Home > Relationship > Question
विशेषज्ञ की सलाह चाहिए?हमारे गुरु मदद कर सकते हैं
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 17, 2025
Relationship

I am 36 married and have children. My life was going very well untill a girl who was my junior collegue married with children showed an interest in me as i was her senior some seven years back. The girl kept on keeping in touch with me then and one fine day i expressed my romantic interest in her. She reciprocated. We had some physical then and no sex happened. She kept in touch with me and we exchanged few sex chats too. In this period i helped girl officially. All stopped suddenly three years back where the girl was back to her home place. I felt very disturbed. I wanted to have sex with her but the girl rarely responds now. I send her messages some times but reply is very measured. I lost interest in having sex with my wife gradually. My question is i feel cheated now. I want to know how to get over her thoughts. I still want to have sex with her but there is no interest for her. I am not able to do sex with other woman too as my mind is deeply engrossed in her thoughts still. Please help.

Ans: The first step to getting over her thoughts is to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel hurt, rejected, or confused. You're not alone in this, and these emotions are a natural part of the human experience. However, continuing to chase after someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings is only prolonging your pain.

You need to accept that she has moved on, even if she did show interest in the past. People’s feelings and circumstances change, and it’s likely that she decided to prioritize her family and her life away from you. Holding on to the desire to be with her is preventing you from moving forward. It’s crucial to let go of the fantasy of what could have been and focus on the reality of the situation.

To start the healing process, consider cutting off all communication with her. Continuing to reach out, even if it's just occasionally, keeps the wound open. Delete her contact information, block her on social media, and avoid places or situations that might remind you of her. It may seem extreme, but it’s a necessary step to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts.

Reconnecting with your own life is the next important step. Reflect on your marriage and figure out what led to the emotional distance with your wife. Was it purely because of the attraction to this other woman, or were there underlying issues in your marriage before that? Understanding this can help you decide how to move forward, whether it's by working on rebuilding intimacy with your wife or seeking couples' counseling to address any unresolved issues.

It’s also vital to focus on yourself. Engage in activities that you enjoy, pursue new hobbies, and spend quality time with your children. Sometimes, redirecting emotional energy into positive experiences helps to lessen the emotional grip someone has over you.

If the thoughts about her continue to dominate your mind, or if you’re struggling with feelings of guilt, sadness, or anger, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you process these emotions, explore the reasons behind your attachment, and guide you toward healing and self-acceptance.

Remember, it’s not just about moving on from her but also about rediscovering yourself and finding fulfillment in your life and marriage once again. You're not alone, and it's okay to seek help when you're feeling stuck.

आप नीचे ऐसेही प्रश्न और उत्तर देखना पसंद कर सकते हैं

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1593 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Listen
Relationship
हाय अनु मुझे अपने से 13 साल छोटी लड़की पर क्रश और फंतासी थी क्योंकि वह मेरी ट्यूशन स्टूडेंट थी। एक बार जब वह 15 साल की थी और मैं 28 साल का था तब हमारे बीच घनिष्ठता हुई थी। अब मैं 52 साल से अधिक का हूं और वह 39 साल की है और पिछले साल शादी हुई है। जब उसकी शादी के बारे में पता चला तो मैंने इसे स्वीकार कर लिया।' लेकिन वह पिछले महीने संयोग से अपने कार्यस्थल के पास मुझसे मिल गई। हम एक ही शहर में हैं. मेरी शादी नहीं हुई है। उन्होंने मेरे साथ अपना संपर्क साझा किया और उनके कार्यस्थल पर हमारी 25 मिनट तक स्वस्थ बातचीत हुई। लेकिन अब वह मेरे कॉल और मैसेज को नजरअंदाज कर रही है।' मैं चिंता में हूं. मुझे क्या करना चाहिए क्योंकि मैं जानता हूं कि अब सब कुछ खत्म हो गया है। बस मेरी समस्या का समाधान करें
Ans: प्रिय सुनील,
आप सचमुच भाग्यशाली थे कि किसी को पता नहीं चला कि आप एक नाबालिग के साथ अंतरंग थे। यदि आप उस समय उजागर हो जाते तो चीजें आपके लिए खराब होतीं... एक शिक्षक-छात्र संबंध और एक रेखा थी जिसे आपने पार करना चुना।

अब जब आप 52 वर्ष के हो गए हैं, तो क्या अब बड़े होने और उसे रहने देने का समय नहीं आ गया है? एक कारण है कि वह आपकी कॉल और संदेशों को अनदेखा कर रही है। शायद वह ख़ुशी से अपनी दुनिया में शामिल होना चाहती है जो कि उसका परिवार है...
और साथ ही, अब समय आ गया है कि आप आगे बढ़ें... यदि आप उसे वापस जीतने के संकल्प की उम्मीद करते हैं, तो यह बुद्धिमानी नहीं होगी क्योंकि ऐसा लगता है कि उसने आपको यह स्पष्ट कर दिया है कि वह अकेली रहना चाहती है। तो, कृपया बस इतना करें... इससे आपको जीवन में कभी न कभी मानसिक शांति मिलती रहेगी और उसे भी अपने परिवार के साथ शांति से रहने का मौका मिलेगा।

शुभकामनाएं!

..Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025
Relationship
I am 46 years old male married for the fast 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She is highly posessive about me since our marriage. I fell in love with my collegue who is a widower and 25 years of age with a daughter. She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work. I got transferred to other place. There work pressure is not there. Now, I am in love with that widower. I told this to my wife also. She was shocked. After hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl.But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over phone four to five times for a couple of times. It seems, now that girl is not interested in me. When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now when I got transferred, i am keeping whats app messages which are visible only to her. I dont know whether she is not understanding this one, she is not responding. I dont want to cheat my wife and at the same time not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest me what to do.
Ans: Hello sir,
This is actually mid life crisis that you are going through, because of which you think you are having feelings for your colleague. Now that you have been transferred to a new place wirh new surroundings, take this as an opportunity to build new healthy relationships around you. You should start giving more quality time to your wife. She has given you a second chance. You should take it well and forget about your past as your colleague has also moved on now. I hope this will help you with your problem.
Take care
Dr Upneet kaur
Relationship counselor
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

..Read more

नवीनतम प्रश्न
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |594 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

Career
Hello Sir. My Son has got offer from follwing University.. 1)University of Padua - Italy (BSC - Information Technology) - 3 years Course 2)University Of Strathclyde - UK (BSC - HON Computer Science) - 4 yrs 3)Caledonian University of Glassgow - UK (Bsc Hons Computing). 4 yrs 4) National College of Ireland (BSC - HON Computer Science Engg) - 4 yrs We are confused to select the university / country
Ans: Hello ASAD,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am glad to know that your son has received offers from the above mentioned universities. As an answer to your query, I would like to tell you that a prestigious and budget-friendly education in a lively Italian environment, along with a reputable academic standing and lower living expenses is offered at the University of Padua; its 3-year BSC - Information Technology may also provide a quicker path to higher education or jobs. Coming to the University of Strathclyde, top-ranked in the UK for Computer Science, this university is renowned for its linkages with industry, research possibilities, as well as outstanding student services, offering robust employment opportunities. Next, situated in a student-centric city with budget-friendly costs in comparison to other cities in the UK, Glasgow Caledonian University focuses on hands-on, industry-focused learning with impressive graduate employment rates. The National College of Ireland provides a small, contemporary campus in Dublin with robust ties with the technology sector, internships, and employment prospects in one of Europe’s key technology hotspots.

Lastly, deciding which university and country to select depends on your son’s professional objectives, ideal learning atmosphere, budget, as well as plans for the future- whether he prefers a shorter course term, robust industrial connections, global exposure, or residing in a specific nation.

For more information, you can visit our website: www.edwiseinternational.com

You can also follow us on our Instagram page: edwiseint

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x