Hi.. am married and last year I had a relation with another guy who is younger than me.we had physical relation also. This year he told me he don't want to continue the relation. I was not ready to accept that. I ran behind him . Now we are in contact. Sometime had physical relation also. But he is telling he don't have any commitment with me. Now I want to end the relation. But am missing him badly. He was the only one who makes me feels special. The way he loves me everything Iam missing. But I know now I have zero space in his life. I have to quite. But I can't .. i don't know what to do...

Ans: Pallavi, marriage is not a coat you can just casually try on and then cast off because you don’t like it. If you weren’t sure of what you were getting into, why did you make such a huge commitment? “Not interested” is usually what someone says to cut off ties before the wedding, not after! It’s not like you want advice on saving the relationship, so there’s no point in consulting me; I’d suggest you consult a divorce lawyer instead.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This relationship is a complex one and will become complicated very soon as it progresses...He will never want to leave his family and why should he? That will hurt you and make things very stressful on you...
Kindly talk about this when you are sane and not in a 'drunken' state. Nothing said in a state of inebriation matter much as when the intoxication wears off, people act all ignorant. So don not give it the importance that you are currently.
So, have a conversation knowing very well that there is a family that he is in and is responsible for and for him that will always be a priority and over a period of time will anger and hurt you.
So, get down to realism away from this fantasy world that you both are in and discuss it practically as adults in a sober state. A lot of revelations will leave you both with a good perspective on what the future can and will be.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Rutuja,
If you have the slightest feeling that he doesn't share the same feelings for you as you do for him, or that he has wrong intentions, you have every right to end the relationship. In fact, that would be the right thing to do. I understand that it is difficult to break up with someone you love, but does he love you? Don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and does not make you feel as if you are being used?

Have a clear conversation with him- address all your concerns. If he still maintains his stand of not getting married to you, then let him know that you are not on the same page as him. Remember, for a relationship to work, your future goals need to align.

Best Wishes.