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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Oct 28, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I am 28. We had a love marriage. But I don’t love him.
My parents were pushing me to marry all the time. He was my good friend.
Now I feel trapped living out a lie.
I love him dearly but I am not in love with him.
Is it wrong to continue a marriage based on falseness.
Plz help.
Regards,
Anonymous

Ans:

Dear Anonymous, 

How about that? A love marriage without love!

You sound fond of your husband. And yet you say you feel trapped in the marriage; what you are leaving unsaid, I think, is that you feel attraction toward someone else perhaps?

I understand your situation and I'm sorry that your parents pressured you into what was obviously a hasty decision that you have come to regret. Having said that, please know this: Even couples who fancy themselves in the throes of eternal love sometimes fall out of love and part ways. They stop getting along with each other.

Or then in other cases, the initial spark dies down, and people settle into companionship and caring. 

Don't get me wrong, it's always good to try and keep the romance alive in a marriage. But you seem to have what a lot of people are striving for -- a good relationship with someone who you get along with and do love, even if it's not the stuff of movies.

If you feel like you're unhappy, or destined to marry someone else, I say end it. If not, work on it. You can seek counselling too, to resolve your feelings about this situation.

Do remember, you could find someone else and then that new love may come with a different set of problems. You just need to figure it out, my dear. And you will, you just need to focus on what will make you happy. And if he makes you happy, don't walk away from the marriage.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |819 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |819 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!
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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 26 years old girl completed my studies, trying to get a job, 2 years back I fell in love online with a man of 32 years old, we have not met yet physically. He is working on a very small salary in a village i.e. his hometown. He can't get a good government job or private job now due to lack of experience and age. We love each other a lot with all our flaws. My family is strictly against it due to caste difference, low salary, he lives 1600 km away, background differences. Overall they don't trust him and our love and are emotionally blackmailing me to get married with someone they choose. And the thought alone of leaving him makes me sad
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for the challenges you are facing. I understand how difficult it must be to leave a person you love. Having said that, I would also like to point out that living a decent life is not cheap. You are currently unemployed and your partner has a low salary; it will not be sustainable in the long run. I am not asking you to leave him and marry someone else; all I am suggesting is don't rush. Take the time to find a decent job and ask your partner to do the same. Once you think you both are earning a good amount of money, put forth the idea of your marriage again to your parents.

Now the most important thing, you have met him online and never met him in real life. Is it worth taking this kind of risk before verifying everything in person? I am sure he is genuine but there is no harm in cross-checking. And I can't really blame your parents for having their doubts. Please don't rush. One wrong decision can ruin the rest of your life. Take your time, think this through, and meet him in person, most likely in your city and in a public space. Do a thorough background check. It is easy to get fooled when you are in love.

Again, please don't rush. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Best Wishes
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

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Career
Dear sir, my brother was doing b pharm right now next year he will graduate,, please suggest what he will proceed after doing b pharm sir
Ans: Hello Lomina,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear that your brother is currently pursuing his Bachelor of Pharmacy (B.Pharm) and will graduate next year. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that based on his interests and professional objectives, there are many career paths that your brother can pursue once he completes his degree. I would recommend that you consider the following:

Your brother can consider working as a pharmacist in retail pharmacies, hospitals, or community pharmacies. Remember that this is the most typical employment route for graduates of B.Pharm. Pharmacists provide medications, advise patients on how to take them safely, and other health-related services. If your brother possesses strong writing abilities, working as a medical writer, crafting content for regulatory bodies, pharmaceutical companies, or healthcare organizations, is one of the other jobs that he could choose from. Documents including clinical trial reports, regulatory filings, and instructional materials are created by medical writers. Your brother may choose to work as a hospital administrator, wherein he would be responsible for controlling pharmaceutical services in healthcare facilities, in turn, guaranteeing effective medication administration, and monitoring drug delivery networks. Another career path for your brother includes taking up a job as a clinical research associate (CRA) or working in other research-related roles in research institutions or pharmaceutical companies. Remember that in order to make sure new medications are safe and effective for use, this entails conducting trials to test them. He can also choose to work in drug safety and pharmacovigilance, checking if the medications sold are safe, looking into unfavorable incidents, and making sure safety rules are followed. Your brother can also take up a job in regulatory affairs, making sure that pharmaceutical items adhere to rules and norms established by regulatory bodies. This entails creating and submitting regulatory paperwork, verifying regulatory compliance, and coordinating with regulatory authorities. Your brother can also choose to work in quality control or quality assurance positions in pharmaceutical companies, making sure that products adhere to regulations and standards of quality. In addition to the above, I would like to let you know that your brother can also pursue further education, viz., a Master's degree (M.Pharm) or a Ph.D. in pharmaceutical sciences or associated disciplines. Remember that pursuing higher studies can lead to possibilities for teaching, research, or advanced roles in areas viz., pharmaceutics, pharmacognosy, medicinal chemistry, or pharmacology.

When choosing which career path to opt for upon finishing his Bachelor of Pharmacy (B.Pharm) degree, I would suggest that your brother takes into account his abilities, interests, and professional objectives. Lastly, I would like to say that acquiring practical experience through internships or entry-level work may prove beneficial, as this will allow your brother to investigate other career paths and learn valuable skills in the sector.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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