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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 26, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 45 years old with 1.1 lakh salary per month. I have LIC which i pay 44k as premium every year. My PF currently stands at 13 lakhs. Most of my salary goes to home expenses and i have little to no saving as of now. I have a wife who is home maker and a son 5-year-old. I also have dependent mother and father. No loan as of now. Can a take a home loan of 60 lakhs right now and also be financial secure after 60 years of age ?

Ans: Evaluating Financial Security and Home Loan Decision
Commendation on Your Responsibility
First, commendations on taking responsibility for your family's financial well-being. It’s admirable that you are thinking about long-term financial security while considering major financial decisions like a home loan.

Understanding Your Financial Position
Income and Expenses:

Monthly Salary: Rs. 1.1 lakh
Annual LIC Premium: Rs. 44,000
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 13 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Most of your salary goes towards home expenses.
Family Dependents:

Homemaker Wife: No additional income.
5-Year-Old Son: Future education expenses to consider.
Dependent Parents: Additional financial responsibility.
Assessing the Home Loan Decision
Loan Details:

Home Loan Amount: Rs. 60 lakhs
Financial Impact:

EMI Calculation: Assuming an interest rate of 8% for a tenure of 20 years, the EMI would be approximately Rs. 50,000 per month.
Income vs. EMI:

Monthly Salary: Rs. 1.1 lakh
Estimated EMI: Rs. 50,000
Remaining Salary: Rs. 60,000 for all other expenses
Analyzing Financial Security Post-Retirement
Current Savings:

Provident Fund: Rs. 13 lakhs
Insurance Policy:

LIC Premium: Rs. 44,000 annually
Investment Performance: Traditional LIC policies often provide lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Recommendations for Financial Stability
Reassessing Insurance Policy:

Surrender LIC Policy: Consider surrendering the policy and reinvesting the surrender value into high-performing mutual funds.
Term Insurance: Opt for a term insurance policy for adequate life cover at a lower premium.
Investment Strategy:

Mutual Funds:

Diversification: Invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds to balance risk and return.
SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): Start a SIP to ensure disciplined investing.
Provident Fund:

Continue Contributions: Ensure continuous contributions to build a substantial retirement corpus.
Emergency Fund:

Essential: Set aside 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund for emergencies.
Evaluating Home Loan Feasibility
Loan Affordability:

High EMI: Rs. 50,000 monthly EMI may strain your finances considering your current expenses.
Alternative Plan: Delay the home loan until you have more savings and investments.
Long-Term Planning:

Education Fund: Start a dedicated fund for your son's education.
Retirement Planning: Invest systematically to ensure financial security post-retirement.
Conclusion
Taking a Rs. 60 lakh home loan with your current financial position may strain your monthly budget. Prioritise building savings and investments first. Surrender the LIC policy, reinvest in mutual funds, and opt for term insurance. Focus on creating an emergency fund and planning for your son’s education and your retirement. This approach will ensure long-term financial security and reduce financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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I am 41, married and having two daughters. I have in hand salary of 1.6L per month. I have two LIC on my name which are for 20 years and have 12-13 years completed and sum insured 5L each, PPF - 5L, Sukanya 5L, Term Insurance - 1 Cr, Health Insurance 10L for me and spouse. I have started MF 15K/M targeting for 15 years this month. I want to purchase a home for which I think I would require 60L+ home loan. Is it a wise idea to go with home loan at this age? How can I create a wealth of 2-3 cr after 15 years.
Ans: You've shared your current financial standing and goals. Here's an overview:

Age and Family: You are 41 years old, married, and have two daughters.

Salary: Your in-hand salary is Rs. 1.6 lakhs per month.

Insurance: You have two LIC policies, each with a sum insured of Rs. 5 lakhs, a term insurance policy of Rs. 1 crore, and health insurance coverage of Rs. 10 lakhs for yourself and your spouse.

Investments: Your current investments include Rs. 5 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 5 lakhs in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana, and a recently started SIP in mutual funds of Rs. 15,000 per month.

Home Loan Plan: You are considering taking a home loan of Rs. 60 lakhs for purchasing a house.

Wealth Creation Goal: You aim to create wealth of Rs. 2-3 crores in the next 15 years.

Assessing the Home Loan Decision
Taking a home loan at the age of 41 is a significant decision. Here are some key points to consider:

Pros of Taking a Home Loan
Asset Creation: Buying a house creates a tangible asset. It's a step towards financial stability and security.

Tax Benefits: Home loans offer tax deductions on the principal repayment and interest payment, reducing your taxable income.

Property Appreciation: Real estate generally appreciates over time, potentially increasing your net worth.

EMI Affordability: With a salary of Rs. 1.6 lakhs per month, you should be able to comfortably manage EMIs.

Cons of Taking a Home Loan
Long-term Commitment: A home loan is a long-term financial commitment, usually spanning 15-20 years.

Interest Burden: The interest paid over the loan tenure can be substantial, increasing the overall cost of the house.

Liquidity Concerns: A significant portion of your income will go towards EMIs, impacting your liquidity and ability to invest elsewhere.

Recommendation on Home Loan
Given your financial stability and income, taking a home loan for purchasing a house can be a wise decision. Ensure that the EMI does not exceed 40% of your monthly income to maintain a healthy cash flow.

Wealth Creation Strategy
To achieve your goal of creating Rs. 2-3 crores in 15 years, a disciplined and well-diversified investment strategy is crucial. Here’s how you can go about it:

Maximize Existing Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Continue contributing to your PPF account. It offers tax-free returns and is a safe investment option.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Keep investing in SSY for your daughters. It provides attractive returns and tax benefits.

Enhance Mutual Fund Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Increase your SIP amount gradually. Starting with Rs. 15,000 per month is a good start. Aim to increase it by 10-15% annually to benefit from the power of compounding.

Diversified Portfolio: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large-cap funds offer stability, while mid-cap and small-cap funds provide growth potential.

Equity Mutual Funds: These are ideal for long-term wealth creation. They offer higher returns compared to debt funds but come with higher risk. Given your 15-year horizon, equity funds are suitable.

Utilize Tax-saving Investments
ELSS Funds: Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) offers tax benefits under Section 80C and has the potential for high returns. It has a lock-in period of 3 years.

National Pension System (NPS): NPS is a good option for retirement planning. It offers tax benefits and the flexibility to choose between equity and debt.

Maintain an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential to cover unexpected expenses. Aim to keep 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund or savings account. This ensures that your investments remain untouched during emergencies.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Annual Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Make adjustments based on market conditions and changes in your financial situation.

Performance Tracking: Keep track of the performance of your mutual funds and other investments. Replace underperforming funds with better-performing ones after thorough research.

Risk Management and Insurance
Adequate Insurance: Ensure that your term insurance coverage is sufficient to cover your family's needs in case of an unfortunate event. Review your health insurance coverage to include critical illnesses if not already covered.

Diversification: Diversify your investments across different asset classes to reduce risk. Avoid putting all your money in one type of investment.

Children's Education and Marriage Planning
Education Fund: Start a dedicated investment plan for your children's education. Consider investing in child education plans or mutual funds earmarked for this purpose.

Marriage Fund: Similarly, plan for your daughters' marriage expenses by starting a separate investment fund. SIPs in equity mutual funds can be a good option for long-term goals.

Retirement Planning
EPF and NPS: Continue contributing to your Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF) and National Pension System (NPS) for retirement savings.

Retirement Corpus: Aim to build a substantial retirement corpus through diversified investments. Consider annuity plans only after evaluating other investment options.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are excellent for wealth creation due to their diversified portfolio and professional management. Here are some key advantages:

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a wide range of securities, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make informed investment decisions.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer high liquidity, allowing you to redeem units as per your needs.

Tax Efficiency: Long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds are tax-efficient.

Power of Compounding: Regular investments in mutual funds can compound over time, significantly increasing your wealth.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds may seem appealing due to lower expense ratios, but they come with certain disadvantages:

Research and Management: Investing in direct funds requires thorough research and regular monitoring, which can be time-consuming and challenging.

Lack of Professional Guidance: Without the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you might miss out on strategic investment opportunities.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers several benefits:

Expert Advice: You receive professional advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Convenience: The MFD handles all the paperwork and administrative tasks, making the investment process hassle-free.

Holistic Planning: A CFP provides a comprehensive financial plan, considering all aspects of your financial life.

Final Insights
Creating a wealth corpus of Rs. 2-3 crores in 15 years is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning.

Your current financial position is strong, and with a structured approach, you can reach your goals.

Consider your home loan decision carefully, ensuring it aligns with your long-term financial objectives.

Focus on maximizing existing investments, enhancing your mutual fund SIPs, and maintaining a diversified portfolio.

Regularly review your investment strategy and seek professional guidance to stay on track.

With dedication and prudent planning, you can secure a prosperous future for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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I am 39 having a monthly gross salary of 1.10 and received in hand is 81000. I have two children 10 and 5 years old. I want to take a home loan of 50 lac. Monthly expenses are about 35000/- . My second source of income gives me on an average 25000/- p.m. No other savings is there. However I have a health insurance and term loan and a Lic for Sum assured 25lac. Now I want to have my own house and I want to take a home loan of 50 lac. At present I am residing in parents home. Sourav Pranjal
Ans: Financial Overview and Assessment
Your financial profile shows a solid income and manageable expenses. However, acquiring a home loan requires careful consideration. Let's break down your financial situation and evaluate the feasibility of a Rs 50 lakh home loan.

Income and Expenses
Primary Income: Rs 81,000/month

Secondary Income: Rs 25,000/month

Total Monthly Income: Rs 1,06,000

Monthly Expenses: Rs 35,000

Net Savings Potential: Rs 71,000

Existing Financial Commitments
Health Insurance: Ensures medical security

Term Loan: Provides life cover

LIC Policy: Sum assured of Rs 25 lakh

Evaluating Home Loan Feasibility
Home Loan Requirement: Rs 50 lakh

EMI Calculation: The EMI for a Rs 50 lakh home loan for 20 years at an 8% interest rate would be approximately Rs 41,822.

Analysis of EMI Affordability
Net Savings Potential: Rs 71,000

Expected EMI: Rs 41,822

You can comfortably afford the EMI. Your net savings post-EMI payment would be Rs 29,178, which provides a good cushion for emergencies and additional savings.

Planning for Future Expenses
Children’s Education: Planning is crucial for your children's education expenses. Start a SIP in a diversified equity mutual fund to build a corpus for this.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6 months of expenses, including EMI.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds SIPs: Invest in diversified mutual funds to grow your wealth over time.

Stocks SIP: Direct stock SIPs can offer higher returns but come with higher risk. Balance with mutual funds for stability.

Insurance and Savings Recommendations
Increase Term Insurance: Ensure your term insurance covers at least 10 times your annual income.

Review LIC Policy: Evaluate the performance and consider if switching to mutual funds can yield better returns.

Advantages of Mutual Fund SIPs Over Direct Stock SIPs
Professional Management: Managed by experts who make informed decisions.

Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading investments across multiple stocks.

Ease of Investing: Less time-consuming and easier to manage.

Liquidity: Easy to redeem units when needed.

Final Insights
Home Loan Feasibility: You can afford the home loan. Ensure you have a buffer for emergencies.

Children’s Education: Start saving through SIPs to build a corpus.

Emergency Fund: Maintain 6 months of expenses as a buffer.

Term Insurance: Increase coverage to secure your family’s future.

Investment Strategy: Diversify between mutual funds and stocks. Prioritise mutual funds for stability and professional management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 years old.I am earning monthly salary of Rs.1.20 lakhs per month.Currently I am having SIP of Rs.50K,RD,SSA,PF--Combinedly Rs.25K.I am having a vehicle loan EMI of Rs.8500/-.I want to purchase a home through home loan of Rs.60 lakhs.Please advise me.
Ans: Let's create a plan to help you purchase a home and manage your finances effectively.

Current Financial Overview
Age: 40 years old
Monthly Salary: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Current SIP: Rs 50,000
Recurring Deposit (RD), Sukanya Samriddhi Account (SSA), Provident Fund (PF): Combined Rs 25,000
Vehicle Loan EMI: Rs 8,500
Financial Goals
Purchase a Home: Home loan of Rs 60 lakhs
Monthly Income and Expenses
Total Monthly Income: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Total Monthly Savings: Rs 75,000 (SIP + RD, SSA, PF)
Total Monthly Loan EMI: Rs 8,500
Remaining for Expenses: Rs 36,500
Investment Strategy
Continue Current SIP and Savings
SIP: Continue Rs 50,000 SIP in diversified mutual funds. Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds.

RD, SSA, PF: Maintain Rs 25,000 monthly in RD, SSA, and PF. These provide stability and long-term benefits.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Access to experienced fund managers.

Potential for Higher Returns: Opportunity to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Home Loan Consideration
EMI Calculation and Affordability
Home Loan Amount: Rs 60 lakhs

Estimated EMI: Approximately Rs 55,000 per month (based on 8.5% interest rate for 20 years)

Total EMIs: Rs 63,500 (vehicle loan + home loan)

Financial Assessment
Monthly Cash Flow
Income: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Total EMIs: Rs 63,500
Total Savings: Rs 75,000
Remaining for Expenses: Rs 36,500
Action Plan
Adjust SIP and Savings
SIP Adjustment: Consider reducing SIP temporarily to Rs 30,000 to manage cash flow better.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6 months of expenses.

Home Loan Affordability
Down Payment: Save for a larger down payment to reduce the loan amount.

EMI Affordability: Ensure EMIs do not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Additional Considerations
Insurance and Risk Management
Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

Health Insurance: Maintain comprehensive health insurance.

Long-term Planning
Retirement Planning: Continue contributing to PF and consider additional retirement savings.

Child’s Education: Plan for future educational expenses through dedicated savings.

Final Insights
Review Regularly: Keep reviewing your financial plan and make adjustments as needed.

Seek Expert Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance.

Stay Disciplined: Maintain a disciplined approach to savings and investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Money
I am Swapnil Joshi. Age 43. I am working in Ad agency in Mumbai. I am from Mumbai.I own a house on Ghodbunder Road which is rented out at 15000 per month. Monthly maintenance 3700. My income is gross 12 lacs per annum. I have approx 1 cr Mutual fund portfolio with 52500 sip. 2500 cash sip and 50000 swp, via existing, funds in portfolio. I have few FD, around 3 to 4 lacs. Around 7 lacs in liquid fund, which is used as pledge for option trading. It gives me around 5.5% growth and also around 1500 to 2000 per month via options income. I have LIC policy, which will get matured by next 5 years. It will give me around 15 lacs as final sum assured. My monthly expense is around 50000. I had booked a home at Pune in 2015, but builder is in jail. Loan is on my and my wife's name. Loan is of 20 lacs but money paid to builder is 12 lacs. Since last 8 years work has stopped. So interest liability including principle for Loan is around 16 lacs by now. I have not paid any EMI yet as property is in dispute, but my cibil is affected due to the outstanding loan on my name. I am married and I have a son, who is in 8th standard. My wife is working as freelance with monthly income around 35000. Currently I am staying with my father. My current stay is owned by my father and eventually it will be owned by me. I have elder brother who is in US as a citizen. He owns his own house in nearby vicinity near me. I want to know, how much funds I need to have to maintain my life style when i am around 50 years of age and suggestions u would give to have better income via existing income.
Ans: Current Financial Situation and Analysis
Mr. Swapnil, thank you for sharing your detailed financial background. Your current situation includes a variety of assets and income streams, giving you a stable base. However, there are some areas where strategic adjustments could improve your financial health and future security.

Let's break down your financial picture:

Monthly Income: You earn Rs 1 lakh per month. Your wife contributes Rs 35,000 per month. Together, your total gross monthly income is Rs 1.35 lakh.

Mutual Funds: You have a Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio, with a Rs 52,500 monthly SIP, Rs 2,500 cash SIP, and a Rs 50,000 SWP.

Fixed Deposits: You have Rs 3-4 lakhs in fixed deposits.

Liquid Fund: You hold Rs 7 lakhs in a liquid fund, used as collateral for option trading. It yields 5.5% and around Rs 1,500-2,000 monthly from options trading.

Real Estate: You own a house on Ghodbunder Road, which is rented out at Rs 15,000 per month. After maintenance, you net Rs 11,300.

Loan Situation: You have an unresolved loan issue related to a property in Pune, with a total outstanding liability of Rs 16 lakhs. This affects your CIBIL score.

Insurance: You hold an LIC policy maturing in five years, with a final sum assured of Rs 15 lakhs.

Family: You are married with a son in the 8th standard, and you reside in your father's house, which will eventually be yours. You also have an elder brother living nearby in his own home.

Expenses: Your monthly expenses are around Rs 50,000.

Evaluating Your Income and Expenses
Your current income is sufficient to cover your expenses, but your savings and investment patterns need some fine-tuning to ensure long-term financial stability.

Mutual Fund Portfolio: Your Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio is a strong asset. However, you might want to reassess the funds you are invested in, especially if some are underperforming. Actively managed funds, especially those curated by a Certified Financial Planner, can often outperform passive funds in the long run, especially in the Indian market where the dynamics can be more volatile.

SWP Strategy: The Rs 50,000 SWP is a good way to generate a steady income. But be cautious; withdrawing too much can deplete your corpus faster than anticipated, especially if market conditions are unfavorable. Consider reducing the SWP or ensuring that the funds you withdraw are from low-risk or conservative growth funds to protect your capital.

Fixed Deposits and Liquid Funds: Your FDs and liquid funds offer safety but limited growth. Given your risk tolerance and financial goals, you might want to reallocate some of these funds into higher-yielding debt instruments or even conservative mutual funds. The liquid fund used for option trading is a smart strategy for liquidity and income, but the returns are modest. You could explore other low-risk options that provide better returns without locking your money away.

Real Estate Rental Income: The rental income from your Ghodbunder Road property contributes Rs 11,300 per month after maintenance. While this is stable, it might not keep pace with inflation over time. Consider reviewing the rent periodically to ensure it remains competitive with market rates. Also, factor in potential property tax increases or additional maintenance costs in your future planning.

Addressing the Loan Issue
The unresolved loan related to the Pune property is a significant concern, especially as it affects your CIBIL score. A poor CIBIL score can limit your access to credit in the future and lead to higher interest rates.

Action Steps:
Legal Consultation: Consider consulting a property lawyer to explore legal options for resolving this dispute. Your goal should be to minimize further financial damage and possibly recover some of your initial investment.
Debt Resolution: If possible, negotiate with the lender to settle the outstanding loan. This could involve paying off the loan at a negotiated amount to clear your name from the dispute.
Future Planning: Income at Age 50
You’ve asked how much you’ll need to maintain your lifestyle when you’re 50. Here’s a broad framework:

Current Lifestyle: Your monthly expenses are Rs 50,000. Assuming a moderate inflation rate of 6%, your monthly expenses could double by the time you turn 50. You may need around Rs 1 lakh per month to maintain your current lifestyle.

Target Corpus: To generate Rs 1 lakh per month, you’ll need a retirement corpus that can provide this income without depleting your principal. Based on conservative estimates, you might require a corpus of around Rs 2-2.5 crores by the time you turn 50. This assumes a mix of safe investments with moderate returns.

Recommendations for a Better Income Stream
To improve your income streams and ensure long-term financial security, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions: If possible, gradually increase your SIP contributions. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. They can help you optimize your returns by investing in funds that align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Review Insurance Policy: Your LIC policy will mature in five years, giving you Rs 15 lakhs. Consider whether this amount could be better utilized in a diversified investment portfolio. If the returns from the policy are low, it might be wise to surrender and reinvest the proceeds.

Explore Debt Mutual Funds: Since you have some fixed deposits, consider moving a portion into debt mutual funds. They typically offer better returns than FDs while maintaining a similar risk profile. This could be a good way to boost your income while keeping your capital relatively safe.

Reduce SWP if Necessary: If you’re relying heavily on your SWP, it may be wise to reduce withdrawals slightly to preserve your corpus. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to adjust your SWP based on your portfolio’s performance.

Plan for Your Son’s Education: Given your son’s age, you should start planning for his higher education expenses. Begin by estimating the costs and then setting aside a specific portion of your investments towards this goal. Education inflation is high, and it’s crucial to have a dedicated fund.

Enhance Your Wife’s Income: If your wife’s freelance income is consistent, consider setting up a systematic investment plan (SIP) in her name. This not only helps with wealth accumulation but also provides her with financial security.

Final Insights
Mr. Swapnil, your financial journey is on the right track, but some strategic adjustments are needed. Focus on optimizing your current investments, resolving your loan issue, and planning for future expenses like your son’s education and your retirement. By doing so, you’ll be well-prepared to maintain your lifestyle at age 50 and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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