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Jinal

Jinal Mehta  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 12, 2024

Jinal Mehta is a qualified certified financial professional certified by FPSB India. She has 10 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
She is the founder of Beyond Learning Finance, an authorised education provider for the CFP certification programme in India.
In addition, she manages a family office organisation, where she handles investment planning, tax planning, insurance planning and estate planning.
Jinal has a bachelor's degree in management studies. She also has a diploma in in financial management from NMIMS, Mumbai.
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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 48 years old and my monthly income is 1.4 Lac. My existing investment is PPF 1.5 Lakh/year and 18 Thousand Term insurance and Bank FD's. I am want to invest in NPS about 50 Thousand/Year. What option to select to earn at least 8% with lower risk. Also let me know what are other options for investment with lower risk?

Ans: there is no guarantee for any returns on any of the products available in the market. You cannot rely on past data for future returns. Just fix your goals and investment plan for the same. Bank FDs or corporate FDs may give you your expected returns. But if the interest rate falls, you may get lower returns in the future.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

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Hi Sir, This is Murugan, from Chennai, working for an IT company. I have started to invest in NPS for the past 7 months (4216?, 10% of my basic salary) for my retirement plan. My take-home salary is ?60,000 (after NPS deduction). I don't have a debit. I would like to invest ?20,000 for my future and also for my child's (4-year-old) education purposes (long-term plan). Please suggest any ideas to achieve my goal. Thanks, Murugan.
Ans: It's great that you've started investing in NPS for your retirement. To achieve your goal of investing ?20,000 for both your future and your child's education, consider the following suggestions:

SIP in Mutual Funds:
Allocate a portion of ?20,000 towards SIPs in mutual funds. Opt for diversified equity funds for long-term growth potential.
Choose funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Child Education Fund:
Create a separate fund or invest in child education-specific mutual funds or SIPs for your child's education.
Start a recurring deposit or systematic investment plan (SIP) to accumulate the desired amount by the time your child starts higher education.
Emergency Fund:
Set aside a portion of your monthly income for an emergency fund, aiming to accumulate 3-6 months' worth of expenses.
Consider a liquid or short-term debt fund for this purpose.
Insurance:
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family to protect against unforeseen events.
Review & Adjust:
Periodically review your investments to track performance and make necessary adjustments.
Increase your investments gradually as your income grows.
Remember to maintain a balanced approach between equity and debt investments based on your risk tolerance. Consult a financial advisor to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your financial goals and situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 48 years old and my monthly income is 1.4 Lac. My existing investment is PPF 1.5 Lakh/year and 18 Thousand Term insurance and Bank FD's. I want to invest in NPS about 50 Thousand/Year. What option to select to earn at least 8% with lower risk. Also let me know what are other options for investment with lower risk?
Ans: Hello Mr. Kumar Shashi Raj,

It's excellent that you're considering diversifying your investments and planning for your future. Given your income and investment goals, let's explore some options:

NPS (National Pension System):

NPS offers different investment options with varying levels of risk and potential returns.
For your objective of earning at least 8% with lower risk, you can consider investing in the "Moderate" or "Conservative" asset allocation options.
These options typically invest a higher proportion of funds in debt instruments, providing stability and lower volatility compared to equity-heavy options.
While NPS offers the potential for attractive returns over the long term, it's essential to understand that past performance is not indicative of future results.
Other options for investment with lower risk:

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds primarily invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities, offering relatively stable returns with lower risk compared to equity investments.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Since you're already investing in PPF, you can continue to maximize contributions to this tax-efficient instrument, which offers attractive returns along with tax benefits.
Bank Fixed Deposits: FDs provide a fixed rate of interest and are considered low-risk investments. However, they may offer relatively lower returns compared to other investment avenues like mutual funds or NPS.
Government Savings Schemes: Options like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) and Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS) offer fixed returns with capital protection, making them suitable for conservative investors.
When selecting investment options, consider factors like your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Diversifying across asset classes can help mitigate risk and optimize returns over the long term.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Money
Sir, After closing my home loan, I have free amount of 70kpm which I am looking to invest with low risk. I have planned in the below manner: 10 kpm - in gold etf or gold mf (which is better) 5 kpm - in NPS vatsalya scheme (for elder son 15y age) 5 kpm - in NPS vatsalya scheme (for younger son 10y age) 20 kpm - in RD for next year school fees of both sons 15 kpm - in RD for family vacation 15 kpm - in MF SIP. PLease suggest. Will NPS be a good option for our sons future? DO you suggest any other option? I am already investing 40kpm in SIP MF, 10kpm in Term plan of SA 1.5 CR. 20 kpm in conventional Insurance plans. 40 kpm in my PF & PPF. 10kpm in my NPS
Ans: Your current investment strategy is well thought out, considering various goals for your family’s future. With a monthly surplus of Rs 70,000 after closing your home loan, you’ve allocated this amount towards multiple financial goals. Let's assess each component of your plan and evaluate its effectiveness for low-risk investments while considering your children's future.

Gold ETF vs. Gold Mutual Fund
Gold ETF: Gold ETFs are cost-efficient and directly linked to the price of gold. They are traded like stocks and have lower expense ratios compared to gold mutual funds. They provide liquidity and allow you to hold physical gold in electronic form without the storage hassle.

Gold Mutual Fund: Gold mutual funds invest in gold ETFs. These funds are more accessible, especially for investors who don’t have a demat account. However, they come with a higher expense ratio compared to ETFs.

For long-term investment in gold, Gold ETFs would be a better choice because of lower costs and direct linkage to gold prices. However, both options are relatively safe for gold investments.

NPS Vatsalya Scheme for Children
You’ve planned to invest Rs 5,000 per month for each of your sons in the NPS Vatsalya scheme. Let’s analyse whether NPS is the best option for your children's future.

NPS Benefits: NPS is a low-cost, government-backed pension scheme. While it offers tax benefits, it is primarily a retirement planning tool. Since NPS locks in the corpus until retirement age, it may not be the most ideal choice for children's education or other financial needs before they turn 60.
For your sons’ future, it might be better to consider long-term equity mutual funds or child plans that provide flexibility and potential higher returns for educational needs or other significant life events. Mutual funds allow partial withdrawals and can align better with milestones like higher education or marriage.

Suggested Alternatives:

Consider equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon, which provide better growth potential for your sons' future goals.
You could also explore child education plans that offer benefits aligned with specific milestones like higher education.
Recurring Deposits (RDs) for Short-Term Goals
20K for School Fees: This allocation is prudent. RDs are safe, and since the goal is short-term, using an RD for your children’s school fees next year is a sound strategy. It ensures safety and liquidity.

15K for Family Vacation: Saving in an RD for your family vacation is a good idea for the short term. It keeps your savings safe and ensures you can use the funds when needed without risking market fluctuations.

Assessment:

For both these short-term goals, RDs are a low-risk and appropriate choice.
Mutual Fund SIPs
15K for Mutual Fund SIP: Allocating Rs 15,000 towards equity mutual funds via SIPs is a smart move for wealth creation. Equity mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals, and SIPs bring discipline and rupee cost averaging.
Since you are already investing Rs 40,000 per month in mutual funds, increasing this by Rs 15,000 strengthens your portfolio and ensures long-term growth potential. This balance between equity investments and safer options like RDs and gold is a well-rounded strategy.

Insight:

Diversifying your SIPs across large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds can help manage risk and improve returns over time.
Ensure you are invested in actively managed mutual funds instead of index funds to maximize your returns, as actively managed funds have the potential to outperform in different market conditions.
Evaluating Your Current Investments
Rs 40K in SIPs: Your existing investment of Rs 40,000 per month in mutual funds shows a good focus on long-term growth. Since mutual funds offer better growth potential than traditional savings, it is a good strategy to balance risk and reward.

Rs 10K in Term Plan (SA 1.5 CR): A term plan is an essential part of any financial plan, especially for a family. Your term plan with a sum assured of Rs 1.5 crore is adequate to provide for your family in case of any unforeseen circumstances. Continue with this policy as it serves to protect your family financially.

Rs 20K in Conventional Insurance Plans: Conventional insurance plans often provide lower returns compared to mutual funds or other investment options. They usually mix insurance and investment, which results in sub-optimal returns. You may want to reconsider whether these plans align with your long-term goals. Instead, pure term insurance for protection, combined with mutual funds for growth, usually provides better results.

Rs 40K in PF & PPF: Your existing contributions to PF and PPF are ideal for low-risk, long-term saving. These schemes offer safe, tax-efficient growth. Keep contributing as they ensure stability in your portfolio.

Rs 10K in NPS: Investing in NPS for your own retirement is a sound decision, as it provides tax benefits and helps you build a retirement corpus with a mix of equity and debt exposure.

Suggestions for Improvement
NPS for Children: As discussed, NPS is not the best fit for your sons’ future. For their education and other life goals, consider investing in mutual funds or dedicated child plans instead.

Reevaluate Conventional Insurance Plans: These plans often come with low returns and high costs. If possible, shift the investment component to equity mutual funds or SIPs. You already have sufficient life insurance coverage through your term plan.

Increase SIP Contributions Gradually: Over time, as your income grows, try to increase your SIP contributions. Even a 10-15% increase every year can significantly boost your wealth over the long term, thanks to the power of compounding.

Ensure Proper Allocation for Retirement: While you are focusing on your children’s future and short-term goals, ensure that your retirement planning is not compromised. Continue contributions to PF, PPF, and NPS while allocating enough towards equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Final Insights
Your approach is a solid mix of safety and growth, reflecting thoughtful planning. The inclusion of RDs for short-term goals, gold for diversification, and mutual funds for long-term wealth creation provides balance. However, reconsidering NPS for your children and conventional insurance plans can optimize your strategy further.

Your commitment to Rs 40K in PF, PPF, and Rs 10K in your NPS ensures long-term stability. The additional Rs 70K per month is wisely planned for both low-risk and growth-oriented goals. Keep reviewing your strategy periodically to adjust to any changes in income, goals, or market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am 30 male. Working in Mumbai in BFSI sector. My in hand salary is 67k. Looking to start investement for retirement. Please suggest if NPS would be good option. If there is any fund which is similar to NPS can suggest as well. Looking to start with 10k as beginning. Also please suggest if the NPS in tier 1 can help in tax saving as well.
Ans: Your decision to start investing early for retirement is excellent. At 30, you have time to build a strong corpus.

Let’s assess if NPS is a good choice.

Understanding NPS for Retirement
NPS is a government-backed retirement scheme.
It invests in equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.
You can choose an active or auto allocation strategy.
Tier 1 NPS is locked until retirement.
60% of maturity value is tax-free. The rest must be used for an annuity.
Tax Benefits of NPS
Contributions under Section 80CCD(1) are part of Rs. 1.5 lakh limit.
Extra Rs. 50,000 deduction is available under Section 80CCD(1B).
Employer contribution is tax-free under Section 80CCD(2).
Annuity payouts after retirement are taxable.
Limitations of NPS
NPS has restrictions on withdrawals before retirement.
Equity exposure is capped at 75%, reducing long-term growth potential.
Returns depend on market conditions and fund manager performance.
40% mandatory annuity purchase reduces liquidity at retirement.
Alternative Investment Options
Mutual funds offer better flexibility and growth potential.
Actively managed equity funds outperform index-based options.
Midcap and flexi-cap funds provide long-term capital appreciation.
Hybrid funds balance risk and return for stability.
Portfolio Strategy for Retirement
A mix of equity and debt ensures a stable corpus.
Invest through SIPs to reduce market timing risks.
Increase allocation as income grows.
Keep a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds.
Avoid over-reliance on any single investment product.
Final Insights
NPS is good for disciplined retirement savings.
Tax benefits are attractive, but liquidity is limited.
Mutual funds offer better long-term growth and flexibility.
A combination of both can work well for retirement planning.
Increase investment gradually as salary increases.


Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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