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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir/Madam, I have 1) HDFC Index S&P BSE sensex fund. 2) Quant Midcap Fund. 3) Nippon India Large Cap Fund. 4) Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund. 5) Kotak Emerging Equity fund. 6) HDFC Small Cap Fund. 7) Navi Nifty 50 Index Fund. I have a plan to invest for 10 years monthly 1000 in each fund please review the portfolio and advise for any adjustments if required.

Ans: Portfolio Review and Recommendations

Analyzing Your Portfolio

Your portfolio consists of a mix of index funds and actively managed funds across various market capitalizations and sectors. Here's a brief assessment of each fund:

HDFC Index S&P BSE Sensex Fund: This index fund aims to replicate the performance of the S&P BSE Sensex. It provides broad exposure to large-cap stocks in the Indian market.

Quant Midcap Fund: This actively managed fund focuses on mid-cap stocks, offering potential for higher returns but with increased volatility compared to large caps.

Nippon India Large Cap Fund: As the name suggests, this fund primarily invests in large-cap stocks, providing stability and steady growth potential over the long term.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: A flexi-cap fund allows the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on market conditions. It aims for capital appreciation by investing in a diversified portfolio of equities and related instruments.

Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: This fund focuses on emerging companies with potential for rapid growth. It offers exposure to small and mid-cap segments of the market.

HDFC Small Cap Fund: Investing in small-cap companies can be rewarding but comes with higher risk. This fund aims to capitalize on the growth potential of small-cap stocks.

Navi Nifty 50 Index Fund: Another index fund that tracks the Nifty 50 index, providing exposure to the top 50 companies listed on the National Stock Exchange (NSE).

Recommendations for Adjustments

Diversification: Your portfolio seems well-diversified across different market segments. However, you might consider reducing overlap by consolidating similar funds. For example, you already have exposure to large caps through index funds and actively managed funds. You could consider consolidating your large-cap exposure to one or two funds for simplicity.
Active vs. Passive Management:
While you've included both actively managed mutual funds and index funds (ETFs) in your portfolio, it's important to understand the differences between the two. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through active stock selection and portfolio management, while index funds passively track a specific index's performance.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, especially during market inefficiencies or when skilled fund managers can identify lucrative investment opportunities. Additionally, active management allows for flexibility in portfolio construction and adjustments based on market conditions.
Potential Disadvantages of Index Funds:
While index funds offer low expense ratios and broad market exposure, they may lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, they're subject to tracking error, which occurs when the fund's performance deviates from the index it's designed to replicate.

Risk Management: While mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential, they also come with increased volatility. Ensure that your risk tolerance aligns with the exposure to these segments. Consider balancing with large-cap funds for stability.

Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and market conditions. Rebalance if necessary to maintain your desired asset allocation and risk profile.

Long-Term Perspective: Investing for 10 years is a good strategy, but remain focused on your long-term goals. Avoid making frequent changes based on short-term market movements.

Final Thoughts

Your portfolio shows a thoughtful approach to diversification and investment strategy. With regular monitoring and adjustments as needed, you're well-positioned to achieve your financial goals over the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Hi Sir, I have 1) HDFC Index S&P BSE sensex fund. 2) Quant Midcap Fund. 3) Nippon India Large Cap Fund. 4) Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund. 5) Kotak Emerging Equity fund. 6) HDFC Small Cap Fund. 7) Navi Nifty 50 Index Fund. I have a plan to invest for 10 years monthly 1000 in each fund please review the portfolio and advise for any adjustments if required.
Ans: Portfolio Review and Recommendations

Diversification Overview:

Your portfolio comprises a well-diversified mix of mutual funds spanning various market segments.
Diversification is crucial for managing risk and optimizing returns over the long term.
Fund Assessment:

HDFC Index S&P BSE Sensex Fund:
Provides exposure to top companies listed on the BSE.
Index funds lack potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds.
Quant Midcap Fund:
Actively managed fund targeting mid-cap segment.
Offers potential for higher returns through strategic stock selection.
Nippon India Large Cap Fund:
Primarily invests in large-cap stocks for stability and growth potential.
Suitable for investors with lower risk tolerance due to lower volatility.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund:
Offers flexibility to invest across market capitalizations.
Actively managed approach aims for alpha generation.
Kotak Emerging Equity Fund:
Focuses on the emerging segment for higher growth potential.
Higher volatility associated with mid and small-cap stocks.
HDFC Small Cap Fund:
Targets small-cap companies with potential for significant growth.
Higher risk due to increased volatility in small-cap segment.
Navi Nifty 50 Index Fund:
Mirrors the performance of the Nifty 50 index.
Low-cost exposure to market benchmarks but may underperform actively managed funds.
Long-Term Perspective:

With a 10-year investment horizon, your choice of funds aligns with long-term wealth creation objectives.
Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform market benchmarks over the long term.
Portfolio Adjustment Recommendations:

Regular Monitoring:
Review portfolio performance periodically to ensure alignment with financial goals.
Monitor fund performance relative to peers and benchmarks.
Rebalancing:
Consider rebalancing portfolio to maintain desired asset allocation.
Rebalancing helps manage risk and optimize returns over time.
Replace Underperformers:
Identify underperforming funds that may warrant replacement.
Seek opportunities to enhance portfolio performance through strategic changes.
Investment Discipline:

Stay disciplined during market fluctuations to avoid impulsive decisions.
Long-term investing coupled with disciplined approach enhances wealth accumulation potential.
Conclusion:

Your diversified portfolio reflects a prudent investment strategy for long-term wealth creation.
Regular monitoring and periodic adjustments are essential to stay on track towards achieving financial goals.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Sir, I have the following Mutual Funds SIP monthly amount- 1) Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - 3000 2) Nippon India Large Cap Fund - 3000 3) Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - 3000 4) Quant Infrastructure Fund - 3000 5) Quant Multi Asset Fund - 3000 6) Quant Small Cap Fund - 3000 7) Axis Small Cap Fund - 2000 please review my portfolio and advise, if any changes required.
Ans: Let's dive into a detailed analysis of your existing mutual fund SIP portfolio to identify potential areas for optimization and ensure alignment with your financial goals.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your current portfolio consists of a diversified mix of mutual funds across various categories, including mid-cap, large-cap, flexi-cap, infrastructure, multi-asset, and small-cap funds. This demonstrates a well-rounded approach to investment diversification.

Evaluating Fund Performance and Risk Profile
Performance: Evaluate the historical performance of each fund relative to its benchmark index and peer group. Look for consistent performers with a track record of delivering above-average returns over the long term.

Risk Profile: Assess the risk profile of each fund based on factors such as volatility, standard deviation, and downside capture ratio. Ensure that the risk level aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Identifying Redundancies and Overlaps
Review your portfolio for any redundancies or overlaps in investment objectives and underlying holdings. Eliminate duplicate exposures to similar asset classes or sectors to streamline your portfolio and reduce unnecessary risk.

Addressing Fund Selection and Allocation
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Mid-cap and small-cap funds offer the potential for high growth but come with increased volatility. Evaluate your exposure to these segments and consider rebalancing if necessary to manage risk.

Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds: Large-cap and flexi-cap funds provide stability and diversification. Ensure adequate allocation to these segments to mitigate volatility and capitalize on market opportunities.

Sectoral and Theme Funds: Review your exposure to sectoral and theme funds, such as infrastructure and multi-asset funds. While these funds can offer niche opportunities, they also carry concentrated risks. Consider reducing exposure or diversifying across sectors for better risk management.

Streamlining and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Based on the assessment above, consider streamlining your portfolio by consolidating redundant funds and rebalancing allocations to align with your risk-return objectives. Focus on retaining high-quality funds with strong track records and reallocating resources to optimize diversification and minimize risk.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio Regularly
Lastly, commit to monitoring your portfolio regularly and reviewing your investment strategy periodically to ensure continued alignment with your financial goals and evolving market conditions. Stay informed about fund performance, economic trends, and regulatory changes to make informed decisions.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while your current mutual fund portfolio demonstrates diversification and a proactive approach to investment, there may be opportunities to optimize allocations, address redundancies, and enhance risk-adjusted returns. By conducting a comprehensive review and making strategic adjustments, you can position your portfolio for long-term success and achieve your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am investing since 8 yrs. I want to get review on my below portfolio. Please guide me. 1- Kotak Flexi Cap/10000Rs- Planning to exit and start in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap 2- Mirae Emerging Bluechip Fund 25000 3- Kotak Emerging Equity Fund 31000 4- Nippon India Small Cap 25000 5- Canara Rob Small Cap 10000- Just 1 yr before started but thinking to choose different strategy investing fund like Quant Small Cap Should I make these changes or continue same portfolio only or will you recommend some other fund. These all are for long term says 20-25 yrs. 6- HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund 5000 As Long term RD for 5 yrs only Please guide me
Ans: I appreciate your dedication to building a strong investment portfolio over the years. It is clear you have put considerable thought into your financial planning. Let’s assess your portfolio and the proposed changes. I’ll ensure the analysis is straightforward and tailored to your long-term goals.

Portfolio Evaluation
Your current portfolio includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversified approach can be beneficial for long-term growth. Here's a detailed evaluation:

Flexi Cap Funds
You have Kotak Flexi Cap and plan to switch to Parag Parikh Flexi Cap. Flexi cap funds provide flexibility by investing across market capitalizations. This strategy helps in adapting to market changes. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap has a strong track record. However, before switching, consider if the new fund aligns with your risk tolerance and investment objectives.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
Mid-cap and small-cap funds are more volatile but offer higher growth potential. Mirae Emerging Bluechip and Kotak Emerging Equity are robust mid-cap funds with good historical performance. Small-cap funds like Nippon India Small Cap and Canara Rob Small Cap are also included. It's wise to monitor their performance periodically and ensure they fit your risk profile.

Balanced Advantage Fund
The HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund provides a balanced exposure to equity and debt, reducing overall risk. This fund is suitable for moderate risk-takers seeking stability and growth.

Proposed Changes
Exiting Kotak Flexi Cap
Switching from Kotak Flexi Cap to Parag Parikh Flexi Cap is a strategic move. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap has shown consistent performance and a unique investment strategy. Ensure this fund complements your overall portfolio and aligns with your risk tolerance.

Small Cap Funds
You have two small-cap funds: Nippon India Small Cap and Canara Rob Small Cap. Small-cap funds are highly volatile and risky. Consolidating into one robust small-cap fund can reduce complexity and manage risk better. Quant Small Cap is known for its performance, so replacing Canara Rob with Quant could be a good decision.

Recommendations
Maintain a Diversified Portfolio
Diversification helps manage risk and enhance returns. Your current mix of flexi cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds is well-diversified. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.

Regular Monitoring
Regular monitoring of your funds' performance is crucial. Assess the performance of each fund against its benchmark and peers. This ensures your investments continue to meet your expectations.

Risk Tolerance
Ensure your portfolio aligns with your risk tolerance. Mid-cap and small-cap funds are more volatile, so be prepared for market fluctuations. Balanced advantage funds can provide stability and reduce overall portfolio risk.

Long-Term Strategy
Consistent Investing
Your long-term horizon of 20-25 years is ideal for equity investments. Continue your systematic investment plans (SIPs) to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Review Annually
Annual portfolio reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can ensure your investments are on track. Adjustments based on life changes, market conditions, and financial goals can optimize your portfolio.

Conclusion
Your portfolio is well-structured with a mix of funds. The proposed changes can enhance performance and align with your long-term goals. Regular monitoring, diversification, and alignment with risk tolerance are key to successful investing.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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