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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Mahi Question by Mahi on Jun 02, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, I hope you're doing well. I'm a 24 year old girl working as a software engineer. I was in love with a boy in long distance relationship and I met him only once. We both had great understanding, respect on each other. It was all good between us. On February 2023, he called me one day saying that he wants to tell his parents about our love matter. I said okay and asked him what he wanted to do if his family disagrees. He said that he'll wait until his family approves. I was okay with it and he informed to his family. But things started changing after he talked with his family. He wanted to break up with me. I told him many times that I wanted to be with him and don't want to break up. But, he didn't agree. Eventually, we stopped talking with each other. It was hard for me to move on but after few months, i finally decided to move on with my life. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he wants to get back with me. I didn't agreed as I lost my trust on him. He even informed his family about getting back with me and they were okay with it. He wants to marry me. But, now the problem is I still like him, but I lost trust in him. I wanted to give him a chance but I'm afraid because of past break up with him. I'm confused about what should I do? Anu, can you please suggest me about giving him a chance or moving on with my life?

Ans: Dear Mahi,
Thank you for asking. I am doing well and trust that you too will be in the same space as well.
When what he has done has broken your trust, it is difficult to get it back... he has come back, but you are perhaps thinking: what if he pulls the same stunt again? And this makes you question every move of his...

If you look at it from his point of view, he possibly also loves you but his family pressures are getting to him and he can do only that much. Yes, it would have been more 'human' to talk to you about what had happened after he spoke with his family. But he chose not to and that lack of transparency is what has thrown you off...perhaps, he isn't all that mature emotionally or feels that he might lose you if he shares anything.

Whatever it is, your loss of trust on him is justified after the way he had behaved. If the two of you still want to give your relationship a chance, kindly do so...and clearly state to him that you have lost trust on him. Not only does he have explaining to do but he must reassure you that he will be honest with you in future. Also, give some time before committing to a marriage while you watch whether he has changed and he is consistent with what he has committed to changing. Only when you are sure, take a decision either way!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

(more)
Love Guru

Love Guru   |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Hello Love Guru. I want to ask about my ex. We had relationship for past two years but kind of on and off. During initial stages we both acted immaturely and broke up but still one of us patch up. Last time, last year in September, my ex broke up saying he doesn't like my personality and our relationship is unmotivating. Even the previous breakup was by him saying he needs time and space. Although he had introduced me to his sister and friends, I think he is just been in relationship for TP. When he broke up last time, he got promoted at work maybe that’s why. Currently he said he has quit his job IDK reason and suddenly he realised he took wrong decisions. I was sure I don't want to give any more chance. So I told him that introduce me to your parents as your GF, not for marriage now. He said he will try but not sure. I have decided he is free and hence he wants relationship so not moving forward with him. Please tell me what you think. Although, after our patch-up, I do see small efforts from his side but I was always one who was on giving end.
Ans:

Your mail is quite confusing in the sense that I don’t know whether you’re currently with him or not; you refer to him as your ex and then say that after your patch-up you’re seeing that he’s making an effort.

Anyway, whether you’re on or off at present, this guy seems rather whimsical. And yes, I think your instinct is right in that he’s at loose ends right now without a job, etc, and wants some emotional support maybe, which is why he wants to get back with you.

I’m not saying don’t give him a chance; you can, if you think he’s genuinely realised that he wants to be with you. But, yes, he should make it official.

And if I were you, I’d be sure of things before getting too involved too fast this time around.

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

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 Hi Anu Ji,I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background. I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all. Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents. I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state. Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do? Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.
Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

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Hello Mam ! Mam I don’t know if I have right to ask you this cause Iam still 17 ! Mam Iam Seetha ..I have completed my inter 2nd year and I am preparing for Neet 2023 and Yes I am least confident about my first attempt so I’ll be preparing for Neet 2024 to ! There is a boy whom I know him since 5th class but we were close to each other from 9th class ….. but like a good friend and 4 months ago he proposed me and I slowly fell in love with him !!! He is a good guy he respects me a lot and he respects everyone …from past one month we were very close and we met several times and mam Highlighting this point —-mam we had passionate romance twice but not that intensely and now I feel regret of doing so if he leaves me ….. He is a guy who respects my time and his time he don’t have obsession like I have for him ….I always force him to stay or talk bit longer and he felt like I won’t respect his time and Said Iam a person who won’t understand his efforts he puts for us and he said 10 days ago that we should be away for a year so that concentrate on ourself and he said to that I should change to a mature person …and he blocked me everywhere but I refused but I done it I mean neither we talked or chatted with each other for 5 days but after few days I called him from other number and he know that and unblocked me so we spoke to each other ! He said that we should be apart for our self but then again he said we should have been friends only but whatever happened is happened now we can’t do anything he said ! I asked him that be true and if you want to ask for a break up you can buy he said no I want you and I don’t want to leave you … and yeah mam he never tried to be physical with me …only I was and for this he sayid that I never understand him and etc etc and said that I just loved him physically not truely and that broke my heart ! But I don’t know what I should do now ? He said this is test for us that will our love be the same for one year ? But then again few days ago We talked to each other and that to I started first …yesterday as a friend we were talking and he said he wrote a poem and I asked for whom u wrote this he said For my ex …he said that if she comes again then he will accept and I was really confused 😐…And we had a huge fight he felt bad and I too but lastly I said sorry and today he asked for a break up and I said I won’t repeat my behaviour gain and I asked for last chance so that I could change from childish behaviour to a mature girl as he likes … Now you please say me mam that what should be done ? Should I have to stay away from him temporarily until I get changed to a better person as he wants or should I break up with him since he said we should have been frnds only ! What should I do mam ? Kindly please reply me as fast as you could mam !!! 😕
Ans: Seetha, he proposed to you. Then you got physical with him, then he conveniently said you’re better off as friends and blocked you! And then came up with this one year test nonsense! He’s taking you for a ride, and you’re falling for it; don’t be so stupid. I understand that you’re young, but you haven’t done anything wrong and there is no need to feel guilty about anything that has happened. What is important, however, is that you understand this boy is not quite as wonderful as you think he is! He’s taken advantage of you and now he’s trying to worm his way out of it. Cut him off completely, he’s no good. Focus on your studies and if you meet someone else, no harm in exploring a relationship. But this worm doesn’t deserve a minute of your time or attention.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, I'm unable to decide what to do with my life like I'm totally stuck emotionally...I am having a 1.5 years relationship but I'm confused in that relationship to go forward or end....last year everything was ok...my boyfriend had a past which he shared me before starting of our relationship only...i accepted his past and only continued to move forward in our relationship....but his ex was in touch with him...when I was out of station they planned a team out with their mutual friends and I came to know after seeing their pics...he have explained the situation and I agreed that ....but somehow I couldn't accept the that...and it continuously triggered me...later his mother took the help of that girl for her personal things ....like she used to come to his house and I was not aware of it....when I questioned that he said it was his mom's choice she said the same to him when he asked his mom.... sometimes I had physical with him...from past 4 months we are not having any physical not even a kiss or touch ........my family is pressuring for marriage and he is still in career settling process....I'm unable to decide what to do ....i cannot trust any man further and I don't know I would be able to accept any man in future and start a family with.... please guide me correctly.... express your pov
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very clear that the Ex did have a way with him and his mother. They seemed to have some sort of a bond that is still strong and they make no move to loosen it knowing that there is a new person now...

How is it the son and mother haven't had an inkling that their cozying up to the Ex, can prevent a new relationship from growing?
It's a nice thought to be all mature about the Ex, but only when such a conversation has happened before.
Did your boyfriend not think that this might cause issues in his relationship with you?
Did he not think that a conversation that he is in touch with his Ex should come up?

What is a red flag here is the fact that he assumes that his action will be okay with you...Isn't that taking you for granted?
It is easy to skim over this as nothing and maybe it is really nothing, but if you have felt triggered, do not shove this under the carpet. What feels uncomfortable to you, must be addressed by your boyfriend. What he does or doesn't will have a direct impact on you and your relationship with him. So address it ASAP before it grows branches and trees in your mind.
And of course, there is no way of preventing what his mother does. You might have to ignore it as she is her own person and has the right to maintain her relationships even if is with her son's Ex...it will be uncomfortable for you, but do let it be...
Trust is one of the pillars in any relationship and if any action or inaction disturbs that trust, address it immediately. Please have that chat with your boyfriend and acknowledge that there is a RED FLAG. Also, discuss your future...if he has reservations settling down, I am sure you know what to do...It's your life, make wise choices...

All the best!
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What is comprehensive auto insurance policy? What are its benefits? What are the inclusions and non-inclusions if I want to know before buying a comprehensive auto insurance policy?
Ans: A comprehensive auto insurance policy in India offers the most extensive coverage for your car and any third-parties involved in an accident. It's like a two-wheeler for your car's security, providing protection for both your vehicle and your wallet.

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |248 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

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My daughter did her graduation in November 2023 from a top-ranked university in Canada - University of British Columbia, Vancouver (QS World Rank within 35). She is interested in a job in the fields of Artificial Intelligence and related software domains. She graduated with an interdisciplinary BSc in Cognitive Systems, including several courses from Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning, Neuroscience, etc.. Unfortunately, unlike in US universities, there's no Campus Placement facilities available in UBC and most Canadian universities. Please advise how to get into a job in this gloomy economic scenario, in Canada (USA is ruled out because OPT is not available for non-US university graduates).
Ans: Hello Indranil. Thanks for reaching out to us. Given your daughter's background in cognitive systems with coursework in computer science, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning and Neuroscience from a prestigious institution like the University of British Columbia (UBC), she has a strong base for having a career in AI and related fields. Although no campus placement is challenging, there are ways to find a job while keeping in mind the gloomy economic condition.

1. Encourage your daughter to leverage her professional network, including alumni, professors, and industry contacts. Attending industry events, seminars, and meetups can provide valuable networking opportunities and help her connect with potential employers or mentors in the field of AI and software development.

2. An online presence, such as having an account on LinkedIn, is important. She can showcase her skills and achievements—both academic and extracurricular—so far, reach out to professionals,etc

For further assistance, you can get in touch with us
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