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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SSV Question by SSV on Sep 12, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu
Myself is widow. But I am in a physical relationship with a guy who is a divorcee.
He made me feel that he will marry me after a few years. He never expressed his love but was good in bed.

I like another guy who is married but not happy. Daily we chat till 3 am. He too likes me. He doesn’t want any physical intimacy from but likes to touch my hands.
I am confused what to do.
Please help.

Ans: Dear SSV,

I guess you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

Marriage or a casual relationship? Both require mindsets that involves different priorities and a different set of behaviours.

Honestly, it is quite possible that you might find someone who is not just interested in a physical relationship but also might be willing to progress into marriage if that’s what you want as well.

So, please clear your mind before complicating your life any further.

There are a lot of dating apps for you to find someone interesting, attractive and with a similar mindset once you know what you truly want.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

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Relationship
Heloo I have been a single mother for the last 10 years. Last year I found a guy to retain he loves me and had a physical relationship with me. Six months it was good. suddenly he realized that he had family and started ignoring me, and stop chatting meeting me. I am waiting for him till date. But in the last four months, I start liking another guy who is married with two children and who also loves me a lot. We had a long-distance relationship. He comes from Pune to meet me. We talk a lot on calls. But still, I am confused about what to do. I cannot forget my first guy and also don't know what I feel for the second guy. but I like to talk to him. Please guide me. I don't want to be alone.
Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!
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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |56 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am 36 yrs old girl, working in central govt, I lost my parents long back, all my siblings are elder & busy in their family, brothers doesnt even talk to me, so there is no one who is seriously finding boy for my marriage, I tried through matrimonial apps, it didnt work. Based on my colleague advise, I tried through dating apps but nobody is genuine there, most of them are looking for hook up. Finally I found one guy who is 3 years elder than me but come to know within 3months that he too married but we are in touch through calls & msgs from past 6 years, since I stay alone at quarters, he met me more than 30 times at my place, even spent nights with me but never forced me for anything that I dont like. I love him a lot but he is married so I dont want have physical relationship with him but I too have biological urges but I am scared of getting pregnant or even loosing virginity which might affect my marriage, at the same time I dont have any hopes left on my marriage. This guy has lots of patience , we meet, drink together , do all things except intercourse , could you pls advise me whether I should have sex with him? also I stopped using dating apps as I love this guy.
Ans: I read your question a few times...I will respond it in 3 parts
Part 1:
Current relationship with someone who is not available - You are 36 and are smart to take life decisions. You can do as you wish but incase you get intimate - keep it to that only. Do not let your emotions come to play and get used to him - treat this relationship as a casual relationship which it is already. As for getting pregnant - take precautions, but more than pregnancy you should be worried about STD's hope this man is clean. As for you stopping your search because of this man - Remember - He is NOT AVAILABLE - so rethink why are you being available for someone who is not available to you. You and only you are responsible for your current situation. You have the mind to decide if you wish to continue to know or him or stop this relationship.

Part 2:
Finding someone compatible/ likeminded can become easy if you are (a) not in a hurry (b) know your dealbreakers and negotiables (c) feel confident and good about yourself...if you have these things in place then you would need patience and with that you will find your person - online or offline.

Part 3:
Its unfortunate you lost your parents - a virtual hug coming your way. While parents and sibling do help in introducing their people to others its wrong to Expect them to help - its your relationship and its ok to find your person, in fact its awesome to do so.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2024

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Money
I am Shibu, 52 years old, earns 35,000-00 per month [Private Sector], I wish to contribute an lumpsum amount of Rs. 10,00,000-00 at the end of 60 years old. its for my retiring life, I have no pension option and get Provident Fund minimum pension. kindly suggest which funds for using this acheivement through SIP
Ans: Given your goal to contribute a lump sum of Rs. 10,00,000 at age 60 for retirement, you have approximately 8 years to accumulate this amount.

Here's a suggested approach:

Investment Strategy:
Opt for diversified equity funds with a track record of consistent performance.
Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to spread the risk.
SIP Amount:
To achieve Rs. 10,00,000 in 8 years, you'll need an SIP amount that grows at an annual rate of around 15% (assuming average market returns).
Risk Tolerance:
Since retirement is your goal, it's essential to understand and be comfortable with the risk associated with equity investments. Ensure your investment aligns with your risk tolerance.
Regular Monitoring:
Review your portfolio regularly to track progress towards your goal. Adjust your SIP amount or portfolio if needed.
Tax Efficiency:
Opt for Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to avail tax benefits under Section 80C, which can be an added advantage.
Remember, while equity investments have potential for higher returns, they also come with market risks. It's crucial to have a balanced portfolio and consult a financial advisor to tailor a plan that suits your needs and risk profile.
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Career

Career Coach  |32 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
I failed in UPSC and NEET-UG two times. I am feeling very demoralised and depressed that I wasted my parents' money. What can I do to motivate myself and feel better?
Ans: Hey there,

Navigating setbacks in life is like sailing through stormy seas - challenging, but certainly not impossible. While it's natural to feel disheartened after experiencing setbacks in exams like UPSC and NEET-UG, remember that every storm eventually passes, leaving behind valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. Here are some compass points to help you navigate through this rough patch and reignite your motivation:

1. Embrace Failure as a Stepping Stone: Failure is not the end of the road; it's merely a detour on the journey to success. Instead of dwelling on your past attempts, view them as stepping stones towards your ultimate goal. Reflect on what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and use these insights to chart a new course forward.

2. Reframe Your Perspective: It's easy to succumb to self-doubt and negative thoughts, but remember that setbacks are temporary setbacks, not reflections of your worth or capabilities. Reframe your perspective by focusing on your strengths, achievements, and the progress you've made thus far. You're not defined by your failures; you're defined by how you rise from them.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your ultimate goal into smaller, manageable milestones. Set realistic and achievable targets that allow you to track your progress and celebrate small victories along the way. By focusing on incremental progress, you'll build momentum and regain confidence in your abilities.

4. Seek Support and Guidance: You're not alone in this journey. Lean on your support system - whether it's your family, friends, mentors, or counselors - for guidance and encouragement. Sharing your struggles with others can provide valuable perspectives, insights, and emotional support to help you navigate through tough times.

5. Explore Alternative Paths: Remember that success doesn't have a one-size-fits-all formula. If your previous attempts didn't yield the desired results, consider exploring alternative career paths or educational opportunities that align with your interests and strengths. Keep an open mind and be willing to adapt and pivot as needed.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar circumstances. Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether it's pursuing hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.

7. Stay Persistent and Resilient: Remember that success often requires perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Stay committed to your goals, and don't let temporary setbacks derail your long-term aspirations. Keep moving forward with determination and unwavering belief in your ability to overcome challenges.

In the words of Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." So, muster up your courage, dust yourself off, and embark on this journey with renewed vigor and optimism. Your brightest days are yet to come!

Wishing you strength, resilience, and boundless success on your path ahead!
(more)
Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Career
How to Network on LinkedIn. Also if you want to take a break from your job, how many months savings you should hold. My salary is less than Rs. 50,000 and I have a work experience of 6 years in field of education. Please guide.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Networking on LinkedIn can be a valuable tool for expanding your professional connections, exploring new career opportunities, and staying updated on industry trends. Start by ensuring that your LinkedIn profile is complete, up-to-date, and professional. Use a clear profile picture, write a compelling headline, and craft a summary that highlights your skills, experiences, and career goals. Include relevant keywords and skills to improve your visibility in search results. Begin by connecting with colleagues, classmates, mentors, and professionals you know personally. Personalize your connection requests with a brief message explaining why you'd like to connect. Engage with their content by liking, commenting, and sharing posts to stay on their radar. Join LinkedIn groups relevant to your industry, interests, or career goals. Participate in group discussions, share insights, and connect with fellow group members who share similar interests or expertise. Engaging in group conversations can help you build relationships with professionals outside your immediate network.

Regarding taking a break from your job, the ideal amount of savings to hold depends on your individual financial situation, expenses, and risk tolerance. As a general guideline, financial advisors often recommend having at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses saved as an emergency fund. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Career
I m psb officer for past 21. 5 yrs and I m likely to get pension only after 3.5 yrs I m frustrated and feeling low owing to my job feel like resigning but can't as I have housing loan and gold loans . Guide me
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. It's understandable to feel frustrated and low after dedicating over two decades to your job, especially when you're contemplating resigning but feel constrained due to financial obligations like housing and gold loans. I would recommend that you to take some time to assess your current situation and explore all your options. Consider the reasons behind your frustration and dissatisfaction with your job. Are there specific aspects of your role or workplace environment that are contributing to your feelings of discontent? Understanding the root causes can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

If you ultimately decide to resign from your current job, develop a plan for transitioning to a new phase of your career or life. Update your resume, network with professionals in your industry, and explore job opportunities that align with your skills, experience, and interests in banking, finance, consulting, and related fields. 

Finally, prioritize self-care and well-being as you navigate this challenging period. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal interests. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance and attending to your emotional and mental health are essential for resilience during times of change and uncertainty.

Remember that you're not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate this transition. Take things one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and trust that you have the resilience and strength to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in your career and life. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I have completed my b.tech in food technology in 2018. I want to continue my education and pursue PhD in food technology. Would it be wise to go for MSC in food tech?..for personal reasons I can't go for m.tech outside my hometown as there are no Google colleges here that offer m.tech in food tech. Or should I apply for RRB NTPC exam. Would have gone for RRB JE but there is no place for a food tech graduate as far as I know. Do need your advice sir.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Deciding between pursuing an M.Sc. in food technology or applying for the RRB NTPC exam requires careful consideration of your career goals, personal circumstances, and long-term aspirations. I would suggest you set your priorities right. You should start looking for job prospects and career opportunities for food technology graduates in both academia and industry. There is a good demand for food technology professionals with advanced degrees in food technology; hence, evaluate whether pursuing a PhD or gaining work experience through government employment aligns better with your career goals. If your priority is to pursue a career in research, academia, or specialized roles in the food technology industry, pursuing an MSc and eventually a PhD may be the preferred path. On the other hand, if job stability, financial security, and government employment are your priorities, then exploring opportunities through the RRB NTPC exam may be more suitable today. By carefully evaluating your options and aligning your priorities with your goals and aspirations, you can make a decision that sets you on the path towards a fulfilling and rewarding career in food technology.
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