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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi. I am a 35 year old IT professional with a monthly combined salary of me and my wife close to 3 lakhs. I am investing close to 50k per month in MF sip, 7k in my only child education plan, 25k in my pf, 4k in an lic endorsement plan, 2lks in SBI smart retire per year, 5k per month each in ppf and nps. I have close to 1cr invested in real estate(plot and apartment)out of which 25k comes back as return. 25k combined accumulated in pf, 11 lks in MF, 20lks in physical gold. I want to retire in next 5 years with a monthly inflow of 60k per month. Please help me how to maximise my return and invest smartly.

Ans: You’re doing great with your finances, and it’s commendable that you are thinking about retiring early. Let’s dive into a detailed strategy to help you maximize your returns and invest smartly.


First, congratulations on maintaining a diversified portfolio and having a clear retirement goal. Balancing investments while managing a high combined salary is no small feat. Your proactive approach towards your financial future is admirable.

Understanding Your Current Situation
You are a 35-year-old IT professional, with a combined monthly salary of Rs. 3 lakhs. Here’s a breakdown of your current investments:

MF SIP: Rs. 50,000 per month
Child Education Plan: Rs. 7,000 per month
PF: Rs. 25,000 per month
LIC Endowment Plan: Rs. 4,000 per month
SBI Smart Retire: Rs. 2 lakhs per year
PPF: Rs. 5,000 per month
NPS: Rs. 5,000 per month
Real Estate: Investment worth Rs. 1 crore, generating Rs. 25,000 per month
PF Accumulated: Rs. 25,000
Mutual Funds: Rs. 11 lakhs
Physical Gold: Rs. 20 lakhs
Evaluating Your Goals
Your goal is to retire in 5 years with a monthly inflow of Rs. 60,000. Let’s evaluate and strategize how to achieve this.

Detailed Financial Assessment
1. Mutual Funds:

You’re investing Rs. 50,000 per month in SIPs, which is excellent. Mutual funds offer the potential for high returns and diversification.

2. Child Education Plan:

Investing Rs. 7,000 per month ensures your child’s education is well-funded. Continue this for security.

3. PF and VPF:

Your Rs. 25,000 per month contribution towards PF is great for retirement. It provides tax benefits and secure returns.

4. LIC Endowment Plan:

Endowment plans often have lower returns. Consider evaluating its performance and compare with other investment options.

5. SBI Smart Retire:

Investing Rs. 2 lakhs per year here indicates a focus on retirement. Ensure it aligns with your overall retirement strategy.

6. PPF:

Investing Rs. 5,000 per month in PPF is a secure option with tax benefits and decent returns over the long term.

7. NPS:

NPS contributions are good for retirement savings with tax benefits. Ensure optimal asset allocation within NPS.

8. Real Estate:

Your investment in real estate worth Rs. 1 crore generating Rs. 25,000 per month is a decent return. However, real estate lacks liquidity.

9. Physical Gold:

Gold worth Rs. 20 lakhs is a good hedge against inflation. However, it doesn’t generate regular income.

Strategic Recommendations
1. Increase SIP Investments:

Consider increasing your SIP investments gradually. Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns in the long run.

2. Evaluate LIC Endowment Plan:

Check the returns from your LIC endowment plan. If they are low, consider surrendering and redirecting to higher-return investments like mutual funds.

3. Optimize NPS Asset Allocation:

Review your NPS asset allocation. Ensure a good balance between equity and debt for optimal growth and stability.

4. Diversify Mutual Funds:

Diversify your mutual fund portfolio. Include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for balanced growth.

5. Emergency Fund:

Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a financial cushion for unforeseen events.

6. Insurance Coverage:

Review your insurance coverage. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance to protect your family.

Detailed Breakdown of Mutual Funds
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Diversified Equity Funds: Invest in a mix of sectors. They offer balanced growth with reduced risk.
Large-Cap Funds: Invest in large companies. They are stable and provide steady returns.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies. They have higher growth potential but come with increased risk.
Small-Cap Funds: Invest in small companies. They offer high returns but are volatile.
2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Liquid Funds: Ideal for short-term investments and emergencies. They offer quick access to money.
Income Funds: Invest in bonds and fixed-income securities. They provide regular income and stability.
3. Hybrid Mutual Funds:

Balanced Funds: Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt. They offer moderate growth and stability.
Dynamic Asset Allocation Funds: Adjust the allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions. They provide flexibility and balanced returns.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is crucial for long-term wealth creation. Here’s how it works:

1. Exponential Growth:

Compounding leads to exponential growth. The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows.

2. Reinvestment:

Mutual funds reinvest earnings, leading to compounding. This accelerates your wealth creation over time.

3. Time Horizon:

Start early and stay invested to maximize compounding benefits. Time is your greatest ally in wealth creation.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
1. Performance Tracking:

Track the performance of your investments regularly. This helps you make informed decisions and adjustments.

2. Rebalancing:

Rebalance your portfolio periodically. This ensures your asset allocation remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

3. Market Conditions:

Stay informed about market conditions. Adjust your investments to take advantage of opportunities and mitigate risks.

Financial Planning for Retirement
1. Calculate Retirement Corpus:

Estimate the corpus needed for a monthly inflow of Rs. 60,000. Consider inflation and future expenses in your calculation.

2. Increase SIP Investments:

To build a larger retirement corpus, increase your SIP investments. Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns in the long run.

3. Diversify Investments:

Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This balances risk and returns for a secure retirement.

4. Review Insurance Coverage:

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This protects you and your family from unforeseen events.

Exploring Additional Investment Options
1. Tax-Free Bonds:

Consider investing in tax-free bonds. They provide regular interest income and tax benefits.

2. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

SWPs in mutual funds provide regular income by withdrawing a fixed amount periodically. This can be useful post-retirement.

3. Gold ETFs:

Instead of physical gold, consider Gold ETFs. They are more liquid and easier to manage.

Final Insights
Maximizing your returns and investing smartly requires a balanced and diversified approach. Increase your SIP investments and optimize your NPS asset allocation. Evaluate your LIC endowment plan and consider reallocating to higher-return investments. Ensure you have adequate insurance and an emergency fund. Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. By following these strategies, you can achieve your retirement goal of a monthly inflow of Rs. 60,000. Your proactive approach and commitment to financial planning are commendable, and with the right strategy, you can secure a bright financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
I am 38 year old married 1 kid, i dont have any loans. I have 1 cr invested in equity 1 cr is mutual fund. 25 lac in pf and 15 lac in nps and 15 lac in gold. 13 lac in land. I do have individual house. I am earning 2.5 lac per month investing around 1 lac in mutual fund sip. I want to retire comfortably in 3 to 5 years. Can you assist
Ans: Planning for early retirement is an ambitious and commendable goal. Your current financial position indicates a strong foundation. Let's delve into a comprehensive strategy to ensure you achieve a comfortable retirement in the next 3 to 5 years.

Compliments on Your Financial Discipline

Your commitment to saving and investing Rs. 1 lakh per month in mutual funds demonstrates excellent financial discipline. This approach has built a solid foundation for your future.

Understanding Your Current Portfolio

You have diversified your investments well across various asset classes:

Rs. 1 crore in equity
Rs. 1 crore in mutual funds
Rs. 25 lakh in PF
Rs. 15 lakh in NPS
Rs. 15 lakh in gold
Rs. 13 lakh in land
Own individual house
These investments indicate a well-rounded portfolio aimed at growth and stability.

Goals and Timeline

Your goal is to retire comfortably within 3 to 5 years. This requires a strategic approach to ensure your investments can generate sufficient income to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy

1. Equity Investments

Equities offer high growth potential, making them ideal for wealth accumulation. However, they also come with higher risks. As you approach retirement, it’s crucial to balance the equity portion of your portfolio to mitigate risks.

2. Mutual Funds

Your monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lakh in mutual funds is a wise decision. Diversify your mutual fund investments across different types of funds to achieve a balance between growth and stability.

3. Provident Fund (PF) and National Pension System (NPS)

PF and NPS provide a secure and steady return, ideal for retirement planning. These funds should remain a core part of your retirement corpus due to their stability and tax benefits.

4. Gold Investments

Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. While it’s not a high-growth asset, it provides stability. Maintain your current allocation to gold.

5. Land Investment

Real estate can be a good long-term investment, but it has drawbacks like illiquidity, no easy entry and exit, and partial withdrawal challenges. Consider this investment as a non-liquid part of your portfolio.

6. Emergency Fund

Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a highly liquid form like a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Investment Strategy for the Next 3 to 5 Years

1. Portfolio Rebalancing

As you approach retirement, gradually reduce your exposure to high-risk assets like equities. Increase your allocation to safer assets like debt mutual funds and fixed income instruments.

2. Debt Mutual Funds

Investing in debt mutual funds can provide stability and regular income. These funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities, offering lower risk compared to equities.

3. Hybrid Funds

Hybrid funds can be a balanced choice, offering both growth and stability by investing in a mix of equities and debt. These funds can provide moderate returns with reduced risk.

4. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

As you near retirement, consider setting up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual funds. SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, ensuring a steady income post-retirement.

5. Retirement Corpus Estimation

Estimate your retirement corpus by calculating your expected expenses post-retirement. Factor in inflation and any additional expenses like healthcare and leisure. This will help you determine if your current investments are sufficient or if you need to adjust your savings rate.

6. Tax Planning

Ensure you utilize tax-saving instruments to minimize your tax liability. Investments in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), PPF, and NPS can provide significant tax benefits under Section 80C.

7. Life and Health Insurance

Adequate life and health insurance are crucial to protect your family’s financial future. Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance policy and a sufficient life cover through term insurance.

8. Estate Planning

Plan for the distribution of your assets to ensure your family’s financial security. Creating a will and considering setting up trusts can help in managing and protecting your wealth.

Analyzing Your Risk Tolerance

Given your goal to retire in 3 to 5 years, it’s essential to reassess your risk tolerance. While you have a substantial investment in equities, shifting towards safer assets can protect your portfolio from market volatility.

Advantages and Risks of Mutual Funds

Advantages:

Professional Management: Fund managers use their expertise to make informed investment decisions.
Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across various securities, reducing risk.
Liquidity: Mutual funds are easily tradable, providing flexibility.
Tax Efficiency: Certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C.
Power of Compounding: Reinvesting returns can significantly grow your wealth over time.
Risks:

Market Risk: Equity funds are subject to market fluctuations.
Credit Risk: Debt funds carry the risk of default by issuers.
Interest Rate Risk: Changes in interest rates can affect the performance of debt funds.
Liquidity Risk: Some mutual funds might face liquidity issues during market downturns.
Power of Compounding

The power of compounding can significantly enhance your returns over time. By reinvesting your earnings, you earn returns on both your initial investment and the accumulated returns. This exponential growth can help you achieve your retirement goals.

Final Insights

To retire comfortably in 3 to 5 years, a well-planned investment strategy is crucial. Here’s a summary of the key steps you should take:

Rebalance Your Portfolio: Gradually shift from high-risk equities to safer debt funds.
Diversify: Invest across various asset classes to balance risk and returns.
Utilize SWP: Set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan for steady post-retirement income.
Maintain an Emergency Fund: Ensure you have funds for unexpected expenses.
Tax Planning: Maximize tax benefits through strategic investments.
Insurance: Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage.
Estate Planning: Plan the distribution of your assets for your family’s security.
By following these steps and regularly reviewing your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner, you can achieve your retirement goals and secure a comfortable future. Your disciplined approach and proactive decision-making will help you build a strong financial foundation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 26 years unmarried girl earning 75k monthly with 4lacs gold, 1lakh PF , monthly 5k in LIC , I want to retire by 45 need investment advice
Ans: It's great to see you taking charge of your financial future. Your goal of retiring by 45 is achievable with a well-structured plan. Given your current assets and monthly income, let’s explore how you can work towards this goal effectively. I'll guide you through some investment strategies that align with your aspirations.

Understanding Your Current Financial Picture
You’re in a strong financial position with a monthly income of Rs 75,000. You also have Rs 4 lakhs in gold and Rs 1 lakh in your Provident Fund (PF). Additionally, you are contributing Rs 5,000 monthly to LIC. These are good starting points.

However, to retire early, we need to diversify and optimize your investments. Your current assets are stable but may not grow aggressively enough to meet your retirement goal. Let's delve into how you can enhance your investment strategy.

Building a Robust Investment Plan
Diversifying Beyond Traditional Assets
Gold and PF are stable, but not very high-growth. Your gold assets (Rs 4 lakhs) provide a safety net, and your PF offers a steady return. But to retire by 45, we need to aim for higher returns.

Start investing in mutual funds. They offer higher growth potential and are a key tool in building wealth.

Mutual Funds: The Power of Compounding
Mutual funds pool money from many investors to invest in securities. There are several types, each with different risk levels and growth potentials.

Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and are great for long-term growth. They come in various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Debt mutual funds are less risky and invest in bonds and other fixed-income instruments. They provide stable returns, though lower than equity funds.

Balanced or hybrid mutual funds combine equity and debt. They offer moderate risk and can be a good middle ground for conservative investors.

The power of compounding in mutual funds cannot be overstated. Reinvesting your returns means your investment grows exponentially over time. This is crucial for accumulating wealth by the time you reach 45.

Evaluating Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are handled by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market. This can lead to higher returns compared to index funds, which simply track market indices.

Although index funds are low-cost, they often underperform in volatile markets. Actively managed funds, though having higher fees, offer the potential for better returns due to strategic buying and selling by experienced managers.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount in mutual funds regularly, usually monthly. This approach is great for disciplined investing and reduces the impact of market volatility.

Starting SIPs with as little as Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000 per month in a diversified portfolio of mutual funds can be a game-changer. It allows you to benefit from rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding.

Assessing Your LIC Investment
You mentioned a monthly contribution of Rs 5,000 to LIC. It's worth reviewing this investment. Traditional LIC policies often offer lower returns compared to other investment options.

Consider redirecting some or all of these contributions towards higher-growth investments like mutual funds. This can significantly enhance your retirement corpus.

Setting Up an Emergency Fund
Before diving deeper into investments, ensure you have an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6 to 12 months of your living expenses.

This fund should be easily accessible and can be kept in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund. An emergency fund protects you from financial disruptions and allows your investments to grow without interruptions.

Leveraging Tax-Advantaged Investments
Maximize your investments in tax-advantaged options like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS). ELSS funds not only provide tax benefits under Section 80C but also offer the potential for higher returns due to their equity exposure.

Additionally, take full advantage of your PF contributions, as they provide tax-free returns and are a safe, long-term investment.

Planning for Inflation
Inflation erodes the purchasing power of money over time. Your investment strategy must account for this. Equity investments, especially over the long term, have historically outpaced inflation.

When planning your retirement corpus, consider an annual inflation rate of around 6-7%. This ensures your retirement savings will maintain their value and support your lifestyle even years down the line.

Investing for Different Time Horizons
Your investments should align with your goals and time horizons. For long-term goals like retirement, focus on equity mutual funds. These funds can offer high returns and benefit from the long-term growth of the market.

For medium-term goals (5-10 years), balanced or hybrid funds are ideal. They provide growth while mitigating risk with a mix of equity and debt.

For short-term goals (less than 5 years), stick to debt funds or fixed deposits. These are lower risk and provide stable returns, ensuring your money is safe when you need it.

Reassessing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, and so should your investment strategy.

Rebalancing your portfolio involves adjusting the asset allocation to maintain your desired level of risk. If your equity investments grow faster than your debt investments, for example, you may need to shift some money from equity to debt to keep your portfolio balanced.

Preparing for Healthcare Costs
Healthcare costs can be significant in retirement. Consider investing in health insurance to cover major medical expenses. This will protect your savings and ensure you have the financial resources to handle unexpected health issues.

Creating a Retirement Budget
Estimate your retirement expenses based on your current lifestyle and future aspirations. This includes daily living costs, healthcare, travel, and any other personal goals.

Creating a budget helps you understand how much you need to save and ensures you stay on track with your financial goals. It also allows you to adjust your savings and investments as needed.

Considering Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be invaluable. A CFP can provide personalized advice and help you create a comprehensive financial plan.

They can guide you through complex investment decisions, tax planning, and retirement strategies, ensuring you stay on track to achieve your goal of retiring by 45.

Embracing Financial Discipline
Achieving early retirement requires financial discipline. Live within your means, avoid unnecessary debt, and regularly save and invest.

Automate your investments to ensure consistency and take advantage of market opportunities. Staying disciplined and focused on your goals will make early retirement a reality.

Final Insights
Retiring by 45 is an ambitious and exciting goal. With strategic planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve it.

Focus on building a diversified portfolio, leveraging the power of mutual funds, and consistently reviewing and adjusting your investments.

Stay committed to your financial goals and seek professional advice when needed. Your dedication today will pave the way for a comfortable and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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