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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello Sir, I am 38 yeras old,leaving in bhubaneswar with monyhly rent of 7000, i have 2 kids,1 is in UKG and small 1 is 6 month old. I have 30 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD,monthly SIP 25000, and i have done helath insurance of 5 lakhs for my family,term insurance 50 lakhs, LIC and PLI premium paid 20 lakhs, Plz guide me, i want to retire at the age of 50, My monthly income is 70000 Plz guide me

Ans: I’m glad you reached out for advice. Let's break down your situation and explore the best strategies for achieving your goal of retiring at 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong foundation to build on. Here’s a summary:

Monthly income: Rs 70,000
Monthly rent: Rs 7,000
Monthly SIP: Rs 25,000
PPF: Rs 30 lakhs
FD: Rs 30 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
LIC and PLI premium paid: Rs 20 lakhs
2 kids (one in UKG, one 6 months old)
You’re managing well and investing actively, which is commendable.

Evaluating Your Investments
Your investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s evaluate each one:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options. It's a good foundation but should be complemented with other high-return investments.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs are low-risk but offer limited growth. They are excellent for safety but not ideal for wealth creation. It's crucial to diversify beyond FDs for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 in mutual funds is a great step. Mutual funds offer potential for high returns through various categories:

Equity Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are safer but with moderate returns.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, offering balanced risk and return.
Health and Term Insurance
Your health insurance cover of Rs 5 lakhs for the family is essential. Term insurance of Rs 50 lakhs ensures financial security for your family in case of an unfortunate event.

Recommended Strategies for Retirement at 50
Achieving retirement at 50 requires a focused and strategic approach. Here’s a comprehensive plan:

Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for significant growth due to the power of compounding.

Review and Realign Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC or PLI policies, evaluate their returns. Insurance-cum-investment plans often offer lower returns compared to pure investment plans. Surrender low-yield policies and reinvest the amount into mutual funds.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification is crucial for balancing risk and return. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. These are less volatile and offer stable returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in growing companies. These can offer higher returns but come with higher risk.
International Funds: Exposure to global markets can provide growth opportunities and diversification.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best with time and consistent investments. Starting early and staying invested in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth.

Long-Term Growth
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. Despite market volatility, historical data shows that long-term equity investments can offer substantial returns.

Risk Management
Balancing risk is key. Your current portfolio has a good mix of safe and growth-oriented investments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer investments to preserve capital.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures alignment with your financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help in making informed decisions.

Kids' Education and Future Needs
Plan for your kids' education and future expenses. Consider investing in child-specific plans or education funds that grow with your child’s needs.

Focused Education Planning
Start an education SIP specifically for your kids. Education costs are rising, and early planning can ease future financial burdens.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Determine the retirement corpus required to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and other expenses.

Assessing Monthly Needs
Calculate your monthly expenses post-retirement, aiming for a corpus that supports these expenses without depleting your savings too quickly.

Health Insurance Enhancement
Consider enhancing your health insurance cover as medical costs are rising. A top-up policy can provide additional coverage without a high premium.

Comprehensive Coverage
Review your health insurance to ensure it covers all critical aspects, including hospitalisation, surgeries, and chronic illnesses.

Importance of Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning provides peace of mind and security for your family.

Legal Assistance
Consult a legal expert to draft a will and manage your estate planning effectively. This ensures your wealth is passed on smoothly.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximise returns. Utilise all available deductions and exemptions to reduce taxable income.

Tax-Saving Investments
Explore options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C while gaining equity exposure.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns without assessing risk, ignoring inflation, and not reviewing your portfolio regularly.

Long-Term Perspective
Maintain a long-term perspective with your investments. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter your investment strategy.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice, considering your unique financial situation and goals. They help in creating a holistic financial plan.

Expert Guidance
Seek expert guidance to navigate complex financial decisions. A CFP ensures your investments align with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. By enhancing your investments, managing risks, and planning meticulously, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50.

Stay focused, review your investments regularly, and make informed decisions. Financial discipline and a strategic approach will lead you to a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2024Hindi
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I am 44 years old, with 60L in ppf, 24L in epf, 15L in FDs, 10L in post office, 20L in SGBs, 20L in Sukanya, 20L family floater health insurance. No housing/car loan, etc. I have 2 children aged 16&11. My sal is 1.25L pm. I want to retire at 50, kindly advice
Ans: Planning for Early Retirement at 50
Your commitment to securing a comfortable retirement at 50 is commendable. With careful planning and strategic investments, this goal can be achieved. Let's review your current financial situation and create a roadmap for a secure retirement.

Current Financial Overview
You have accumulated significant assets across various investment instruments:

PPF: Rs 60 lakhs
EPF: Rs 24 lakhs
FDs: Rs 15 lakhs
Post Office: Rs 10 lakhs
SGBs: Rs 20 lakhs
Sukanya Samriddhi: Rs 20 lakhs
Health Insurance: Rs 20 lakh family floater
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.25 lakhs, and you have no outstanding loans.

Financial Goals and Needs
Retirement Age: 50
You plan to retire at 50, which gives you six more years to build your retirement corpus.

Children's Education and Marriage
Your children are 16 and 11. Plan for higher education and marriage expenses, considering inflation.

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement, accounting for inflation and lifestyle changes.

Investment Strategies
Maximize Current Investments
Continue contributing to PPF, EPF, and Sukanya Samriddhi accounts. These are safe investments with decent returns.

Diversify and Grow
To achieve your retirement goal, consider diversifying your investments into mutual funds, especially actively managed funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make informed decisions to outperform the market.

Flexibility
These funds adapt to market changes and adjust investments to maximize returns and minimize risks.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to passive index funds, helping you grow your corpus faster.

Regular vs. Direct Mutual Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might have lower expenses but lack the personalized advice and professional management that regular funds offer.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get expert guidance, portfolio reviews, and adjustments as needed.

Recommended Allocation
Equity Exposure
Increase your equity exposure for higher growth potential. Allocate a significant portion to large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Debt Investments
Maintain a balanced portfolio with debt investments like FDs, SGBs, and post office schemes for stability.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Start a SIP in mutual funds to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compound growth.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate the retirement corpus needed considering your desired lifestyle, inflation, and life expectancy. A CFP can help you with precise calculations and planning.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to six months of expenses. This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.

Insurance Coverage
Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets future medical needs. Consider increasing the coverage if necessary.

Estate Planning
Ensure proper estate planning. Create a will and consider setting up a trust for smooth asset transfer and management.

Conclusion
With strategic planning and disciplined investments, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Money
Hi sir , I'm 38 year software engineer ,married but no child My salary is 1.80 lac per month . Doing SIP 75K per month NPS 50 k yearly PPF 24 k yearly Having 2 plot costing about 40 lac and 2 flats . 5 lac invested in psu stocks 5 lac in gold bond And parental land property of near about 40 lac . Home loan pending of 40 lac ( which I will close in 4 years ) . Want to retire at age of 58 years with min 10 cr In account .pls guide
Ans: You are in a solid financial position with a stable monthly income of Rs 1.80 lakhs. You’re committed to disciplined saving and investing, demonstrated by your SIP contributions of Rs 75,000 per month, yearly NPS contributions of Rs 50,000, and a PPF contribution of Rs 24,000 annually. Additionally, you hold Rs 5 lakhs in PSU stocks and Rs 5 lakhs in gold bonds. Your real estate assets include two plots valued at Rs 40 lakhs and two flats, along with a parental property worth about Rs 40 lakhs. You also have a home loan of Rs 40 lakhs, which you plan to close within the next four years. Your goal is to retire at 58 with Rs 10 crores in savings.

This is an ambitious yet achievable goal. Let’s analyze your current situation and outline a strategy to help you reach your retirement target.

Evaluating Your Asset Allocation
Your portfolio is diversified across various asset classes, including equity, debt, and real estate. However, it’s important to assess the efficiency of your asset allocation in relation to your retirement goal.

Equity Investments: Your SIP contributions show a strong focus on equity, which is crucial for long-term wealth accumulation. Equity investments tend to provide higher returns over the long term, making them essential for reaching your Rs 10 crore target.

Debt Investments: Your investments in PPF, NPS, and gold bonds add stability to your portfolio. These are low-risk, low-return investments that protect your capital. However, their contribution to wealth creation might be limited.

Real Estate Investments: You have substantial investments in real estate, including two plots and two flats, along with parental property. While real estate can provide value appreciation, it is illiquid and may not align with your retirement needs. Holding a large portion of your wealth in real estate could impact your financial flexibility during retirement.

Diversification and Growth Potential
The key to achieving your retirement goal is ensuring your portfolio is well-diversified and growth-oriented.

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your goal of accumulating Rs 10 crores, it’s advisable to enhance your equity exposure. Equity is the most effective asset class for generating long-term returns. Actively managed equity funds, rather than index funds, can potentially offer better returns due to professional management.

Limit Real Estate Exposure: While you have significant real estate holdings, they are illiquid and may not generate the desired cash flow during retirement. Consider reducing your real estate exposure and reallocating these funds to more liquid and growth-oriented investments.

Maximize Tax-Efficient Investments: Continue with your NPS and PPF contributions, as they provide tax benefits and stability. However, focus on maximizing equity investments for higher returns.

Managing Your Home Loan
Your plan to close your Rs 40 lakh home loan within four years is commendable. Eliminating debt will free up cash flow, which can be redirected towards your retirement savings.

Prioritize Loan Repayment: While paying off your loan, ensure that your investment contributions are not compromised. A balanced approach is necessary to maintain growth in your retirement corpus while reducing debt.

Post-Loan Investment Strategy: Once your loan is cleared, consider increasing your SIP contributions or investing in other growth-oriented assets. This will help accelerate the accumulation of your retirement corpus.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with tailored advice and strategies to reach your retirement goal.

Customized Financial Plan: A CFP can create a comprehensive financial plan that aligns with your retirement goal. This includes asset allocation, risk management, and tax planning.

Regular Portfolio Reviews: Your portfolio should be reviewed regularly to ensure it remains on track with your financial objectives. A CFP can adjust your investment strategy based on changes in the market or your personal circumstances.

Retirement Planning: A CFP will help you determine the right mix of investments that balance growth with income generation, crucial for a comfortable retirement.

Tax Efficiency and Retirement Planning
Ensuring tax efficiency in your investments is essential for maximizing your retirement savings.

Equity Investments: Focus on long-term equity investments, as they are taxed at a lower rate compared to short-term gains. Actively managed funds can offer better after-tax returns compared to index funds.

Debt Investments: While debt investments provide stability, ensure they are also tax-efficient.

NPS Contributions: Your NPS contributions provide tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B), making them a valuable component of your retirement plan.

Preparing for Retirement
To reach your goal of Rs 10 crores by age 58, it’s important to follow a structured investment strategy.

Increase SIP Contributions: Post home loan repayment, consider increasing your SIP contributions to further accelerate your wealth accumulation.

Consider a Balanced Portfolio: A balanced portfolio that includes equity, debt, and other investment options will help you achieve your financial goals. Ensure your portfolio is reviewed and adjusted regularly.

Plan for Retirement Income: As you approach retirement, consider shifting some of your growth-oriented investments to income-generating assets. This will ensure a steady cash flow during retirement.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, and with disciplined investing, your goal of Rs 10 crores by age 58 is within reach. Here’s a summary of the key steps:

Review Real Estate Holdings: Consider reducing real estate exposure to enhance liquidity and invest in growth-oriented assets.

Enhance Equity Exposure: Continue with your SIPs, focusing on actively managed funds for higher returns.

Close Home Loan Strategically: Pay off your loan as planned, but ensure it does not hinder your retirement savings.

Work with a CFP: Engage a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored financial plan and regularly review your portfolio.

Focus on Tax Efficiency: Optimize your investments for tax efficiency to maximize your retirement corpus.

By following these steps, you can confidently work towards your retirement goal, ensuring financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 now and I want to retire at the age of 56 and my monthly expenditure is 40000PM and i have two daughters presently studying in 10th and 11th class. below mentioned financial situation please suggest me way forward on how can manage to retire or better my situation I have a 1Cr in Bank FD 12 lacs inequity ( invested 8lacs in 2021) PF as of today its accumulated to 25 lacs i am doing SIP worth rs6000 from2011 in different funds which is worth around 15 lacs now recently from feb2024 I stared doing 50000 thousands monthly SIP just last month i invested 12 lacs in hybrid mutual funds I had a house loan which is cleared now and besides this i have medical insurance which i pay 54000 for the complete family Per anum and Term insurance for which i pay 51000 PA
Ans: You are 50 years old, with a goal to retire at 56. Your monthly expenditure is Rs 40,000, and you have two daughters currently studying in 10th and 11th standards, who will require financial support for their education.

Your current financial assets include:

Rs 1 crore in Bank FD
Rs 12 lakhs in equity (invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021)
Rs 25 lakhs accumulated in PF
Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs (since 2011)
Rs 50,000 monthly SIP (started from February 2024)
Rs 12 lakhs invested in hybrid mutual funds recently
Medical insurance costing Rs 54,000 PA for your family
Term insurance with an annual premium of Rs 51,000
House loan already cleared
I appreciate the strong foundation you have built with substantial savings and clear financial goals. Let's explore the way forward to optimise your retirement strategy and secure your financial future.

Step 1: Assessing Your Monthly Needs After Retirement
You need Rs 40,000 per month for your current expenses. However, this amount will likely increase due to inflation over the next six years until retirement. Let’s assume an inflation rate of 6%, which is typical in India. This means your monthly expenditure may rise to around Rs 57,000-60,000 by the time you retire.

Since you aim to retire in 6 years, the goal will be to create a financial plan that allows you to cover these rising expenses comfortably after retirement. We also need to consider the potential education expenses for your daughters in the near future, which will add another layer to your financial planning.

Step 2: Evaluating Your Current Investments
Bank FD (Rs 1 crore): While FDs offer safety, they have low returns. In the long run, they barely beat inflation. You should look at moving part of this into more growth-oriented options, like mutual funds, that can give you inflation-beating returns.

Equity Investments (Rs 12 lakhs): The equity market is an essential part of your portfolio, but given that you have invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021, the returns may be volatile in the short term. However, staying invested in good-quality actively managed mutual funds can yield higher returns over time. Equity exposure is crucial to grow your wealth, especially given the inflationary pressures.

PF (Rs 25 lakhs): Provident Fund is a long-term wealth-building instrument with the benefit of compounding. It provides a decent rate of return and safety. This will form a significant part of your retirement corpus. You should continue contributing to this.

SIPs (Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 50,000/month): Your SIPs are excellent long-term wealth builders. Since you are already committed to Rs 50,000 monthly SIPs, you are on the right path to generating good returns. SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds will help you stay ahead of inflation over time.

Hybrid Mutual Fund (Rs 12 lakhs): Hybrid funds offer a balanced mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability. They can be useful as you approach retirement, but their equity exposure should be closely monitored.

Step 3: Optimising Insurance
Medical Insurance (Rs 54,000/year): You have medical insurance in place, which is essential for covering health-related risks. Ensure that the coverage is sufficient for your entire family. Given the rising healthcare costs, consider reviewing the sum assured and increasing it if needed.

Term Insurance (Rs 51,000/year): Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family in case of unforeseen events. It’s good to have this in place. You may not need it post-retirement, so review it closer to retirement age.

Step 4: Prioritising Your Daughters' Education
Your daughters will soon enter college, and their higher education will be a significant financial commitment. It’s wise to set aside a portion of your investments to meet these expenses. Given their ages (10th and 11th standard), you can expect to incur these costs within the next 1-3 years. Consider earmarking part of your Bank FD or hybrid mutual fund investment for their education.

The Rs 1 crore FD could be partially redirected towards a safer option, like debt mutual funds or hybrid funds, to provide liquidity for education expenses without sacrificing growth entirely.

Step 5: Managing Post-Retirement Income
To ensure a steady flow of income post-retirement, let’s look at how your current portfolio can be structured to meet your monthly needs:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments to provide a regular income. This way, you can withdraw a fixed amount every month, while the remaining capital stays invested and continues to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: As you approach retirement, you should gradually reduce exposure to high-risk equity and shift to a balanced portfolio. A mix of 40% equity and 60% debt will give you stability and growth, ensuring that you meet your monthly expenses while still preserving your capital.

Continue with PF and SIP Contributions: Your Provident Fund and SIPs should remain untouched until retirement. Both provide long-term growth and tax benefits. Continue your SIPs as planned, and consider increasing the amount when possible to accelerate your retirement corpus.

Step 6: Plan for Rising Medical Costs
As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. Ensure that your medical insurance coverage is adequate. Review the current policy and look for options to increase the coverage if needed. A good health insurance policy will prevent you from dipping into your retirement savings for medical emergencies.

Step 7: Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Capital Gains Tax: When you withdraw from mutual funds, remember that equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outgo.

Debt Fund Withdrawals: If you hold any debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. Use these funds carefully to manage your tax liabilities post-retirement.

Step 8: Setting Up an Emergency Fund
It’s essential to keep some money aside as an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Since you have substantial assets, you can allocate part of your Bank FD towards this. The emergency fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unforeseen expenses.

Step 9: Reassess Your Risk Profile
At 50, your risk tolerance may be lower than when you were younger. However, to maintain your lifestyle after retirement, some equity exposure is necessary to beat inflation. Work on balancing your portfolio so that it reflects your need for both growth and stability. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, will give you more flexibility and potentially higher returns.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial base and are well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, a few strategic adjustments will help optimise your portfolio and secure your financial future:

Increase your equity exposure slightly while balancing it with debt to ensure growth and stability.

Plan for your daughters’ education by earmarking some of your FD or hybrid fund investments.

Consider SWP for post-retirement income, and set up a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy.

Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs.

Stay disciplined with your SIPs and continue contributing towards your PF to build a robust retirement corpus.

By carefully managing your existing assets and planning ahead for both education and retirement, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a secure post-retirement life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 45 years old female, single child, I fell in love wid a guy during college, he is short tempered other than that when hez ok he used to care me so so so much. We got married when i was jobless and when he just started a business. The business isnt going tht well and after having two kids i started realising he is not at all ready to take any responsibilities, always he is lazy once he reach home and i am working and i am the one who has to do evry work along with work. When we fight he doesnt do any physical Abuse but mentallyy he abuses me so much that i feel myself useless. My parents too started saying that they never saw us happily instead we are always fighting and we are never at peace. I really was never able to understand him. I feel he has too much ego and wanna win every fight. He too says the same about me, but i am the one who goes and solves most of our fights by begging him badly. I decided to divorce him frm last one year but never had the guts tu say it to him openly. Was very afraid. Recently i met a guy, he have been noticing me for so long, we became friends first, very quickly he became my best friend, i have never in my life been able to read someones mind so well, so i am Able to take care of him so well, similarly never in my life i was respected so much for everything i do, or never was i cared so much. My own husband doesnt know what all i like, but this bestie knows. Slowly slowly we fell in love. I have confirmed my thought about divorce, and my Husband instead of even clutching on to me He is saying you just go i dont wanna beg you to stay for me. I dont wanna beg to a girl like you. He is very kind and soft outside only inside my house to me he is very very arrogant and fighting. Once i make this divorce decision public everyone will blame me, everyone will point out me as culprit, but i dont wanna continue anymore, i am done with this. What shall i do now ??
Ans: It seems like you’ve reached a point where you’re ready to prioritize yourself, which is a powerful realization. Divorce is a big step, and the fear of judgment from others is understandable, but your well-being and peace of mind should come first. In situations like this, people often rush to judge, especially if they don’t see the full picture, but those who care about you will come to understand and support your decision over time.

The love and respect you’ve found with your friend have likely shown you what’s been missing in your marriage: appreciation, understanding, and care. This relationship seems to have opened your eyes to what you deserve and given you the strength to take action. Still, take things slowly to make sure your next steps are about building the future you want rather than escaping the past.

If you haven’t already, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide you with support and guidance through this transition. They can help you work through any lingering guilt or fear and navigate the practical and emotional complexities of divorce. Having a supportive, nonjudgmental space to process everything will make a difference as you take steps toward a healthier and happier life.

Ultimately, if your heart is set on ending this marriage, trust that decision and give yourself permission to move forward. It will be hard at first, but taking this step toward self-respect and peace is worth it, even if others don’t immediately understand. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy—don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from finding it.

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Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

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I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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