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Can I Retire at 40 with a 2 Lakh Monthly Income? (24M, 30k Salary)

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
vimal Question by vimal on Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, my age 24 and salary is 30k. I am investing one hybrid fund as 2k, one ELSS 1K, one index fund 1k, one debt fund 1k. Totally 5k i am investing. I would like to retire at 40 or 45 with 2 L as monthly income. So how can I achieve that and what are all the possibility?

Ans: Assessing Your Current Investment Portfolio

Let's start by analyzing your current investments:

Rs 2,000 in a hybrid fund
Rs 1,000 in an ELSS fund
Rs 1,000 in an index fund
Rs 1,000 in a debt fund
You are investing Rs 5,000 monthly, which is commendable at your age of 24. However, achieving a monthly income of Rs 2 lakhs by the age of 40 or 45 will require a strategic approach.

Goals and Investment Strategy
Retirement Corpus Goal
To retire with Rs 2 lakhs as a monthly income, you need a substantial retirement corpus. This will require disciplined and strategic investing.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds have lower fees, they are passively managed. This means they cannot outperform the market. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, are handled by professional fund managers aiming to outperform the market. They offer better potential returns, especially for aggressive goals.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the potential to deliver higher returns. The expertise of fund managers can help in selecting high-performing stocks. This can help you achieve your goal more efficiently.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Increase Equity Exposure
Given your young age and long investment horizon, increasing your equity exposure can be beneficial. Equity funds generally provide higher returns over the long term compared to debt funds.

Balanced Hybrid Funds
Balanced hybrid funds offer a mix of equity and debt. This can provide stability and growth. You can consider increasing your investment in such funds.

ELSS for Tax Benefits
ELSS funds not only offer tax benefits under Section 80C but also provide good returns. Continuing with your ELSS investment is a good strategy.

Regularly Review and Adjust
It is essential to review your portfolio regularly. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Steps to Achieve Your Retirement Goal
Increase Monthly Investments
If possible, increase your monthly investments. Even a small increase can have a significant impact over time due to compounding.

Automate Investments
Setting up a systematic investment plan (SIP) will ensure regular investments. This will also reduce the risk of market timing.

Diversify Portfolio
Diversification reduces risk. Ensure your portfolio has a good mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Seek Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice. They can help in selecting the right funds and strategies based on your goals.

Final Insights
Achieving a monthly income of Rs 2 lakhs by the age of 40 or 45 is ambitious but possible.

It requires disciplined saving and smart investing. Increase your equity exposure and review your investments regularly. Seek professional guidance to ensure you are on the right track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 34 years old married and have one kid 1 year of age. I have invested about 1.8 lakhs in mutual funds which currently stands at 2.05 lakhs. I have a PPF savings of 10 lakhs and invest full amount of 1.5 lakhs per year. I have invested 2 lakhs in equities. I have FDs worth 30 lakhs and my salary is 1.10 lakhs. I wish to retire by 40 years of age. Kindly me suggest me.
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on having a disciplined approach to your finances. At 34, you are already investing in various avenues, which is commendable. You have a diversified portfolio comprising mutual funds, PPF, equities, and fixed deposits. Let's evaluate your current financial standing and plan for an early retirement by the age of 40.

Mutual Funds Investment
Your mutual funds have grown from Rs 1.8 lakhs to Rs 2.05 lakhs. This indicates a healthy appreciation.

However, to retire early, you need to increase your investment in mutual funds.

Actively managed mutual funds could be a better choice compared to index funds. Actively managed funds often outperform the market due to professional fund management. They can adapt to market changes quickly and optimize your returns.

Consider investing through a certified financial planner who can guide you on the best mutual funds. They can provide personalized advice and help you achieve your retirement goals.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF savings stand at Rs 10 lakhs, and you are investing the full amount of Rs 1.5 lakhs per year.

PPF is a great investment for tax-saving and securing your future. It offers a stable and assured return, which is crucial for your retirement plan.

Continue with your current PPF contributions. This will create a significant corpus by the time you retire. Given the tax benefits and guaranteed returns, PPF is a robust component of your retirement plan.

Equities Investment
Your investment in equities is Rs 2 lakhs. Equities can provide high returns, but they come with higher risks.

For early retirement, you need a balanced approach in your equity investments. Diversify your equity portfolio to mitigate risks. Invest in blue-chip stocks and sectors with strong growth potential.

Regularly review and adjust your equity portfolio with the help of a certified financial planner. This ensures that you are on track with your financial goals and minimizes potential risks.

Fixed Deposits (FDs)
You have FDs worth Rs 30 lakhs, which is substantial. FDs are safe investments but offer lower returns compared to mutual funds and equities.

Since you wish to retire early, it's essential to balance safety and growth. While FDs provide safety, they might not generate the necessary returns for early retirement.

Consider reallocating a portion of your FDs into higher-yield investments like mutual funds and equities. This can enhance your overall returns while maintaining some level of safety in your investments.

Monthly Salary
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.10 lakhs. It is crucial to allocate a portion of your salary towards investments.

Follow the 50-30-20 rule:

50% for necessities
30% for discretionary spending
20% for investments
This ensures a disciplined approach to saving and investing, helping you build a retirement corpus.

Setting a Retirement Corpus
To retire by 40, estimate your retirement corpus based on current expenses, inflation, and lifestyle aspirations. This will give you a clear target to aim for.

Consult a certified financial planner to help you set realistic financial goals and create a roadmap to achieve them. They can provide insights into how much you need to save and where to invest.

Increasing Investments
To achieve early retirement, increase your investments gradually. Allocate more towards high-growth avenues like mutual funds and equities.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are a great way to invest in mutual funds. They provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.

Evaluate and adjust your investments regularly to stay aligned with your goals.

Risk Management
Early retirement requires careful risk management. While investing in high-return avenues, ensure you have adequate insurance coverage.

Life insurance, health insurance, and critical illness cover are essential. They protect your financial plan against unforeseen events.

Review your insurance policies regularly and make adjustments as needed.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for financial security. Aim to have 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund.

This provides a safety net for any unexpected expenses and ensures you don’t need to dip into your retirement savings.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can boost your savings. Utilize tax-saving instruments like PPF, EPF, and ELSS.

Maximize your tax deductions under Section 80C, 80D, and other relevant sections. This increases your investable surplus and helps in faster wealth accumulation.

Lifestyle and Spending Habits
Retiring early requires a frugal lifestyle and disciplined spending habits.

Evaluate your discretionary expenses and identify areas where you can save more. Redirect these savings into your investment portfolio.

Small changes in spending habits can have a significant impact on your savings and investments over time.

Regular Financial Review
Regularly review your financial plan and investment portfolio.

Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. A certified financial planner can help you navigate these changes and keep your plan on track.

Periodic reviews ensure that you are progressing towards your retirement goal and allow for timely adjustments.

Benefits of Professional Guidance
Working with a certified financial planner offers several advantages. They provide personalized advice, keeping your goals and risk tolerance in mind.

They help you create a diversified investment portfolio, optimize tax savings, and manage risks effectively. Their expertise can significantly enhance your chances of achieving early retirement.

Final Insights
Your goal of retiring by 40 is ambitious but achievable with a strategic approach.

Focus on increasing your investments in high-growth avenues like mutual funds and equities. Maintain a balance between safety and growth by reallocating your FDs.

Continue your disciplined approach towards PPF and ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Build a robust emergency fund and practice efficient tax planning.

Adopt a frugal lifestyle and disciplined spending habits to maximize your savings. Regularly review your financial plan with the help of a certified financial planner.

Your dedication and disciplined approach are commendable. With strategic planning and professional guidance, you can achieve your dream of early retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Money
Hello, i am aniket age 27 currently working with pvt company with monthly 35k salary and side income of around 40k,i have mutual fund lumpsum around 22 lakh and FD of 45 lakh and real estate 70 lakh,my question is i want to retire at 40 age so how i can plan accordingly to that?? I have no debt
Ans: Dear Aniket,

Firstly, congratulations on your successful career and diligent financial planning so far. It's impressive to see your commitment to early retirement at the age of 40. Retiring early is a challenging goal, but with a well-structured plan, it is certainly achievable. Let's delve into a comprehensive strategy to help you attain this dream.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position

You currently earn Rs 35,000 monthly from your primary job, and an additional Rs 40,000 from side income, totalling Rs 75,000 per month. You have Rs 22 lakh in mutual funds and Rs 45 lakh in fixed deposits. Additionally, you own real estate worth Rs 70 lakh.

The first step towards early retirement is understanding your current assets and future requirements. Your combined savings of Rs 67 lakh (mutual funds and FDs) and Rs 70 lakh in real estate give you a solid foundation.

However, real estate can be illiquid and might not provide immediate funds when required. Therefore, our focus will be on liquid and semi-liquid assets for your retirement planning.

Setting Clear Retirement Goals

Define Your Retirement Lifestyle:

Your retirement lifestyle significantly impacts your financial requirements. Consider the following aspects:

Living expenses: Monthly and annual requirements.
Travel and hobbies: Costs for hobbies, travel, or other interests.
Healthcare: Future medical expenses.
Inflation: Anticipate the rise in costs over time.
Determine Your Retirement Corpus:

Calculate the corpus needed to sustain your desired lifestyle. Typically, a retirement corpus should be about 20 to 25 times your annual expenses. Given the goal of retiring at 40, your corpus needs to cover a longer period, increasing the importance of accurate estimation.

Building a Diversified Investment Portfolio

Balancing Risk and Returns:

Your current investments in mutual funds and FDs show a balanced approach. However, considering the early retirement goal, you might need to reassess the asset allocation.

Equity Investments:

Equity mutual funds provide higher returns compared to fixed income options. Allocate a portion of your savings to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds can potentially deliver inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Debt Investments:

Fixed deposits offer safety but lower returns. To balance risk, consider debt mutual funds. These funds provide better returns than FDs with relatively low risk.

Avoiding Real Estate and Index Funds:

Real estate investments are illiquid and can be cumbersome to manage. Similarly, index funds, though low-cost, might not always provide the active management required for early retirement planning. Actively managed funds, selected with the help of a Certified Financial Planner, can offer better opportunities for growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

SIP is an excellent way to invest regularly and benefit from rupee cost averaging. Investing a fixed amount monthly in selected mutual funds can help build a substantial corpus over time.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund ensures liquidity in case of unexpected events and prevents the need to dip into retirement savings.

Insurance and Healthcare

Life Insurance:

As you have no debt, your insurance needs primarily cover income replacement and family protection. Ensure you have adequate term insurance to protect your family in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Health Insurance:

Healthcare costs can be significant, especially in later years. Opt for comprehensive health insurance that covers you and your family. Consider a family floater plan for broader coverage. Ensure it covers critical illnesses and hospitalization expenses.

Estate Planning:

Estate planning involves preparing for the transfer of your assets to your beneficiaries. A well-drafted will ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Consider consulting a legal expert to guide you through this process.

Tax Planning

Utilizing Tax Benefits:

Tax planning can significantly enhance your savings. Utilize tax benefits under Section 80C, 80D, and other relevant sections to maximize deductions and reduce taxable income.

Invest in Tax-efficient Instruments:

Consider tax-efficient investment instruments like Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) for tax savings and growth. ELSS funds provide dual benefits of tax savings and equity market returns.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Plan

Regular Monitoring:

Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, necessitating adjustments in your strategy.

Rebalancing:

Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. Rebalancing helps manage risk and ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals.

Professional Guidance:

Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner. A CFP can provide personalized advice, ensuring your investments align with your retirement goals. Their expertise can help optimize your portfolio for maximum returns while managing risk.

The Road Ahead

Given your target of retiring at 40, you have 13 years to build your corpus. Start by setting clear goals and estimating the required corpus. With your current savings and strategic investments, you can accumulate the necessary funds.

Focus on a diversified portfolio balancing equity and debt investments. Avoid real estate due to its illiquidity. Use SIPs for disciplined investing and maintaining an emergency fund. Adequate insurance, tax planning, and estate planning are crucial.

Stay informed and flexible, adjusting your strategy as needed. With diligence and a well-structured plan, your goal of early retirement is within reach.

Final Insights

Your goal of retiring at 40 is ambitious but achievable with careful planning. You have already built a strong financial foundation, which is commendable. The key now is to enhance and protect these savings through strategic investments and planning.

Regularly monitor your progress, adjust as needed, and stay committed to your goal. With the right approach, you can enjoy a comfortable and fulfilling early retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Namaste Sir, I am 42 year old with family of 5 .including my mother, 2 kids and wife Monthly Income is 1.75Lakhs Regular expenses are roughly 50K per month 2 Home loan Emis are 45 & 20k per month I have a corpus of about 30lakh in PF and ,5 lakh in mutual funds and would be availing a education loan . Please suggest how can I plan to have a retirement income of 80k to 1 lakh by age 55 I want to
Ans: You are 42 years old, and your family consists of five members: your mother, wife, and two kids. Your current monthly income is Rs. 1.75 lakh, and your regular expenses are Rs. 50,000 per month. You are paying two home loan EMIs: one of Rs. 45,000 and another of Rs. 20,000, totaling Rs. 65,000 per month.

You have a provident fund (PF) corpus of Rs. 30 lakh and Rs. 5 lakh invested in mutual funds. You are also considering taking an education loan for your children's future.

You aim to retire by age 55 and desire a monthly retirement income of Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh. This is a realistic goal, but it will require disciplined planning and strategic investment.

Let’s break down each area for a comprehensive financial plan to help you achieve your retirement goal.

Home Loan Repayment Strategy
You currently have two home loan EMIs, which amount to Rs. 65,000 per month. Clearing these loans will significantly reduce your financial burden and free up cash flow for further investments.

Prioritise Loan Repayment: Since you have two home loans, focus on paying off the one with the higher interest rate first. If both rates are similar, start by repaying the smaller loan to reduce your monthly EMI burden faster.

Lump Sum Repayments: Whenever possible, make lump sum repayments toward the principal of your home loans. This will help you save on interest and clear the loans sooner.

Loan-Free Retirement: Aim to clear your home loans before retirement. Being debt-free will ensure that your retirement income is not affected by large EMIs.

Investment Growth for Retirement
You currently have Rs. 5 lakh in mutual funds and Rs. 30 lakh in your provident fund. To meet your goal of Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh in monthly retirement income, you will need to significantly grow your investments over the next 13 years.

Increase Monthly SIPs: With Rs. 1.75 lakh in monthly income and Rs. 50,000 in expenses, you have a healthy surplus. After accounting for your home loan EMIs, you still have Rs. 60,000 per month available. Consider investing at least Rs. 40,000 to Rs. 50,000 in Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) every month. This disciplined approach will help you accumulate a sizable corpus over time.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed mutual funds offer the benefit of expert management, aiming to outperform the market. While index funds might seem attractive due to their low costs, they are not flexible enough to adapt to market changes. An actively managed fund, through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can help you achieve higher returns over the long term, especially given your 13-year horizon.

Avoid Direct Funds: While direct funds might have a lower expense ratio, they don’t come with professional guidance. Investing through a CFP and a trusted Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) ensures that your portfolio is regularly reviewed and optimised. This professional support is crucial as you approach retirement, where every investment decision counts.

Provident Fund and Asset Allocation
Your Rs. 30 lakh in the provident fund is a great start toward building a retirement corpus. However, provident fund returns alone may not be sufficient to meet your goal of Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh monthly income.

Diversification Is Key: While the provident fund provides safety and stable returns, it’s essential to diversify your portfolio. A higher allocation to equity through mutual funds can help you grow your corpus faster. Keep in mind that equity investments come with higher risks, but over a long-term period like 13 years, they also offer higher returns.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio: As you near retirement, you will need to gradually shift some of your equity investments to more stable debt funds. This will help protect your corpus from market volatility while still offering decent returns.

Planning for Your Children’s Education
You are planning to avail an education loan for your children’s higher studies, which is a sound strategy to manage immediate expenses without dipping into your retirement savings.

Education Loan as Leverage: Availing an education loan allows you to fund your children's education without using up your retirement savings. This ensures that your retirement planning stays on track while your children receive the education they need.

Continue SIPs: Even with an education loan, continue your SIP contributions. This will allow you to maintain a growing corpus while meeting education expenses through loan repayments.

Emergency Fund: Make sure to set aside an emergency fund that covers at least 6 months of living expenses. This will act as a financial cushion in case of unforeseen events, allowing you to meet both education loan EMIs and regular expenses without disrupting your long-term goals.

Retirement Income Planning
Your goal is to have a monthly retirement income of Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh. Let’s assess how to achieve this target with a well-structured retirement corpus.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Post-retirement, you can use a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund corpus. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly while your remaining investments continue to grow. An SWP can be tailored to meet your monthly income needs while ensuring that your principal is not depleted quickly.

Pension-Like Income: With the right combination of debt and equity funds, your retirement corpus can generate a stable monthly income that acts like a pension. This will complement any other pension schemes or provident fund withdrawals.

Target Corpus: Given your desired retirement income, aim to build a retirement corpus that is large enough to generate Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh per month. This can be achieved through consistent SIP contributions, provident fund growth, and strategic withdrawals post-retirement.

Health Insurance and Risk Management
With a family of five, including your mother and two children, adequate health insurance is essential to protect your finances from medical emergencies.

Adequate Health Insurance: Ensure that you have comprehensive health insurance that covers all family members. Medical costs are rising, and having a strong health insurance policy will prevent any major financial strain due to hospitalisation or treatment costs.

Life Insurance: It is also important to have adequate life insurance coverage, especially since you have ongoing liabilities like home loans. A term insurance plan with sufficient coverage will ensure that your family is financially secure in case of any unforeseen events.

Avoid Investment-Linked Insurance: If you hold any insurance policies that are linked to investments, such as endowment or ULIP policies, consider surrendering them. These plans generally offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. It’s better to reinvest the proceeds from these policies into your SIPs for better growth.

Emergency Fund and Contingency Planning
Having an emergency fund is crucial to safeguard your financial goals in case of unexpected expenses.

Building an Emergency Fund: Set aside an amount equivalent to at least 6 months of your regular expenses in a liquid fund or savings account. This fund should be easily accessible and used only for true emergencies, such as medical expenses or temporary income loss.

Avoid Over-Investing: While it is important to invest aggressively for your retirement, don’t neglect liquidity. Keeping a portion of your savings in easily accessible accounts ensures that you don’t have to redeem your mutual fund investments at a loss in case of emergencies.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
Maximising tax savings can help you increase your overall returns and protect more of your wealth.

Tax-Saving Mutual Funds: Consider investing in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) to reduce your tax liability. ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, along with the potential for higher returns compared to other tax-saving instruments.

Long-Term Capital Gains Management: Be mindful of the tax implications when redeeming your mutual fund investments. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity mutual funds are taxable beyond a certain threshold, so it’s important to plan withdrawals strategically.

Estate Planning and Will
To ensure that your assets are passed on to your family without legal complications, it is important to have a clear estate plan in place.

Drafting a Will: Drafting a will is essential to specify how your assets will be distributed among your family members. Ensure that all your assets, including your house, provident fund, and mutual fund investments, are accounted for in your will.

Updating Nominations: Make sure that the nominations on your provident fund, mutual funds, and insurance policies are updated to reflect your wishes. This will ensure a smooth transfer of assets to your beneficiaries.

Final Insights
You are on the right track with your financial planning. With disciplined savings and strategic investments, you can achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 80,000 to Rs. 1 lakh monthly income.

Focus on repaying your home loans, increasing your SIP contributions, and diversifying your investments between equity and debt. Health insurance and a proper estate plan will further secure your financial future.

By following this well-rounded approach, you can look forward to a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

...Read more

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I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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