Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Seetha Question by Seetha on Apr 03, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello Mam ! Mam I don’t know if I have right to ask you this cause Iam still 17 ! Mam Iam Seetha ..I have completed my inter 2nd year and I am preparing for Neet 2023 and Yes I am least confident about my first attempt so I’ll be preparing for Neet 2024 to ! There is a boy whom I know him since 5th class but we were close to each other from 9th class ….. but like a good friend and 4 months ago he proposed me and I slowly fell in love with him !!! He is a good guy he respects me a lot and he respects everyone …from past one month we were very close and we met several times and mam Highlighting this point —-mam we had passionate romance twice but not that intensely and now I feel regret of doing so if he leaves me ….. He is a guy who respects my time and his time he don’t have obsession like I have for him ….I always force him to stay or talk bit longer and he felt like I won’t respect his time and Said Iam a person who won’t understand his efforts he puts for us and he said 10 days ago that we should be away for a year so that concentrate on ourself and he said to that I should change to a mature person …and he blocked me everywhere but I refused but I done it I mean neither we talked or chatted with each other for 5 days but after few days I called him from other number and he know that and unblocked me so we spoke to each other ! He said that we should be apart for our self but then again he said we should have been friends only but whatever happened is happened now we can’t do anything he said ! I asked him that be true and if you want to ask for a break up you can buy he said no I want you and I don’t want to leave you … and yeah mam he never tried to be physical with me …only I was and for this he sayid that I never understand him and etc etc and said that I just loved him physically not truely and that broke my heart ! But I don’t know what I should do now ? He said this is test for us that will our love be the same for one year ? But then again few days ago We talked to each other and that to I started first …yesterday as a friend we were talking and he said he wrote a poem and I asked for whom u wrote this he said For my ex …he said that if she comes again then he will accept and I was really confused 😐…And we had a huge fight he felt bad and I too but lastly I said sorry and today he asked for a break up and I said I won’t repeat my behaviour gain and I asked for last chance so that I could change from childish behaviour to a mature girl as he likes … Now you please say me mam that what should be done ? Should I have to stay away from him temporarily until I get changed to a better person as he wants or should I break up with him since he said we should have been frnds only ! What should I do mam ? Kindly please reply me as fast as you could mam !!! 😕

Ans: Seetha, he proposed to you. Then you got physical with him, then he conveniently said you’re better off as friends and blocked you! And then came up with this one year test nonsense! He’s taking you for a ride, and you’re falling for it; don’t be so stupid. I understand that you’re young, but you haven’t done anything wrong and there is no need to feel guilty about anything that has happened. What is important, however, is that you understand this boy is not quite as wonderful as you think he is! He’s taken advantage of you and now he’s trying to worm his way out of it. Cut him off completely, he’s no good. Focus on your studies and if you meet someone else, no harm in exploring a relationship. But this worm doesn’t deserve a minute of your time or attention.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1332 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hello Mam ! Mam I don’t know if I have right to ask you this cause Iam still 17 ! Mam Iam Seetha , Iam in Inter 2 ne year now and yes it is yet to complete in two days and I am preparing for Neet 2023 and Yes I am least confident about my first attempt so I’ll be preparing for Neet 2024 to ! There is a boy whom I know him since 5th class but we were close to each other from 9th class ….. but like a good friend and 4 months ago he proposed me and I slowly fell in love with him !!! He is a good guy he respects me a lot and he respects everyone …from past one month we were very close and we met several times ….. He is a guy who respects my time and his time he don’t have obsession like I have for him ….I always force him to stay or talk big longer and he felt like I won’t respect his time and Iam a person whiny understand his efforts he puts for us and he said 5 days ago that we should be away for a year so that concentrate on ourself and he said to that I should change to a mature person …and he blocked me everywhere but I refused but I done it I mean neither we talked or chatted with each other for 5 days but yesterday I called him from other number and he know that and unblocked me so we spoke to each other ! He said that we should be apart for our self but then again he said we should have Naeem friends ! I asked him that be true and if you want to ask for a break up you can buy he said no I want you and I don’t want to leave you … and yeah mam he never tried to be physical with me only I was ! But I don’t know what I should do now ? He said this is test for us that will our love be the same for one year ? Now you please say me mam that what should be done ? Should I have to stay away for one year or should I break up with him since he said we should have been frnds only ! What should I do mam ? Kindly please reply me as fast as you could mam !!! 😕
Ans: Dear Seetha,
Yes, please stay away from this boy.
He has no clarity about what he wants or what he is doing. He wants you around and then doesn't and then again on his terms. Both of you need to become emotionally mature to handle a relationship.

Like he said: Give yourselves that time and space to focus on studies first. If you add all these confusions, your studies will suffer and you will end up feeling frustrated.
Put down a goal list with a timeline for your forthcoming exams and keep a check at the end of the day as to how much you have accomplished. This is the age for focusing on academics as well besides relationships. Right now, what seems most useful for you is your focus on academics and having a strong friends circle. This will not only distract you but also allow you to see that there is a lot of life outside of this boy that you are stuck on...So, move on, take a break and enjoy life and study hard!

Best wishes for a bright future!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |138 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hello Mam ! Mam I don’t know if I have right to ask you this cause Iam still 17 ! Mam Iam Seetha ..I have completed my inter 2nd year and I am preparing for Neet 2023 and Yes I am least confident about my first attempt so I’ll be preparing for Neet 2024 to ! There is a boy whom I know him since 5th class but we were close to each other from 9th class ….. but like a good friend and 4 months ago he proposed me and I slowly fell in love with him !!! He is a good guy he respects me a lot and he respects everyone …from past one month we were very close and we met several times ….. He is a guy who respects my time and his time he don’t have obsession like I have for him ….I always force him to stay or talk bit longer and he felt like I won’t respect his time and Said Iam a person who won’t understand his efforts he puts for us and he said 10 days ago that we should be away for a year so that concentrate on ourself and he said to that I should change to a mature person …and he blocked me everywhere but I refused but I done it I mean neither we talked or chatted with each other for 5 days but after few days I called him from other number and he know that and unblocked me so we spoke to each other ! He said that we should be apart for our self but then again he said we should have been friends only but whatever happened is happened now we can’t do anything he said ! I asked him that be true and if you want to ask for a break up you can buy he said no I want you and I don’t want to leave you … and yeah mam he never tried to be physical with me …only I was and for this he sayid that I never understand him and etc etc and said that I just loved him physically not truely and that broke my heart ! But I don’t know what I should do now ? He said this is test for us that will our love be the same for one year ? But then again few days ago We talked to each other and that to I started first …yesterday as a friend we were talking and he said he wrote a poem and I asked for whom u wrote this he said For my ex …he said that if she comes again then he will accept and I was really confused 😐…And we had a huge fight he felt bad and I too but lastly I said sorry and today he asked for a break up and I said I won’t repeat my behaviour gain and I asked for last chance so that I could change from childish behaviour to a mature girl as he likes … Now you please say me mam that what should be done ? Should I have to stay away from him temporarily until I get changed to a better person as he wants or should I break up with him since he said we should have been frnds only ! What should I do mam ? Kindly please reply me as fast as you could mam !!! 😕
Ans: Its important you focus on 2 things for now - (1) your self esteem and your confidence & (2) your education and career. Once you are financially independent is when you can think of a serious relationship - all the best.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |441 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am dealing with brkup its been 2 months its mutual because he is bhramin his parents will not allow intercaste and for me its not possible to settle in place where he lives . its almost 3-4 year of relationship from my age of 18 he was there with my i lost my father during corona he took care of me , he stayed by my side he is not upto the mark but still he is always there for me after that i leave that state where both we stayed and we did long distance for 2 years but now as he come to know his parents are way more strict he dont want to hurts his parents and even my reason that i have to compromise lot carrrer difference and all. As i lost my father at age of 18 i cry lot every one day gap during my relationship also i was so anxious , and some times due to family problems i always used to be disturbed and dont want to live sometimeslike sucidal thoughts and all but at the time of relationship i share all this to him and i feel okay and got back to my study as he motivates me little . but now after brkup i dont have any real friends , i cant talk to any one neither any person messeges me my depression is becoming more big now we are in no contact for some days but again we talk and again we are in no contact he feels like he is in guilt becos he hurted me and made me miserable also he dont think about any other relation ship whatever his parents will bring he will do but for me not that case becos we dont have nay guardian i have to in my own actually we are not that big for marriage but we thought of future more and brkup becos of i have to find some one right we are 21 also my campus placements are coming his neet pg is coming but my heart cries every day i feel choked , i cried , choked and hurt my head it happens often but i still think we can not talk becos how can we move on from some body we talk but my depression at peak level i msg him with bigtext with all that goin on my life. should we talk ? as their is no rush to find other person we have to first focus on career how can we set boundaries? though if i talk i mak eme feel someone i can talk and make me releif at the sam etime it hurts if i dont talk also its hurts more as i ahve no one to talk with . he insisted me that we can be friends i can see u like this he wants me to be happy he feel he did the sin to me. Pls tell what will be good for me how can i be little releif what should i should i talk treat or my depression how ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I am also glad you found someone to share your pain with at that moment. Coming to your dilemma- whether you should be in touch with him- I understand that it is a great relief to talk to him, but that is momentary, isn't it? You cannot continue doing this if you two are broken up. Even though he is not planning to get married right away, the problem is that he will someday. Plus, more often than not, one person moves on faster than the other, and in your case, if it's him, it will hurt more. The right thing to do is sit and have a clear conversation. Discuss the possibility of getting back together. Ask what is in his mind and express what's in yours. But going in this circle will only hurt you more; maybe not today, but someday it will.

Now, coming to your depression, I would suggest sharing your pain with close friends but you mentioned you have none. That is not uncommon. Not all of us are blessed with it. In that case, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it. Rather it will help you in sorting your feelings. Finally, you can take care of them without relying on your ex. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job in managing your depression but a professional counselor can help you come out of this in a more structured way. Please consider it. If you are not comfortable seeing someone in person, there are several counselors available online. Just try it once and see how that makes you feel.

Remember we all need help occasionally. You are amazing and you do not have to hold everything together alone.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3942 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I am currently in 1 year CSE at NIT Warangal, please suggest me some additional courses with which I can improve my skills and get a good placement
Ans: As an initial step, please conduct research on the companies that have visited NIT-W for campus recruitment over the past 2-3 years. Review the websites of each company to familiarize yourself with the products and services they offer.
From this information, you will be able to discern the skills anticipated by each organization. Please document all necessary skills. Identify the skills that are commonly sought after by recruiters and companies. The senior students and faculty members of your institute in their fourth year will be available to assist you with this matter.
Upon reviewing the skills identified and those recommended by your Senior Students and Faculty, you will be positioned to finalize the Certifications you intend to pursue. Below are some recommended certification courses you may consider pursuing, contingent upon feedback from your senior students and faculty in the CSE Department: Programming Foundations, Data Structures and Algorithms (DSA), Web Development, App Development, Competitive Programming, Machine Learning and AI, Cybersecurity, Cloud Computing, and Blockchain. Acquire proficiency in programming languages such as C, C++, Python, and Java. Engage in practice through platforms like freeCodeCamp, HackRank, and CodeChef. Explore Python libraries including NumPy, Pandas, and TensorFlow, as well as delve into ethical hacking, network security, AWS, Microsoft Azure, and Google Cloud. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ‘Jobs | Education | Careers’.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3942 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hi sir, I am worked 5 years in company and resigned, company given me FnF and not giving me 2 Months incentive they saying company will not give incentive left employees and they also not giving fnf break up, please help me what should I do now
Ans: If your employer declines to offer you incentives and a comprehensive Full and Final settlement breakdown, there are various steps you can consider taking. Begin by examining your employment documents, such as the letter of appointment, HR regulations, and any relevant communications. If you do not receive a satisfactory response, consider sending a formal email or letter to management or HR, outlining your reasons for declining the reward. If HR fails to respond, consider escalating the issue to higher management, such as the department head, CFO, or CEO. These approaches enhance the chances of resolving the issue in a friendly manner. Based on my experience in HR, I recommend that you AVOID approaching the Labour Department or Labour Court solely for your 2 months' incentives. It is advisable to proceed and explore other job opportunities after obtaining the Experience Certificate from your previous employer. If you adhere to the legal avenues, it may only create a negative perception of you, even if you are not at fault. Many companies, after hiring candidates, perform background checks with their previous employers, which could result in complications if you decide to approach the Labour Court. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future. Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ‘Jobs | Education | Careers’.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1332 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,
Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |709 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3942 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hello I am a 40 year old unmarried male. I did my graduation in Hotel management and passed out in the year 2006. After that i worked in few hotels in India and intrest of work in operations of hotel fizzled out. I sat idle doing nothing for a year or so and den helped my dad with his business that we had. In 2009 i did my MBA marketing from a Pune university college and passed out in 2011. Due to my hotel mgmt background i started working in five star hotel marketing department after passing out my MBA marketing. I got the hotel marketing job in Nov 2011. I worked in the same hotel till April 2014 after which i got an apportunity to work with big corporate hospital in the corporate marketing department. I worked there till 2018 after which i got a opportunity to work in a bigger corporate hospital in a different city in the marketing department. I worked there till Sept 2022, after which i was forced to take a break from work coz needed to take care of my ailing mother who underwent a Liver transplant. I was forced to take a break of around one year and months and i did nothing but took care of my mothers health. In the meanwhile i also lost my father in Road accident. My mother is fine now and its been one year and four months after the Liver Transplant. I have again started working in the hospital that i use to work before in the same marketing department. No other hospitals were ready to take me in coz the gap tht i had in my career. I have started working since July 2024. Now i feel tht i have already lost a lot of ground in terms of my carrier. I feel tht i am not well paid. All my life i have been bullied a lot hence i have self confidence issues. I feel coz of the nature of my job and less salary that is 9 lakhs per annum i am not getting any proper marriage proposals. I have not able to save anything in my life coz all my life i hav only worked and spent all my money on others. I also feel tht compared to others i lag in knowlege as well. Self confidence is the biggest problem. I want to grow now in my career and improve my personality now. I want you to guide in regards with the career as well and also means to improve my overall life. I want someone to talk to who would help and be guide at this moment of my life. Can someone of you make time and i can talk to them, so tht i could get direction in life. Right now emotionally, mentally and i feel physically also have hit my rock bottom.
Ans: I applaud your treatment and story-sharing bravery. You've surmounted terrible odds, and your progress is admirable. Simplify and construct a career and personal plan. You Grow Career: You have varied hotel and hospital marketing. You may feel behind, but your experience is valuable. The next step? Digital, healthcare, and data analytics credentials improve marketing skills. LinkedIn Learning, Coursera, and Google provide affordable, flexible courses. Return to industry professional networks. Attend hospital marketing events and webinars to network with mentors and employers. Healthcare Marketing is popular. To stand out, focus on patient involvement, brand strategy, or digital efforts. Better Choices: Pharma, health tech, and healthcare marketing occupations pay more. Showcase your suffering and perseverance. Startups and medical device companies value adaptable marketing.
Financial safety: Budgeting: Save on a strict budget. Even a small monthly savings can provide stability. Set aside 3-6 months of living expenditures for emergencies.
Think about low-risk investments like mutual funds or term deposits to grow your savings.

Rebuild your self-confidence step-by-step:
Personal Development: To overcome bullying and regain self-worth, see a psychologist. Grateful: Celebrate small victories daily. Gain long-term self-esteem. To boost energy and confidence, walk, perform yoga, or go to the gym. Stress reduction and resilience can be achieved with Calm and Headspace meditation applications. Online or local career transition support groups can provide social and emotional help. Others' tales inspire.
Marriage proposals: If you are emotionally ready, willing to grow, and honest with your partner, you should be married at 40, even with a low salary. How you grow together is key to many successful partnerships. You need someone who values you for who you are, not simply your salary. Befriend Positive Friends and Coworkers. Instant Actions: Ask local Career Coaches and mentors for unique advice. Update LinkedIn, Resume: Emphasize career accomplishments. Encourage resilience and accountability during your break.
Goals: Set 3-6 month and 1-2 year career and personal improvement goals.
Getting past personal issues demonstrates strength. Returning to work shows resilience. Success is nonlinear and takes persistence. Choose small, daily acts that promote your goals. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.
Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ‘Jobs | Education | Careers’.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x