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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Manu Question by Manu on Oct 27, 2024Hindi
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I am 42yr old male working in IT, Bangalore. I have 25lakh in EPF, 17 lakh in MF and stocks, two real estate investments worth about 1cr. Home which is worth 2.3 cr.s as of today, home loan of 53 lakh due. How can I retire at 50 with monthly 70k const income and about 25k floating income

Ans: Retiring at 50 with a stable monthly income requires a structured plan, balancing your current assets, expected returns, and anticipated expenses. Here’s a roadmap to help you achieve your goal of a Rs 70,000 monthly constant income and a Rs 25,000 floating income:

Step 1: Analyze Your Current Financial Position
You currently have a strong asset base, consisting of:

EPF: Rs 25 lakh
Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 17 lakh
Real Estate Investments: Rs 1 crore (two properties)
Home Value: Rs 2.3 crore, with a Rs 53 lakh loan outstanding
These assets can be optimized to create income-generating avenues while minimizing risk.

Step 2: Building the Required Retirement Corpus
To generate Rs 70,000 in constant monthly income, you would need approximately Rs 1.4 crore in conservative investment instruments. For the additional Rs 25,000 in floating income, consider a more growth-oriented approach that allows for moderate market-linked investments.

Step 3: Strategies for Creating the Corpus by Age 50
1. Optimize EPF and Equity Investments
EPF: Continue contributing to EPF, assuming an average annual return of around 8%. By age 50, your EPF corpus should grow significantly, and it can serve as a stable income source.
Mutual Funds and Stocks: Gradually increase investments in mutual funds, focusing on balanced funds or large-cap funds that offer relatively lower volatility while providing growth potential. Aiming for 10-12% returns, your current corpus can potentially double by age 50.
2. Real Estate Rental Income
Consider renting out one or both real estate properties, especially if they’re situated in areas with high rental demand. This can give you a stable rental income stream, contributing to the Rs 25,000 floating income goal.
If rental income is limited or inconsistent, evaluate the sale of one property closer to retirement to reinvest in fixed-income options for a stable income.
3. Systematic Investment Planning (SIP)
Allocate a portion of your salary to SIPs in large-cap, balanced, and hybrid funds. This disciplined investment approach allows you to build a corpus while spreading risk.
Increasing your SIPs over time, especially as you close off the home loan, will enable you to channel additional resources toward building your retirement corpus.
4. Home Loan Prepayment
Aim to pay off the Rs 53 lakh home loan by age 50. This will reduce your financial burden in retirement and free up funds that would otherwise go toward EMIs.
Use bonuses or any excess savings to make prepayments on the loan, thereby reducing the loan principal and saving on interest.
Step 4: Creating Retirement Income Streams
Annuity and Monthly Income Schemes (MIS)

Post-retirement, you can invest part of your corpus in monthly income schemes or annuities that provide steady returns.
Consider Senior Citizen Saving Schemes (SCSS) and Post Office Monthly Income Schemes (POMIS) once eligible, for reliable monthly income streams.
SWP from Mutual Funds

For flexibility, consider a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments. Set it up to provide monthly withdrawals of Rs 25,000 from a portion of your mutual fund corpus, ensuring liquidity while potentially growing the remaining investment.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses to avoid withdrawing from your investments prematurely. You can keep this in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund for quick access.
Health and Life Insurance

Health costs can significantly impact retirement finances. Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for you and your family to avoid dipping into your retirement corpus for medical needs.
Finally: Review and Adjust Regularly
Regularly assess your portfolio's performance and make adjustments to stay aligned with your financial goals. Rebalancing your investments annually, especially during market ups and downs, will help manage risks and maintain the income flow you need.

With this structured approach, you should be well-positioned to retire comfortably at 50, with the steady income you’ve targeted.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Hello Team, I am 39 yrs old and currently have 40 lakhs in mutual fund and doing a SIP of 1lakh 10 k monthly, i have shares around 15 lakhs and around 22 lakhs in crypto and 14 lakhs in PF. Currently i have 13 lakhs home loan, 4.5 lakhs car loan and also bought a new house where 1.9 cr loan will be taken. My plan is to sell the current house which will fetch me 1 cr so ideally 90 lakhs loan will remain in future. Please advise me how can i retire at 45 with corpus of 5 to 6 cr.
Ans: Frst, congratulations on building a substantial investment portfolio and planning for your financial future. Managing diverse investments and loans can be challenging, but with strategic planning, your goals are achievable.

Current Assets and Liabilities
Let's summarise your financial standing:

Mutual Funds: ?40 lakhs
SIPs: ?1.10 lakhs monthly
Shares: ?15 lakhs
Cryptocurrency: ?22 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): ?14 lakhs
Home Loan (Existing): ?13 lakhs
Car Loan: ?4.5 lakhs
New Home Loan: ?1.9 crores (expected to reduce to ?90 lakhs after selling the current house)
Evaluating Your Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores. Given your current age of 39, you have six years to build this corpus.

Managing Existing Loans
Current Home Loan
You plan to sell your current house for ?1 crore, which will help reduce your new home loan to ?90 lakhs. This is a sound strategy to lower your debt.

Car Loan
The car loan of ?4.5 lakhs is relatively small. Consider paying it off early if possible, as this will reduce your monthly outflows and save on interest.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds and SIPs
You have ?40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of ?1.10 lakhs. This disciplined approach will significantly contribute to your retirement corpus.

Continue Your SIPs: Maintaining your SIPs is crucial. Consider increasing the SIP amount if your income allows, as this will accelerate your corpus growth.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds with a consistent performance record. These funds aim to outperform the market and can help achieve your target returns.

Equity Investments
You have ?15 lakhs in shares. Equities can provide high returns over the long term, but they are volatile.

Diversification: Ensure your equity portfolio is diversified across sectors to manage risk.

Regular Review: Monitor your equity investments and rebalance your portfolio as needed to align with market conditions.

Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency investments worth ?22 lakhs are high-risk. While they can offer substantial returns, the volatility is significant.

Limit Exposure: Consider limiting your exposure to cryptocurrencies to avoid excessive risk.

Reallocate Gains: If there are substantial gains, consider reallocating some of these funds to more stable investments.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimating Required Returns
To achieve a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores in six years, you need to focus on high-growth investments while managing risks.

Compound Growth
Your existing investments and monthly SIPs will grow significantly due to compounding. Here’s a simplified approach:

Mutual Funds and SIPs: With aggressive and balanced mutual funds, aim for an annualised return of 12-15%.

Equities and Crypto: While high-risk, these can offer returns above 15%, but exposure should be managed carefully.

Debt Management
Reducing Loan Burden
Pay Off Small Loans: Clear the car loan and any other small debts to reduce financial stress.

New Home Loan: Focus on prepaying the new home loan. Reducing this loan early will significantly lower your interest burden and increase disposable income for investments.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help tailor your investment strategy. A CFP can provide personalised advice, monitor your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals.

Rebalance Investments: Periodically rebalance your investments to manage risk and optimise returns.

Conclusion
With disciplined investing, strategic debt management, and professional guidance, retiring at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores is achievable. Focus on high-growth investments, manage risks, and regularly review your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2024Hindi
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I am 44 years old, with 60L in ppf, 24L in epf, 15L in FDs, 10L in post office, 20L in SGBs, 20L in Sukanya, 20L family floater health insurance. No housing/car loan, etc. I have 2 children aged 16&11. My sal is 1.25L pm. I want to retire at 50, kindly advice
Ans: Planning for Early Retirement at 50
Your commitment to securing a comfortable retirement at 50 is commendable. With careful planning and strategic investments, this goal can be achieved. Let's review your current financial situation and create a roadmap for a secure retirement.

Current Financial Overview
You have accumulated significant assets across various investment instruments:

PPF: Rs 60 lakhs
EPF: Rs 24 lakhs
FDs: Rs 15 lakhs
Post Office: Rs 10 lakhs
SGBs: Rs 20 lakhs
Sukanya Samriddhi: Rs 20 lakhs
Health Insurance: Rs 20 lakh family floater
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.25 lakhs, and you have no outstanding loans.

Financial Goals and Needs
Retirement Age: 50
You plan to retire at 50, which gives you six more years to build your retirement corpus.

Children's Education and Marriage
Your children are 16 and 11. Plan for higher education and marriage expenses, considering inflation.

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement, accounting for inflation and lifestyle changes.

Investment Strategies
Maximize Current Investments
Continue contributing to PPF, EPF, and Sukanya Samriddhi accounts. These are safe investments with decent returns.

Diversify and Grow
To achieve your retirement goal, consider diversifying your investments into mutual funds, especially actively managed funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make informed decisions to outperform the market.

Flexibility
These funds adapt to market changes and adjust investments to maximize returns and minimize risks.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to passive index funds, helping you grow your corpus faster.

Regular vs. Direct Mutual Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might have lower expenses but lack the personalized advice and professional management that regular funds offer.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get expert guidance, portfolio reviews, and adjustments as needed.

Recommended Allocation
Equity Exposure
Increase your equity exposure for higher growth potential. Allocate a significant portion to large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Debt Investments
Maintain a balanced portfolio with debt investments like FDs, SGBs, and post office schemes for stability.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Start a SIP in mutual funds to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compound growth.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate the retirement corpus needed considering your desired lifestyle, inflation, and life expectancy. A CFP can help you with precise calculations and planning.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to six months of expenses. This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.

Insurance Coverage
Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets future medical needs. Consider increasing the coverage if necessary.

Estate Planning
Ensure proper estate planning. Create a will and consider setting up a trust for smooth asset transfer and management.

Conclusion
With strategic planning and disciplined investments, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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I am 34 years old with a monthly salary of 1 lack, my wife earns 1 lac P.m. Have 5l in mutual funds, 1.2l in stocks, 5l emergency fund, 20l medical insurance, 1cr term insurance, 1 flat - 50l for which 13k is emi, 20k car emi for 4 years, investing 20k in mutual funds every month. No kids as of now. Please suggest how can I retire in 50
Ans: Current Financial Position

You have a solid financial base. Monthly combined income is Rs 2 lakh. Investments include mutual funds, stocks, and emergency funds. You also have substantial insurance coverage and property investments.

Assessing Your Goals

To retire at 50, you need to build a corpus that can sustain your lifestyle. Let's explore how you can achieve this.

Current Investments and Savings

Mutual Funds: Rs 5 lakh

Stocks: Rs 1.2 lakh

Emergency Fund: Rs 5 lakh

Insurance: Rs 20 lakh medical insurance, Rs 1 crore term insurance

Property: 1 flat worth Rs 50 lakh

EMIs: Rs 13,000 for flat, Rs 20,000 for car (4 years remaining)

Monthly Investment: Rs 20,000 in mutual funds

Recommended Financial Strategy

1. Increasing Investments

You are investing Rs 20,000 monthly in mutual funds. Increase this gradually.

Aim to invest at least 30% of your combined income, which is Rs 60,000 monthly.

2. Prioritise High-Growth Investments

Equity Mutual Funds: Focus on diversified equity mutual funds for higher returns.

Stocks: Continue investing in fundamentally strong stocks.

3. Debt Management

Car Loan: EMI of Rs 20,000 for 4 more years. After completion, redirect this amount to investments.

Home Loan: EMI of Rs 13,000 is manageable. Consider making partial prepayments to reduce tenure and interest.

4. Building a Retirement Corpus

Retirement Corpus Calculation: Estimate monthly expenses post-retirement. Assume Rs 50,000 monthly (adjusted for inflation).

Corpus Required: To sustain Rs 50,000 monthly for 30 years post-retirement, aim for at least Rs 3-4 crore corpus.

5. Systematic Retirement Planning

Step-Up SIPs: Increase your SIPs annually. Aim for a 10-15% increase each year.

PPF and EPF: Consider investing in PPF for stable returns and tax benefits.

NPS: National Pension System can provide additional retirement benefits with tax efficiency.

6. Emergency and Contingency Planning

Emergency Fund: Maintain at least 6-12 months of expenses as an emergency fund. You already have Rs 5 lakh. Keep adding periodically.

Insurance: Continue with your term and medical insurance. Review and adjust coverage if needed.

7. Regular Portfolio Review

Annual Review: Assess your portfolio yearly. Make adjustments based on market conditions and personal goals.

Diversification: Ensure your investments are diversified across sectors and asset classes.

Final Insights

Retiring at 50 is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Focus on increasing your investment amounts, prioritising high-growth assets, and managing your debts efficiently. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track towards your retirement goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 now and I want to retire at the age of 56 and my monthly expenditure is 40000PM and i have two daughters presently studying in 10th and 11th class. below mentioned financial situation please suggest me way forward on how can manage to retire or better my situation I have a 1Cr in Bank FD 12 lacs inequity ( invested 8lacs in 2021) PF as of today its accumulated to 25 lacs i am doing SIP worth rs6000 from2011 in different funds which is worth around 15 lacs now recently from feb2024 I stared doing 50000 thousands monthly SIP just last month i invested 12 lacs in hybrid mutual funds I had a house loan which is cleared now and besides this i have medical insurance which i pay 54000 for the complete family Per anum and Term insurance for which i pay 51000 PA
Ans: You are 50 years old, with a goal to retire at 56. Your monthly expenditure is Rs 40,000, and you have two daughters currently studying in 10th and 11th standards, who will require financial support for their education.

Your current financial assets include:

Rs 1 crore in Bank FD
Rs 12 lakhs in equity (invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021)
Rs 25 lakhs accumulated in PF
Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs (since 2011)
Rs 50,000 monthly SIP (started from February 2024)
Rs 12 lakhs invested in hybrid mutual funds recently
Medical insurance costing Rs 54,000 PA for your family
Term insurance with an annual premium of Rs 51,000
House loan already cleared
I appreciate the strong foundation you have built with substantial savings and clear financial goals. Let's explore the way forward to optimise your retirement strategy and secure your financial future.

Step 1: Assessing Your Monthly Needs After Retirement
You need Rs 40,000 per month for your current expenses. However, this amount will likely increase due to inflation over the next six years until retirement. Let’s assume an inflation rate of 6%, which is typical in India. This means your monthly expenditure may rise to around Rs 57,000-60,000 by the time you retire.

Since you aim to retire in 6 years, the goal will be to create a financial plan that allows you to cover these rising expenses comfortably after retirement. We also need to consider the potential education expenses for your daughters in the near future, which will add another layer to your financial planning.

Step 2: Evaluating Your Current Investments
Bank FD (Rs 1 crore): While FDs offer safety, they have low returns. In the long run, they barely beat inflation. You should look at moving part of this into more growth-oriented options, like mutual funds, that can give you inflation-beating returns.

Equity Investments (Rs 12 lakhs): The equity market is an essential part of your portfolio, but given that you have invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021, the returns may be volatile in the short term. However, staying invested in good-quality actively managed mutual funds can yield higher returns over time. Equity exposure is crucial to grow your wealth, especially given the inflationary pressures.

PF (Rs 25 lakhs): Provident Fund is a long-term wealth-building instrument with the benefit of compounding. It provides a decent rate of return and safety. This will form a significant part of your retirement corpus. You should continue contributing to this.

SIPs (Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 50,000/month): Your SIPs are excellent long-term wealth builders. Since you are already committed to Rs 50,000 monthly SIPs, you are on the right path to generating good returns. SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds will help you stay ahead of inflation over time.

Hybrid Mutual Fund (Rs 12 lakhs): Hybrid funds offer a balanced mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability. They can be useful as you approach retirement, but their equity exposure should be closely monitored.

Step 3: Optimising Insurance
Medical Insurance (Rs 54,000/year): You have medical insurance in place, which is essential for covering health-related risks. Ensure that the coverage is sufficient for your entire family. Given the rising healthcare costs, consider reviewing the sum assured and increasing it if needed.

Term Insurance (Rs 51,000/year): Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family in case of unforeseen events. It’s good to have this in place. You may not need it post-retirement, so review it closer to retirement age.

Step 4: Prioritising Your Daughters' Education
Your daughters will soon enter college, and their higher education will be a significant financial commitment. It’s wise to set aside a portion of your investments to meet these expenses. Given their ages (10th and 11th standard), you can expect to incur these costs within the next 1-3 years. Consider earmarking part of your Bank FD or hybrid mutual fund investment for their education.

The Rs 1 crore FD could be partially redirected towards a safer option, like debt mutual funds or hybrid funds, to provide liquidity for education expenses without sacrificing growth entirely.

Step 5: Managing Post-Retirement Income
To ensure a steady flow of income post-retirement, let’s look at how your current portfolio can be structured to meet your monthly needs:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments to provide a regular income. This way, you can withdraw a fixed amount every month, while the remaining capital stays invested and continues to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: As you approach retirement, you should gradually reduce exposure to high-risk equity and shift to a balanced portfolio. A mix of 40% equity and 60% debt will give you stability and growth, ensuring that you meet your monthly expenses while still preserving your capital.

Continue with PF and SIP Contributions: Your Provident Fund and SIPs should remain untouched until retirement. Both provide long-term growth and tax benefits. Continue your SIPs as planned, and consider increasing the amount when possible to accelerate your retirement corpus.

Step 6: Plan for Rising Medical Costs
As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. Ensure that your medical insurance coverage is adequate. Review the current policy and look for options to increase the coverage if needed. A good health insurance policy will prevent you from dipping into your retirement savings for medical emergencies.

Step 7: Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Capital Gains Tax: When you withdraw from mutual funds, remember that equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outgo.

Debt Fund Withdrawals: If you hold any debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. Use these funds carefully to manage your tax liabilities post-retirement.

Step 8: Setting Up an Emergency Fund
It’s essential to keep some money aside as an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Since you have substantial assets, you can allocate part of your Bank FD towards this. The emergency fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unforeseen expenses.

Step 9: Reassess Your Risk Profile
At 50, your risk tolerance may be lower than when you were younger. However, to maintain your lifestyle after retirement, some equity exposure is necessary to beat inflation. Work on balancing your portfolio so that it reflects your need for both growth and stability. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, will give you more flexibility and potentially higher returns.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial base and are well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, a few strategic adjustments will help optimise your portfolio and secure your financial future:

Increase your equity exposure slightly while balancing it with debt to ensure growth and stability.

Plan for your daughters’ education by earmarking some of your FD or hybrid fund investments.

Consider SWP for post-retirement income, and set up a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy.

Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs.

Stay disciplined with your SIPs and continue contributing towards your PF to build a robust retirement corpus.

By carefully managing your existing assets and planning ahead for both education and retirement, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a secure post-retirement life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
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It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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