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Can I buy a home with a Rs. 60 lakh loan at 40 years old?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 years old.I am earning monthly salary of Rs.1.20 lakhs per month.Currently I am having SIP of Rs.50K,RD,SSA,PF--Combinedly Rs.25K.I am having a vehicle loan EMI of Rs.8500/-.I want to purchase a home through home loan of Rs.60 lakhs.Please advise me.

Ans: Let's create a plan to help you purchase a home and manage your finances effectively.

Current Financial Overview
Age: 40 years old
Monthly Salary: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Current SIP: Rs 50,000
Recurring Deposit (RD), Sukanya Samriddhi Account (SSA), Provident Fund (PF): Combined Rs 25,000
Vehicle Loan EMI: Rs 8,500
Financial Goals
Purchase a Home: Home loan of Rs 60 lakhs
Monthly Income and Expenses
Total Monthly Income: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Total Monthly Savings: Rs 75,000 (SIP + RD, SSA, PF)
Total Monthly Loan EMI: Rs 8,500
Remaining for Expenses: Rs 36,500
Investment Strategy
Continue Current SIP and Savings
SIP: Continue Rs 50,000 SIP in diversified mutual funds. Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds.

RD, SSA, PF: Maintain Rs 25,000 monthly in RD, SSA, and PF. These provide stability and long-term benefits.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Access to experienced fund managers.

Potential for Higher Returns: Opportunity to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Home Loan Consideration
EMI Calculation and Affordability
Home Loan Amount: Rs 60 lakhs

Estimated EMI: Approximately Rs 55,000 per month (based on 8.5% interest rate for 20 years)

Total EMIs: Rs 63,500 (vehicle loan + home loan)

Financial Assessment
Monthly Cash Flow
Income: Rs 1.20 lakhs
Total EMIs: Rs 63,500
Total Savings: Rs 75,000
Remaining for Expenses: Rs 36,500
Action Plan
Adjust SIP and Savings
SIP Adjustment: Consider reducing SIP temporarily to Rs 30,000 to manage cash flow better.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6 months of expenses.

Home Loan Affordability
Down Payment: Save for a larger down payment to reduce the loan amount.

EMI Affordability: Ensure EMIs do not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Additional Considerations
Insurance and Risk Management
Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

Health Insurance: Maintain comprehensive health insurance.

Long-term Planning
Retirement Planning: Continue contributing to PF and consider additional retirement savings.

Child’s Education: Plan for future educational expenses through dedicated savings.

Final Insights
Review Regularly: Keep reviewing your financial plan and make adjustments as needed.

Seek Expert Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance.

Stay Disciplined: Maintain a disciplined approach to savings and investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 22, 2024

Money
Hi I m 49 year old I have monthly income of 1 lakh . I have 25 thousand of investment monthly. I have personal loan of 9 lakh I will retired at 60 . I have a planning of purchasing home of 50 lakh . Kindly suggest.
Ans: First of all, it's great to see you're proactive about your financial future. At 49, with a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and investing Rs 25,000 monthly, you're on a solid path. Let's plan how you can manage your personal loan, save for retirement, and purchase a home worth Rs 50 lakh.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and a personal loan of Rs 9 lakh. You invest Rs 25,000 monthly, which is commendable. Your goal is to retire at 60 and buy a home worth Rs 50 lakh. Let's break down how you can achieve these goals.

Managing Your Personal Loan
Importance of Reducing Debt
Your personal loan of Rs 9 lakh is a significant liability. Paying off this loan should be a priority to free up your cash flow and reduce financial stress. Personal loans usually have high-interest rates, which can eat into your savings.

Accelerating Loan Repayment
Consider allocating more funds towards your loan repayment. This might mean temporarily reducing your monthly investments. Paying off the loan faster will save you money on interest and improve your financial stability.

Balancing Loan Repayment and Investments
You don't want to stop investing altogether. Find a balance where you can pay extra towards your loan while still investing a portion of your income. This ensures you continue to build your future corpus while managing your debt.

Strategic Investment Planning
Review Your Investment Portfolio
Review your current investments to ensure they align with your long-term goals. Are you investing in a mix of equity and debt instruments? Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds. Fund managers actively select stocks, aiming to outperform the market. This can be beneficial for growing your investments faster.

Regular Investments and SIPs
Continue with your SIPs, but ensure they are in high-performing funds. Even small, regular investments can grow significantly over time due to compounding. Review the performance of your funds periodically.

Saving for Retirement
Estimating Retirement Corpus
You aim to retire at 60, which gives you 11 years to save. Estimate how much you will need for a comfortable retirement. Consider inflation and your expected lifestyle expenses.

Increasing Retirement Contributions
If possible, gradually increase your monthly investment contributions. Even a small increase can make a big difference over time. Automate your investments to ensure consistency.

Asset Allocation for Retirement
A good mix of equity and debt can help you achieve a balance between growth and stability. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer, more stable investments.

Planning for Home Purchase
Evaluating Home Purchase Decision
Buying a home worth Rs 50 lakh is a big financial commitment. Ensure it fits within your long-term financial plan without straining your finances. Consider all costs, including down payment, EMIs, maintenance, and property taxes.

Saving for Down Payment
Start saving for the down payment. Typically, a down payment is 20% of the property's value, so for a Rs 50 lakh home, you'll need Rs 10 lakh. Allocate a portion of your monthly savings towards this goal.

Home Loan Considerations
If you plan to take a home loan, compare interest rates and terms from different lenders. Aim for a shorter loan tenure to save on interest. Ensure your EMI is manageable within your monthly budget.

Tax Efficiency and Benefits
Utilizing Tax-Saving Instruments
Maximize your tax-saving investments under Section 80C. This includes contributions to PPF, EPF, and ELSS. Tax savings can enhance your overall returns and help you build a larger corpus.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a certified financial planner can provide professional advice. Regular funds, despite higher expense ratios, come with expert guidance, which can optimize your portfolio and returns.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses. This ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments during financial crises.

Building the Fund
Aim to save at least 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid account. Allocate a portion of your monthly savings until you reach this target. This fund should be easily accessible in emergencies.

Insurance and Risk Management
Adequate Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage to protect your family financially. Term insurance is a good option as it provides high coverage at a low premium.

Health Insurance
A comprehensive health insurance plan is essential to cover medical emergencies. This prevents large out-of-pocket expenses that can disrupt your savings and investments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Periodic Portfolio Review
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Markets and personal circumstances change, requiring adjustments to your strategy. A certified financial planner can assist with these reviews.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain your desired asset allocation. For example, if equities have grown significantly, sell some and reinvest in underperforming assets. This helps manage risk and stay on track with your goals.

Maximizing Your Savings
Budgeting and Expense Management
Track your expenses to identify areas where you can save more. Create a budget and stick to it. This ensures you have more funds available for investments and loan repayment.

Increasing Savings Rate
As your income grows, aim to increase your savings rate. Even small increments can significantly impact your final corpus due to the power of compounding. Automate savings to ensure consistency.

Leveraging Employer Benefits
Provident Fund Contributions
Ensure you maximize your contributions to the Employee Provident Fund (EPF). This is a safe and tax-efficient way to build your retirement corpus.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF)
Consider contributing to the Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF) if you can save more. VPF offers the same benefits as EPF, with guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

Long-Term Investment Strategies
Compounding Power
The power of compounding cannot be overstated. The earlier you start investing, the more your money grows over time. Regular investments and reinvesting returns accelerate growth.

Staying Invested
Market fluctuations are normal. Stay invested for the long term to ride out volatility. Equity markets tend to deliver good returns over extended periods.

Avoiding Emotional Decisions
Investment decisions should be based on logic, not emotions. Avoid making impulsive decisions based on market movements. A certified financial planner can provide an objective perspective.

Planning for Inflation and Taxes
Inflation Protection
Inflation can erode your purchasing power over time. Ensure your investments grow faster than inflation. Equities and other high-growth investments generally outpace inflation.

Tax Planning
Tax-efficient investing is crucial. Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions. For instance, investments in PPF, EPF, and certain mutual funds offer tax benefits. Consult with a tax advisor to optimize your tax strategy, ensuring you retain more of your returns.

Final Insights
Managing your personal loan, saving for retirement, and planning to buy a home are significant financial goals. With disciplined savings and strategic investments, you can achieve these goals. Focus on reducing your personal loan, maximizing your savings, and investing wisely. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track. With consistent efforts and careful planning, you can secure a comfortable retirement and fulfill your dream of purchasing a home.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Money
thank you sir i am working in private firm getting 15 PA but it is uncertain i had a corpus of Rs 136L in different investments now i wanted to purchase house which is costing about 82L for that iam utilizing 32 L in corpus and balance taking loan kindly advise as my job is uncertain saving some amount for my future benefit and paying HL for EMI kindly advice
Ans: I understand your situation—balancing job uncertainty while considering a major investment like purchasing a house is a big step. Let's break it down into manageable parts and explore your options thoroughly.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You mentioned you have a corpus of Rs 136 lakh in different investments. That's an impressive amount! You're planning to use Rs 32 lakh from this corpus to buy a house worth Rs 82 lakh, and for the remaining amount, you'll be taking a loan. Given the uncertainty in your job, it's crucial to ensure that your future financial security isn't compromised while paying EMIs for the home loan. Let's delve deeper.

Evaluating the Investment Corpus Utilization
Using Rs 32 lakh from your corpus leaves you with Rs 104 lakh. It's important to keep a significant portion of this amount liquid and accessible for any emergencies or job uncertainties that might arise. Diversifying your remaining investments will also help mitigate risks and ensure stability.

The Home Loan Decision
Taking a home loan for the remaining Rs 50 lakh is a common strategy, but it's important to consider the monthly EMIs and their impact on your cash flow. Home loans offer tax benefits under sections 80C and 24, which can reduce your taxable income. However, the uncertainty of your job situation means you need a solid repayment plan.

Loan Tenure and EMI Calculation
Opt for a longer tenure to keep your EMIs lower, reducing the immediate financial pressure. This way, if your job situation changes, you'll still be able to manage the payments. Consider a tenure of 20-25 years for manageable EMIs.

Managing Uncertainty with Strategic Investments
With job uncertainty, it's wise to have a diverse portfolio. Here's a breakdown of how you can manage your remaining corpus effectively:

Emergency Fund
Set aside at least 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid or savings account. This provides a cushion in case of sudden job loss or emergencies.

Mutual Funds
Investing in mutual funds can offer good returns and liquidity. Choose a mix of equity and debt funds based on your risk tolerance. Equity funds can provide higher returns, while debt funds offer stability. The power of compounding in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth over time. Let's explore different categories:

Equity Mutual Funds: These are ideal for long-term growth. They invest in stocks and have the potential for higher returns. However, they come with higher risks, so it's important to stay invested for at least 5-7 years to ride out market volatility.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed income instruments like bonds, providing stable returns with lower risk. They are suitable for short to medium-term goals and offer better returns than traditional fixed deposits.

Hybrid Funds: These combine equity and debt investments, offering a balanced approach. They provide moderate returns with reduced risk, making them suitable for those with a moderate risk appetite.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds regularly. They average out the purchase cost and reduce the impact of market volatility. Continuing with your SIPs ensures consistent investment, building a substantial corpus over time.

Assessing Risks and Diversification
Diversifying your investments is key to managing risks. Avoid putting all your money in one type of investment. A mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds, along with a well-maintained emergency fund, will provide financial stability.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make informed decisions on your behalf.
Diversification: They invest in a wide range of securities, reducing risk.
Liquidity: You can redeem your investments easily, providing flexibility.
Compounding: Reinvesting earnings helps your wealth grow exponentially over time.
The Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to manage your investments without professional help. This might be challenging given your job uncertainty and other responsibilities. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials ensures you receive expert advice and monitoring.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Regular funds offer the advantage of professional guidance. A certified financial planner can help you choose the right funds, monitor performance, and rebalance your portfolio as needed. This hands-on approach ensures your investments align with your financial goals.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
Your financial plan should encompass short-term and long-term goals, risk management, and investment strategies. Here are some key components:

Retirement Planning
Ensure you have a retirement corpus that can sustain your lifestyle. Continue contributing to your NPS and PPF, as they offer tax benefits and long-term growth.

Children's Education and Marriage
Plan for your children's education and marriage expenses by investing in child-specific mutual funds or Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana if you have daughters. These options provide targeted savings for future needs.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This protects your family from financial hardships in case of unforeseen events. Term insurance offers high coverage at low premiums, while health insurance ensures medical expenses are covered.

Avoiding High-Cost Investment Products
Stay clear of ULIPs or investment-cum-insurance products with high charges. They often underperform due to high costs. Instead, invest in pure insurance products and mutual funds separately.

The Power of Compounding
The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow. Compounding works best when you reinvest earnings over a long period. Even small, regular investments can grow significantly.

Final Insights
Purchasing a house is a significant financial commitment, especially with job uncertainty. Using Rs 32 lakh from your corpus and taking a home loan is a viable strategy, but it’s crucial to maintain liquidity and diversify investments. Building a robust financial plan with a mix of mutual funds, emergency funds, and insurance coverage will ensure financial stability.

Consider working with a certified financial planner to guide you through this journey. They can provide personalized advice, helping you balance your short-term needs and long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

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Good Day Sir, I am 33 now and both husband and wife earning around 1.6 lakhs per annum. We are renting a home of 18000 PM. Total expenses are 1.3 lakhs per month(Including Insurance, basic expenses, term, mutual fund). Investing 21000 PM in mutual fund, want to take a home in city like Noida of around 65 Lakhs. Loan would be around 50 lakhs for 20 yrs of time frame. Current savings is around 20 Lakhs. Can I take a home on loan now or should I wait?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
You and your spouse earn around Rs 1.6 lakhs per month.

Your total expenses are Rs 1.3 lakhs per month.

This includes rent, insurance, basic expenses, and mutual fund investments.

Savings and Investments
You are investing Rs 21,000 per month in mutual funds.

Your current savings stand at Rs 20 lakhs.

Home Purchase Consideration
You want to buy a home in Noida worth Rs 65 lakhs.

You plan to take a home loan of Rs 50 lakhs for 20 years.

Financial Stability and Decision-Making
It's crucial to understand the impact of this decision on your financial stability.

Buying a home is a significant financial commitment.

Evaluating the Home Loan Option
Loan Details
A home loan of Rs 50 lakhs for 20 years.

Monthly EMI will depend on the interest rate.

EMI Impact on Monthly Budget
Calculate the EMI to understand its impact on your monthly budget.

Ensure the EMI fits within your budget without straining finances.

Comparing Renting vs. Buying
Currently, you pay Rs 18,000 per month in rent.

Compare this with the expected EMI.

Buying a home may offer long-term benefits.

Pros and Cons of Buying a Home Now
Advantages of Buying Now
Fixed Asset
Owning a home provides a sense of security.

It's a long-term investment for your family.

Appreciation Potential
Property values in Noida may appreciate over time.

This can be beneficial for your investment.

Personalization
You can customize your own home to your liking.

This adds to your comfort and satisfaction.

Disadvantages of Buying Now
Financial Strain
A large EMI could strain your monthly budget.

Ensure you can manage all expenses comfortably.

Opportunity Cost
Using savings for a down payment may reduce your liquidity.

Consider the impact on your emergency fund.

Interest Burden
Home loans come with interest payments.

This adds to the total cost of the property.

Alternative Investment Options
Increasing Mutual Fund Investments
Consider increasing your mutual fund investments.

This can help build a larger corpus over time.

Power of Compounding
Mutual funds benefit from compounding returns.

The longer you invest, the more your money grows.

Risk Diversification
Diversify your investments across different mutual fund categories.

This reduces risk and enhances returns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials provides professional guidance.

Regular funds offer advisory support.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds require more active management.

You may miss out on expert advice and insights.

Assessing the Timing
Market Conditions
Consider the current real estate market conditions in Noida.

Buying during a favorable market can be advantageous.

Personal Financial Goals
Align your home purchase with your long-term financial goals.

Ensure it doesn't compromise other important financial objectives.

Future Income Prospects
Evaluate your future income prospects.

A stable or increasing income can support your loan repayment.

Final Insights
Comprehensive Financial Plan
Create a comprehensive financial plan.

Include your home purchase, investments, and savings goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain a robust emergency fund.

Ensure you have 6-12 months of expenses saved.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Get personalized advice tailored to your financial situation.

Balanced Approach
Balance your home loan with other financial commitments.

Ensure a comfortable lifestyle without financial stress.

Regular Review
Regularly review your financial plan.

Adjust it based on changes in income, expenses, and goals.

Long-Term Perspective
Keep a long-term perspective.

Consider the overall impact of your financial decisions on your future.

Conclusion
Buying a home is a significant decision.

Assess all factors carefully.

Ensure it aligns with your financial goals and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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I am 39 having a monthly gross salary of 1.10 and received in hand is 81000. I have two children 10 and 5 years old. I want to take a home loan of 50 lac. Monthly expenses are about 35000/- . My second source of income gives me on an average 25000/- p.m. No other savings is there. However I have a health insurance and term loan and a Lic for Sum assured 25lac. Now I want to have my own house and I want to take a home loan of 50 lac. At present I am residing in parents home. Sourav Pranjal
Ans: Financial Overview and Assessment
Your financial profile shows a solid income and manageable expenses. However, acquiring a home loan requires careful consideration. Let's break down your financial situation and evaluate the feasibility of a Rs 50 lakh home loan.

Income and Expenses
Primary Income: Rs 81,000/month

Secondary Income: Rs 25,000/month

Total Monthly Income: Rs 1,06,000

Monthly Expenses: Rs 35,000

Net Savings Potential: Rs 71,000

Existing Financial Commitments
Health Insurance: Ensures medical security

Term Loan: Provides life cover

LIC Policy: Sum assured of Rs 25 lakh

Evaluating Home Loan Feasibility
Home Loan Requirement: Rs 50 lakh

EMI Calculation: The EMI for a Rs 50 lakh home loan for 20 years at an 8% interest rate would be approximately Rs 41,822.

Analysis of EMI Affordability
Net Savings Potential: Rs 71,000

Expected EMI: Rs 41,822

You can comfortably afford the EMI. Your net savings post-EMI payment would be Rs 29,178, which provides a good cushion for emergencies and additional savings.

Planning for Future Expenses
Children’s Education: Planning is crucial for your children's education expenses. Start a SIP in a diversified equity mutual fund to build a corpus for this.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6 months of expenses, including EMI.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds SIPs: Invest in diversified mutual funds to grow your wealth over time.

Stocks SIP: Direct stock SIPs can offer higher returns but come with higher risk. Balance with mutual funds for stability.

Insurance and Savings Recommendations
Increase Term Insurance: Ensure your term insurance covers at least 10 times your annual income.

Review LIC Policy: Evaluate the performance and consider if switching to mutual funds can yield better returns.

Advantages of Mutual Fund SIPs Over Direct Stock SIPs
Professional Management: Managed by experts who make informed decisions.

Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading investments across multiple stocks.

Ease of Investing: Less time-consuming and easier to manage.

Liquidity: Easy to redeem units when needed.

Final Insights
Home Loan Feasibility: You can afford the home loan. Ensure you have a buffer for emergencies.

Children’s Education: Start saving through SIPs to build a corpus.

Emergency Fund: Maintain 6 months of expenses as a buffer.

Term Insurance: Increase coverage to secure your family’s future.

Investment Strategy: Diversify between mutual funds and stocks. Prioritise mutual funds for stability and professional management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1268 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
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There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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