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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Ajay Question by Ajay on Mar 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am a 53 year old man living alone away from family for 6 years. My wife has affair with her boyfriend and they are in physical relations also. Suddenly I got attracted to one female colleague. We became friendly. Suddenly that lady has stopped talking to me. Being a matured man I don't want anybody's life to be spoiled but not able to cope up with her ignorance to me. Please suggest how to cope up with the situation.

Ans: Hello Ajay

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It can be challenging to navigate through feelings of loneliness and betrayal, and it's natural to seek out companionship and connection.

It's important to remember that just because someone is friendly with you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. It's possible that your colleague has simply realized that she doesn't feel the same way about you and is choosing to distance herself to avoid leading you on.

If you're struggling to cope with her sudden change in behavior, it may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and motivations. Are you genuinely interested in this person as a friend, or were you hoping for something more? It's important to be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.

If you do find that you have feelings for this person and are struggling to move on, it might be helpful to seek out support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and strategies for coping with feelings of rejection and moving forward in a healthy way.

Finally, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and experiences, and it's not your responsibility to try to save someone from their own problems or make them happy. Focus on taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy relationships with those who reciprocate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2023

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I am married since 2010 but me and my wife do not get along.We live together for the sake of our 8 year old son.Last year I fell in love with a new female colleague who joined our office. We used to speak very warmly to each other and she shared a lot of details with me about her past life such as her childhood.We would flirt with each other playfully and share details of our daily life.She is also married with a child but she doesn't spend too much time with her husband and seems very independent.I felt like she liked me too. However after 4 months she suddenly said that she looked at me as her office colleague and was not interested in personal conversations. I have sent her many messages on Whatsapp asking her about the reason behind her indifference and she reads everyone of them. She hasn't blocked me but she doesn't respond. Even when I go to her directly she talks to me in a cold manner.But she also asked me about my mother's health when she heard that my mother was undergoing cancer treatment.I am unable to understand why is she acting like this and I also cannot let go of her.Can you please explain what is going on
Ans: Dear Boudhayan,
Office romances are fleeting ones that offer some respite from the routine home environment.

Obviously being married, it comes with it's own set of challenges with having to hide text messages, calls...it's stressful for you and her as well. Did you consider that her being cold now maybe because her husband might have found out OR that she is having a hard time juggling two lives. Out of marriage experiences can be draining...

Instead of seeking solace elsewhere, have you made an honest attempt to work on your marriage? Give that a fair chance first...Stepping out of marriage is an easy thing than working on a marriage which has a clot of challenges...but since you have decided to stay together for the sake of your 8-year old, you might as well work on your relationship with your wife...start with basic communication and seek the help of a professional if necessary...you maybe surprised that things have worked out...if not, then you can see, what can be done...

Intense connections like marriage or a relationship require a lot of time and energy...
Respect what the other lady might be going through...give her time and space to sort out what is happening at her home...also, she cares enough to ask you about your wellbeing...Be happy with what IS and do give your marriage an honest rebuilding...

All the best!
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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 49 years male, married and having two kids aged 16 years and 13 years. My relations with my spouse are not smooth since many years and we don't have physical intimacy and don't have sex with more than five-six years. I am attracted towards a girl aged about 30 plus years working in my office. We used to go around after office hours, had some coffee and chat and then I dropped her at her residence. I have expressed my love to her and she has responded that she will be my friend forever and don't want to disturb and ruin my family. I was okay with this as I was mentally happy to have her as my friend. But from few days, she has started ignoring me and giving late replies to my messages. I asked her to meet after office hours but she refused on one pretext or other. For few days, we don't have any communications. I was very disturbed and depressed about her behaviour. I even asked the reasons why she has changed, but she replied that she has not... Now, we are exchanging only rare few official messages...... I am so much shocked that I am not even finding courage to ask her to meet.... I fear I might lost her......Kindly advise me
Ans: Look, at some point this girl is going to meet another man and start dating or get married. This change in her behaviour may be indicative of the fact that she has already met someone. And she is aware of your feelings for her, so is probably keeping her distance. My advice is to focus on your own marriage and family, please visit a counsellor and try getting your relationship with your wife back on track. This may be a blessing in disguise for you.
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