my gf was physical(intercourse) just for once with her ex and her ex cheated on her she just had a 2 month relationship with her ex. and after that around just after a month we came in relationship and its been 2 months we are in a relationship we both go to same college but due to house problem she doesn't attend classes basically we are in a long distance relationship and she still remember him and when she goes to places where she meet her ex she still have flashback She is not fully with me even when i just ask her for a normal kiss she refuses and tells me what so hurry this is my first relationship what should i do

Ans: प्रिय अनाम,

मुझे खेद है कि आप दुखी हैं, लेकिन उसका अतीत वास्तव में वर्तमान में आपके लिए मायने नहीं रखता। आदर्श रूप से, मैं लोगों को उनके पिछले अनुभवों को प्रकट करने के लिए मजबूर करने के पक्ष में नहीं हूँ, खासकर यदि वे इसके साथ सहज नहीं हैं। लेकिन मैं सहमत हूँ कि जब आपने विशेष रूप से आपके द्वारा बताई गई चीज़ों के प्रति नापसंदगी दिखाई, तो आपके साथ संबंध बनाना गलत था। मुझे लगता है कि वह आपको बहुत पसंद करती थी और अपने अवसरों को बर्बाद नहीं करना चाहती थी। मुझे यह भी उल्लेख करना चाहिए कि किसी व्यक्ति को उसके अतीत से या उसके अपने पूर्व साथी के साथ कुछ खास तरह के संबंधों के आधार पर आंकना उचित नहीं है; आप तस्वीर में नहीं थे। इसके बावजूद, आपका दर्द जायज है। अपने साथी के अतीत के बारे में नई जानकारी को स्वीकार करना आसान नहीं है।

अब मेरी बात सुनिए, अतीत अतीत में है। यह आपको तभी दुख पहुँचा सकता है जब आप इसे होने देंगे। इसके बारे में ठीक से सोचें- क्या उसने वर्तमान में आपको दुख पहुँचाने के लिए कुछ किया है? नहीं। क्या आप या वह अतीत को बदल सकते हैं? नहीं। क्या उसे अतीत के लिए माफ़ी मांगनी चाहिए? नहीं। क्या आपको इसे भूलकर बेहतर भविष्य की ओर काम करना चाहिए? यह एकमात्र ऐसी चीज़ है जो आपके नियंत्रण में है। समझदारी से चुनाव करें। अगर आपको लगता है कि आप हमेशा के लिए उसे इसके लिए जिम्मेदार ठहराएँगे, तो आप दोनों को इस रिश्ते पर पुनर्विचार करना चाहिए। अगर आपको लगता है कि यह लड़ाई निरर्थक है, और आप अपने रिश्ते को आगे बढ़ाना चाहते हैं, तो बढ़िया।

शुभकामनाएँ।

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Refusing for a kiss isn't as concerning as her saying she will have feelings for you. Not everyone is ready for intimacy at the same time in all their relationships. As I mentioned earlier, there can be several reasons for this behavior. Please have an open conversation with her. Let her know that her behavior is bothering you and you want some clarity. If she still continues to say the same thing, you have the option to rethink the relationship.

I understand that you are feeling disturbed; it's not easy being on the receiving end. Please feel free to pick yourself first. You deserve someone who loves you completely.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and the complexities of the hearts might be difficult sometimes to grasp. The first reason for your sorrow, her past relationship, and the fact that she was physically intimate with them is not completely justifiable. Though I understand that you feel hurt because she did not disclose it to you, still it should not matter so much as to ruin your present relationship. And whether she will open up about such sensitive details is actually up to her. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you or trusts you. Please understand that.

Now coming to the next thing, the fact that she is still in touch with them and has even met one of them, that is slightly concerning. It would have been okay if she did that openly- please understand that I am not saying she should have asked for your permission, but rather discuss the same with you. Moreover, in a relationship, it is also important to understand how much your partner is comfortable with- goes for both men and women. If you are uncomfortable with her relationship with her exes, she should consider that. I would have said the same if the table was turned. I suggest you have a clear conversation with her and express how you feel about this situation- depending on how she reacts and how the conversation goes, you both can think about the next step.

Hope this helps.