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Dr Aarti Bakshi |40 Answers |Ask -Follow

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023Hindi

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Hello Doctor, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. . He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. . He is always sleeping. .Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. . Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. . Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. . Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. . Not at all respectful to his Mom. . Always worried to enhance his looks. . Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. . Doesn't understand value of money at all. . Has nothing in his mind about his future. . Cries very easily. . Thinks he cannot do anything. . 0% household help or support from his side. . Always confused, nothing remembers. . Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.

Ans: Pre-frontal cortex is part of the brain which helps us make responsible decision making. It gets fully developed by 25 years of age. Yours is developed and functioning and your boy's is in the process. Have faith, you have brought him up and he will mirror your actions, your words, the tone of voice soon. Adolescence stage a teen is looking to showcase his self-esteem and identity. Dressing up, looking a certain way is part of the routine and they love adventure. My suggestions: 1. Listen and then respond. Talk of things he does at college, ask him his dreams, help him set one goal at a time and help him to achieve them if he needs help. 2. Make visiting the native place an adventure: let him plan the journey, the time, the food to carry the presents to give everyone there. Even cajole him that he would be able to make some reels there and share with all. 3. Ask for help: be a human who has emotional needs, gets tired, needs help to finish house work. Your child would be seeing you as an established adult, who manages everything, and then imagine you are asking for help from him to do things at home. 4. Career counselling and meeting people from different professions will clear his mind to choose what he loves. 5. Attending college: Ask him about his favourite subjects, what he finds easy and difficult. Peer support and sitting with friends to revise helps to attend college. do encourage that.
Show your boy you love him but also demand from your son that he is responsible for his world. He is an adult in the eyes of law and his actions has a consequences. Money matters can be solved by giving him a fixed amount to run his week. There is a balance between discipline and respect, treat him like a young adult and not a child. You are a good parent, be kind to yourself and meet your friends too. Do revert with the progress!

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