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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nagendra Question by Nagendra on May 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 27 years old .i want to have retirement corpus of 3 crore at age of 50. I can invest 25000 monthly. Suggest me some sip to invest in for span of 20 years with bit of low to moderate risk ? Thank u advance

Ans: Starting your retirement planning at 27 with a goal of Rs. 3 crore at 50 is fantastic! A monthly SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) of Rs. 25,000 for 23 years is a great way to grow your corpus. Let's explore some SIP options that can help you reach your target.

Low to Moderate Risk Strategy

Considering your 23-year investment horizon, a low to moderate risk strategy allows for some growth potential while managing risk. Here are some options to consider:

Diversified Equity Funds: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. This offers diversification and growth potential, with larger companies balancing the risk of smaller ones.
Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds can invest across market capitalizations, offering flexibility to the fund manager. This can help capture growth opportunities in different market segments.
Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.
Benefits of a CFP Professional

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) professional can provide a personalized plan. They can help you:

Calculate Retirement Corpus: Determine the exact investment amount needed based on your desired retirement lifestyle.
Choose Right SIPs: Select a diversified portfolio of actively managed SIPs that aligns with your risk tolerance and goals.
Review & Rebalance: Regularly monitor your portfolio performance and rebalance periodically to maintain your asset allocation.
Remember:

Market fluctuations can impact your returns. However, starting early, investing regularly, and choosing a low to moderate risk strategy are all positive steps towards your Rs. 3 crore goal.

Next Steps:

Consider consulting a CFP professional for a detailed plan.
They can assess your risk profile and suggest suitable SIP options.
Be patient and disciplined with your investments.
Starting early gives your money time to grow through the power of compounding!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 29, 2023

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My Age is 43. my monthly salary is 60K. I am willing to start SIP from Jan-2024. I have a home loan of 20 Lakhs for 20 yrs and have been paying since 2021@ interest rate of 9.15. Other investments are 4 LIC perimium of 1.25 Lakhs annually. I want to invest 10K monthly in best SIP for next 15-20 yrs. Kindly suggest best SIP funds that I can invest to secure my my retirement and family in future. Thank you.
Ans: Selecting a mutual fund for your investment should depend on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Since you're 43 years old, it's crucial to consider factors like how soon you need the money and how comfortable you are with risk. Here are some suggestions for mutual funds to consider, but please consult with a financial advisor for personalized advice:


Diversified Equity Funds: Since you have a longer investment horizon (5+ years) and if you can tolerate moderate risk, consider diversified equity funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. Examples include SBI Bluechip Fund,Kotak Flexi Cap Fund,TATA Large & Mid Cap

Balanced Funds: These funds invest in a mix of stocks and bonds, which can provide more stability. They are suitable if you have a moderate risk tolerance and a medium-term investment horizon. HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund and ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund are some options.

Debt Funds and Fixed Rate Instruments: If you're risk-averse and need a regular income stream, debt mutual funds could be appropriate. Also, you can consider other fixed rate instruments like Corporate FDs, Private Bonds, P2P Investments, G-Sec Bonds etc as lucrative interest rate scenario prevailing in economy and its good time to lock the money in high yielding debt products.

Index Funds: If you prefer a passive approach to investing, index funds could be a good fit. They aim to replicate the performance of a specific index like the Nifty 50 or Sensex. UTI Nifty Index Fund and HDFC Index Fund - Nifty 50 Plan are examples.

Diversify your investments across a range of asset classes and different investment avenues as stated above to avoid concertation risk and putting all your eggs in one basket.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi I’m 23 years old and I want to invest 5k per month in Sip for at least 20 years. Can you please suggest some sip's?
Ans: Kickstarting Your Investment Journey at 23: A Smart Move!
Investing ?5,000 per month through SIPs for 20 years is a fantastic decision at your young age! Here are some ideas for potential SIP investments, but remember, this is not financial advice:

Building a Diversified Portfolio:

Equity Funds: Consider investing a portion in equity funds that offer growth potential over the long term. Actively managed equity funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds. You can explore Large-cap, Mid-cap, or Flexi-cap funds based on your risk tolerance.

Debt Funds: Invest a portion in debt funds for stability and to balance your portfolio's risk profile. Debt funds can provide regular income and help manage volatility.

Here's a Sample SIP Allocation (you can adjust based on risk tolerance):

60%: Large-cap or Multi-cap Actively Managed Equity Funds for long-term growth.

20%: Mid-cap Actively Managed Equity Funds for potentially higher growth (with higher risk).

20%: Debt Funds (short/medium/long-term) for stability and income generation.

Important to Remember:

Do Your Research: Research actively managed funds and choose those with a good track record and a reputable fund house.

Review Regularly: Review your SIPs at least annually to ensure they remain aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Seeking Professional Guidance:

Personalized Plan: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can create a personalized SIP plan considering your risk tolerance, investment goals, and future needs. They can suggest specific actively managed funds based on your risk profile.
By starting early, staying invested for the long term, and potentially consulting a CFP, you can be on track to achieving your financial goals!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Please suggest me 5 mutual funds for Sip of 8000/- total amount monthly.....I want to invest for 8 years .....I'm 42 years of age ..
Ans: Investing Rs. 8,000 monthly for 8 years can help you create wealth effectively. Let us identify the ideal funds and strategy for you.

Key Points for Selection
Your investment horizon of 8 years is medium-term.

A balanced approach is suitable, combining equity and debt.

Diversification across fund categories ensures better risk management.

Suggested Allocation for Rs. 8,000 SIP
Large-Cap Fund (Rs. 2,000)
These funds invest in top 100 companies by market capitalisation.
They offer stability and steady growth.

Flexi-Cap Fund (Rs. 2,000)
These funds invest across market caps for diversification.
They provide growth and flexibility during market fluctuations.

Mid-Cap Fund (Rs. 1,500)
These funds focus on mid-sized companies with high growth potential.
They carry moderate risk and reward.

Balanced Advantage Fund (Rs. 1,500)
These funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt.
They are suitable for moderate risk and consistent returns.

Debt Fund (Rs. 1,000)
These funds offer stability and act as a hedge against equity volatility.
They are crucial for meeting liquidity needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Active funds allow fund managers to outperform benchmarks.

They adjust to market trends for better returns.

Avoid index funds due to limited flexibility and performance dependency.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide you in selecting high-quality funds.

Tax Considerations
Equity funds attract LTCG tax above Rs. 1.25 lakh at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions to minimise tax liabilities.

Recommendations for Effective SIP Management
Automate SIPs to maintain discipline.

Increase SIP amounts annually by 10–15% with income growth.

Review the fund performance periodically.

Stay invested during market corrections for better compounding.

Emergency and Risk Management
Maintain an emergency fund of 6–12 months' expenses.

Ensure adequate health insurance for yourself and dependents.

Have life insurance of 10–15 times your annual income.

Final Insights
Your decision to invest Rs. 8,000 monthly is excellent. A well-diversified mutual fund portfolio aligned with your goals can achieve significant growth. Focus on consistency, discipline, and periodic reviews for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi..me and wife are in late forties. We have 1Cr in PPF, 1 Cr in FDs and 1Cr in MFs. Our current salary is 2L per month. We are living in own house. We are also getting rent of 50k per month. We have zero loans. One Kid is doing engineering, the other is in school. Can we retire early now.
Ans: Early retirement is a significant decision requiring careful planning. Let us evaluate your situation comprehensively and guide you on the way forward.

Current Financial Position
You have Rs. 1 crore in PPF, offering risk-free returns.

Rs. 1 crore is in fixed deposits, providing safety and liquidity.

Rs. 1 crore is in mutual funds, aimed at wealth creation.

You have a total financial corpus of Rs. 3 crore.

Your monthly income is Rs. 2 lakh, plus Rs. 50,000 from rental income.

You own your house and have no loans.

Financial Responsibilities
One child is pursuing engineering, which involves substantial expenses.

The other child is in school, with educational needs likely to increase.

You need to plan for higher education and possibly marriage expenses.

Retirement Lifestyle and Expenses
Determine your monthly expenses, including living costs and leisure activities.

Account for inflation. Expenses will rise significantly over the years.

Plan for medical costs as healthcare expenses increase with age.

Corpus Evaluation for Early Retirement
A corpus of Rs. 3 crore is a strong foundation for early retirement.

This amount must support your family for 30–40 years.

Rental income of Rs. 50,000 can reduce dependence on your corpus.

Your PPF and fixed deposits provide safety, but inflation can erode their value.

Mutual funds can offer growth, but they require long-term discipline.

Investment Strategy Post-Retirement
Allocate 60–70% of your corpus to equity mutual funds for inflation-adjusted growth.

Invest 20–30% in debt funds for stability and predictable returns.

Maintain 5–10% in liquid funds for emergencies and short-term needs.

Managing Educational Expenses
Estimate costs for your children’s higher education.

Use part of the mutual fund corpus for these expenses.

Avoid withdrawing from PPF prematurely to ensure long-term safety.

Medical and Life Insurance
Review your health insurance coverage of Rs. 10 lakh for the family.

Consider increasing it to Rs. 20–25 lakh to cover rising healthcare costs.

Ensure life insurance of at least 10–15 times your annual income.

Opt for a term plan if your existing coverage is insufficient.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of 12–24 months of expenses.

Use liquid funds or short-term fixed deposits for this purpose.

Tax Efficiency
PPF interest is tax-free, but fixed deposit interest is taxable.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient returns over the long term.

Equity mutual funds' LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan redemptions to minimise tax outgo on your investments.

Importance of Regular Reviews
Review your financial plan and investment portfolio annually.

Adjust your asset allocation based on market conditions and changing needs.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for unbiased and expert advice.

Final Insights
You are well-positioned for early retirement, but proper planning is critical. Focus on inflation-beating growth, healthcare readiness, and financial discipline. Balance your responsibilities with lifestyle aspirations, ensuring sustainability over the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hello Experts, I am 43 old having a monthly Sal of 2.6L/Month wife Sal is 40K/Month. We have 35L invested in MF and Equity ( Stocks) we have have close to 40L in FD and Post office, as part of retirement my PF is close to 40L we have 2 kids 11 and 7 years old. We have a 3BHK flat, we have no loans. health insurance of 10L for family and 15L for my mother who is 72 years old. Doing a SIP of 1.5L per month, we started investing 2 years back, along with SIP we did some lumpsum investments also. Is it possible to have a good corpus in next 10 years.
Ans: Your consistent efforts reflect great financial discipline. Let us assess and guide you on building a robust corpus for the next 10 years.

Income and Expenses
Your combined family income is Rs. 3,00,000 per month.

With no loans, you have a healthy cash flow for investments.

Existing Investments
Rs. 35 lakh is invested in mutual funds and equity stocks.

Rs. 40 lakh is in fixed deposits and post office schemes.

Your retirement corpus in PF is Rs. 40 lakh.

Insurance Coverage
Health insurance of Rs. 10 lakh covers your family.

Separate Rs. 15 lakh health insurance covers your mother.

Current SIP and Lump Sum Investments
Your SIP contribution of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month is substantial.

Investments started two years ago, showing focused financial planning.

Retirement Planning
You aim to accumulate a good corpus in 10 years.

Your PF of Rs. 40 lakh will continue to grow over time.

Focus on equity for wealth creation due to long-term growth potential.

Assessing Your Goals
Consider retirement and children’s education as key goals.

Plan for higher education expenses when kids are 18–20 years old.

Ensure funds for post-retirement lifestyle and medical needs.

Suggested Investment Strategy
Continue with your SIP of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month.

Allocate 60–70% of your SIP to equity mutual funds for growth.

Invest in flexi-cap, large-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced risk.

Allocate 20–30% to debt funds for stability and lower risk.

Emergency Fund and Contingency Planning
Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Use liquid funds or short-term FDs for this purpose.

Diversification of Investments
Limit exposure to fixed deposits due to lower returns.

Gradually move some FD funds to mutual funds for higher growth.

Keep post office investments for secure, low-risk returns.

Tax Efficiency of Investments
Understand new capital gains taxation on equity and debt mutual funds.

Plan redemptions to optimise long-term and short-term capital gains taxes.

Fixed deposit interest is taxable. Diversify to reduce tax burden.

Education Planning
Start a dedicated corpus for children’s higher education.

Invest separately for this goal in equity mutual funds.

Use child-specific funds or regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Risk Management
Review health insurance to ensure coverage is adequate.

Consider increasing family health coverage to Rs. 20 lakh if feasible.

Buy a term insurance policy for 15–20 times your annual income.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Check fund performance and rebalance based on market conditions.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility.

Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid direct mutual fund investments without expert guidance.

Use regular funds to benefit from professional advice and support.

Refrain from mixing insurance and investment products.

Final Insights
Your financial planning is on the right track. Continue disciplined investments and strategic diversification. Focus on long-term growth through equity and maintain safety through debt. Regular reviews and a Certified Financial Planner’s guidance can ensure your goals are met comfortably.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7341 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I am 37 years old, I am employed and my salary is 30 thousand and I have not invested anywhere. Where and in what and how much should I invest so that when my child turns 20-22 years old, he can get a good amount. He is 2 years old now, the house is on rent, I have not taken any insurance. Please advise.
Ans: It’s commendable that you want to secure your child’s future. Let’s create a step-by-step plan to help you achieve your goal.

Assessing Your Financial Standing
Your monthly income is Rs. 30,000, and your expenses need careful management.

Currently, there are no investments or insurance policies in place.

Your child’s education goal is long-term, giving you time to grow your investments.

Importance of Budgeting and Emergency Funds
Start with budgeting. Allocate money for essential needs, investments, and savings.

Build an emergency fund. Keep six months' expenses in a liquid account.

Use savings accounts or short-term fixed deposits for this purpose.

Securing Yourself with Insurance
Life insurance is critical to protect your family.

Buy a term insurance plan for 15–20 times your annual income.

Consider health insurance. It protects you against medical emergencies.

Opt for Rs. 5–10 lakh individual health insurance for yourself and your family.

Investing for Your Child's Education
You have 16–18 years to invest for your child’s education.

Mutual funds are ideal for long-term wealth creation.

Choose equity mutual funds. They provide inflation-beating returns.

Invest in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Recommended Investment Structure
Start with a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). Invest monthly for discipline.

Allocate 20–30% to large-cap funds for stability.

Invest 30–40% in flexi-cap or multi-cap funds for moderate growth.

Allocate 20–30% to mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher growth potential.

Monthly Investment Strategy
Assess your disposable income after expenses.

Aim to invest Rs. 7,000–10,000 monthly in mutual funds.

Increase investments as your income grows.

Set a target to grow this corpus steadily over the years.

Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Avoid mixing insurance with investments.

Skip low-return options like traditional LIC policies.

Do not invest in direct mutual funds without proper guidance.

Use regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner for consistent advice.

Importance of Reviewing Investments
Review your portfolio annually. Check fund performance and make changes.

Stay invested in equity mutual funds for at least 7–10 years for best results.

Avoid panic during market volatility. Focus on long-term goals.

Tax Implications
Equity mutual funds have tax benefits for long-term investments.

Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh per year are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Planning for Rent and Other Needs
Manage your rent and other recurring expenses effectively.

Do not compromise your investments for lifestyle expenses.

As income increases, consider investing surplus amounts for faster growth.

Role of Discipline in Financial Growth
Discipline is key to consistent investing and wealth creation.

Automate your SIPs to avoid missing monthly contributions.

Be patient. Compounding works best over long periods.

Final Insights
Planning for your child’s education is a noble goal. You can achieve it with discipline and proper strategies. Protect your family with insurance and create wealth with mutual funds. Review your progress annually and make adjustments as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
This stretches the abdominal area and stimulates digestion.
Tips:

Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
If constipation persists, consult a doctor and consider working with a yoga coach for personalized guidance.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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