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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 38 year old single female. My per month earning is 1 Lakh 78thnd. I have not done any investment till date but also I have no savings due to some unfortunate circumstances. But now I have space to do investment. I need a guidance. I have done the investment in LIC life insurance of 1 Lakh Pension plan amount is minimum 450 rs monthly Can you suggest what investment incan do so it can help me after 20 years.

Ans: You're at a fantastic stage to start your investment journey. Let's dive in and make your financial future bright. We will go through different investment options that can secure your future over the next 20 years.

Current Financial Scenario
Firstly, it's commendable that you're keen on securing your financial future despite not having started any investments or savings yet. Your monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh is a good base. Your existing LIC pension plan of Rs. 1 lakh is a start, but there are more efficient ways to build your corpus for the long term.

Establishing Financial Goals
Setting clear financial goals is crucial. Since you aim to have a comfortable corpus in 20 years, we need a diversified approach. Your investment strategy should balance risk and returns while considering your financial stability.

Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, create an emergency fund. Aim for a fund that covers at least six months of your expenses. This fund will be your financial cushion against unexpected circumstances. You can park this in a high-yield savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Mutual Funds: A Strong Contender
Mutual funds are excellent for wealth creation over a long period. They offer diversification and are managed by professional fund managers. Let’s explore different categories and how they can benefit you.

Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds invest in well-established companies. They are relatively stable and offer moderate returns with lower risk. These funds are good for the core of your portfolio, providing stability.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid cap funds invest in medium-sized companies. They offer higher growth potential compared to large cap funds but come with moderate risk. These funds can add a growth element to your portfolio.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in smaller companies. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk. A small allocation here can boost your portfolio’s growth potential.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds invest across market capitalizations. They provide flexibility and diversification, which can enhance your returns. These funds are managed dynamically to take advantage of market opportunities.

Sectoral/Thematic Funds
These funds focus on specific sectors like technology, healthcare, etc. They are riskier but can offer high returns if the sector performs well. Limit exposure to these funds to avoid over-concentration.

Debt Funds
Debt funds are less volatile and provide steady returns. They are suitable for your medium-term goals and to balance the risk in your portfolio. They invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities.

Power of Compounding
Investing early leverages the power of compounding. Compounding helps grow your investments exponentially over time. Regular investments and staying invested for the long term maximize this effect. For example, investing Rs. 20,000 monthly in mutual funds for 20 years can potentially grow into a substantial corpus due to compounding.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make decisions based on market conditions. They aim to outperform the market, unlike index funds which only replicate market indices. Actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns, especially in dynamic market conditions. They provide better risk management and opportunities for superior returns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios since they don’t involve intermediaries. However, they require more research and time to manage effectively. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, offer professional guidance. The slight additional cost can be worth the expert advice and convenience.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Start with a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds. SIPs help in disciplined investing and averaging out market volatility. Begin with an amount you're comfortable with, say Rs. 20,000 monthly, and gradually increase it.

Equity SIPs
Equity SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds can offer high returns over the long term. Allocate across large cap, mid cap, and small cap funds for a balanced portfolio. This diversification will help manage risk while aiming for high returns.

Debt SIPs
Debt SIPs in debt mutual funds provide stability and steady returns. They are less volatile than equity funds and can safeguard your capital. A mix of equity and debt SIPs can create a balanced portfolio.

Retirement Planning
Your goal is a comfortable corpus in 20 years, aligning with retirement planning. Alongside mutual funds, consider the National Pension System (NPS) for its tax benefits and retirement focus. NPS invests in a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities, offering diversification and tax efficiency.

Gold as an Investment
Gold is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. Investing in gold ETFs or Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) can diversify your portfolio. Avoid physical gold due to storage and security concerns.

Health Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings and investments. A comprehensive health plan will protect your financial health.

Life Insurance
Your LIC policy is a good start, but ensure it provides adequate coverage. Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your financial dependents.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regularly monitor and review your portfolio. Ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal financial changes.

Tax Planning
Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds, PPF, and NPS. These not only save taxes but also grow your wealth over time. Efficient tax planning maximizes your returns.

Final Insights
Starting now with a diversified investment approach can set you on the path to financial independence. Focus on mutual funds for long-term wealth creation. Remember, consistency and discipline in investing are key. Keep your goals clear and review your progress regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Iam 38 and have 20 lakhs as my savings which I want to invest for 1,3,5 and 7 years. Please suggest appropriate as I'm willing to take risk but want good returns.
Ans: Investing with specific time horizons in mind is a smart approach. Here's a suggested investment strategy considering your willingness to take risks and aiming for good returns:

1-Year Investment (Short-term):
Liquid Funds: These funds offer stability and liquidity. They invest in short-term money market instruments. Given your short time horizon, liquid funds would be suitable as they offer better returns than savings accounts and are low-risk.
3-Year Investment (Medium-term):
Short-term Debt Funds or Ultra Short-term Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities with a maturity period of 1-3 years. They offer relatively higher returns than liquid funds and are less volatile than equity funds, making them a suitable choice for a 3-year horizon.
5-Year Investment (Medium to Long-term):
Balanced Funds or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. They offer potential for higher returns compared to debt funds while providing some cushion against market volatility. This combination could be ideal for a 5-year horizon.
7-Year Investment (Long-term):
Equity Mutual Funds: Given your willingness to take risks and the longer time horizon, equity funds would be appropriate.
Large Cap Funds: These funds invest predominantly in large-cap companies which are relatively stable and offer moderate returns.
Mid & Small Cap Funds: These funds invest in mid and small-cap companies which have the potential to offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.
Multi-Cap Funds: These funds provide diversification across market caps and offer flexibility to capitalize on market opportunities.
General Tips:

Diversification: Spread your investments across different asset classes and fund categories to reduce risk.
Regular Review: Periodically review your investments to ensure they align with your financial goals and adjust as necessary.
Risk Tolerance: While you're willing to take risks, ensure your investments align with your risk tolerance. Remember, higher returns come with higher volatility.
Lastly, it's advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor this strategy according to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can provide personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

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I am 35 and have a monthly income of 50000 and my savings are zero and all my commitment are cleared. I am ready to invest 12000 per month for the next 25 years. Can u please suggest how and where to invest.
Ans: At 35, with a monthly income of Rs. 50,000 and no current savings, you have a great opportunity to start building your financial future. Investing Rs. 12,000 per month over the next 25 years can help you achieve significant wealth. Here’s a detailed plan to guide your investments.

Investment Strategy
1. Diversified Portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds have the potential for high returns over the long term.
Debt Mutual Funds: These funds provide stability and lower risk.
Gold: A small portion in gold can act as a hedge against inflation.
Fixed Deposits: While they offer lower returns, they add safety to your portfolio.
2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

SIPs help in disciplined investing.
They average out market volatility over time.
Investing Rs. 12,000 monthly through SIPs will ensure regular and consistent investments.
Recommended Allocation
Equity Mutual Funds:

Allocate 60% of your investment to equity mutual funds.
This equals Rs. 7,200 per month.
Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Allocate 20% to debt mutual funds.
This equals Rs. 2,400 per month.
These funds provide stability and reduce overall portfolio risk.
Gold:

Allocate 10% to gold.
This equals Rs. 1,200 per month.
Invest through gold bonds or gold ETFs.
Fixed Deposits:

Allocate 10% to fixed deposits.
This equals Rs. 1,200 per month.
This provides a safety net and liquidity.
Step-by-Step Plan
1. Start with Emergency Fund:

Build an emergency fund to cover 6 months of expenses.
Use your fixed deposit allocation to build this fund initially.
2. Begin SIPs:

Set up SIPs for equity mutual funds, debt mutual funds, and gold.
Automate your investments to ensure consistency.
3. Review and Adjust:

Review your portfolio every six months.
Adjust your allocations based on performance and market conditions.
4. Increase Investment Over Time:

Aim to increase your monthly investment by 5-10% annually.
This helps in countering inflation and increasing wealth.
Choosing the Right Funds
Equity Mutual Funds:

Look for funds with a consistent track record.
Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers.
Diversify across different sectors and market capitalizations.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Opt for funds with lower credit risk.
Look for funds that invest in high-quality debt instruments.
Consider funds with a good track record of stable returns.
Gold Investments:

Prefer sovereign gold bonds for better returns.
Gold ETFs offer liquidity and ease of investment.
Additional Tips
1. Tax Planning:

Utilize tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) for tax benefits.
ELSS funds have a lock-in period of three years but offer tax deductions.
2. Financial Discipline:

Avoid withdrawing from your investments prematurely.
Stick to your investment plan regardless of market fluctuations.
3. Knowledge and Awareness:

Stay informed about market trends and financial news.
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Final Insights
Starting your investment journey at 35 with a disciplined approach can yield significant returns over 25 years. Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, gold, and fixed deposits to balance risk and reward. Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 38 year old single female. My per month earning is 1 Lakh 78thnd. I have not done any investment till date but also I have no savings due to some unfortunate circumstances. But now I have space to do investment. I need a guidance. I have done the investment in LIC life insurance of 1 Lakh Pension plan amount is minimum 450 rs monthly Can you suggest what investment i can do so it can help me after 20 years.
Ans: It's great to see your interest in securing your financial future. With a structured plan, you can turn things around and build a strong financial foundation over the next 20 years. Let's dive into how you can strategically invest your money.

Assessing Your Current Situation
At 38, with a monthly income of Rs 1.78 lakh, you have a good base to start investing. It's commendable that you have a pension plan through LIC, though it's a small contribution. Let's explore how to optimize your investments.

Evaluating Your Existing Investment
Your current LIC pension plan contributes Rs 450 monthly. While it's a start, this alone won't be sufficient for your long-term financial goals. Consider diversifying and increasing your investments for better returns.

Benefits of Diversified Investments
Diversification spreads your risk and can enhance returns. Let's look at the types of investments you can consider:

Equity Mutual Funds
These funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They're ideal for long-term investments as they can outperform inflation and grow significantly over time.

Debt Mutual Funds
These funds invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. They provide regular income and are less risky compared to equity funds.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equities and debt, offering a balanced approach. They provide growth potential while mitigating risk.

Why Not Real Estate?
Real estate requires a large capital outlay and can be illiquid. It also involves maintenance and other costs. Given these factors, it's better to focus on more liquid and manageable investment options.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem appealing due to lower expense ratios. However, they require active management and expertise. Without professional guidance, you might miss out on market opportunities or make suboptimal decisions.

Benefits of Regular Funds through a CFP
Investing through a CFP offers several advantages:

Expert Guidance: A CFP can help select the best funds based on your risk profile and goals.
Ongoing Monitoring: Continuous tracking and adjustments ensure your investments remain aligned with your objectives.
Better Returns: Professional management can lead to better returns through strategic adjustments.
The Power of SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, making it a disciplined and systematic approach to investing. This also helps in averaging out market volatility, ensuring better returns over time.

Suggested Investment Strategy
Given your current financial situation and long-term goals, here's a suggested strategy:

Emergency Fund
First, establish an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This should be kept in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Monthly SIPs
Consider allocating a significant portion of your monthly income to SIPs in diversified mutual funds. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Mutual Funds: 60-70% of your SIPs should go here for high growth potential.
Debt Mutual Funds: 20-30% for stability and regular returns.
Hybrid Funds: 10-20% for a balanced approach.
One-Time Investments
If you have any lump sum amounts in the future, invest them in diversified equity and debt funds. This helps in maintaining a balanced portfolio.

Benefits of Compounding
Investing for 20 years allows you to benefit from compounding, where your returns generate further returns. This can lead to exponential growth in your investments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. A CFP can help with this.

Final Insights
Starting your investment journey now is a wise decision. With a structured plan and disciplined approach, you can build a substantial corpus over the next 20 years.

Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds to spread risk and enhance returns. Engage with a CFP for professional guidance, ensuring your investments are managed effectively. Establish an emergency fund and invest regularly through SIPs to benefit from the power of compounding.

Remember, consistency and regular monitoring are key to successful investing. By staying committed and making informed decisions, you can secure a strong financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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