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33-year-old with strong monthly investments seeking advice on portfolio allocation and retirement planning

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Shameer Question by Shameer on Aug 21, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi, I am 33y & my wife 31y. We have been investing 50K (25% of total take home) monthly into MF, Direct Equity and US ETF. Current MF portfolio - 7 Lakhs and doing SIP of 40K direct as below HDFC SENSEX INDEX FUND - 14K CANARA ROBECO SMALL CAP - 10K AXIS GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES - 4K PARAG PARIKH FLEXI CAP - 10K QUANT ELSS - 2K And US 500 ETF SIP - 1500 Also, Stock portfolio 4.5 Lakhs + 8500 in basket of stocks every month. My queries are: Whether I should continue with Sensex index or start Nifty 50 index fund. Will I be able to achieve corpus for my kid(4y) education and my retirement at age 55 considering current expenses of 1Lakh per month. Do I have to diversify into other funds(mid cap or multi cap) We both have individual term plans but dependent on corporate health covers. Is that fine? We don't like PPF, LIC, FD etc. However, 8700 per month of employer NPS and 50K additional we have opted recently. Is that enough at 60. Please suggest.

Ans: You have been consistently investing Rs. 50,000 monthly, which is 25% of your total take-home pay. This is commendable as it reflects discipline and a strong commitment to securing your financial future. Your mutual fund portfolio currently stands at Rs. 7 lakhs, and you are investing Rs. 40,000 through SIPs in various funds. Additionally, you have a stock portfolio worth Rs. 4.5 lakhs and invest Rs. 8,500 monthly in a basket of stocks.

Your allocation into different asset classes like mutual funds, direct equity, and US ETFs shows a diversified approach, which is generally positive. However, there are areas where optimization can further enhance your long-term financial outcomes.

Direct Equity and US ETFs

Investing directly in stocks can provide higher returns but comes with higher risk. It requires constant monitoring and a good understanding of the market. The US ETF investment adds geographical diversification, which is good, but investing directly in a US ETF involves currency risk and other geopolitical factors that can impact returns.

Potential Areas for Improvement

Index Funds vs. Actively Managed Funds: Investing in index funds like Sensex or Nifty 50 provides lower-cost exposure to the market, but it often underperforms actively managed funds in the long run. Actively managed funds, especially those managed by experienced fund managers, have the potential to outperform the market, particularly in emerging economies like India. By opting for actively managed funds through a certified financial planner, you could leverage their expertise and potentially achieve better returns.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds: Direct funds, while lower in expense ratios, lack the personalized advice that regular funds offer through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. A CFP can provide guidance tailored to your specific financial situation, ensuring your investments align with your goals. Regular funds come with the added advantage of ongoing support and strategic adjustments, which can significantly impact your portfolio's performance over time.

Corpus for Child’s Education and Retirement
Planning for Child’s Education

Your child is currently 4 years old, and you have around 14-15 years before they will need funds for higher education. The cost of education is rising rapidly, and it’s important to plan early. You are already investing in equity-oriented instruments, which are well-suited for long-term goals like education. However, considering the rising cost of education, you might want to increase your allocation to instruments specifically aimed at education planning.

Goal-Oriented Investment: Consider creating a separate investment portfolio dedicated to your child’s education. This could include a mix of diversified equity funds, child education plans, and balanced funds that provide growth potential along with some level of safety as you approach the time of need.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review this portfolio to ensure it is on track to meet the expected cost of education, adjusting the investment amount or choice of funds as necessary.

Planning for Retirement at Age 55

Retiring at 55 is an ambitious goal, especially with current expenses of Rs. 1 lakh per month. To maintain your lifestyle post-retirement, considering inflation, you will need a substantial corpus.

Assessing the Required Corpus: Without diving into complex calculations, it's crucial to understand that the corpus required at age 55 will be significantly higher due to inflation. Your current investments and savings need to be aligned to accumulate a sufficient corpus to last through your retirement years.

NPS and Additional Contributions: The Rs. 8,700 per month from employer contributions to NPS and an additional Rs. 50,000 are good steps towards building a retirement corpus. However, given your early retirement goal, these may not be sufficient. Consider increasing your contributions or supplementing your NPS with other long-term investments like balanced advantage funds or multi-asset funds that can provide both growth and stability.

Diversification for Stability and Growth: While you have a significant equity exposure, which is beneficial for growth, consider diversifying into funds that provide stability as you near retirement. This can include balanced funds, hybrid funds, or even debt funds that provide a cushion against market volatility.

Diversification into Other Funds
Need for Mid Cap and Multi Cap Funds

Your current SIPs include a mix of large-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. While this provides a degree of diversification, adding mid-cap and multi-cap funds could enhance your portfolio's potential for higher returns.

Mid Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds invest in companies that have the potential for higher growth than large caps but are less risky than small caps. They can offer a good balance between risk and reward, making them an essential part of a well-diversified portfolio.

Multi Cap Funds: Multi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a diversified exposure to the market. This flexibility allows fund managers to adjust the portfolio according to market conditions, potentially offering better returns over the long term.

Regular Portfolio Review: It’s crucial to regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. As you approach retirement, your risk tolerance will decrease, and a CFP can help adjust your portfolio accordingly.

Health and Term Insurance Evaluation
Reliance on Corporate Health Covers

You mentioned that both of you are dependent on corporate health covers, which is a common practice. However, relying solely on employer-provided health insurance can be risky, especially if you switch jobs or if your employer reduces the coverage.

Importance of Personal Health Insurance: Consider purchasing a separate health insurance policy for yourself and your family. This will provide continued coverage regardless of employment status and ensure that your family is protected in case of medical emergencies.

Term Insurance Adequacy: You both have individual term plans, which is a good move. Term insurance provides financial security to your family in case of an untimely demise. Ensure that the coverage is adequate to cover your family’s needs, including living expenses, education costs, and liabilities.

Critical Illness Coverage: Consider adding a critical illness rider to your term insurance policy. This will provide a lump sum amount in case of diagnosis of severe illnesses, which can help cover medical expenses and loss of income during treatment.

Conclusion
Final Insights

Your current investment strategy is well-thought-out, and you are on the right track to achieving your financial goals. However, a few adjustments and diversifications can optimize your portfolio further.

Shift from Index to Actively Managed Funds: Consider moving from index funds to actively managed funds through a CFP. This can help achieve better returns over the long term.

Increase NPS Contributions: While your current NPS contributions are a good start, increasing them could better secure your retirement, especially given your early retirement goal.

Diversify Further: Introduce mid-cap and multi-cap funds to your portfolio for better diversification and growth potential.

Review Insurance: Invest in personal health insurance and ensure your term insurance coverage is adequate.

Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay on track and make informed decisions as your financial situation evolves.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I have a corpus of 1 cr in mf with an ongoing monthly sip of 85k..have invested 6 lacs in stocks..I am investing 1.5 lacs each In both ppf and sukanya samridhi scheme for the past 5 years.. I also have invested in hdfc sanchay annuity plan around 5.5 lacs annually for the past 4 years which will give me a monthly income from the 12th years of 50 k.. I have FDs of around 3 cr which is giving me a return of 7% annually.. I have 2 kids and I am 43 yrs old. I am looking at building a corpus of 40 cr plus on my retirement.. I have been investing in mf since 2017.. The funds that I am investing in are 1) axis.mid cap 2) canara robeco emerging equities 3) Nippon small cap 4) Parag Parikh flexi cap 5) quant flexi cap 6) Mirae asset mid and larg cap 7) icici nifty 50 index 8) SBI focussed equity 9) hdfc balanced advantage fund 10) SBI equity hybrid fund Plz suggest if these funds are fine to reach a target of 40 cr plus in the next 17 years... My kids are 10 and 4 yrs old respectively and I want to keep 1.5 cr plus for their education. When they attain the age of 18 years respectively. Kindly suggest do I need to change the investment plan and mutual funds or should I continue with the same strategy to achieve my goal.
Ans: You can not reach to your target of 40 crores plus education corpus of 1.5 cr for 2 children as most of your money is getting invested in fixed income type of instruments, since your goal is still 17 years away you can convert theses fixed income in mutual funds.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: First, you have done well in accumulating Rs 80 lakh in mutual funds and Rs 20 lakh in stocks. Your Rs 40 lakh in bank deposits also provides liquidity for any emergency needs. Your monthly SIPs, totalling Rs 57,000, are a step in the right direction, showing a commitment to long-term wealth creation.

However, job security is a concern, and it is wise to assess the stability of your finances. You aim to ensure Rs 1.5 lakh per month for retirement and also cover your children's education expenses. This is achievable with careful planning.

Assessment of Mutual Fund Portfolio

You have spread your SIPs across multiple mutual funds, with Rs 57,000 allocated monthly. However, this spread across many funds can lead to overlapping, reducing the diversification benefits.

Consolidate Fund Choices: You are invested in too many funds, particularly in the small and mid-cap categories. It’s better to focus on a few quality funds rather than spreading across too many. Funds with overlapping themes might dilute returns and increase volatility.

Rebalance Your Portfolio: Your current SIP choices, especially in small-cap and mid-cap funds, are aggressive. These categories can be volatile, particularly if markets face a downturn. For a person nearing retirement age, a balanced approach is better. You may want to shift some investments into large-cap or flexi-cap funds, which are relatively less volatile.

Actively Managed Funds: Investing in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can give you access to professional expertise and ongoing advice. These funds, with the right guidance, have the potential to outperform and provide you with strategies to navigate different market cycles.

Lumpsum Investments Insight

Your lumpsum investments of Rs 54.5 lakh are heavily concentrated in small-cap funds. Small-cap funds have high growth potential but also come with significant risks. As you approach retirement, this heavy exposure could be dangerous if the market does not perform well. Here’s how you can rebalance:

Review Small-Cap Exposure: Reallocate some of your lumpsum investments from small-cap funds to more balanced categories. This reduces risk while ensuring growth.

Infrastructure Funds: Your investment in infrastructure funds also seems concentrated. This sector can be cyclical. It's better to diversify into more stable sectors or broader market funds for consistent returns.

Retirement Planning

Your goal of securing Rs 1.5 lakh per month during retirement is realistic. But you need to ensure a balanced approach to achieve this. Here's how you can strengthen your retirement planning:

Shift Focus to Stability: As you approach retirement, your portfolio should gradually shift to include more stable, income-generating assets. A balanced or large-cap-oriented mutual fund will offer better stability compared to small caps. You can also consider debt funds or hybrid funds to provide a buffer against market fluctuations.

SIP Continuation: Continue your SIPs but consider moving some of the small-cap allocations into more conservative, large-cap funds. This strategy will help safeguard your retirement corpus from short-term market risks.

Children's Education Planning

With two kids, aged 18 and 14, education costs are likely to be a significant financial responsibility. Here's how you can address this:

Allocate Funds Specifically for Education: Consider creating a separate investment strategy for your children's education. You can explore education-focused mutual funds or a combination of debt funds and equity funds to ensure a steady flow of funds when needed. For your elder child, since education costs may be more immediate, less risky investments, such as debt funds, could be beneficial.

Maintain Liquidity: Keep a portion of your Rs 40 lakh bank deposits available for education expenses. This ensures you are not forced to redeem investments during market downturns.

Job Security and Emergency Funds

With your concerns about job security, having an emergency fund is essential. Here's how you can protect yourself:

Increase Emergency Fund: You have Rs 40 lakh in bank deposits, which is good. However, ensure you keep at least six months' worth of expenses (around Rs 7-8 lakh) in liquid, easily accessible instruments like a savings account or liquid funds. This will cover any unforeseen expenses or job loss situations.

Insurance Review: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance cover. As your wife is a homemaker, you are the primary breadwinner, so it is important to protect your family in case of any unfortunate event.

Tax Considerations

The taxation of mutual funds is another critical factor. Here’s a brief overview of how taxes will affect your investments:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: For debt mutual funds, both LTCG and STCG will be taxed as per your income tax slab. This can significantly affect your returns if not planned well.

Ensure that you track your investments and redeem only when needed to avoid hefty tax implications. A CFP can help structure your investments to minimize tax liabilities.

Final Insights

Here are the key points to keep in mind for a secure financial future:

Simplify and Rebalance: Reduce the number of funds in your portfolio and shift focus towards large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Education Planning: Set aside a portion of your investments for your children’s education to ensure their future without straining your retirement corpus.

Retirement Strategy: Begin transitioning your portfolio towards more stable investments, like large-cap or balanced funds, as you near retirement.

Tax Efficiency: Plan your withdrawals carefully to minimize tax outflow and preserve your wealth.

Emergency Fund: Keep sufficient liquidity to manage any job loss or unexpected expenses.

By carefully balancing your portfolio, ensuring liquidity, and planning for both retirement and education, you can build a financially secure future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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