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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |46 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My boyfriend tells me he might want to go back and be friends again because he doesn’t feel a different kind of ‘love’ when he is dating me now. What should I do?

Ans: Hear what he is saying - he wishes to be friends and not be in a relationship - you need to decide if you wish to have him in your life only as a friend and not a boyfriend.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |773 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu hope you are doing well.While I was pursuing my postgraduation I met a guy in my university who was 8 years older to me and we were in the same class. I was 23.We were great friends. I helped him in English and to write messages that he would send to other girls 'in English.This went on until the girl (teacher of the university) rejected his proposal.He proposed me a few days later. I accepted it.He wanted marriage, I wanted time.The relationship lasted for 5 months before he ended it. He wanted to be friends.Every now and then I message him regarding my problems and he offers me a solution or at least consoles me.That’s how our friendship had started.It’s been 2 years now. He never texted me but always replied back.While in the relationship he has always been looking around at other girls. The relationship had been very controlling, dominating but did help me during my difficult times.I don't know what it was. Did he even love me?He wants to be friends with me the entire lifetime. What does my friendship or presence offer him? He has also taken academic help from me during university days.
Ans:

Dear S,

The very fact that you have asked me this question as to whether he loved you at all simply suggests that you have the answer to that.

Certain actions of people can make us quite unsettled and I would like to point you to the fact of him proposing to you almost immediately after he was rejected by the other girl (teacher).

What does that tell you?

Doesn’t it seem that he is possibly incapable of taking rejections and also wants to feel the aura of woman around him all the time?

Aren’t these messages enough for you to be able to find someone more mature and someone who respects your presence in his life and wants to marry you for love and a life together rather than to make him feel secure, whole and complete?

Never try and fill an emotional void in a person which must be filled by them on their own accord. Once you fill it, another void will be waiting to be filled by someone else and before you know, you will be caught in a loop that can’t be untied.

Your presence offers him warmth, attention and care of woman that you have possibly been splurging on him.

When he finds another woman offering this, he might be ready to try that as well. Be your own person, guard your boundaries and let people in who nourish you and accept you for who you are.

Be well and happy!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |773 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam,I have been friends with a guy from my school for last 10 years. We know each other pretty well. I even tied him a rakhi just to protect our friendship; I was too naïve. Since last month we are seeing each other frequently and have had conversations about family issues, future goals etc and during all these talks he used to come up with the topic of marriage and dropped hints for me.When I told him that I keep thinking about him throughout the day he replied that 'I gave you emotional support when you were stressed and that's why this is happening. You shouldn't pay attention to these thoughts.'What should I do? I am confused whether I love him or it was just the way he thinks it is? Please keep this anonymous.Thank you.
Ans:

Dear AS,

So brotherly feelings turned into love?

I guess when you tied the rakhi, you simply were trying to avoid facing up to the fact that there already might have been feelings for him, and it was convenient to seal the connection with a rakhi. Possible?

Now that both have discovered that it might be more than what you thought of initially, please sit down like mature individuals and talk about it.

No point trying to avoid the feelings for each other if they indeed exist. After which, both of you can decide the right course of action.

Also, dropping hints might be your reading of the situation based on what you wished or hoped for.

It could very well be one-sided from you, so it’s better to have that frank chat and put all these doubts and uncertainties to rest.

Makes sense? Wait no longer…

All the best!

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Rishta

Rishta Guru  |7 Answers  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My friend, let’s call him A, and I have been very, very good friends for seven years now. Suddenly, one day, he told me he loves me. I was shocked. I did not know how to react and I walked away. It has been a week and we haven’t spoken to each other; rather, I haven’t spoken to him though he smiles at me whenever we see each other in college. He has messaged me but I have not acknowledged it. He said it’s okay if I do not want a relationship, we can be friends. He’s a really great guy, one of the nicest people I have met. I am not ready for a relationship with anyone and definitely not with him. There are things I want to do, a career to achieve, before I think about a relationship. But he’s a great friend, one of my best buddies but I don’t love him like that and I don’t think I ever will. What should I do? I am very unhappy. I feel that if we go back to being friends things will never be the same again.
Ans: Hi. Thank you for writing in.

I can understand that you feel shocked and unsure about how to react when a close friend suddenly confesses his feelings, especially when you don't reciprocate them.

Here are some steps you can consider:

1. Have an honest conversation with A

It's important to communicate your feelings clearly to A. While avoiding him or ignoring his messages may seem easier, it can prolong the tension and create unnecessary hurt. Choose a quiet place where you can talk freely and avoid distractions.

Express your appreciation for his friendship and honesty. Explain that you value him as a friend but don't have romantic feelings for him. Be clear and direct about your desire not to be in a relationship at this time.

Acknowledge that things might feel different after this conversation but emphasise your desire to maintain the friendship if possible. Be open to hearing his perspective as well.

2. Set boundaries

If A's behaviour makes you uncomfortable or gives you mixed signals, politely but firmly set boundaries. This could involve reducing one-on-one time and being direct about topics you're not comfortable discussing.

3. Allow time and space

Processing emotional situations takes time. Both you and A need space to adjust to the changed dynamic. Give yourselves the space to reflect and understand your own feelings.

4. Seek support

Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help you navigate this complex situation and process your emotions.

True friendship can sometimes withstand difficult conversations and honest communication. While the dynamics might change, it's possible to maintain a respectful and supportive friendship.
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Sushil Sukhwani  |254 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Sushil

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Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |254 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

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Career
Hi Sushil. My daughter is planning to do MS from US. She has got acceptance from two universities and waiting from one more. Meanwhile, I have approached bank for loan. Their list of documents require I20, whereas for I20 I have to show finance. How to solve this? Secondly, the fee estimate of University shows only for one year ( spring and fall), How can I show the requirement for two years to Bank? No.3: Whether cash in account to be shown while applying for VISA or bank loan also will do? Sorry I have asked lot of questions.
Ans: Hello R. It is great that your daughter has been accepted by a couple of universities in the US. To answer your question first, generally, banks do ask for I-20 to process the loan application; however, a few banks or NBFCs, e.g., HDFC Credila, could issue a loan sanction letter on the basis of the offer letter issued. You could use this sanction letter to call for the I20, provided the university is accepting the letter, or show the required funds in your savings account, provide a bank certificate, and then call for the I20.Expenses to be shown in the bank certificate or savings account to call for the I20 are for a year, which includes the total of tuition, food, accommodation, and miscellaneous [if any]. I20 will show expenses for 9 or 12 months; however, it will also clearly mention the start and end dates of the course, which would help the bank know the total duration of the course and accordingly sanction the loan amount will be sanctioned. Yes, both the savings account and the education loan letter could be used during the visa interview.

For further assistance, you can get in touch with us
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Krishna

Krishna Kumar  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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Career
I was doing Business for past 23 years and have been succesful in that.. After COVID my business fell apart and I am trying to regain the foothold. Although I have created a good brand, I am not able to make the Money I was making earlier. However the buisness is picking up and I knew If I could have little more patience, I will make it. However the situation demands lot of financial requirements for my lifestyle and family. They are insisiting me to go for a Job now. My business is stagnent for past few years and it is slowly showing the signs of growth now.. I do not want any waiting time due to pressing needs. I am 49 Now.. I am not sure if applying for work at this age will help as I have no idea on the Job market.. I am getting very good offers on selling my Business. Kindly advice.
Ans: Dear

There are two parts.

Emotional...how you feel attached to your business.

Rational: your financial needs and the revenue that your business is generating.

Any advise us a function of both the above aspects. Unless one knows the current revenue numbers, growth potential of the business, competition and several such factors it's not possible to share any guidance.

Hence may I suggest you talk to your CA and other colleagues of yours, look at the numbers in hard way and then take a call.

Emotional aspect can be both strength and liability... strength because it will inspire you to make business grow... liability because you may be overtly attached to your business without looking at the financial realities.

All the best.
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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |34 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 28, 2024Hindi
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Health
Sir im 36 yrs of age weighing 107 kgs and I regularly walk which helps in maintaining my weight but im unable to reduce belly fats. I walk approx 4 kms daily within 30 minutes .
Ans: Thank you for your inquiry. I appreciate your dedication to maintaining a consistent walking routine for weight management. However, if you're specifically aiming to reduce belly fat, it might be beneficial to incorporate additional methods into your regimen.

While walking is great for overall health and weight control, integrating strength training exercises can be instrumental in building muscle mass and boosting metabolism, thereby facilitating greater fat loss, including targeting belly fat. Incorporate exercises such as squats, lunges, push-ups, and abdominal workouts like crunches or planks.

To enhance the effectiveness of your walking routine, consider adding intervals of higher intensity. This might entail alternating between periods of brisk walking and intervals of more vigorous effort, such as walking uphill or increasing your pace to a jog for brief durations. This approach can elevate calorie expenditure and promote fat burning.

In terms of nutrition, it's crucial to pay close attention to your dietary habits, as they significantly impact fat loss. Prioritize a well-rounded diet rich in whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, while minimizing intake of processed foods, sugary beverages, and excessive calories, which can contribute to belly fat accumulation. Additionally, consider reducing carbohydrate intake and increasing protein consumption in consultation with a registered dietitian for personalized guidance.

Overall, by incorporating these strategies alongside your walking routine, you can optimize your efforts towards reducing belly fat and improving overall health.
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