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43-Year-Old Mumbai Man Seeks Financial Advice for Retirement and Income Growth

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Swapnil Question by Swapnil on Aug 12, 2024Hindi
Money

I am Swapnil Joshi. Age 43. I am working in Ad agency in Mumbai. I am from Mumbai.I own a house on Ghodbunder Road which is rented out at 15000 per month. Monthly maintenance 3700. My income is gross 12 lacs per annum. I have approx 1 cr Mutual fund portfolio with 52500 sip. 2500 cash sip and 50000 swp, via existing, funds in portfolio. I have few FD, around 3 to 4 lacs. Around 7 lacs in liquid fund, which is used as pledge for option trading. It gives me around 5.5% growth and also around 1500 to 2000 per month via options income. I have LIC policy, which will get matured by next 5 years. It will give me around 15 lacs as final sum assured. My monthly expense is around 50000. I had booked a home at Pune in 2015, but builder is in jail. Loan is on my and my wife's name. Loan is of 20 lacs but money paid to builder is 12 lacs. Since last 8 years work has stopped. So interest liability including principle for Loan is around 16 lacs by now. I have not paid any EMI yet as property is in dispute, but my cibil is affected due to the outstanding loan on my name. I am married and I have a son, who is in 8th standard. My wife is working as freelance with monthly income around 35000. Currently I am staying with my father. My current stay is owned by my father and eventually it will be owned by me. I have elder brother who is in US as a citizen. He owns his own house in nearby vicinity near me. I want to know, how much funds I need to have to maintain my life style when i am around 50 years of age and suggestions u would give to have better income via existing income.

Ans: Current Financial Situation and Analysis
Mr. Swapnil, thank you for sharing your detailed financial background. Your current situation includes a variety of assets and income streams, giving you a stable base. However, there are some areas where strategic adjustments could improve your financial health and future security.

Let's break down your financial picture:

Monthly Income: You earn Rs 1 lakh per month. Your wife contributes Rs 35,000 per month. Together, your total gross monthly income is Rs 1.35 lakh.

Mutual Funds: You have a Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio, with a Rs 52,500 monthly SIP, Rs 2,500 cash SIP, and a Rs 50,000 SWP.

Fixed Deposits: You have Rs 3-4 lakhs in fixed deposits.

Liquid Fund: You hold Rs 7 lakhs in a liquid fund, used as collateral for option trading. It yields 5.5% and around Rs 1,500-2,000 monthly from options trading.

Real Estate: You own a house on Ghodbunder Road, which is rented out at Rs 15,000 per month. After maintenance, you net Rs 11,300.

Loan Situation: You have an unresolved loan issue related to a property in Pune, with a total outstanding liability of Rs 16 lakhs. This affects your CIBIL score.

Insurance: You hold an LIC policy maturing in five years, with a final sum assured of Rs 15 lakhs.

Family: You are married with a son in the 8th standard, and you reside in your father's house, which will eventually be yours. You also have an elder brother living nearby in his own home.

Expenses: Your monthly expenses are around Rs 50,000.

Evaluating Your Income and Expenses
Your current income is sufficient to cover your expenses, but your savings and investment patterns need some fine-tuning to ensure long-term financial stability.

Mutual Fund Portfolio: Your Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio is a strong asset. However, you might want to reassess the funds you are invested in, especially if some are underperforming. Actively managed funds, especially those curated by a Certified Financial Planner, can often outperform passive funds in the long run, especially in the Indian market where the dynamics can be more volatile.

SWP Strategy: The Rs 50,000 SWP is a good way to generate a steady income. But be cautious; withdrawing too much can deplete your corpus faster than anticipated, especially if market conditions are unfavorable. Consider reducing the SWP or ensuring that the funds you withdraw are from low-risk or conservative growth funds to protect your capital.

Fixed Deposits and Liquid Funds: Your FDs and liquid funds offer safety but limited growth. Given your risk tolerance and financial goals, you might want to reallocate some of these funds into higher-yielding debt instruments or even conservative mutual funds. The liquid fund used for option trading is a smart strategy for liquidity and income, but the returns are modest. You could explore other low-risk options that provide better returns without locking your money away.

Real Estate Rental Income: The rental income from your Ghodbunder Road property contributes Rs 11,300 per month after maintenance. While this is stable, it might not keep pace with inflation over time. Consider reviewing the rent periodically to ensure it remains competitive with market rates. Also, factor in potential property tax increases or additional maintenance costs in your future planning.

Addressing the Loan Issue
The unresolved loan related to the Pune property is a significant concern, especially as it affects your CIBIL score. A poor CIBIL score can limit your access to credit in the future and lead to higher interest rates.

Action Steps:
Legal Consultation: Consider consulting a property lawyer to explore legal options for resolving this dispute. Your goal should be to minimize further financial damage and possibly recover some of your initial investment.
Debt Resolution: If possible, negotiate with the lender to settle the outstanding loan. This could involve paying off the loan at a negotiated amount to clear your name from the dispute.
Future Planning: Income at Age 50
You’ve asked how much you’ll need to maintain your lifestyle when you’re 50. Here’s a broad framework:

Current Lifestyle: Your monthly expenses are Rs 50,000. Assuming a moderate inflation rate of 6%, your monthly expenses could double by the time you turn 50. You may need around Rs 1 lakh per month to maintain your current lifestyle.

Target Corpus: To generate Rs 1 lakh per month, you’ll need a retirement corpus that can provide this income without depleting your principal. Based on conservative estimates, you might require a corpus of around Rs 2-2.5 crores by the time you turn 50. This assumes a mix of safe investments with moderate returns.

Recommendations for a Better Income Stream
To improve your income streams and ensure long-term financial security, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions: If possible, gradually increase your SIP contributions. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. They can help you optimize your returns by investing in funds that align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Review Insurance Policy: Your LIC policy will mature in five years, giving you Rs 15 lakhs. Consider whether this amount could be better utilized in a diversified investment portfolio. If the returns from the policy are low, it might be wise to surrender and reinvest the proceeds.

Explore Debt Mutual Funds: Since you have some fixed deposits, consider moving a portion into debt mutual funds. They typically offer better returns than FDs while maintaining a similar risk profile. This could be a good way to boost your income while keeping your capital relatively safe.

Reduce SWP if Necessary: If you’re relying heavily on your SWP, it may be wise to reduce withdrawals slightly to preserve your corpus. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to adjust your SWP based on your portfolio’s performance.

Plan for Your Son’s Education: Given your son’s age, you should start planning for his higher education expenses. Begin by estimating the costs and then setting aside a specific portion of your investments towards this goal. Education inflation is high, and it’s crucial to have a dedicated fund.

Enhance Your Wife’s Income: If your wife’s freelance income is consistent, consider setting up a systematic investment plan (SIP) in her name. This not only helps with wealth accumulation but also provides her with financial security.

Final Insights
Mr. Swapnil, your financial journey is on the right track, but some strategic adjustments are needed. Focus on optimizing your current investments, resolving your loan issue, and planning for future expenses like your son’s education and your retirement. By doing so, you’ll be well-prepared to maintain your lifestyle at age 50 and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hello Hardik Bhai I am at 54 years in MNC. My monthly take home ~ ₹1.4 lacs + I have 2 flats that fetch rental income of ₹ ~ 50000/-. PF accumulation is around 60 lacs. Have home emi of 61000/- monthly and I am in a government flat (my wife government employee she has another 7 years of service). Make all effort to ensure that her salary is not touched.. have a daughter at 22 years. Based on her academic appetite and success have earmarked ~50 lacs for her higher education. Have investment in equity 15 lacs worth and gold around 50 lacs. Assuming I retire in another 6-7 years, how much I should ensure monthly income to maintain a present standard of of life without dependency. Your views on mutual fund etc. will be appreciated.. Thanks
Ans: Considering your profile and aspirations, here's a strategic overview:-

1. Current Income and Assets:
Monthly take-home: ?1.4 lacs
Rental income: ?50,000/-
PF accumulation: ?60 lacs
Equity investment: ?15 lacs
Gold holdings: ?50 lacs
2. Liabilities:- Home EMI: ?61,000/-
3. Future Goals and Commitments:- Daughter's higher education fund: ?50 lacs
4. Retirement Plans:- Target retirement in 6-7 years

Considering your retirement goal, let's outline a strategic approach:-

Monthly Income Requirement:- Assess your current monthly expenses and lifestyle to determine the income needed to maintain your standard of living. Factor in inflation for accurate projections.

Investment Diversification:- Given your time horizon, consider a balanced portfolio across mutual funds, including equity and debt. Diversification helps manage risk.

PF Utilization:- Evaluate the possibility of utilizing PF wisely for retirement income. Understand withdrawal rules and tax implications.

Real Estate Planning:- Given your rental income and property assets, review their potential for contributing to your retirement income.

Daughter's Education Fund:- Ensure your earmarked amount aligns with the expected cost of her education. Consider investment options with a medium-term horizon.

Risk Management:- Review your insurance coverage, including health and life insurance, to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planner Consultation:- Engage with a certified financial advisor to create a detailed retirement plan. They can tailor strategies based on your unique situation and goals.

It's essential to periodically review and adjust your plan based on evolving circumstances. Connect with your financial planner for goal-based planning and a detailed explanation tailored to your unique situation.

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I am 59 and a logistics consultant. I earn a rental income of 2.1 L per month from 3 loan free flats in Mumbai valuing 8.50 cr. I stay in a flat of value 7.5 cr which has a loan of 2.5 cr and the emi amount is 3.42 L. The loan should get cleared in next 7 years. I earn 3.15 L as my monthly remuneration. I have a recurring deposit of 75k for 5 years and a few LIC policies for which the premium per annum is 1.10 L. Health insurance coverage for 35 L and the premium goes out 25k. Apart from this I have a FD of 15 L. I don't have any SIP and investment in MF etc.Because of the heavy emi presently I am unable to save much money. Now, I seek your advice, so that I can have a secured future with a decent income to maintain the requirements.
Ans: Given your current financial situation and objectives, here's a tailored plan to help you secure your future income and meet your requirements:
Review Real Estate Portfolio: Consider diversifying.

Optimize Loan Repayment: Maintain timely payments.

Maximize Savings and Investments: Start SIPs in mutual funds.

Utilize Recurring Deposit and Fixed Deposit: Continue RD and FD for liquidity.

Evaluate Insurance Coverage: Ensure coverage meets needs.

Create a Retirement Plan: Estimate corpus requirements.

Consult a Financial Advisor: Seek professional guidance.

Monitor and Adjust Regularly: Stay disciplined with savings and investments.

By implementing these steps and seeking professional advice, you can work towards securing a comfortable and financially stable future while maintaining your lifestyle requirements.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Iam 41 years earning 32000 pm and after TDS getting 29484 my dad is giving 15000 and interest on fd for 320000 at 7.75 % and personal interest for loan provided for5 lakh is 17500 fd interest and loan interest varies dad's is temporary have rd investment of total 260000 which matures in August ,2024 ppf 230000 sbi pension investment retire smart plan of 500000 I can either avail pension lifelong or lumpsum return before 25 years completion in another 2 years afterwards at 8.1 interest if pension or if lumpsum the fund value gold and silver and residential property which iam currently living in my expenses are about 10000 or so depends I have lic endowment paid till now for about 7.5 years 50000 pa needed to be paid for another 7.5 years if continued maturity amount will be 12 lakh. In commercial property I will get increment upto every 5 years for about 25 years and at 25th year it will be around 57000 at 66 th year which is fixed and then it would be the rent at that point what is prevailing in that area now I want to know what I need to invest and is it sufficient for my retirement and how much more I should make and salary varies as jobs are not permanent so request to guide as iam interested in travelling and need about 30 lakhs or so for all this starting at this age for about another 5 to 6 years taking about 4 lakhs pa to cover up 1 abroad location
Ans: Given your financial situation and aspirations, it's essential to devise a comprehensive retirement plan that addresses your income, expenses, investments, and retirement goals.

Starting with your income, considering your monthly salary of 29,484 after TDS, along with the additional support from your father and interest income from FDs and loans provided, you have a steady income stream.

Your investments, including RD, PPF, SBI pension investment, LIC endowment, and commercial property, provide a diversified portfolio. However, it's crucial to evaluate each investment's performance, risk, and suitability for your retirement goals.

Regarding your expenses, with an estimated monthly expense of 10,000, it's important to factor in inflation and potential lifestyle changes in retirement. Planning for contingencies and unexpected expenses is prudent.

To assess if your current investments are sufficient for retirement, consider your retirement goals, including travel expenses. With a target of 30 lakhs for travel over the next 5-6 years, it's essential to calculate the required investment amount to achieve this goal within the specified timeframe.

Since your salary varies due to the nature of your job, it's advisable to create a buffer or emergency fund to cover any income fluctuations or unforeseen expenses.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized insights and recommendations tailored to your financial situation, retirement goals, and risk tolerance. They can help you optimize your investment strategy, identify potential gaps, and create a roadmap for achieving your retirement aspirations.

Remember, retirement planning is a dynamic process that requires periodic review and adjustments. Stay proactive, monitor your investments, and make informed decisions to ensure a secure and fulfilling retirement.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

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Hi sir I am 40 YO single women earning 1.10 lacs annually. I wish to retire at 45. My savings and investments - House 75 lacs (loan of Rs 14.50 lacs) Mutual funds total 47 lacs ( SIPs ongoing Rs 25k) PPF 5.84 lacs Gold 11 lacs Car 6 lacs A land 30 lacs ( planning to construct double story for rent purpose - passive income. I want a regular income of atleast 50000/- as I don't have any such liability of parents or kids. I do donations regularly and also pay for my sister's daughter school fees around 1.5 lacs yearly at present ( will paying for another 3-4 years ) Kindly guide me
Ans: I appreciate your detailed information. Let’s dive deep into your current situation and plans, and evaluate the best strategies to ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement by age 45.

Assessing Current Financial Status
Income and Savings Overview
Your annual income of Rs 1.10 lacs is a crucial factor. It's important to maximise savings and investments. Currently, you have several investments, including mutual funds, PPF, gold, and real estate.

Investments and Liabilities
House: Worth Rs 75 lacs with an outstanding loan of Rs 14.50 lacs.
Mutual Funds: Total of Rs 47 lacs with ongoing SIPs of Rs 25,000 monthly.
PPF: Rs 5.84 lacs.
Gold: Valued at Rs 11 lacs.
Car: Worth Rs 6 lacs.
Land: Valued at Rs 30 lacs, with plans to build a double-story house for rental income.
Expenditures and Commitments
You have regular expenses such as donations and school fees for your sister's daughter. These are commendable commitments that reflect your generosity and family support.

Strategic Financial Planning for Retirement at 45
Evaluating Retirement Goal
Your aim is to retire at 45, which is just five years away. A key part of this goal is to ensure you have a regular income of Rs 50,000 post-retirement. Let’s evaluate how your current investments and potential strategies can help achieve this.

Investments and Their Potential
Mutual Funds
Your ongoing SIPs and mutual fund investments are commendable. These are likely generating good returns, but it's important to regularly review the performance. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, which may not beat the market consistently.

Regularly monitoring your mutual funds with a Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your portfolio. Actively managed funds benefit from expert management, and these experts can navigate market fluctuations better than passive index funds.

PPF
Your PPF account is a secure, tax-efficient investment. It provides steady growth with government backing. Continue investing in PPF, but remember it has a lock-in period. It will be a solid part of your retirement corpus due to its reliability and tax benefits.

Gold
Gold is a good hedge against inflation. However, it doesn’t generate regular income. Consider holding onto gold as a part of your emergency fund or for long-term capital appreciation, but don’t rely on it for regular income.

Managing Real Estate
House and Loan
Your house is a significant asset. Ensure timely repayments of the Rs 14.50 lacs loan to avoid unnecessary interest. Once the loan is cleared, it will be a substantial part of your net worth.

Land Development
Constructing a double-story house on your land for rental income is a smart move. This can provide a steady passive income. However, construction costs and timeframes should be carefully planned. Ensure you have sufficient funds or financing options in place to avoid cash flow issues during construction.

Optimizing Investment Strategies
Mutual Fund Optimization
While you have substantial investments in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio regularly. Actively managed funds should be preferred as they tend to outperform index funds due to professional management. They adjust portfolios based on market conditions, unlike index funds that passively follow market trends.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner can be beneficial compared to direct funds. Regular funds provide professional advice, helping you make informed decisions and manage your portfolio effectively. Direct funds might seem cost-effective, but without professional guidance, you might miss out on better opportunities or fail to manage risks properly.

Balancing Risk and Returns
Diversification is key to managing risk. Your current portfolio is diversified across various asset classes. Continue this practice but adjust the proportions as per market conditions and financial goals. For instance, you may want to reduce exposure to riskier assets as you near retirement.

Financial Discipline and Planning
Budgeting and Saving
Ensure you have a clear budget. Track your expenses meticulously. Automate your savings and investments to stay disciplined. This will help in building a substantial retirement corpus over the next five years.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and separate from your retirement corpus. This ensures you’re prepared for any unexpected financial needs without disrupting your long-term goals.

Retirement Income Planning
Passive Income Sources
Your plan to generate rental income from the newly constructed double-story house is excellent. Ensure the property is in a desirable location to attract tenants and secure a stable income stream.

Withdrawal Strategy
Plan a withdrawal strategy from your retirement corpus. Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds can provide regular income. This approach ensures that your principal continues to grow while you receive regular income.

Additional Considerations
Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Health insurance is critical as medical costs can be significant. Life insurance will provide financial security to your dependents if any unforeseen event occurs.

Estate Planning
Consider creating a will and possibly setting up a trust. This ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes and can also provide tax benefits.

Monitoring and Reviewing
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner. Markets and personal situations change, and your plan should be flexible enough to adapt. A CFP can provide the necessary expertise to navigate these changes effectively.

Staying Informed
Stay informed about market trends and economic changes. This knowledge can help you make informed decisions and adjust your financial strategies accordingly.

Final Insights
Retiring at 45 is an ambitious yet achievable goal with disciplined financial planning and strategic investments. Your current investments in mutual funds, PPF, and gold provide a strong foundation. However, optimizing your mutual fund portfolio with actively managed funds and professional guidance can yield better returns.

Constructing a rental property is a smart move for passive income, but ensure it’s well-planned financially. Regularly review your investment strategy and stay disciplined with your savings and expenses. With proper planning and execution, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
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I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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