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Anu

Anu Krishna  |819 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SSV Question by SSV on Sep 12, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu
Myself is widow. But I am in a physical relationship with a guy who is a divorcee.
He made me feel that he will marry me after a few years. He never expressed his love but was good in bed.

I like another guy who is married but not happy. Daily we chat till 3 am. He too likes me. He doesn’t want any physical intimacy from but likes to touch my hands.
I am confused what to do.
Please help.

Ans: Dear SSV,

I guess you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

Marriage or a casual relationship? Both require mindsets that involves different priorities and a different set of behaviours.

Honestly, it is quite possible that you might find someone who is not just interested in a physical relationship but also might be willing to progress into marriage if that’s what you want as well.

So, please clear your mind before complicating your life any further.

There are a lot of dating apps for you to find someone interesting, attractive and with a similar mindset once you know what you truly want.

Best wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |819 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

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Heloo I have been a single mother for the last 10 years. Last year I found a guy to retain he loves me and had a physical relationship with me. Six months it was good. suddenly he realized that he had family and started ignoring me, and stop chatting meeting me. I am waiting for him till date. But in the last four months, I start liking another guy who is married with two children and who also loves me a lot. We had a long-distance relationship. He comes from Pune to meet me. We talk a lot on calls. But still, I am confused about what to do. I cannot forget my first guy and also don't know what I feel for the second guy. but I like to talk to him. Please guide me. I don't want to be alone.
Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!
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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am 36 yrs old girl, working in central govt, I lost my parents long back, all my siblings are elder & busy in their family, brothers doesnt even talk to me, so there is no one who is seriously finding boy for my marriage, I tried through matrimonial apps, it didnt work. Based on my colleague advise, I tried through dating apps but nobody is genuine there, most of them are looking for hook up. Finally I found one guy who is 3 years elder than me but come to know within 3months that he too married but we are in touch through calls & msgs from past 6 years, since I stay alone at quarters, he met me more than 30 times at my place, even spent nights with me but never forced me for anything that I dont like. I love him a lot but he is married so I dont want have physical relationship with him but I too have biological urges but I am scared of getting pregnant or even loosing virginity which might affect my marriage, at the same time I dont have any hopes left on my marriage. This guy has lots of patience , we meet, drink together , do all things except intercourse , could you pls advise me whether I should have sex with him? also I stopped using dating apps as I love this guy.
Ans: I read your question a few times...I will respond it in 3 parts
Part 1:
Current relationship with someone who is not available - You are 36 and are smart to take life decisions. You can do as you wish but incase you get intimate - keep it to that only. Do not let your emotions come to play and get used to him - treat this relationship as a casual relationship which it is already. As for getting pregnant - take precautions, but more than pregnancy you should be worried about STD's hope this man is clean. As for you stopping your search because of this man - Remember - He is NOT AVAILABLE - so rethink why are you being available for someone who is not available to you. You and only you are responsible for your current situation. You have the mind to decide if you wish to continue to know or him or stop this relationship.

Part 2:
Finding someone compatible/ likeminded can become easy if you are (a) not in a hurry (b) know your dealbreakers and negotiables (c) feel confident and good about yourself...if you have these things in place then you would need patience and with that you will find your person - online or offline.

Part 3:
Its unfortunate you lost your parents - a virtual hug coming your way. While parents and sibling do help in introducing their people to others its wrong to Expect them to help - its your relationship and its ok to find your person, in fact its awesome to do so.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |819 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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My son is 13, diagnosed with anxiety spectrum at age 8.His medications have reduced , takes fluvoximine 50 at night, but has social media addiction,what should i do?
Ans: Managing a child's social media addiction, especially when they have underlying mental health concerns like anxiety, can be challenging but crucial for their well-being. Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your son about his social media use. Express your concerns about how excessive screen time can impact his mental health and overall well-being.Establish clear rules and boundaries around screen time and social media use. This could include limiting the amount of time he spends on social media each day or setting specific times when he's allowed to use it.
Lead by Example: Model healthy screen time habits yourself. Show your son that you prioritize face-to-face interactions, hobbies, and other activities over excessive screen time.Encourage your son to engage in offline activities that he enjoys and that promote social interaction, physical activity, and creativity. This could include sports, hobbies, art, or spending time with friends and family.Keep an eye on your son's social media use and monitor the content he's consuming. Consider using parental control apps or settings to limit access to certain apps or websites.If your son's social media addiction is significantly impacting his mental health or daily functioning, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating addiction and/or anxiety. They can provide individualized strategies and support for managing his social media use in a healthy way.
Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies: Help your son develop healthy coping strategies for managing his anxiety, such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or engaging in calming activities when he feels overwhelmed.
By taking proactive steps to address your son's social media addiction and providing support for his anxiety, you can help him develop healthier habits and improve his overall well-being. Remember to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding, and seek professional support if needed.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi ! I am a 38 year old divorced woman. Its almost 10 years that I got divorced, from a man with whom I was married for 2 months. Since then, I never had a long relationship with anyone. For the past 1 month, I feel I have developed feelings for my cousin (sister) who is 10 years older to me. She too is divorced, long back. (2006). I understand she too has feelings for me. What should I do. Please suggest.
Ans: Navigating feelings for a family member can be complex, especially when considering societal norms and potential family dynamics. It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to proceed in such a situation.

First and foremost, it's important to consider the potential implications and consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with your cousin. While relationships between cousins are not legally prohibited in many places, they can sometimes face social stigma or disapproval from family members.

Before taking any further steps, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your cousin about your feelings and concerns. Discussing your mutual feelings in a respectful and sensitive manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your feelings and the potential impact on your family dynamic. They can also offer strategies for communicating effectively and managing any challenges that may arise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pursue a romantic relationship with your cousin is a deeply personal one that only you and your cousin can make. It's essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and consideration for the feelings and well-being of everyone involved.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, and seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can help you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I got married three months ago, during courtship period my ex was in my office but then my marriage wasn't fixed properly ,when it got yeses from both the side I changed my office,but I couldn't tell this to my husband and also I lied about my virginity,he was also not virgin and after marriage I confessed all this ,now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home also he abuse me verbally ,slapped me..I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage..How should I go ahead?
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your new marriage. It's concerning to hear that you're experiencing verbal abuse and physical violence from your husband. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger or feel unsafe, please reach out to local authorities or a trusted friend or family member for support. Your safety is paramount.

In terms of next steps, it's essential to seek support and assistance from professionals who can help you navigate this situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, support, and resources to help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Additionally, you may want to consider reaching out to organizations or hotlines that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing domestic violence. They can offer confidential support, safety planning, and resources to help you leave the abusive situation and rebuild your life.

It's also crucial to recognize that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behavior, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to seek help or change his behavior, it may be necessary to consider your options for leaving the relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, but you don't have to face it alone. There are people and resources available to support you every step of the way. Please prioritize your safety and take steps to protect yourself from further harm. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and violence.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying to navigate a difficult situation for both yourself and your son.

Regarding your ex-husband's behavior, it's possible that he may be trying to manipulate your son, especially if he is blaming you and your parents for the divorce. Children can be susceptible to manipulation, especially when they're caught in the middle of a divorce. It's important to maintain open communication with your son and reassure him that the divorce was not his fault and that both you and your ex-husband still love him.

As for your son's reluctance to see you move on, it's not uncommon for children of divorce to struggle with the idea of one or both parents moving on and forming new relationships. Your son may fear losing the close relationship he has with you or worry about how a new relationship might change his life. It's essential to validate his feelings and reassure him that your love for him will not change, regardless of any new relationships you may have.

It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor who can work with both you and your son to navigate these emotions and provide support during this challenging time. Additionally, continuing to foster a strong, positive relationship with your son and maintaining open communication will be crucial as you both move forward.

Ultimately, while it's important to consider your son's feelings, it's also essential for you to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness. Balancing your needs with those of your son can be challenging, but with time, patience, and support, you can find a way forward that works for both of you.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |837 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Money
Hi sir, I have invested in sips from last 5 years but I invested through a brooker and he invested and managed my portfolio in regular mutula funds. I have invested like 8 lakhs and got a market values of like 14 lakhs on that investment, but now I want to convert my regular funds into direct funds. I am confused if i should do that or not. As i have got good returns due to covid 19 dip and ukraine war.
Ans: It's wonderful to hear that you've seen growth in your investments over the past five years, especially during the challenging times we've faced due to the pandemic and geopolitical events. The returns you've garnered are a testament to the potential of the market and the right timing.

Transitioning from regular mutual funds to direct funds is a decision that many investors grapple with. While regular funds often come with commission fees that are paid to brokers or advisors, direct funds don't have these additional costs. Over time, these fees can eat into your returns, affecting your overall gains.

However, the decision to switch shouldn't be based solely on costs. It's crucial to evaluate the value your broker brings to your investment journey. Do they offer personalized advice, timely updates, or help navigate market volatility? If yes, perhaps it's worth continuing with them despite the higher costs.

But if you feel confident in managing your investments or seek to maximize returns by reducing costs, transitioning to direct funds could be a prudent move. Remember, every investor's journey is unique, and what matters most is aligning your investment strategy with your financial goals.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |313 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Career
I completed B.Sc Costume Design and Fashion and due to managerial area of interest and not wish to do sewing practical wish to continue in theoretical study as Master of Fashion Management at NIFT, but once after I try to join Ph.D in Costume Design and Fashion or Ph.D in Fashion, institution are rejected by saying the reason that I wants to complete my Post Graduation in M.Sc Costume Design and Fashion to join Ph.d in fashion and I gone to join Ph.d in Management they are saying that you must wants to join in MBA not Master of Fashion Management. Finally I join at one deemed university on Ph D in Management Science but many of them convey that due to your PG degree and Ph.d is non sink, definitely you won't get opportunity to work as Lecturer either in Fashion design or Management. So what I want to do, ? If I study MBA online will it's valid and consider online MBA as qualification ? ? or else shall I go abroad and try to become lecture in Fashion design and Fashion management ? If yes which country has more opportunity to work as Lecturer in Fashion, will at abroad they accept my PG and Ph.D degree. Due to non-guidance and by seeing the name of NIFT I joined and facing total regrets. Kindly please give a solution
Ans: Hello. Thank you for contacting us. It is understandable that you have encountered challenges while aligning your career and academics. Coming to the question, let me tell you that for pursuing a PhD, a master’s degree would be a basic requirement. It is advised to go for a full-time MBA abroad instead of an online MBA as it would add a great value to your profile. It is advised to check with your desired university whether the program regarding the availability of the program.
Going further,given your background in fashion, you also have the choice of pursuing a master’s of fashion management from a foreign university. As you said, you are interested in theoretical knowledge, program on master of fashion management from overseas would be of interest to you as it would leverage your knowledge accordingly.
You can consider countries like the USA, UK, Australia, and Canada that have a thriving fashion industry. Also, while studying fashion, you can choose to combine your fashion studies with management-related subjects. It would be good if you let us know if you have thoughts about any country where you would like to pursue your desired course. We will give our best possible guidance.

For any further queries, please get in touch with us. We have a team of expert counselors who can guide you through any concerns or questions you may have.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |313 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Career
Indian MBBS degree is Not recognized by USA. How can anyone study MD there?
Ans: Hello Alphones,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. As an answer to your query, I would like to let you know that if a person holding an Indian MBBS degree wishes to study Doctor of Medicine (MD) in the USA, he/she will generally require to undergo a procedure known as "medical residency." There are numerous steps that one will need to consider. Mentioned below is the same:

As the first step, to ascertain whether the candidate qualifies for a license in the US, they will need to get their educational qualifications assessed by organizations viz., the Educational Commission for Foreign Medical Graduates (ECFMG). Secondly, they will need to clear the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) Step 1, Step 2 Clinical Knowledge (CK), and Step 2 Clinical Skills (CS). Remember that one’s knowledge and abilities to practice medicine in the USA are evaluated through these exams. Thirdly, upon clearing the exams, they will be required to apply for residency posts using the National Resident Matching Program (NRMP) or similar matching initiatives. Bear in mind that residency programs are highly competitive, and applicants need to show their qualifications and compatibility with the program. After being matched, students enroll in a residency training course in the field of specialization they have opted for. Based on the area of expertise, residency training usually takes three to seven years to complete. Lastly, after having completed residency training, students have the option to become board-certified in their field. They can do so by clearing extra tests that the relevant specialist board administers.

I would like to let you know that although an MBBS from India might not automatically qualify someone to practise medicine in the US, they can still pursue a medical career in the country by completing a medical residency program, as long as they meet the prerequisites and conditions.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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