i have a 12.5 year old daughter who is crazy behind a guy ... i have access to her chats but am unable to confront her thinking about the repercussions ... do we just leave this situation to time thinking she is just 12 years old and give her that space ... or you think i should go and talk to the guys parents in a polite way that we need to handle this situation. A bit worried to share this to the guys parents thinking what if the message spreads like fire in her school .. she will be shattered and will be low on confidence. I just need a solution to this ... she is too young to get into all these things ... we tried talking to her not on this subject but pressurizing her the importance of studies etc ... but nothing seems to work. Do you suggest to disconnect the internet? she has no personal mobile phone nor do we intend to give her till she is 15-16.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Deal with this very carefully as if you reprimand or object to this, she is only going to rebel even more.
Kindly involve her mother into this.
Encourage her to talk about it without judging her or instructing her on what to do. I am sure she is already terrified of the boy's threats of blackmailing.
Also, have you considered of reporting this to the cops? Most parents don't want to as they are worried about the consequences their daughters have to go through. But, how else can these 'creeps' be stopped.

With a lot of love and support from you, your daughter will regain strength to realize that she had made some poor choices and that she has the choice now to rework all of them to pave a better path to walk on. You don't have to tell her what to do as she already knows it. She is just scared...
Just support and love her; instructions can wait...though your anxieties I am sure is hitting the roof. But, remember, everything works when people are surrounded with love. Your daughter simply needs this right NOW.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
'Call chat'?
Why not an 'in-person' chat? Is she away in a hostel or boarding school? If YES, kindly drop everything and be with her.
Surely, she's seeking attention from the other gender like any other teen at this age but what alarms me is the fact that she is callous in her attitude towards the entire episode. Defending her stance only means that she is in unwanted company and is justifying her behaviour as 'fitting in with peers'.
Handle this with butter fingers; give some-take some...yelling and complaining and trying to make her feel guilty is only going to make her repeat her behaviour so that she proves you right...
Spend quality time with her filling it with love, attention and support which is what she is perhaps seeking outside. This can be helped by seeking a professional who has experience handling adolescent behavioural challenges. Surely, this is her way of fitting in and experimenting but something that is also filling in an inadequacy. I cannot be sure of this, but just sharing from my experience of handling adolescents. So, first drop everything and be with her. Give her even more love that will tell her that her parents will be with her no matter what! Yeah, long lectures don't work at that age...SIGH...
This actually makes them question their choices and get back on the right path...And please do seek the help of a professional at the earliest...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What will the police do in this regard? Your sister's daughter doesn't need anyone shouting at her. She needs someone to hear her and help her through what she is going through.
She needs the attention of a psychiatrist. Kindly do not delay this matter.

All the best!

Ans: Since you came across this unintentionally, it's important to respect her privacy. Bringing it up with her or with your mother might feel invasive and could harm the trust between you two. Instead, you could look for ways to be a supportive, non-judgmental presence in her life. Building open communication without mentioning what you saw could allow her to feel safe coming to you with her thoughts or concerns in the future.

If you're worried she might be making risky choices, you could have a casual, open-hearted conversation about relationships in general without focusing on her specifically. You might share your own experiences or insights, subtly encouraging her to make choices that align with her values and self-respect. This way, she feels your support and care without feeling judged or intruded upon.

It’s normal to be concerned about family reputation, but the healthiest approach here might be to empower her to make wise decisions herself rather than monitoring her behavior.