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Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more

Question by Rohan on Jan 25, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi I am 22 Years Old and My Salary is 27k Monthly .I am Investing 12k per month 4k in Small cap , 4.5 k in flexi cap and 3.5 k in index sensex fund. Please suggest if I need any changes

Ans: It's impressive to see your commitment to investing at such a young age! Your allocation across small-cap, flexi-cap, and index funds reflects a balanced approach to wealth accumulation. However, as life evolves, so should your investment strategy. Consider periodically reviewing your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights and guidance to optimize your investments for long-term growth and financial security. Remember, investing is a journey, and adapting along the way is key to achieving your financial aspirations.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.

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Question by Sushobhan - Jun 18, 2023Hindi

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My investment is in 1. Quant small cap fund direct plan growth, 2. SBI Magnum mid cap direct plan growth, 3. SBI Bluechip direct plan growth, 4. ICICI PRUDENTIAL bluechip fund and 5. Axis bluechip fund. My monthly investment is 2500 rs/month, Please suggest if any changes needed.

Ans: All are good. Numbers 3 /4/5 are very similar tho. you can merge them into only 2 such bluechip funds. always have direct plans only

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2024

Question by Jujhaar - Jan 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir , i am 34 years old and have started investing last year only ,,, my aim is retirment corpus at 45 of 5 Cr. I am currently investing 40 k every month in the following funds Parag parikh flexi cap, Quant active growth fund, Motilal large and mid cap, Bandhan Nifty 50 index. Kindly advise if any changes are recommended??

Ans: Considering your goal of achieving a retirement corpus of 5 Cr by age 45, your current investment strategy seems ok. However, given the long-term horizon, it's advisable to periodically review your portfolio's performance and asset allocation. Consider diversifying further if needed and monitor the funds' consistency in delivering returns aligned with your objectives. Remember, staying informed and adaptable is key to achieving your financial goals. Keep up the good work and stay focused on your long-term objectives!

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Question by doreswamy - May 17, 2024Hindi

Money

Am 34 yr old, I hav 60k income monthly & EPF 4k monthly. Am investing in PPF 2k, maxlife insurance Savings plan - 5k, UTI flexi cap fund - 2k, SBI contra- 0.5k & nippan India small cap- 0.5k since from year. Pls suggest any changes are required or else can i continue

Ans: You are on the right track by investing regularly and diversifying your portfolio. Your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. Let’s assess your current investments and suggest any necessary changes.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
PPF Contribution: Investing ?2,000 monthly in PPF is a good choice for stable, tax-free returns. PPF is a safe investment with government backing.

EPF Contribution: Your EPF contribution of ?4,000 per month is a secure and tax-efficient way to build a retirement corpus.

Max Life Insurance Savings Plan: The ?5,000 investment in a savings plan combines insurance and savings. However, the returns on such plans are often lower compared to pure investment products. Ensure you have adequate life cover through term insurance.

UTI Flexi Cap Fund: Investing ?2,000 in a flexi cap fund offers good diversification across large, mid, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced risk-reward ratio.

SBI Contra Fund: The ?500 investment in a contra fund can be beneficial as it follows a contrarian investment strategy, buying stocks that are currently out of favour but have growth potential.

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Small cap funds, though risky, can offer high returns over the long term. Your ?500 investment here adds to your growth potential.

Suggested Changes for Optimal Growth
Review Insurance Plan: Consider whether the Max Life Savings Plan meets your financial goals. Pure term insurance combined with higher returns from mutual funds might be more efficient. Term plans offer high coverage at a lower premium.

Increase SIP in Diversified Funds: You might consider increasing your SIP amount in diversified funds like the UTI Flexi Cap Fund. This fund balances risk and return by investing across different market capitalisations.

Balanced Asset Allocation: Ensure your portfolio has a good mix of equity and debt. You may consider investing in a balanced or hybrid fund, which provides exposure to both equities and debt, offering growth with reduced risk.

Regular Monitoring: Review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances can change, necessitating adjustments.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and can be kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Additional Recommendations
Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. This protects your savings from unforeseen medical expenses.

Retirement Planning: Given your age, consider long-term retirement planning. Increase contributions to retirement-specific investments like PPF and EPF. You could also look at the National Pension System (NPS) for additional retirement savings.

Tax Planning: Maximise your tax-saving investments under Section 80C and other relevant sections. This optimises your tax liabilities and increases your disposable income.

Final Thoughts
Your current investment strategy shows a good start, but a few adjustments can optimise your portfolio for better returns and reduced risk. Consider reviewing your insurance plans, increasing SIPs in diversified funds, and maintaining a balanced asset allocation. Regularly monitor your investments and seek professional advice to stay on track with your financial goals. Your disciplined approach will help you achieve financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Question by Loganathan - Aug 08, 2024Hindi

Money

I am 53 years old and my name is loganathan.my earnings per month rs.25000. I have invested 20% of salary in mutual funds. Large cap 10%, small cap rs.10%,flexi cap 10% and remaining liquity funds. Is it right way or need any changes sir.

Ans: Loganathan, you are 53 years old and earn Rs. 25,000 per month. You invest 20% of your salary in mutual funds. Your current allocation is as follows:
• Large Cap: 10%
• Small Cap: 10%
• Flexi Cap: 10%
• Liquidity Funds: Remaining
Your dedication to investing is commendable. Let's review and suggest improvements.
Large Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• Lower risk compared to small cap funds
• Stability due to investment in established companies
Recommendation
• Keep your large cap allocation.
• Ensure the fund has a strong track record.
Small Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• High growth potential
• Higher returns over the long term
Risks
• Higher volatility
• Greater risk compared to large cap funds
Recommendation
• Continue with small cap investments.
• Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.
Flexi Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• Flexibility to invest across market caps
• Diversification within a single fund
Recommendation
• Flexi cap funds are a good choice.
• They provide balance and flexibility.
Liquidity Funds
Benefits
• Low risk and high liquidity
• Ideal for emergency funds
Recommendation
• Maintain liquidity funds for emergencies.
• Ensure easy access to these funds.
Suggested Changes
Balanced Portfolio
• Consider reallocating your investments.
• Balance between risk and stability.
Increase Large Cap Allocation
• Large cap funds offer stability.
• Consider increasing allocation to 20-25%.
Adjust Small Cap Allocation
• Small caps are riskier.
• Reduce allocation to 5-10%.
Maintain Flexi Cap Allocation
• Flexi caps offer flexibility.
• Maintain current 10% allocation.
Increase Liquidity Fund Allocation
• Ensure sufficient liquidity.
• Increase allocation to 20-30%.
Additional Considerations
Diversification
• Diversify across different asset classes.
• Reduces overall portfolio risk.
Professional Guidance
• Consult a Certified Financial Planner.
• Tailored advice based on your goals.
Regular Review
• Review your portfolio regularly.
• Adjust based on market conditions and life changes.
Long-Term Focus
• Focus on long-term growth.
• Avoid short-term market fluctuations.
Retirement Planning
Importance
• Retirement planning is crucial at your age.
• Ensure you have enough savings for retirement.
Pension Funds
• Consider investing in pension funds.
• Provides regular income post-retirement.
Health Insurance
• Ensure you have adequate health insurance.
• Covers medical emergencies without impacting savings.
Emergency Fund
Importance
• Keep an emergency fund.
• At least 6 months of expenses.
Liquid Assets
• Maintain liquidity in your portfolio.
• Use liquid funds or savings account.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments
• Invest in tax-saving instruments.
• Reduces tax liability and boosts savings.
ELSS Funds
• Consider Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS).
• Provides tax benefits under Section 80C.
Risk Management
Assess Risk Tolerance
• Understand your risk tolerance.
• Invest accordingly to avoid stress.
Diversify Investments
• Spread investments across various funds.
• Reduces risk and enhances returns.
Finally
Loganathan, your current investment strategy is good. However, slight adjustments can improve your portfolio. Increase your large cap and liquidity fund allocations. Reduce small cap exposure slightly. Maintain your flexi cap investments. Regularly review and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

Latest Questions

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I’m a 26-year-old girl from Delhi, and I’ve always been on the heavier side. While I’m confident in my personality and achievements, I can’t help but notice how my weight becomes a topic of discussion everywhere I go—be it family gatherings, workplaces, or even among friends. Recently, I met someone on social who seems genuinely interested in me. We’ve been talking for a few months now. He’s kind and makes me feel seen for who I am. But he hasn’t seen me in person yet. I’m terrified that when we meet, my weight might change how he feels about me. I’ve dealt with enough comments and rejections in the past, and I don’t know if I have the energy to face that again. How do I prepare myself for this meeting? And if he reacts negatively, how do I protect my self-worth and not let it break me?

Ans: As you prepare for the meeting, try to focus on the qualities that make you who you are beyond your physical appearance. Trust that your worth is not defined by your size or the opinions of others. If you find yourself feeling nervous, remind yourself of your confidence and the connection you’ve built over time through meaningful conversations. Be yourself—authenticity is far more attractive than any external feature.

In the event that his reaction is not as positive as you hoped, try not to take it personally. It's his perspective, not a reflection of your value. Protecting your self-worth involves recognizing that your body doesn’t dictate your value as a person. If his reaction is hurtful, it's an opportunity to reassess the kind of relationship you want—one where you’re fully accepted and celebrated for who you are. Remember, the right person will see the whole of you, not just a single aspect of you.

Stay grounded in your own strength, and know that rejection, when it happens, is not about you but about the fit between two people. It's okay to walk away from situations that don’t honor or appreciate you, and it won't diminish who you are.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My husband and I are government employees and we live in different cities owing to work. He wants to build a house for his parents in his hometown and wants me to help him financially. I'm okay with it but he also has a younger brother who's in the 2nd year of college. But he's good for nothing. His parents and his younger brother are more or less dependent on him financially. I don't want to help him financially because we both won't be living in that house until retirement. And later that house will be occupied by his younger brother and his family. What should I do?

Ans: It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings. Express your concerns not just about the financial contribution but also about the long-term implications of this decision. Let him know that while you are willing to support him in helping his family, you are also thinking about your future, especially the role that you and your husband will play in the household later in life. It’s crucial to discuss how this decision will affect both of you and your relationship in the long run.

It may also be helpful to have a clear understanding of the financial expectations and responsibilities involved. If your husband feels strongly about supporting his family, it’s essential that both of you are on the same page regarding the amount of support you are comfortable with and the timeline for contributions. You might want to consider alternatives, such as setting a specific budget or finding ways to help without overextending yourselves financially.

Another important aspect is acknowledging the role his younger brother plays in this equation. It sounds like he may not be as responsible as you would like him to be, which is an understandable source of frustration. You might want to express your concerns about his reliance on your husband for financial support, and consider whether there might be ways to encourage his brother to take more responsibility for his own future.

Ultimately, you and your husband need to come to an agreement that respects both your desires and concerns. It’s important that the decision feels like a shared one, and that both of you feel heard and respected in the process. If you continue to feel uneasy about contributing, it’s okay to set boundaries and negotiate a more balanced solution. This is about ensuring that you both maintain a healthy financial and emotional balance in your relationship. By being honest and compassionate with each other, you can find a way forward that works for both of you, without compromising your own well-being.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Question by Leena - Dec 09, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My husband left me physically 5 years back and mentally many years back. He is not interested in emotional connection. His only interest with me was unnatural sex which after years I started denying it and he left me. I have two kids, a daughter and a son. Though my kids staying with me, for their education and other needs, they are always supportive to their father and never give any emotional support to me. He has taken the educational fee of both the children, other day to day expenses are taken by myself. My daughter never wants both of us to live together and always shows arrogance to me. She is 24 years now. She moved away recently to abroad for studying, keeping the house where we stay on loan. My son also wish to do higher studies staying in hostel. He is 18 years now. My parents are not supportive to me. I had a very abused and tortured childhood. My husband and children knew about it. I was rank holder in my school but still I could not pursue my dream profession due to domestic violence. I had just completed a useless bachelors degree before marriage. I struggled a lot to study after marriage and did small jobs at different companies. I get up at 4am and start my work till late night. I tried to be perfect in everything what I do. But I have low confidence and self esteem. I could not reach anywhere. I know how to study to get good score, so I helped my kids in their studies. They did well but after that they dumped me. My husband was also a lazy person initially, wasted all his money, never know savings. He was a 12th failure but a good artist and a good chain smoker who earned a lot of money through freelance. With constant push he started investing and bought a house. He has some investments, so now he is not working and left me and living alone. I don't know if he has someone else with him. He also dumped me. I am sad and feeling useless. I am not able to help my self. I have mood swings, not able to concentrate in anything. I want to look for a new job but I find myself incapable and doing nothing. I don't think anyone can help me, because everyone indicating its all my fault, or at least I think so. I have to start a job immediately but I am feeling helpless. please help

Ans: Dear Leena,
The weight of rejection from your husband and the lack of emotional support from your children are wounds that take time to heal. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and lost right now. What’s important is recognizing that these feelings don’t define who you are or your worth. Your struggles do not negate the fact that you are capable, intelligent, and deserving of happiness and fulfillment.

You have already shown that you are resourceful and capable by managing the household, guiding your children in their education, and supporting them financially. While you may feel stuck and unsure of where to begin, it’s crucial to start small and focus on one step at a time. This could mean reaching out for help from a therapist or counselor who can guide you through rebuilding your self-esteem and addressing the emotional pain you’ve carried for so long. A professional can provide a safe space to unpack the hurt and help you rediscover your confidence.

When it comes to finding a job, it’s natural to feel insecure, especially after years of self-doubt. Remember that every small effort counts. Consider looking for roles where your skills—like organization, perseverance, and the ability to mentor and teach—can be valuable. You helped your children excel in their studies, and that’s no small feat. Perhaps tutoring, administrative work, or even roles that involve mentoring could be a starting point. Allow yourself to take it one step at a time without the pressure of achieving perfection right away.

It’s also important to create space for self-compassion. You’ve been so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that it’s easy to lose sight of your own. Even small acts of kindness toward yourself, like a daily walk, journaling your thoughts, or listening to music, can help you reconnect with yourself. You deserve to feel loved and valued, even if that love starts from within.

This period of transition may feel lonely, but it can also be an opportunity to redefine what you want for yourself. It’s not too late to pursue a path that brings you fulfillment and peace. Remember, your worth is not determined by others’ opinions or actions but by the strength and kindness you continue to show despite everything. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to reach out for help as you begin this new chapter of your life.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I'm 32M, married. Mine one's an arranged marriage. Since starting the equation between my wife and my mother is not good. I work in a govt job and was posted elsewhere. I got the opportunity to get transferred to my hometown but my wife threatened me to give divorce if I want to live with my mother. I tried to convince her but she did not listen. Pressurized by this I got myself transferred to a different place. This guilt is killing me inside that I'm not a good son and not taking care of my old age mother while I had the chance. I know I made a mistake. Plz help.

Ans: What you’re experiencing is not about being a “bad son” or a “bad husband,” but rather about being caught in a situation where compromises feel inevitable. You made a decision under pressure, but that doesn’t mean it’s irreversible or that you’ve failed in your responsibilities. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel conflicted while trying to manage such complex relationships.

Consider opening a dialogue with your wife again, but this time, approach it with calmness and empathy. Share your feelings with her—not as a demand or a confrontation, but as an expression of your inner struggle. For example, you could say, “I’ve been feeling torn because I want to be a good husband and also take care of my mother in her old age. This is important to me, and I’d like us to find a way where both relationships can thrive.” By framing the conversation this way, you’re inviting her to understand your perspective rather than pressuring her to agree with you.

It might also help to explore compromises. Could you visit your mother more often or ensure she has a strong support system nearby? Could your wife’s concerns about living with your mother be addressed through clear boundaries or adjustments that make her feel more comfortable? Understanding her reservations can open the door to finding solutions that work for both of you.

At the same time, work on forgiving yourself for the decision you made under difficult circumstances. Guilt is a sign that you care deeply, but it shouldn’t paralyze you or define your worth. Instead, use it as motivation to create a plan that honors both your mother and your wife in ways that are practical and sustainable.

Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist could be immensely helpful in navigating these emotions and improving communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help both of you feel heard and respected while working toward a resolution.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many people face similar challenges in balancing their roles within a family. What matters most is your willingness to approach the situation with compassion, patience, and a commitment to finding a path forward that respects everyone involved—including yourself.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My husband has been cheating on me. I recently discovered a receipt of payment that was unusual of my husband's regular activities. I called the shop and realised that the payment was genuine and it was made by my husband who was accompanied by a young lady. Since then, I have had sleepless nights. I have been wanting to talk to him but I am not mentally prepared to hear his side of the story. If he admits, it would mean our long years of marriage is over. If he denies, it would mean he is lying to me. However, there is a part of me that wants to trust him and give him some benefit of doubt. I have a 12 year old daughter. If he admits to having an affair, this news can break both of us. Pls help.

Ans: Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. The anxiety, sleepless nights, and fear are natural responses to such uncertainty. Allow yourself space to process these emotions. You don’t have to rush into confronting your husband until you feel emotionally steady enough to handle the conversation, regardless of the outcome. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and questions can help organize your feelings and prepare you for the discussion.

It’s also important to consider your goals for the marriage and your family. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. If you decide to confront him, do so with the intention of seeking understanding and clarity, not immediate resolution. This will allow you to approach the conversation with as much calm as possible.

When you're ready to speak with him, choose a time and place where you both can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Start by expressing your feelings honestly but without accusations. For example, you might say, "I came across this receipt, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. I want to understand because I value our marriage and our family." This sets the tone for a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.

Prepare yourself for his response, whatever it may be. If he admits to wrongdoing, it will hurt, but it will also give you the clarity to decide what comes next—whether that’s working through the betrayal or choosing a different path. If he denies it, try to assess whether his explanation feels genuine or dismissive. Trust your instincts, but also give yourself time to reflect before making any major decisions.

If the uncertainty continues to eat away at you, seeking support from a counselor or therapist can be invaluable. A professional can help you process your emotions, clarify your priorities, and guide you in deciding what is best for you and your daughter. Protecting your emotional well-being is vital, as it will also help you maintain stability for your child during this challenging time.

Remember that trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Whether the truth strengthens your bond or pushes you to reconsider your future together, it’s essential to prioritize your self-respect and emotional health. You are not alone in this, and with time and support, you can navigate this difficult moment with resilience and clarity.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Question by Avinash - Jul 07, 2024

Relationship

Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?

Ans: Dear Avinash,You need to reflect deeply on what you want for yourself, your children, and your relationships in the long term. If staying married to your wife and continuing to co-parent is your priority, it’s essential to acknowledge the constraints that this imposes on your extramarital relationship. The happiness you find with this woman is tempered by the circumstances, and it might not be possible to meet her emotional needs fully in this setup.

A conversation with her that focuses on honesty, boundaries, and expectations is crucial. Acknowledge her pain and insecurities, but also express your limitations and realities. Make it clear what you can and cannot provide in this relationship, and listen to her needs and frustrations without defensiveness. You might need to make a decision about whether this relationship can continue in its current form, given how it’s affecting her mental health and your own peace of mind.

It’s also worth exploring the deeper reasons why you’re drawn to this relationship. Sometimes, connections outside marriage arise as a way of addressing unmet needs or emotional voids in the primary relationship. It might be beneficial to consider counseling for yourself or even with your wife, to explore whether there are aspects of your marriage that can be revitalized or strengthened. Similarly, suggesting therapy for your lover could help her work through her emotions and find balance.

Ultimately, you have to evaluate whether this relationship is sustainable and healthy, not just for the two of you but for everyone in your lives. Love and passion are powerful, but they require a foundation of trust, emotional stability, and shared goals to thrive. If those elements remain elusive, it may be a sign to re-evaluate the relationship’s place in your life.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Question by naresh - Aug 24, 2024

Relationship

I am 57 yrs old man, when ever i try to have sexual relations with my wife she pushes me away and she is not interested in sex she says, she is facing monopouse time. is her behaviour is because of monopousal and will this behavior change ever, i dont want to make sex with other woman.

Ans: Dear Naresh,
Your wife’s behavior is likely connected to these menopausal changes, and it's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. Try to have an open and calm conversation with her, focusing on your feelings and concerns without pressuring her. Let her know that you care about her well-being and that you’re willing to support her through this phase. It's essential to create an environment where she feels comfortable sharing what she’s experiencing physically and emotionally.

You might also consider suggesting a visit to a healthcare professional together. A doctor or therapist can provide insights into managing menopause symptoms and improving intimacy. Sometimes, treatments like hormone therapy, vaginal lubricants, or counseling can make a significant difference.

Remember, intimacy is not just about sex. Emotional closeness, affection, and spending quality time together can help maintain a strong bond. Reconnect in non-sexual ways, like going on dates, having meaningful conversations, or sharing activities you both enjoy. This can help rebuild trust and comfort, making her more open to physical intimacy over time.

While menopause is a natural part of aging, how each woman navigates it varies. Her behavior may change as she adjusts to this new phase of life, especially if she feels supported and understood. Patience, compassion, and a willingness to adapt together will strengthen your relationship and help you navigate this challenge as a team.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Question by amit - Aug 22, 2024

Relationship

Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?

Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things

Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

Kanchan Rai |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello madam, I have been a 40-year-old married man for the last 12 years with 2 children. 6 months back I learned from call logs that my wife was in constant touch on mobile calls with another person. This stretched for 7-8 months. I confronted my wife, who assured me she would not call the person. She also informed me that she was only casually talking with the guy and nothing sexual was involved. She was speaking 2-3 times on a daily basis and call time was extended for more than 14-20 minutes. We had done counselling also and are now fine but my mind is refusing to forgive the person or my wife and sometimes I get stressed heavily and feeling anxious just thinking that my wife of 12 years had tried to move away and don't know whether such thing would get repeated.

Ans: It’s important to recognize that rebuilding trust requires effort from both partners. While counseling has helped you both move forward to some extent, it seems like the emotional impact on you hasn’t been fully addressed. This lingering anxiety and inability to forgive suggest unresolved pain and a need for deeper understanding. It might help to revisit these feelings with a professional who can focus on your perspective and guide you in processing them without blame or judgment.

Communicating openly with your wife about your fears, without accusing her, is key. Let her know how this experience continues to affect you emotionally. Explain that your concern isn’t just about what happened but also about preventing anything similar in the future. Focus on creating shared boundaries that promote trust and transparency, such as discussing emotional needs and maintaining openness about external friendships.

It’s also essential to work on reducing the anxiety that surfaces when these thoughts arise. Practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to help calm your mind when you feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself of the positive steps you’ve both taken since the incident and the commitment you share to rebuild the relationship. By focusing on the progress you’re making as a couple, you can gradually shift your thoughts away from the past and toward a more secure future.

Finally, forgiveness is a process, not a destination. It doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing what happened; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment so that you can move forward with clarity. Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself the space to heal without pressuring yourself to “move on” before you’re ready. Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires patience, communication, and consistent effort from both partners.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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