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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Rajan Question by Rajan on Apr 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi i am 34 old guy well settled i married a girl who cheated me and left me after a month only .After talking a year i got married but she left me in a sec ,feels very cheated .Now talks are getting on to get settlement done .She is just after money money property even after knowing this i still love her a lot .I cry alot for her may be she is practical and cheater and i am not . Marriage for me was something which is to be done once in a life will get over after over dead only but really not able to over come i think 24/7 about her only . Despite knowing everything my minds think about her .I have done alot of things to be busy but I can't concentrate on my life

Ans: It's understandable that you are feeling hurt and betrayed after being left by someone you loved and trusted. It's important to remember that healing from this kind of emotional pain takes time, and it's okay to give yourself the space and time you need to work through your emotions.

One thing you could do is to focus on your own well-being and self-care. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy or a sense of fulfillment, such as hobbies or exercise. You could also consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

It's also important to consider the practical aspects of the situation, such as the settlement. It can be helpful to work with a legal professional who can help you navigate the process and ensure that your rights and interests are protected.

When it comes to your feelings for your ex-partner, it's important to recognize that these feelings may take time to fade. However, it's also important to remember that your well-being and happiness should always come first. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship did not work out and to focus on the future possibilities for happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what steps you need to take to move forward and heal from this experience. Remember to be gentle with yourself, take things one step at a time, and prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hello, I had a very disturbed childhood. My marriage was also in troubled waters with fights happening twice in a week.Then I came across a girl who was 17 years younger than me. I am a model from a reputed college and was earning much better.That girl became die-hard fan. Once I scolded her in the middle of the road for her advanced steps toward me like touching etc.I was very much attached to my kids. Then she became friendly with my 2-3 year old kids.After 2 years of relationship we became physical. I used to send her Rs 3,000-4000/ month for her expenses in her engineering college.She used to hug me, love me (acted like she did). When my father expired, I was low. She was there during all those dark times.Then she got a job and broke up with me. She came back to me after a year. Instead of kicking her out, I got addicted to her and changed myself to keep her happy.I even went to her native town to assist her during super cyclone risking my own life. I spent 3 days there as a refugee because cyclone had devastated the entire city. There was no food and water. She got me food 2 times a day from her home. After 3 days train services resumed.I spent my best time with her and felt like a 17 year old boy in her company and I lived my life.Seven years later she told me that she will not marry me. In between she insisted to get divorce.I applied for a mutual divorce in family court.Then I told her to break up. She refused saying she did not want to face that pain again.She said if she found someone she will say upfront to me.I agreed and wasted another 3 years with her. I was her CA/bodyguard/driver.One day she told me she finalized someone and I went for sudden breakup.We exchanged few e-mails till my ego got hurt.It’s been 3 years now I have not replied to her mail.She kept sending mails till March last year.During this phase I had pain during breathing, high BP and no sleep for 4-5 days.I consulted doctor and took medication for almost for 6 months.I suffered from broken heart syndrome.I am 45 years old now and have no interest in my life.I am just doing my duty.My ego does not permit to see her FB/TWITTER. It’s been two years since I saw her on social media.It appears like everything is fine but I feel hollow from within.I don’t want her back or her smile. Whenever someone talks about love, I smile from within on his stupidity and try to figure out what benefit the girl is getting from him.My issue is hollowness and hopelessness.
Ans:

Dear SB,

Whatever you did in the past with the girl, simply gave you a sense of validation at that point in time. Isn’t it clear that she has moved on?

Simply be thankful to her for the way she stepped in when you were in need. What didn’t happen was not meant to happen!

No point being angry with her for moving on in her life. Try and be happy for her and focus on yourself now.

What do you love doing?

Who are your friends that you love spending time with?

When was the last time you took care of your physical health?

Do you know that spending time in Nature heals your broken heart as well?

All these questions, are for you to have a reality check on how much you have focused on the outside and no focus on yourself.

Answer these questions and start to look after yourself with a lot of self-love and care. You will heal and move ahead very meaningfully.

Be well and all the best!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hi I have been married to my college mate for more than 11 years now with a girl child of 8+ years.Wife and I were good friend for 2 years followed by live in for 4 years before we got married. We got into marriage unprepared financially and mentally.My wife is a great responsible caring person -- way more mature than I am. I am a bit childish and emotional, very talkative and expressive person.When I travelled to another city after 5 years of marriage for higher studies, I got involved with another girl. We were very much alike in terms of personalities. We could talk endlessly and were very compatible in all sense. We even got physical and felt like we’d never had this experience before. The thing is she too was recently married to another person quite like my wife.We tried to get separated from our previous relationships but the girl’s family couldn't bear the family pressure and her husband though good otherwise took this on his ego.I waited for 3 years for her to come out.In the mean time I was almost on the verge of breaking my marriage because whatever connection I had with my wife had almost come down to negligible.That girl too had to be in that forcible relationship with no connection at all and had to adopt a child to survive the dead relationship.I got into a messy situation too -- a marriage with no connection but a lovely child.I have a connection with that girl but without living together.I don’t know if I can start a new life and if I do, how much I will be involved with it. Absolutely messed up emotionally and physically. Although my wife and I are financially stable as both of us are officers.That girl too is a medical practitioner but I have no idea if she will ever be able to come out. Plz tell me what to do.I prayed a lot, read lots of books, tried meditation, counselling, still I am in the middle of nowhere.
Ans:

Dear HK,

Why exactly did you feel the need to get into a relationship with another person?

Did your current relationship lack anything that the other relationship was fulfilling you with?

How exactly did the relationship with your wife deteriorate? Did the two of you make efforts to communicate enough in that long distance relationship?

How do you say your marriage is one without connection? How did you lose that connection?

Now, do you plan on continuing in your marriage or move on? If you have decided to move on, isn’t it time for you to come out to your wife and share what has happened?

These questions are possibly ones that are very difficult to face and answer as they bring out the truth; but they will help you get a better grasp of the situation.

It’s nice to live an alternate reality life for some time and relish the goodness but coming back to your real life that holds the ‘real you’ and your responsibilities isn’t something that can be ignored any longer. So, as much as you feel that you are in the middle of nowhere, I see no mention of what your wife must be feeling right at this very moment.

It would help to put things in perspective and talk this out as adults, (and yes, you do owe her that) so that both of you can come to an amicable decision to live more peacefully.

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!
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I am student in 1st year of be cse(ai). I belong to tier3 college. I am confused between either i do preperation for internship or i do preparation for masters. Please advise me or suggest me some tips for both.
Ans: Thank you for contacting me. Deciding between pursuing an internship and preparing for a master's degree depends on your individual goals, career aspirations, and current circumstances. An internship provides hands-on experience in a professional setting, allowing you to apply theoretical knowledge to real-world problems, whereas, getting a master’s degree from a top college can open up new career opportunities, increase your earning potential, and position you for leadership roles in the future.

Internships allow you to explore different industries, roles, and career paths, helping you clarify your career interests, whereas, getting a master's degree can enhance your professional qualifications, increase your marketability, and improve your prospects for career advancement.

Please remember, regardless of whether you choose internships or further studies, try to focus on building your technical skills, particularly in areas relevant to your field of study. Take advantage of opportunities to learn programming languages, algorithms, machine learning, and other AI-related topics through coursework, online tutorials, workshops, and projects.

I would recommend you manage both. Consider factors such as your career aspirations, academic interests, financial situation, and time frame, and choose the option that aligns best with your long-term objectives. If you have any specific questions or need further advice, feel free to ask me on Rediff Gurus.
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |17 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach and Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2024Hindi
Career
Hi , I wish to “Write in English” as a Profession , as that happens to be one of my core competency . It gives me a lot of soulful satisfaction & propels me to continue writing further . My Drafting & command over English Writing has been my primary strength right from my schooling days but I committed the mistake of not choosing it as a career . Hence , Post doing my B.E. & M.B.A. , I worked in decent Corporates for 16 Years but went on to quit the last Job in 2021 as I felt stagnant & monotonous doing what I was into . I was immensely appreciated for my e-mail drafts & Write-ups in all the Organisations I worked in but that had no weightage in my KRA . I did pretty well in my professional career with the exception of the last couple of months wherein I felt a bit lost & as a result , was not enjoying my work . I am into my 44th Year & now convinced to follow my dream professionally ( i.e Writing & penning down what comes my way) but am somewhat clueless how to move ahead . I am not there for the in-vogue content writing stuffs , online blogs etc. but want to write on something substantial or small interesting / soothing write-ups that interests a major chunk of the readers . Kindly help me with all the specific / possible options wherein I can directly target , that would probably yield me results ASAP . Please give detailed info with the probable sources to explore-in , as generic one-liners may not help , as I am blank on whom to approach . Looking forward to your much value added counselling & the probable avenues that may break the ice for me . Thanks & Regards !!! Pls. Keep up with the Good-Work you guys are doing with this Q&A Consultancy Guided Section .
Ans: HI!!
The way you have stated your needs so clearly shows that you have good writing skills, so no doubts about your writing skills.

In the message you mentioned that you quit your job in 2021 and yet you say you are not enjoying work since the last couple of months. A little confusion there for me, I am assuming you are still working. You also mention that you did pretty well professionally, this shows a mind that can work well even when it not totally into the work heart and soul. Try to find positive reasons around your work.
You are 44 you said, at this age we all are at loggerheads with what we studied, what we are doing for a living and what we are passionate about! I have been there..

I need to say a little about myself in order to answer your question. I am an Engineer too, today I am Image Consultant and a Soft Skills Trainer. I used to work with one of the top telecom companies, my Mentor there used to say an Engineer can do anything and me and you are proving that. You are a BE, MBA and you have exceptional writing skills.

As a public speaking skills coach I used to write speeches for clients and help them deliver with panache. One of my long standing clients said no to the classes after I increased the fees. Where did she get her strength from to say no?....AI and Chatgpt, even though she always said it doesn't have the AD (Archana Deshpande) effect!! Why I am mentioning such a personal incident is to help you understand the scenario today.
You want to write good stuff and earn money too, rt? You don't want that typical content writer kind of jobs... so what I suggest is that since a BE MBA is a deadly combo and you are an intelligent man, pls continue to use these to earn money. I want you to google, "platforms for writers to make money" and check all your options, for sometime write and publish on various platforms, send it to various newspapers, see how people respond to you. I know your joy comes from writing so go for it on a day to day basis, schedule it everyday. When you continue to do tasks that bring you joy, your doing all the things that are compulsory becomes easy( like going to office). Test the waters before you quit your well paying job( and yourself mentioned you are doing pretty well). Plan to write a book on a subject that comes easily to you or a book of short stories around your experiences. Today Mrs Sudha Murthy is a celebrated writer, look at her journey as writer, it didn't happen overnight. There is no ASAP here. You want to become a writer professionally, take it slow, start writing, start publishing you work, gauge the readers reaction, keep writing, keep reinventing, it's a creative process, let it flow through you without the stress of earning money through it.... it's joy for you to write, let it remain so!! Create a beautiful space at home to allow the creative juices to flow, continue to write everyday. Apart form writing, check what else brings you joy, on a day to day basis consciously spend time doing things that bring you joy. Enthusiasm/energy for life comes from your joy list. I am listing so many things because you mentioned you are not enjoying your job. I want you to arrive at a place where you enjoy your job( it pays your bills and takes care of your family) and continue to work on stuff you are passionate about. It can be done by living a little consciously and joyously, a little shift in the mindset can do wonders!!
All the very best!!
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