53-Year-Old Dad Seeking Advice: How to Discipline 17-Year-Old Son Without Hurting?

Ans: Dear Nafees,
Well, your son is at an age where his focus is getting validation from girls. And he's just doing that...
Is there a father figure or some male member within the family who can take on the role of stepping in as your husband is away? This person can help guide your son back where he starts to focus on academics and understanding that social circles are just part of his life and right now the focus must be on his studies...if he still does not change, kindly call your husband back for a few weeks to take care of the situation...the boy needs his father/father figure who can be firm with him and yet appeal to him at this juncture of life.
It does not mean that as a mother you can't do this...It's just that he isn't responding to you and that's why I am making an alternate suggestion...Make this attempt and see what happens...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Parent , I could feel pain from your message . There are many such c ases where children are addicted to Mobile for games or watching videos of no use. In fact scientists compare mobile addiction with Opium like addiction where users stay on mobile for as long as 15-20 hrs a day. Why don't you ask him for getting into development of Mobile apps by learning coding ..? Or even ethical Hacking if you are sure he is not getting not wrong direction. Or in worst case , get him into some businesses like Selling Mobile and its accessaries. He needs to use his negative qualities into positive strengths through soft counselling only.

Ans: Instead of confronting him directly about his change in behavior, try to create a safe space where he feels comfortable opening up. Let him know you’ve noticed the change and that you’re there to listen whenever he’s ready. Sometimes, asking indirect questions about the holiday—who he met, what he did, and how he felt about the trip—can give you some clues about what might have triggered this shift.

If he is unwilling to talk, don’t push too hard. Instead, observe him closely. Has his routine changed? Is he withdrawing from friends, studies, or activities he used to enjoy? If this continues for a long period, you may need to consider speaking to someone he trusts—a sibling, a close friend, or even a counselor—who might be able to help him open up.

Sometimes, young adults go through emotional turbulence that they don’t know how to express. The best thing you can do right now is to be patient, keep communication open, and let him know that whatever it is, you are there for him without judgment.

Ans: Dear Mom,

I can totally empathise with you...so here is what I am going to tell you out of my own experience and what I did to overcome this mom guilt and seeking forgiveness. It's good that you are have worked on your marriage and have 3 kids, pat yourself on the back for it. And it's normal in any marriage for these kind of ups and downs and then attaining peace and love, so good going for having found them!!And remember marriage is continuous work.

The solution I am going to give, I am going to divide it into two parts..

1. Forgiving yourself first..be kind to yourself, you were young, you were inexperienced, the mom you are to your 3 yr old is not the same person who brought up your first child, so quit being guilty! Every soul has a journey to take, your son chose you as a mother so that he could take that journey with you...you both had to take this journey together in order to evolve and grow into the people you are today. So, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND QUIT FEELING GUILTY, it's not easy but you have to start doing it. Be kind to the old you... and embrace the new you!! You are not the same person and so is your first born, this continuous evolving as a human being and becoming better is called life, rt?

2. Your SON is 16yrs old, the aggression that he has may not be because of what you did to him... it may be the changing hormones? When you are a guilty mother, you tend to blame yourself for all the wrongs that happen in your child's life, so quit being guilty.
Talk to him about how young you were when he was born and how guilty you feel about some things( be careful about what you say, kids are very resilient, they know how to protect themselves , so maybe how you remember things may not be the same way that he remembers), say sorry and seek his forgiveness. Check if you can have this conversation with him, don't give him the power to make you feel further more guilty. I leave this decision to you.

Don't cry dear mom, forgive yourself, heal and see what best you can do from now on with your first born...just move on from the past... be there for him, cherish him, love him and be there for him, help him navigate through life with compassion and understanding. It might take time, but it's all doable. Take care of him.. and a mother truly knows what is best for her child, trust your instincts, the mother's instincts are far too powerful, take back your power from the "guilty mother" and nourish your bond.

What "I do' and also advice all parents is to spend excusive time with each child, scheduling time with each child and doing something which they like takes the bond to new levels!! Try this out...

All the best... and wishing happy times ahead for you and your beautiful family!!