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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi. I'm a 39 year old male, married and with a 3 year old. My parents are retired govt employees and are self sufficient with their pension and savings. I have 80L in stocks and mutual funds. Another 18L in cash and FDs. I also have 24L in my EPF. I have a monthly income of 2.85L and save 50% of it. Additionally, i pay 43k to a money back policy in lic. When do you think I'll be able to comfortably retire with 5cr in savings (with in today's value)?

Ans: It’s fantastic that you’ve made such commendable progress with your savings and investments. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'll help guide you on your journey to achieving your retirement goal of Rs 5 crore. Let's break it down.

Current Financial Landscape
You've done a great job with your savings and investments. Here's a snapshot:

Stocks and Mutual Funds: Rs 80 lakh
Cash and FDs: Rs 18 lakh
EPF: Rs 24 lakh
Monthly Income: Rs 2.85 lakh
Savings Rate: 50%
LIC Money Back Policy: Rs 43,000 annually
You're on a solid path. Now, let’s analyze how to reach your Rs 5 crore target.

Setting the Retirement Goal
Your aim is to have Rs 5 crore in today's value by retirement. With inflation, you’ll need to save and invest smartly to maintain the purchasing power of this amount.

Evaluating Existing Investments
Stocks and Mutual Funds
You’ve amassed Rs 80 lakh here. Stocks and mutual funds are great for long-term growth. Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market, offering higher returns than index funds. The expertise of fund managers and their research-driven strategies help navigate market fluctuations better.

Cash and FDs
Rs 18 lakh in cash and FDs is a safe cushion. However, returns from FDs barely outpace inflation. It’s wise to keep some cash for emergencies, but excess cash could be invested for higher growth.

EPF
Rs 24 lakh in EPF is excellent. EPF offers safe, steady growth due to government backing. It’s a great way to build your retirement corpus securely.

Income and Savings
Your monthly income is Rs 2.85 lakh, and you save 50% of it. That’s Rs 1.425 lakh per month, which is impressive. Consistent savings and disciplined investing are key to achieving your goal.

Insurance Policy Review
You pay Rs 43,000 annually to an LIC money back policy. While these policies offer insurance and periodic returns, they often have lower returns compared to mutual funds due to high charges and commissions. Consider surrendering this policy and redirecting funds to mutual funds for better growth.

Investment Strategy for Retirement
To reach Rs 5 crore, a diversified investment approach is essential. Here’s a detailed strategy:

Mutual Funds
Diversification
Diversifying across various mutual funds helps spread risk. Consider investing in different categories:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in stable, well-established companies, offering steady returns.
Mid-Cap Funds: These invest in medium-sized companies with potential for higher growth.
Small-Cap Funds: Higher risk, higher return. Suitable for long-term growth.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
Sector Funds: Focus on specific sectors like technology, healthcare, etc. Higher risk, but can offer high returns if the sector performs well.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a game-changer in wealth creation. By reinvesting returns, your investments grow exponentially over time. Starting early and staying invested is crucial. Regular SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) ensure disciplined investing, leveraging market volatility to your advantage.

Risk Management
Investing involves risks. Here’s how to manage them:

Diversification: Spreading investments across various asset classes and sectors reduces risk.
Regular Review: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your goals.
Stay Informed: Keep updated with market trends and economic conditions. Adjust your strategy accordingly.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses, avoiding the need to liquidate long-term investments.
Retirement Timeline
Given your current savings, income, and investment strategy, let’s assess your retirement timeline.

Step-by-Step Evaluation
Current Savings: Rs 1.22 crore (80L in stocks and mutual funds, 18L in cash and FDs, 24L in EPF).
Annual Savings: Rs 17.1 lakh (Rs 1.425 lakh per month).
Investment Growth: Assuming a balanced growth rate of 10% annually from diversified investments.
With disciplined savings and investments, you can reach your Rs 5 crore goal comfortably within 12-15 years. This timeframe considers the power of compounding and a balanced growth rate.

Monitoring and Adjusting
Regularly monitor your investments and financial goals. Adjust your strategy based on life changes, market conditions, and evolving financial needs. A Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your plan, ensuring you stay on track.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is commendable. With a disciplined approach, diversified investments, and regular monitoring, you’re well on your way to a comfortable retirement.

Reassess your insurance needs, considering term insurance for adequate coverage without compromising returns. Redirect funds from traditional policies to high-growth investments like mutual funds.

Stay informed, stay invested, and keep your long-term goals in sight. Your dedication and financial discipline will lead you to a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am currently 43 years old. I would like to understand when I can retire. Here are my assets and savings. Have got 2 flats, one self occupied and other one rented for 25k per month. I have plot worth 80 lakhs. 20 lakhs in savings, still not invested anywhere. Another 50L in PF and gratuity. Have 2 ancestral homes generating 35k per month rent (worth 3 cr). My current salary is 2.5 lakhs per month after all deductions. We have two sons.
Ans: It's fantastic that you're planning ahead for your retirement! With your diverse assets and savings, you're well-positioned to achieve your retirement goals. Let's assess your situation to determine when retirement might be feasible:
1. Evaluate Assets and Savings: You have two flats, one rented out, a valuable plot, significant savings, and substantial funds in PF and gratuity. Additionally, rental income from ancestral homes provides a steady stream of income.
2. Calculate Expenses: Determine your current expenses and estimate future expenses, considering inflation and lifestyle changes. With rental income and other sources, you seem to have a stable income stream.
3. Financial Independence: Assess your financial independence by comparing your passive income from assets and savings with your expenses. If your passive income covers or exceeds your expenses, you're in a position to retire.
4. Consider Family Needs: Take into account your sons' education, marriage expenses, and other familial responsibilities. Ensure your retirement plan accommodates these needs without compromising your financial security.
5. Risk Management: While real estate can provide steady income, ensure you have a diversified investment portfolio to mitigate risk. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your asset allocation and investment strategy.
6. Retirement Timeline: Based on your current financial situation and retirement goals, you may be able to retire earlier than the standard retirement age. However, it's essential to consider factors like healthcare costs, longevity, and inflation when planning for retirement.
7. Regular Reviews: Periodically review your financial plan and retirement goals to ensure you're on track. Adjust your strategy as needed based on changes in your circumstances and market conditions.
With careful planning and prudent financial management, you can retire comfortably and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. Consider seeking professional advice to fine-tune your retirement plan and make informed decisions.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a daughter who is 3 years old, me and my wife are working and our age is 35 and 32. Our family income is 2.4 lakh, i am doing mutual funds of 80k per month, in mutual fund i have 19 lakh, i monthly do 12.5k ppf to me and my wife account each. For my daughter we took sukanya on which we put 5k monrhly, also i do nps of 6k monthly, in pf i have 6lakh and monthly contribution of 28k. I also own a house. When can i retire with monthly income of 1.5 lakh
Ans: Your financial discipline is commendable, and you are on the right track towards building a secure future. With a family income of Rs. 2.4 lakh per month, you are wisely investing in mutual funds, PPF, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY), and NPS. These investments are building a strong foundation for your financial goals.

Let's break down your situation and create a plan for your early retirement goal with a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh.

Current Investments Overview
1. Mutual Funds:

You are investing Rs. 80,000 per month in mutual funds.
Your current corpus is Rs. 19 lakh, which is growing steadily.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

You contribute Rs. 12,500 each to your and your wife's PPF accounts, totaling Rs. 25,000 per month.
3. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

You contribute Rs. 5,000 monthly towards your daughter’s SSY account. This will secure her future education and marriage expenses.
4. National Pension System (NPS):

Your NPS contribution is Rs. 6,000 monthly. This will provide you with an additional income stream post-retirement.
5. Provident Fund (PF):

Your PF balance is Rs. 6 lakh with a monthly contribution of Rs. 28,000. This is a solid base for your retirement corpus.
6. Property Ownership:

You own a house, which adds to your financial security.
Evaluating Your Retirement Goal
Your goal is to retire with a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh. To achieve this, we need to assess the following:

1. Desired Corpus for Retirement:

To generate Rs. 1.5 lakh per month post-retirement, you would need a substantial corpus. This corpus should be large enough to sustain withdrawals over your expected retirement years without depleting prematurely.
2. Inflation Consideration:

Keep in mind that inflation will erode purchasing power. Hence, the corpus must grow to cover rising expenses over time.
Retirement Planning Strategy
1. Increase Equity Exposure:

Continue your SIPs in mutual funds. Equity funds tend to deliver inflation-beating returns over the long term. A balanced portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds can provide growth while managing risk.
2. PPF and SSY Contributions:

Your contributions to PPF and SSY are excellent for long-term security. However, these are more conservative investments. While they offer safety and tax benefits, they may not grow as fast as your equity investments.
3. NPS for Retirement Corpus:

NPS is a good option for retirement as it provides an additional income stream and tax benefits. However, the annuity component may limit your flexibility. Consider balancing NPS with other flexible investment options.
4. Consider SWP from Mutual Funds:

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual funds can provide you with a regular income post-retirement. This strategy allows your corpus to continue growing while you withdraw a fixed amount periodically.
When Can You Retire?
1. Calculating the Required Corpus:

To retire with a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh, you will need a significant corpus. Assuming a withdrawal rate of 4-6% per annum, and considering inflation, the required corpus could range from Rs. 3 crore to Rs. 5 crore or more.
2. Projecting Your Corpus Growth:

With your current investments and contributions, your corpus will grow over time. Assuming an average annual return of 10-12% on your equity investments, and conservative returns on your PPF, SSY, and NPS, you could reach your target corpus within the next 10-15 years.
3. Adjustments and Monitoring:

Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it is on track to meet your retirement goal. You may need to increase your SIP amounts or adjust your asset allocation as you get closer to retirement.
Final Insights
You are on a solid path towards achieving financial independence. With your disciplined savings and investment strategy, you have laid a strong foundation. To retire with a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh, continue focusing on growing your corpus through equity investments, and consider using an SWP for passive income during retirement.

Remember to regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay aligned with your goals. With careful planning and consistent investments, you should be able to retire comfortably within the next 10-15 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 45 yrs Currently earning 3.20 lakh per mnth Get a rent of 40k from one of my flat Have another flat which i have sold for 2.80cr and bought a new 4.5 bhk flat for 3cr which is underconstruction will be getting the possession in Dec 25. My mom and my Mil stay with me .I am paying rent of 73k per month.I have a Emi of 35k per month. I have 2 daughters 17 and 11 yrs .I am the sole bread earner at home.As per you when can i retire. Fd 1.5 cr
Ans: Firstly, I admire your careful planning and management of finances. Balancing a high-earning job, significant family responsibilities, and substantial investments showcases commendable foresight and dedication. You’ve outlined a strong foundation with a diversified asset base and income streams. Let's evaluate how these elements play into your retirement planning and future financial security.

Income Streams and Expenses
You earn a significant monthly salary of Rs. 3.20 lakhs and receive an additional Rs. 40,000 as rental income. This gives you a total monthly income of Rs. 3.60 lakhs. However, there are significant outflows to consider:

Rent Payment: Rs. 73,000 per month
EMI Payment: Rs. 35,000 per month
Given these, your net disposable income is around Rs. 2.52 lakhs per month. With this, you need to manage household expenses, save for retirement, and plan for your daughters' futures.

Asset Allocation and Liquidity
You have substantial assets and investments:

Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs. 1.5 crores
Sold Flat Proceeds: Used towards a new 4.5 BHK flat worth Rs. 3 crores
This provides a significant safety net and potential growth in real estate value, though the latter is less liquid.

Evaluating Retirement Readiness
Retirement readiness depends on multiple factors: current income, expenses, asset base, and future financial goals. Given your high earnings and substantial savings, let's evaluate each aspect:

Monthly Income and Retirement Needs
With Rs. 3.20 lakhs per month from your job and Rs. 40,000 in rental income, you have a strong earning base. Post-retirement, your income will primarily come from your savings and investments.

To estimate your retirement readiness, consider these factors:

Living Expenses: Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Typically, it's around 70-80% of pre-retirement expenses. Assume Rs. 2.50 lakhs monthly as a conservative estimate.

Healthcare Costs: Medical expenses often rise with age. Ensure you have adequate health insurance and a separate medical emergency fund.

Lifestyle and Leisure: Factor in costs for travel, hobbies, or any leisure activities you wish to pursue.

Investments and Growth
Your FD of Rs. 1.5 crores provides a stable base. However, the returns are limited compared to other investment options. Let's explore strategies to enhance your investment portfolio for better growth:

Diversify Investments: Consider diversifying into equity mutual funds, which offer higher returns over the long term. This can help outpace inflation and grow your retirement corpus significantly.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start or increase SIPs in a mix of large-cap and multi-cap equity funds. SIPs help in averaging market risks and compounding growth over time.

Debt Mutual Funds: These are safer than equities but provide better returns than FDs. They offer a good balance for risk-averse investors nearing retirement.

Planning for Major Financial Goals
You have key financial goals to consider, especially your daughters' education and future, your new home, and retirement. Let’s break down the strategies for each.

1. Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Your daughters are 17 and 11, so education expenses are imminent, especially for higher education. Here’s how you can plan:

Education Fund: Allocate a portion of your monthly surplus towards a dedicated education fund. Use equity mutual funds for long-term growth to cover higher education costs.

Marriage Fund: Start a separate savings plan for their marriage. Use a mix of FDs and balanced funds for a moderate-risk approach.

2. New Home Purchase
You’ve invested in a new 4.5 BHK flat, expected to be ready by December 2025. Here’s how you can manage this investment:

EMI Management: Ensure your EMI of Rs. 35,000 is comfortably managed within your budget.

Home Furnishing and Setup: Start a dedicated fund for furnishing and setting up your new home. Allocate monthly savings towards this fund to avoid a financial crunch when you move in.

3. Retirement Corpus
Building a robust retirement corpus is crucial for financial independence post-retirement. Here’s a strategy:

Retirement Fund: Continue building your FD and diversify into equity and debt mutual funds for better growth. Aim for a corpus that can generate regular income to cover your monthly expenses.

Pension Plans: Explore pension plans or annuities that provide regular income post-retirement. This ensures a steady cash flow even without active employment.

Balancing Family Responsibilities
Caring for your mother and mother-in-law, along with your daughters, requires meticulous planning. Here are some strategies:

Healthcare Costs: Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage for all family members. Allocate funds for any additional medical expenses.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a robust emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This provides financial security and peace of mind.

Optimizing Tax Savings
Maximizing tax efficiency is essential to retain more of your earnings. Here’s how you can optimize your tax savings:

Tax-saving Investments: Continue investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS, PPF, and NPS. These provide deductions under Section 80C.

Home Loan Benefits: Avail of tax benefits on your home loan EMIs under Sections 24(b) and 80C. This reduces your taxable income significantly.

Health Insurance Deductions: Utilize deductions under Section 80D for health insurance premiums paid for yourself and your family.

Long-term Investment Strategy
Your financial goals span across different time horizons. Here’s how to align your investments accordingly:

Short-term Goals (2-5 years): For immediate goals like home setup and daughters' education, use low-risk, high-liquidity instruments like FDs, short-term debt funds, and recurring deposits.

Medium-term Goals (5-10 years): For goals like daughters’ marriage and further education, use balanced funds and diversified mutual funds. These offer moderate growth with manageable risk.

Long-term Goals (10+ years): For retirement and long-term security, focus on equity mutual funds, SIPs, and pension plans. These provide the best potential for growth over time.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Financial planning is dynamic. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. Here’s how:

Annual Review: Conduct a thorough review of your financial plan annually. Assess investment performance and adjust based on changing needs or market conditions.

Rebalancing: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. Shift funds between equities, debts, and FDs as needed.

Goal Adjustment: Revisit your goals periodically. Adjust your savings and investments based on life changes, market trends, and evolving priorities.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A CFP can provide tailored advice to optimize your financial plan. Here’s how they can help:

Personalized Planning: A CFP can create a detailed plan based on your unique financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Investment Strategy: They can recommend a diversified investment strategy that aligns with your goals and maximizes returns.

Tax Optimization: A CFP can help you identify tax-saving opportunities and ensure your investments are tax-efficient.

Risk Management: They can assess your insurance needs and ensure you have adequate coverage for all potential risks.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is impressive, balancing high earnings, family responsibilities, and strategic investments. Here’s a summary of steps to secure your future and determine your retirement readiness:

Diversify Investments: Allocate funds across equity, debt, and balanced mutual funds for optimal growth and risk management.

Build Specific Funds: Create dedicated funds for your daughters' education and marriage, home setup, and emergency needs.

Optimize Tax Savings: Maximize deductions and benefits through strategic investments and home loan management.

Plan for Retirement: Continue building your retirement corpus with a mix of FDs, SIPs, and pension plans.

Regular Monitoring: Review and adjust your financial plan annually to stay aligned with your goals.

Consult a CFP: Seek professional advice to refine your financial strategy and ensure comprehensive planning for all aspects of your life.

By following these strategies, you can achieve a secure and fulfilling retirement while meeting your family’s needs and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

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Hi I am 51Yrs old and my present salary is Rs 3.5L ,my investments are 2.25Cr in MF 30L shares ,75L PPF,15L FDs ,Emergency Funds 15L, 7L PF,2Flats worth value 3Cr .Son is Army Offer and Daughter is in DU doing UG.Pls suggest when I can take retirement and my monthly need will be 1.5L
Ans: Your current financial standing is impressive. Your accumulated wealth reflects discipline and foresight.

Key Financial Assets:

Mutual Funds: Rs 2.25 crore
Shares: Rs 30 lakh
PPF: Rs 75 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs 15 lakh
Emergency Funds: Rs 15 lakh
Provident Fund: Rs 7 lakh
Real Estate: Two flats worth Rs 3 crore
Family Details:

Your son is an Army officer, ensuring financial independence.
Your daughter is pursuing her undergraduate degree at DU.
Your monthly salary of Rs 3.5 lakh supports your current investments and expenses.

Monthly Expense Requirement
Your monthly need of Rs 1.5 lakh post-retirement seems reasonable.
This includes lifestyle expenses, healthcare, and leisure activities.
Assessing Retirement Readiness
You are in a strong position to consider retirement in the near future.

Key factors for assessment:

Corpus Size: Your current net worth exceeds Rs 6.5 crore. This is likely to generate stable post-retirement income.
Expense Coverage: A retirement corpus must generate Rs 18 lakh annually.
Actionable Steps:

Calculate Inflation-Adjusted Expenses: At 6% inflation, your current need of Rs 1.5 lakh/month will increase.
Review Withdrawal Strategy: Aim to withdraw less than 4% of your corpus annually.
Investment Strategy for Corpus Growth
You need to ensure your wealth grows to cover future expenses.

Steps to Enhance Portfolio:

Diversify Across Mutual Funds: Maintain a mix of equity, hybrid, and debt funds.
Continue PPF Contributions: PPF provides risk-free growth and tax savings.
Reassess Fixed Deposits: These offer lower post-tax returns. Consider moving part of this to debt mutual funds.
Utilize PF Efficiently: Accumulate and compound your PF contributions.
Points to Avoid:

Avoid additional investment in real estate due to its illiquid nature.
Do not rely solely on fixed deposits for growth.
Planning for Your Daughter's Education
Your daughter’s undergraduate expenses may be manageable from your salary.

For Higher Studies:

Use the surplus from your portfolio to meet her educational needs.
Avoid withdrawing from retirement corpus for her studies.
Generating Post-Retirement Income
Your corpus should generate a stable monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh.

Steps to Achieve This:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use mutual funds to create a tax-efficient monthly income.
Asset Allocation Strategy: Maintain a balance of equity and debt investments for stability.
Emergency Funds: Continue maintaining Rs 15 lakh as a safety net.
Healthcare Planning
Healthcare costs increase significantly post-retirement.

Recommended Steps:

Invest in a comprehensive health insurance policy for you and your wife.
Set aside a portion of your emergency funds for medical emergencies.
Estate Planning
A sound estate plan ensures your wealth is distributed as per your wishes.

Steps to Create an Estate Plan:

Draft a will specifying the distribution of your assets.
Nominate your children for all financial and physical assets.
Consider a family trust if you wish to avoid legal complexities.
Taxation Planning
Managing Tax Efficiency:

Mutual Funds: LTCG on equity funds is taxed above Rs 1.25 lakh at 12.5%. Plan redemptions to minimise taxes.
Shares: Apply the same taxation principles as mutual funds.
PPF and FDs: Interest from FDs is taxable. Consider this while planning withdrawals.
Avoid Overburdening Tax Liabilities:

Withdraw from tax-efficient instruments like equity funds strategically.
Retirement Timing
You can consider retiring at 55 or earlier.

Why This Is Possible:

Your existing wealth can comfortably generate the required income.
Your disciplined savings have ensured a solid financial base.
Finally
You are well-prepared to enjoy a fulfilling retirement. A balanced investment approach will safeguard your future.

Regular review of your financial plan will keep your corpus aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
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In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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