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40-Year-Old Earning 1.46 Lakhs Monthly: Can I Retire at 50 with 3.16 Crore Investments?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 40yrs old. Having monthly takehome salary of 1.1 lakh and rental income of 36000. My investment are 2 flats worth of 1cr. 4 plots in Bhubaneswar worth of 2crs. EPF balance 50 lakh, LIC policies worth of 16 lakhs, NPS worth of 10 lakhs. My monthly saving commitments are - EPF (employee+employer) 28000 NPS 15000 MF 7500 Gold scheme 5000 Financial burden - HL emi of 24000 Monthly expanses 50000 I would like to retire at 50. Please advise for retirement plan with life expectancy of 80yrs.

Ans: Hello;

The value of your investments after 10 years;

A. EPF Corpus+Contribution: 1.6 Cr
B. NPS Corpus+Contribution: 53 L
C. MF(sip) + Gold(sip): 25 L
D. Real estate (land): 3.26 Cr

So sum of A, C & D gives us a corpus of 5.11 Cr

Since you will withdraw NPS before 60 age 80% of corpus will go into annuity while 20% will be available to you.

So you may expect monthly income of around 21 K from annuity(42.4 L).

Balance 10.6 L get added to 5.11L taking your total corpus to ~ 5.2 Cr.

If you invest 5 Cr in a conservative hybrid debt fund and do a SWP at the rate of 3%, you may expect a monthly income of around 1.1 L(post-tax).

Add your monthly rental income of 36 K(No growth factored) and annuity income of 21 K to this and you have total monthly income of 1.67 L after 10 years.

Your current monthly expenses of 50 K after 10 years would be around 90 K and 1.6 L after 20 years.

Considering return of around 7-7.5% from the conservative hybrid debt fund you will still generate inflation adjusted return at 3% SWP after 80 years of age.

Assumptions:
Inflation rate-6%
Return from EPF-8%
Return from NPS-9%
Return from MF-10%
Return from gold-7%
Return from Land-5%
Annuity rate-6%

The spare flat is not considered in this because it will continue to yield you rental income in retirement.

Since real estate(land) returns may fluctuate over 10 years suggest to increase MF sip(6X) as a back-up, also in this case you may decide to retain & invest in NPS upto 60 age.

Of course MF returns are also not assured but you are improving the odds by backing two appreciable assets(RE & equity) over long-term.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 38 yeras old,leaving in bhubaneswar with monyhly rent of 7000, i have 2 kids,1 is in UKG and small 1 is 6 month old. I have 30 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD,monthly SIP 25000, and i have done helath insurance of 5 lakhs for my family,term insurance 50 lakhs, LIC and PLI premium paid 20 lakhs, Plz guide me, i want to retire at the age of 50, My monthly income is 70000 Plz guide me
Ans: I’m glad you reached out for advice. Let's break down your situation and explore the best strategies for achieving your goal of retiring at 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong foundation to build on. Here’s a summary:

Monthly income: Rs 70,000
Monthly rent: Rs 7,000
Monthly SIP: Rs 25,000
PPF: Rs 30 lakhs
FD: Rs 30 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
LIC and PLI premium paid: Rs 20 lakhs
2 kids (one in UKG, one 6 months old)
You’re managing well and investing actively, which is commendable.

Evaluating Your Investments
Your investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s evaluate each one:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options. It's a good foundation but should be complemented with other high-return investments.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs are low-risk but offer limited growth. They are excellent for safety but not ideal for wealth creation. It's crucial to diversify beyond FDs for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 in mutual funds is a great step. Mutual funds offer potential for high returns through various categories:

Equity Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are safer but with moderate returns.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, offering balanced risk and return.
Health and Term Insurance
Your health insurance cover of Rs 5 lakhs for the family is essential. Term insurance of Rs 50 lakhs ensures financial security for your family in case of an unfortunate event.

Recommended Strategies for Retirement at 50
Achieving retirement at 50 requires a focused and strategic approach. Here’s a comprehensive plan:

Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for significant growth due to the power of compounding.

Review and Realign Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC or PLI policies, evaluate their returns. Insurance-cum-investment plans often offer lower returns compared to pure investment plans. Surrender low-yield policies and reinvest the amount into mutual funds.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification is crucial for balancing risk and return. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. These are less volatile and offer stable returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in growing companies. These can offer higher returns but come with higher risk.
International Funds: Exposure to global markets can provide growth opportunities and diversification.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best with time and consistent investments. Starting early and staying invested in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth.

Long-Term Growth
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. Despite market volatility, historical data shows that long-term equity investments can offer substantial returns.

Risk Management
Balancing risk is key. Your current portfolio has a good mix of safe and growth-oriented investments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer investments to preserve capital.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures alignment with your financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help in making informed decisions.

Kids' Education and Future Needs
Plan for your kids' education and future expenses. Consider investing in child-specific plans or education funds that grow with your child’s needs.

Focused Education Planning
Start an education SIP specifically for your kids. Education costs are rising, and early planning can ease future financial burdens.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Determine the retirement corpus required to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and other expenses.

Assessing Monthly Needs
Calculate your monthly expenses post-retirement, aiming for a corpus that supports these expenses without depleting your savings too quickly.

Health Insurance Enhancement
Consider enhancing your health insurance cover as medical costs are rising. A top-up policy can provide additional coverage without a high premium.

Comprehensive Coverage
Review your health insurance to ensure it covers all critical aspects, including hospitalisation, surgeries, and chronic illnesses.

Importance of Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning provides peace of mind and security for your family.

Legal Assistance
Consult a legal expert to draft a will and manage your estate planning effectively. This ensures your wealth is passed on smoothly.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximise returns. Utilise all available deductions and exemptions to reduce taxable income.

Tax-Saving Investments
Explore options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C while gaining equity exposure.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns without assessing risk, ignoring inflation, and not reviewing your portfolio regularly.

Long-Term Perspective
Maintain a long-term perspective with your investments. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter your investment strategy.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice, considering your unique financial situation and goals. They help in creating a holistic financial plan.

Expert Guidance
Seek expert guidance to navigate complex financial decisions. A CFP ensures your investments align with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. By enhancing your investments, managing risks, and planning meticulously, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50.

Stay focused, review your investments regularly, and make informed decisions. Financial discipline and a strategic approach will lead you to a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
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I'm 45, earning 2.5L per month, debt free,married 2 kids, son studying 11standard and daughter 7th standard. My monthly expenses comes to 65000 per month currently, rest all saved and invested. I own 2C worth villa in city, a sedan, no credit card debt. I have 60L savings in account, 2.6L in LIC annuity life long giving Rs.1400 interest/month, 12L in PPF, 6L in Postoffice Savings SST, 1L in NPS, 11L ICICI signature plan need to pay 5L every year for next 5 years(18% returns), 1L PRAN, 5L worth gold-silver coins, 45L in fixed deposits in mom and wife names in many different small finance banks earning monthly interest(8.5-9%), 46L in my EPF. I want to plan to retire by 50 with life span of 75 with with 80L for 2 kids higher studies with atleast 5CR+ total corpus as goal. Kindly advice and guide me how to achieve it with moderate risk apetite..
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Age: 45 years
Monthly Income: Rs. 2.5 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Rs. 65,000
Family: Married with 2 kids (son in 11th standard, daughter in 7th standard)
Assets: 2 crore worth villa, a sedan, no credit card debt
Savings and Investments:
Rs. 60 lakhs in savings account
Rs. 2.6 lakhs in LIC annuity giving Rs. 1400 interest/month
Rs. 12 lakhs in PPF
Rs. 6 lakhs in Post Office Savings SST
Rs. 1 lakh in NPS
Rs. 11 lakhs in ICICI Signature Plan (need to pay Rs. 5 lakhs every year for next 5 years)
Rs. 1 lakh in PRAN
Rs. 5 lakhs worth of gold-silver coins
Rs. 45 lakhs in fixed deposits in mom and wife’s names
Rs. 46 lakhs in EPF
Retirement Goals
Retirement Age: 50 years
Life Expectancy: 75 years
Kids' Higher Education: Rs. 80 lakhs
Total Corpus Goal: Rs. 5+ crores
Investment Strategy
Evaluate Current Investments
1. Savings Account and Fixed Deposits

Observation: Low returns (3-4% in savings, 8.5-9% in FDs).
Action: Consider shifting some funds to higher-yield investments.
2. LIC Annuity and ICICI Signature Plan

Observation: LIC annuity provides minimal returns. ICICI Signature Plan promises 18% but verify actual returns.
Action: Assess ICICI plan's performance. Shift LIC annuity to higher-yield funds if possible.
3. PPF, NPS, and Post Office Savings

Observation: Safe investments but with moderate returns.
Action: Continue PPF and NPS contributions for tax benefits and retirement corpus.
Optimize Investments
1. Increase SIP in Mutual Funds

Strategy: Diversify across large, mid, and small-cap funds. Aim for balanced risk and growth.
Monthly SIP: Consider increasing to Rs. 1 lakh or more for the next 5 years.
2. Diversify Portfolio

Strategy: Include equity mutual funds, balanced funds, and debt funds.
Moderate Risk: Balance between growth and safety.
3. Invest in Children's Education Funds

Action: Allocate Rs. 80 lakhs in equity mutual funds or balanced funds.
Goal: Ensure sufficient funds for kids' higher education.
Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Projected Returns

Strategy: Aim for a mix of equity and debt for optimal returns.
Projection: Assume 10-12% average returns over 5 years.
2. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

Action: Post-retirement, use SWP for monthly expenses.
Goal: Ensure regular income without depleting corpus rapidly.
Tax Planning
1. Maximize Deductions

Section 80C: Utilize Rs. 1.5 lakhs limit through PPF, ELSS, and other investments.
Section 80CCD(1B): Additional Rs. 50,000 through NPS.
2. Optimize Tax-Efficient Investments

Tax-Free Returns: Focus on PPF, NPS, and long-term capital gains on equity funds.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan withdrawals to minimize tax impact.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Life Insurance

Action: Ensure adequate life cover for family’s security.
Consider: Term insurance for high coverage at low cost.
2. Health Insurance

Action: Comprehensive health coverage for family.
Goal: Avoid financial strain due to medical emergencies.
Regular Monitoring and Review
1. Annual Review

Action: Review investments annually.
Goal: Adjust based on performance and goals.
2. Financial Advisor Consultation

Certified Financial Planner: Seek periodic advice for professional guidance.
Final Insights
With careful planning, achieving a corpus of Rs. 5 crores by 50 is feasible. Prioritize investments in equity mutual funds for growth, while balancing with safe instruments like PPF and NPS. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio. Ensure adequate insurance coverage for risk management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Good evening sir. i am 66year old senior citizen retired last year.wife is 60 years n home.maker.My.investments r as follows..Shares.1.4.cr.Muttual funds.50.lakhs.Sip 75k per month for another 3 years.Real estate plot 1cr.ppf 45 lakhs valid till.2026.Gold around 80 lakhs Daughters married n settled.Son.engineering graduate recently n searching for job.How do i plan for retirement assuming lie span.upto.85.I.have.a family health insurance of 7 lakhs. Looking forward for your valuable guidance.No.liabilities n.own house.
Ans: Your investment portfolio looks quite healthy. You have a variety of assets:

Rs 1.4 crore in shares
Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds
SIP of Rs 75,000 per month for another 3 years
Rs 1 crore real estate plot
Rs 45 lakh in PPF
Rs 80 lakh in gold
You also have a health insurance cover of Rs 7 lakh and no liabilities. With your wife being a homemaker, and your children settled, the focus should be on planning for sustainable retirement income.

Let’s analyse the situation and guide you on how to ensure your funds last throughout your retirement. Your goal is to maintain financial security till the age of 85, which means planning for the next 19 years.

Evaluating Your Current Assets
Shares (Rs 1.4 crore)
This is a substantial part of your portfolio. Shares can provide high returns but are volatile. Since you are retired, you need stability more than high-risk exposure. I suggest reviewing your shareholding and considering shifting a portion of this into less risky assets.

You may continue holding some of these shares for capital appreciation.
Shift part of the portfolio into less volatile instruments for regular income.
Mutual Funds (Rs 50 lakh) and SIPs
You have Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds and an ongoing SIP of Rs 75,000 per month for another three years. This systematic investment is a good approach, as it helps build wealth.

You could switch some of these mutual funds from growth-oriented funds to regular income-oriented funds.
This will ensure a steady stream of income while still enjoying some growth.
Note: Actively managed funds could be a better option for you at this stage of life. They are guided by professional fund managers who adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. Index funds, on the other hand, follow the market passively and can be volatile.

PPF (Rs 45 lakh, Valid Till 2026)
The PPF is a safe investment, giving tax-free returns. With Rs 45 lakh, it serves as a stable part of your portfolio.

You should continue holding it until maturity in 2026.
Upon maturity, reinvesting the proceeds into senior citizen schemes or low-risk instruments can ensure steady income.
Gold (Rs 80 lakh)
Your gold holding is quite significant. While gold can act as a hedge against inflation, it does not generate regular income.

I suggest retaining some portion of the gold.
Consider liquidating part of the gold and shifting the proceeds into low-risk, income-generating investments.
Real Estate Plot (Rs 1 crore)
You have a real estate plot valued at Rs 1 crore. However, real estate is an illiquid asset and may not provide regular income unless rented or sold.

You can explore selling this property if it doesn’t generate regular cash flow.
Reinvest the proceeds into safer, more liquid instruments that provide monthly income.
Retirement Corpus and Monthly Income
At this stage, it's crucial to build a consistent monthly income stream to meet your expenses.

Look at investing a portion of your shares, mutual funds, or real estate sale proceeds into debt instruments.
Debt mutual funds, bonds, or government-backed schemes can provide a steady flow of income without high risk.
You need to evaluate your monthly expenses and match them with the income from investments. Based on your assets, there are several options that offer predictable returns:

Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS): Offers regular income, government-backed, and safe.
Debt Funds: These are relatively safe mutual funds focusing on fixed-income securities.
Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are hybrid mutual funds designed to give regular income, ideal for retirees.
These options can ensure that you have a regular monthly income to meet your lifestyle needs without depending on volatile assets like shares.

Emergency Fund Planning
You should keep aside 1-2 years’ worth of expenses in a very liquid form. This ensures you are prepared for any unexpected emergencies without liquidating long-term assets.

Liquid funds or bank fixed deposits can be a suitable place to park these emergency funds.
It will give you quick access to money, should the need arise.
Health Insurance Review
You currently have health insurance of Rs 7 lakh. At your age, healthcare expenses can rise, so reviewing your health cover is essential.

I recommend increasing your coverage to at least Rs 15-20 lakh.
You can do this by either upgrading your existing policy or taking a top-up plan.
Healthcare expenses are unpredictable and can put a strain on your savings. A larger health cover can protect your retirement corpus from being eroded.

Plan for Your Wife
Since your wife is a homemaker, it is important to ensure that she has financial security. If anything were to happen to you, she must have access to regular income and health coverage.

You can consider setting up joint investment accounts with your wife.
Ensure that your will and nominations are up to date.
Also, review her health insurance separately. Since she is 60 years old, it’s important that she has adequate cover in case of emergencies.

Structuring Your Retirement Income
Given the wide range of assets you have, structuring them properly is key to meeting your retirement goals. Here's how you can proceed:

Short-term needs (1-3 years): Keep money in highly liquid assets like bank FDs or liquid funds for emergencies.

Medium-term needs (3-10 years): Invest in debt mutual funds, bonds, or SCSS for regular income.

Long-term needs (10-15 years): Keep a portion of your shares and mutual funds invested for growth, but gradually move some into safer instruments.

Inflation Protection
You must also account for inflation in your retirement planning. Inflation will erode the value of your savings over time.

Consider keeping a portion of your funds invested in growth-oriented assets like mutual funds.
Gold also acts as a hedge against inflation, so maintaining some of your gold holdings will help.
Estate Planning
Since you own significant assets, it’s important to ensure a smooth transfer to your heirs.

Create a will if you haven’t already.
Review your nominations in all investment accounts and insurance policies to avoid legal complications.
You should ensure that your son, daughter, and wife are clear about your financial plans. This will help them manage assets if you are no longer able to.

Finally
You are in a strong financial position, but retirement requires careful planning. Diversifying your assets into more stable, income-generating options will give you the peace of mind that your money will last for the rest of your life.

Consider reducing exposure to volatile assets like shares.
Ensure regular monthly income through safer investments like debt mutual funds and senior citizen schemes.
Increase your health insurance cover to protect against rising healthcare costs.
By structuring your investments properly and making adjustments where necessary, you can ensure that you enjoy a comfortable retirement without worrying about outliving your savings.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

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