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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 35 years old, I have home loan, I live in chennai. I am paying 38k emi for my 25 years home loan of 43 lakhs. My salary is 1.5 lakhs per month take home. I don't have any savings. I can save 50 thousand every month. Can some one guide me how should I invest in fd or mutual funds, or ppf. How should I plan for my retirement?

Ans: You've done well by securing a home loan and achieving a significant take-home salary. Living in Chennai with a Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly take-home salary is commendable. Paying a Rs. 38,000 EMI for your 25-year home loan shows your commitment. Saving Rs. 50,000 monthly is a great step towards financial stability.

Setting Financial Goals
Financial goals are important. With proper planning, you can achieve them. Start by identifying short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals may include building an emergency fund or saving for a vacation. Long-term goals may be retirement planning or children’s education. Prioritizing these goals will help you allocate your resources effectively.

Emergency Fund
First, set up an emergency fund. An emergency fund should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund helps you deal with unforeseen circumstances like medical emergencies or job loss. Since you have no savings yet, start putting aside a part of your Rs. 50,000 monthly savings into a liquid fund or a savings account until you reach the desired amount.

Debt Management
You already have a significant commitment in the form of your home loan. Continue paying your EMIs diligently. Avoid taking on additional high-interest debts like credit card loans or personal loans. If possible, try to make occasional extra payments towards your home loan principal to reduce your interest burden over time.

Diversifying Investments
With Rs. 50,000 to save each month, diversification is key. Let’s explore different investment avenues to achieve your financial goals.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a popular long-term investment option in India. It offers tax benefits under Section 80C and provides decent returns. The interest earned is tax-free, making it an attractive option for conservative investors. However, it has a lock-in period of 15 years. You can allocate a portion of your savings to PPF for stable and secure growth.

Fixed Deposits (FDs)
FDs are safe investment options. They provide fixed returns over a period. While they offer lower returns compared to other investment options, they are risk-free. Allocate a small portion of your savings to FDs for short-term goals or as part of your emergency fund.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are excellent for long-term wealth creation. They offer various categories based on risk and return profiles. Here’s a deeper look:

Equity Mutual Funds: These invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals like retirement. Consider large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds based on your risk appetite. Large-cap funds are less risky, while small-cap funds offer higher returns with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds: These invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They are less volatile compared to equity funds. Suitable for short to medium-term goals, debt funds provide stable returns with lower risk.

Hybrid Mutual Funds: These invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer a balanced approach with moderate risk and returns. Ideal for medium-term goals, hybrid funds provide a diversified portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. They help in rupee cost averaging and compounding. With Rs. 50,000 to save monthly, you can start SIPs in different mutual funds. This disciplined approach ensures consistent investing, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Gold Investments
Gold is a traditional investment option in India. It acts as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuation. Instead of physical gold, consider Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) or Gold ETFs for investment. They offer the benefits of gold without storage concerns.

Retirement Planning
Planning for retirement is crucial. At 35, you have ample time to build a substantial corpus. Here’s a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement:

Determine Retirement Corpus: Estimate the amount you’ll need at retirement. Consider factors like inflation, lifestyle, and healthcare costs. A certified financial planner can help you with detailed projections.

Start Early: The earlier you start, the better. Compounding works wonders over time. Regularly investing in equity mutual funds through SIPs will help build a significant corpus.

Review and Adjust: Periodically review your retirement plan. Adjust based on changes in income, expenses, and market conditions. Stay flexible to ensure you’re on track.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning helps in maximizing returns. Utilize available tax-saving instruments like PPF, EPF, ELSS mutual funds, and insurance premiums. Under Section 80C, you can claim up to Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction annually. ELSS mutual funds are particularly beneficial as they offer equity exposure with tax benefits.

Insurance Needs
Adequate insurance is essential for financial security. Ensure you have the following:

Life Insurance: Adequate life insurance is crucial. It ensures your family’s financial security in your absence. Term insurance is a cost-effective option providing high coverage at low premiums.

Health Insurance: A comprehensive health insurance policy covers medical expenses. It’s vital given the rising healthcare costs. Ensure your policy covers critical illnesses and offers sufficient coverage.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly monitor your investments and review your financial plan. Ensure it aligns with your changing goals and circumstances. Make adjustments as needed to stay on track.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Lack of Diversification: Don’t put all your money into one type of investment. Diversify across different asset classes to spread risk.

Ignoring Inflation: Consider inflation while planning. Ensure your investments grow faster than inflation to maintain purchasing power.

Emotional Decisions: Avoid making investment decisions based on emotions. Market fluctuations are normal. Stick to your plan and avoid panic selling.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is the process where returns generate their own returns. The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows. For instance, investing Rs. 10,000 monthly for 20 years at an annual return of 12% can grow significantly. This emphasizes the importance of starting early and staying invested for the long term.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
While index funds are passive and replicate market indices, actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market through research and analysis. Actively managed funds can provide better returns by capitalizing on market opportunities. Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials offer professional advice and better service.

Final Insights
Financial planning is a journey. It requires discipline, patience, and regular monitoring. Start by building an emergency fund. Diversify your investments across PPF, FDs, and mutual funds. Use SIPs for disciplined investing. Plan for retirement early to benefit from compounding. Ensure adequate insurance coverage and effective tax planning.

Avoid common mistakes and stay committed to your goals. Regularly review and adjust your plan to stay on track. Remember, the key to successful financial planning is starting early and staying consistent.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I'm 31 years old and married. She is a housewife. I have about 30 lakhs in FDs and PPFs. I have loan-free farm land of 35 lakhs, highway touch, which yields only 20k per year in rent right now. I have home loan of 38 lakhs with 33500 EMI. I have just recently started investing in MFs with SIP of 9000 per month in 5-6 different funds comprising of large cap, mid cap, small cap, dividend yield and I want to increase it. I only prefer equity oriented funds because of its higher returns as compared to debt funds as I already have enough FDs to play safely and thus I avoid debt funds. I know I have enough years to gather large corpus till age 60. But right now, please suggest me how much (or how much more) and where should I invest Rs.50000 per month (savings of my salary after all expenses per month) so that I earn exactly Rs.1 lakh per month from all my investments (passive income) in exactly 5 years from now. Also, I wonder if I should pay off my home loan or not coz one side is that currently I avail tax return on interest component upto 3.5 lakhs but the other side is that paying off home loan will lessen my mental burden. So sir, please share your valuable opinion om both these points.
Ans: To be honest, increasing your SIP to 50,000 per month would only accumulate around 40 lakhs in five years. While this might allow you to withdraw 1 lakh per month through a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP), this income stream would only last for four years, as the underlying corpus wouldn't be large enough to sustain it for a decade.

On your investment, we recommend sticking with your diversified SIPs and maybe exploring some specific funds for that extra growth potential. But remember, balance is the key. To counter market volatility and generate some regular income, consider putting 20-30% of your additional investment into hybrid or balanced funds.

You can review your FD allocations to find a sweet spot between higher returns and keeping some available cash for contingency purpose.

Talking about the home loan, weighing the tax benefit with the mental freedom of paying it off is a personal decision. You should compare different scenarios based on your tax bracket, new and old tax regime, and future income growth and future plans. Based on analysis you can consider a partial prepayment to reduce the loan tenure and interest.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi i am 42 yrs i am govt servent going to retire at 58 currently my salary 60pm from last one years i started investing in mutual fund 10k in nippon small cap 5k in sbi large and small cap and this years started 5k in nippon flexi cap fund currently i hav 24lac in ppf account also need to make small home for that i need 40 lac suggest me some should i take home lone or use my savings for that
Ans: Considering your retirement in 16 years and your current investment in mutual funds and PPF, let's analyze your options for purchasing a home.

You're off to a good start with your mutual fund investments, providing potential growth over the long term. However, investing in equity funds for a short-term goal like buying a house carries risk due to market fluctuations.

Given your timeline and the need for 40 lac for a home, it's prudent to explore multiple avenues. Utilizing your savings in PPF is an option, but it might not cover the entire cost.

Taking a home loan could be a viable solution. It allows you to preserve your savings and spread the cost of the house over a longer period. However, consider the loan's interest rate, tenure, and your ability to repay post-retirement.

Alternatively, you could partially fund the home with your savings and take a smaller home loan, reducing the burden of EMIs post-retirement. This approach offers a balance between utilizing savings and leveraging loans.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to assess your risk tolerance, evaluate loan options, and devise a suitable strategy aligned with your financial goals and retirement plans.

In summary, weigh the pros and cons of using savings versus taking a home loan, considering factors like interest rates, repayment capacity, and post-retirement income. With careful planning, you can achieve your goal of owning a home while safeguarding your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

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Money
Hello Sir, I am a 30 yesr old male. Currently Unmarried. My salary is 1 lakhs (in hand) per month. I recently took a home loan with 32k emi oer month. I still do not have any ppf or nps or any other kind of savings or investments. Please guide me on how and where to invest. I have to complete the interiors of the house i bought and I am also planning to buy a 4 wheeler under 8lakhs in the next 2 years. Please Guide sir
Ans: You are 30 years old and unmarried. Your monthly salary is Rs. 1 lakh. You have a home loan with an EMI of Rs. 32,000. You need to complete the interiors of your house. You plan to buy a car worth Rs. 8 lakhs in the next two years. You currently have no savings or investments.

Financial Goals
Complete home interiors
Buy a car in two years
Start saving and investing for the future
Monthly Savings and Budgeting
1. Emergency Fund:

Set aside funds for emergencies. Aim to save 6 months of expenses. This should be around Rs. 3 lakhs. Start by saving Rs. 10,000 per month.

2. Home Interiors:

Estimate the cost for home interiors. Allocate Rs. 10,000 per month for this. This will help you avoid taking more debt.

3. Car Purchase:

Save for your car purchase. Aim to save Rs. 8 lakhs in 2 years. Save Rs. 30,000 per month for this goal.

Investment Strategy
1. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It's a good long-term investment. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month.

2. National Pension System (NPS):

NPS helps build a retirement corpus. It offers tax benefits too. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month.

3. Mutual Funds:

Actively managed funds can offer better returns. Avoid index funds as they may have lower returns. Start with Rs. 10,000 per month in mutual funds. Choose funds with a good track record.

4. Debt Funds:

Include debt funds for stability. They offer lower risk and steady returns. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month in debt funds.

Risk Management
1. Diversification:

Diversify your investments. Spread them across different assets. This reduces risk and ensures stability.

2. Insurance:

Ensure adequate insurance coverage. Health insurance and term insurance are essential. They protect you and your assets.

Tax Planning
1. Tax-efficient Investments:

Invest in tax-saving instruments. PPF, NPS, and ELSS offer tax benefits. Plan your investments to reduce tax liability.

2. Tax-saving Strategies:

Utilise tax-saving strategies. Maximise benefits under Section 80C, 80D, and other sections.

Monitoring and Review
1. Regular Monitoring:

Monitor your investments regularly. Track performance and make necessary adjustments.

2. Annual Review:

Review your financial plan annually. Assess progress towards your goals. Adjust investments based on performance.

Final Insights
Start by building an emergency fund. Allocate funds for home interiors and car purchase. Invest systematically in PPF, NPS, mutual funds, and debt funds. Diversify your portfolio and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Regular monitoring and annual reviews will help you stay on track. With disciplined planning, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
27 year old male, I am working in the railways and earn around 75k per month , I live in Chennai in own house , i bought another house in 2020 with home loan of 30 lakh , emi is 32k , I don't have any other loans , and I have savings of 1 lakh from the rental income (20k) , i don't have any other investments of any sorts , and no insurance, monthly expenses are around 22k to 25k , I need advice on how to get started with investing , how to manage my debt , current and future, how to save and invest for my retirement . I am also planning to get married in 2 to 3 years , for which I need 7 to 10 lakh , if possible without a loan. Please advise me on this , thank you
Ans: First, congratulations on having a stable job with the railways and owning your own home in Chennai. Your monthly salary of Rs 75,000 is a good starting point for building a solid financial foundation. Additionally, having rental income from your second house and managing to save Rs 1 lakh is commendable.

Evaluating Your Current Situation
You have a home loan with an EMI of Rs 32,000, which is a significant part of your monthly expenses. Your current monthly expenses range between Rs 22,000 and Rs 25,000. This leaves you with some disposable income after accounting for your loan and living expenses.

Prioritizing Debt Management
Your primary focus should be on managing your existing debt effectively. Paying off your home loan as quickly as possible should be a priority because it reduces your long-term financial burden and interest outgo. Here’s how you can manage your debt:

Additional Payments: If possible, make extra payments towards your home loan principal. This reduces the outstanding amount and the interest payable.

Refinancing: Consider refinancing your home loan if you can get a lower interest rate. This can reduce your monthly EMI and overall interest burden.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least six months of your expenses, including EMIs. This provides a safety net in case of unexpected financial challenges.

Getting Started with Investing
Investing is crucial for building wealth and ensuring financial security in the long term. Here are some steps to get started:

Define Your Goals: Clearly outline your financial goals. These include saving for your wedding, creating a retirement corpus, and any other significant expenses.

Start Small: Begin with small, regular investments. You can gradually increase your investment amount as your comfort and understanding grow.

Diversify: Diversification helps spread risk. Consider investing in a mix of equity mutual funds, debt mutual funds, and other suitable financial instruments.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can help you create a personalized investment strategy.

Investment Options
To achieve your financial goals, consider the following investment options:

Equity Mutual Funds: These are suitable for long-term goals like retirement. They offer higher returns but come with higher risk. Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers.

Debt Mutual Funds: These are suitable for short-term goals and provide stable returns with lower risk. They are ideal for parking funds needed for your wedding.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): SIPs in mutual funds allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This instills discipline and helps in averaging the cost of investment.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): This is a safe and tax-efficient investment option for long-term goals like retirement. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.

Planning for Your Wedding
You plan to get married in 2 to 3 years and need Rs 7 to 10 lakhs. Here’s how you can save for this without taking a loan:

Set Aside Savings: Allocate a portion of your monthly income towards your wedding fund. Since you have a rental income, use it to boost your savings.

Short-Term Investments: Invest the wedding fund in short-term debt mutual funds or fixed deposits. These options provide better returns than a regular savings account.

Saving for Retirement
Retirement planning should start early to ensure you have a substantial corpus when you retire. Here’s how you can plan:

Estimate Retirement Corpus: Determine how much you will need for retirement based on your expected expenses and lifestyle.

Invest Regularly: Use a mix of equity and debt investments. Equity mutual funds can grow your wealth, while debt funds provide stability.

Increase Contributions: Gradually increase your retirement contributions as your income grows.

Managing Future Debt
To manage future debt effectively, consider the following:

Avoid Unnecessary Loans: Only take loans when absolutely necessary. For instance, avoid personal loans for discretionary expenses.

Maintain a Good Credit Score: Timely repayment of your home loan and other dues will help maintain a good credit score, making it easier to get loans at favorable terms in the future.

Build Assets: Focus on building assets that generate income, like your rental property. This helps in offsetting liabilities.

Insurance and Risk Management
Having insurance is crucial for protecting your financial well-being. Here’s what you need:

Life Insurance: Get a term insurance plan to cover financial risks. It provides a high coverage amount at an affordable premium.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage to protect against medical emergencies.

Building a Strong Financial Foundation
Building a strong financial foundation involves several key steps:

Budgeting: Maintain a monthly budget to track income and expenses. This helps in identifying areas where you can save more.

Emergency Fund: Always keep an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. This should be liquid and easily accessible.

Regular Review: Regularly review your financial plan and investment portfolio. Adjust your strategy based on changing goals and market conditions.


You have a strong financial foundation with your stable job, homeownership, and rental income. By effectively managing your debt, starting disciplined investments, planning for your wedding, and securing insurance, you can achieve financial security and build wealth for the future.

Final Insights
Starting your investment journey and managing your finances might seem daunting, but with the right approach, you can achieve your goals. Focus on debt management, start investing early, plan for your future, and always seek professional advice when needed. With consistent efforts and a clear strategy, you'll be well on your way to financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, Im a returning NRI post 20 years having lived abroad. Wasnt sure if I would ever have come on this platform but yes I have . I have been involved with a girl in India for the past 6 years , we both are in our end 40's shes 47 and i will be turning 50 next year. On my bi annual visits we have been meeting, getting physical and share almost everything. There was nothing hidden between us, frank discussions about life, menopause, family issues, support for each other and a lot of love flowing, gifts exhanged both ways , always there for each other and so on. For the past 5 years she was out of a job but now has started working again since the past 7 months or so. Happy for her. I made a decision to take early retirement and head back home , a purely personal choice and spend more time with her. Its just that now when im back and expressed my desire to visit her , i feel shes a bit hesitant, we stay in different cities. I was pretty stunned when I initially planned to see her around the christmas week but she cited follow up prayers for a close family member who had passed away a couple of years back and her unavailabilty. Moreso the dates I had proposed she was unsure of committing time during that period and I let it pass. I was pleasantly surprised and also hurt that during those specific days , shes taking off for a short vacation citing she needs to recharge. Not sure what I should make out of this. Our conversations since my return have been short, messaging not that frequent but overall i feel the thrill that used to be there earlier is missing from her end. I cant understand -:), all was good till a month back. Simply put I dont wanna confront her, its her life after all but just need some advise : is this normal hormonal changes or do u feel its something more and I shud let go. Yeah I know its gonna be difficult for me but some closure I need.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your partner/lady seems to be one of those who is happy with a virtual relationship and all the perks in it. It gets easy as there is no commitment within that relationship; at least that's how it reads to me from your post.
It's possible that in her mind she must have thought that the long distance thing works better. Now that you are back, it's possible that you might ask her that the two of you move things further as in a COMMITMENT.
So, maybe you must initiate a conversation with her and be very clear as to what you want from her and the relationship. And also listen patiently to what she has to say. She may not want to pursue a commitment and this is something that you must prepare yourself to hear!
Is this all stemming from a hormonal change? Well, it's strange because a month back things were all good; so where were these hormonal changes back then? So, no...Do have that honest conversation and see where it goes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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