
While repaying debt is crucial, having a small emergency fund (around Rs 5,000–Rs 10,000) can help you avoid additional debt. This fund is for unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or car repairs.

Building a small emergency cushion ensures you don’t rely on credit if unplanned expenses arise. Once your debt is cleared, you can gradually build a larger emergency fund.

Step 7: Avoid Taking on New Debt
Avoid credit cards, loans, or any new debt until you’ve repaid the current amount. New debt will delay your goal of becoming debt-free.

Instead of borrowing, prioritize saving for any purchases. Practicing patience with spending decisions will help prevent additional debt.

Step 8: Automate and Regularize Payments
Set up automated payments for your debt EMIs and monthly bills. Automation helps prevent missed payments, which can incur penalties and hurt your credit score.

If automated payments aren’t possible, set reminders to ensure timely payments.

Step 9: Track Progress and Stay Motivated
Track your progress each month and celebrate small wins, such as reaching specific milestones in debt reduction.

Seeing your debt balance decrease, even gradually, can keep you motivated.

Step 10: Seek Professional Guidance If Needed
If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help you devise a structured plan tailored to your specific financial situation.

A CFP can also provide personalized advice on managing and reducing debt efficiently.

Finally
Your determination to achieve a debt-free life is commendable. By following these steps and staying disciplined, you’ll gradually pay off your debt and move toward financial freedom. Remember, small steps today will lead to a financially secure tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Dear sir/Ma'am, I want to invest long term mutual fund for my daughter marriage. She is now 15 years old and i want to invest for 10 years, please advised me which mutual fund best for me. My monthly investment amount is Rs. 5000.00/- please reply soon as soon possible.
Ans: Investing for your daughter's marriage is a thoughtful goal. With 10 years to grow your investment, mutual funds offer a practical approach to help achieve this objective. A disciplined investment of Rs 5000 per month can build a substantial corpus over time. Here’s a comprehensive guide to structuring this investment for long-term success.

Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Funds
For a 10-year horizon, equity mutual funds are suitable. They have the potential for higher returns over time. Considering a diversified mix of equity categories could balance growth with stability.

Equity-Oriented Funds: With their higher growth potential, equity funds can be ideal for long-term goals like marriage. Large-cap funds or diversified equity funds with a mix of large- and mid-cap investments can provide relative stability.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds allocate a portion to both equity and debt. This approach reduces risk while still capturing growth. Hybrid funds could be a good option to add stability.

Avoid Index Funds: While index funds are popular, they lack flexibility in managing market changes. Actively managed funds, however, allow fund managers to navigate market fluctuations, potentially offering higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
When considering direct funds, you miss out on expert guidance, which is vital for long-term investments. Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensure you get continuous support, fund reviews, and performance tracking. They help rebalance your portfolio when required, maximizing your returns and managing risks effectively.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) for Steady Growth
Setting up a monthly SIP of Rs 5000 is a practical approach. SIPs allow you to invest consistently, regardless of market highs and lows, which averages out costs over time. This approach, known as “rupee cost averaging,” helps reduce the impact of volatility.

Tax Implications on Mutual Fund Investments
Understanding tax rules on mutual funds is important.

Equity Mutual Funds: Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax on Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG). Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both STCG and LTCG are taxed based on your income tax slab.

These tax rates are subject to change, so it’s crucial to monitor tax policies periodically. You may consult a tax advisor for updates and efficient tax planning.

Key Investment Tips to Reach Your Goal
Consistency: Stay disciplined with your SIPs to leverage compounding. Missing contributions can reduce the growth potential.

Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance at least once a year. This ensures the selected funds are meeting your expectations and objectives.

Professional Guidance: Consult a CFP periodically to align your investments with your financial plan. They can advise on any required adjustments to optimize your portfolio.

Adjusting for Inflation and Goal Cost
Over time, inflation will impact the cost of your daughter’s marriage. Your CFP can help you estimate the future value and adjust your SIP amount if needed. Gradually increasing the SIP amount can help you meet the target despite inflation.

Final Insights
Your commitment to this goal is commendable. By selecting the right mix of funds, maintaining discipline with SIPs, and staying informed on tax and fund performance, you’ll be well on your way to achieving the desired corpus for your daughter’s marriage.

Invest with confidence, plan regularly, and stay on track toward building a secure financial future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1033 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello! I am looking to change my career. Currently, I work as a DTP Operator and Graphic Designer in my maternal uncle's offsset printing press business. My father passed away 8 years ago, so my maternal uncle has taken on the responsibility of me, my mother, and my brother. I have been working under them for the past 5 years as a favor of them. However, there has been no financial growth or development in my current position. But maternal uncle asks me to continue to work with them as their childrens are out of their Offset Printing profession. So they expect me to handle the business in future. But this will not happen. Also I'm not sure of the future scope of Offset Printing Press profession due to digitization. Though my mind is telling me to change profession, as of my financial condtion is weak I would have to start again from zero. I am feeling unsure about what to do?
Ans: Hello.
Presently you are working as a DTP operator and Graphic Designer with your uncle. It seems that due to financial problems, your uncle might be taking undue advantage of your situation and taking it granted that you must work for him and his printing press as a bull for 24x7. You said, your uncle's children are not interested in running the printing press. Hence he is expecting to handle the business in the future. I think this is a golden time to negotiate with your uncle from a business point of view and put some terms and conditions in front of him. You must overtake the printing press fully in your control and share some part of the profit with him. Remember, you are young, have solid experience of 5 years and the most important thing is that, your uncle is not dependent on you only. This makes the situation in your favor. If your uncle is not ready to hand over the printing press business to you, then you have an option to search for another job and tell your uncle also in this regard. I can fairly say, your uncle will not think to lose you under any condition. In life, nothing is impossible, With the hands-on experience of 5 years, you may job in an advertising company and a reputed publishing house. Related to your insecurity feeling, even though you are working with your uncle, you are feeling insecure. Hence either force your uncle to accept your terms and conditions or leave him without any hesitation. Try with new people, new organizations, and new opportunities. A little change will make a big change in your life.
Best of luck for your bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
I (27M) am well Educated & well settled in a High-paying Job. Tall, Handsome & Fit. I am a Sociable & Outgoing person, but I never had a Girlfriend because I believe in having an Arranged Marriage with a Girl from the same Community, who's Family background is known to Parents. I strongly believe in abstaining from any kind of Sexual Intimacy until I get Married, due to my Personal, Moral, Ethical, Emotional as well as Religious & Socio-cultural Values. I'd want to experience even my First Kiss, only after getting Married to my Life Partner. And obviously, I expect my Future Life Partner also to Share similar Values. I cannot settle for Marriage with a Girl who had Pre-marital Sex (or even Kissed) anyone else in a Romantic Relationship, prior to Marriage. I would Reject such a Girl, however Beautiful, Well-Educated & Well-Earning she might be (all other Qualities being Subjective). Now, my Family has started looking up suitable Brides for me, within my Community. The Problem is that most Girls of our Community, in this Generation, are Well Educated & Financially Independent, staying in Cities, away from Parents & most of them, probably had Romantic Relationship(s) & experienced Physical Intimacy, at any Base Level. I know this by closely observing & discussing with many Girls of my Community (including my Female Cousins, Female Friends & Neighbours etc). They all are ridiculing me for my Preferences & advising me to forsake my Values, as they are Outdated in this Age. Now, I am Worried that I might never get to Marry a Girl who shares my Values. My greatest Fear is not ending up Unmarried, but getting Married to a Woman who lies about her Past (I consider it as Cheating). Can you please advise me on, how can I be absolutely Sure that a Girl is an Un-Kissed Virgin? How do I bring up this topic with any Girl before Marriage & ask her, without coming off as Creepy? How can I be Sure whether the Girl is being absolutely Honest about her Past or not? What are some other ways to find out about the Past of a Girl, apart from having an open conversation with herself? Please advise me regarding this, my Heart is not letting me foresake my Values, which are my Core Principles. I am willing to compromise on some other Qualities i.e., I'd happily settle down with a Girl who's Below Average in terms of Looks, Education & even Unemployed, as long as I can be Sure that she's an Un-Kissed Virgin. How can I be absolutely Sure of that?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't have to forsake your values based on others' opinions of it. If it makes you happy, you should stick to it. Having said that, you cannot force the same values on others. I understand you want a partner who has a similar mindset. The only way to get what you want is an open conversation- when you speak to a match, you can open up about your outlook and clear it from your end that you want the exact same values in your partner and politely request them to reject the alliance if she has any past relationships or has been intimate with anyone in any form. Let her know that you are not judging her, but this part is very important for you. Make it about yourself, because it is. Do not let the woman feel that there is some flaw in her, or start investigating her past.

Now, coming to your other query, how to be absolutely sure that she is telling the truth about her experiences- there is no such technique. You have to trust her. Moreover, you should understand that as much as you believe your values are important, trust in your partner is equally important in having a healthy and happy relationship. While you work on finding the partner of your choice, work on having a little more faith in people.
Hope this helps.

Best Wishes

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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