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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
S Question by S on Aug 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Love Guru.
My name is S, I am 33 years old. I got married when I was 23 years old and have a son who is 9 years old and is studying in Lucknow. My wife is not interested in sex and hardly had sex in 3 years. We live in Bangalore on rent. Somehow I got into a sexual relationship with my landlord's wife who is relatively older than me and has 1 son studying abroad. My wife knew about my sexual relationship so does my landlord but no one ever brought it into the discussion. We used to talk and sit together daily during breakfast and dinner. It's been more than a year now and I am not sure what is next in this relationship. I need sex and don't want to leave my wife but I am afraid of the situation if it comes up. My wife doesn't want to move out of this house. Should I talk to my wife and landlord or should I remain silent?

Ans:

You're sitting on a ticking time bomb.

Your wife's indifference is rather strange; not wanting to have sex is one thing and wanting to continue to live in a home where her husband is blatantly cheating on her is quite another.

As for the landlord himself, I don't think you have the right to speak to him; the dynamics between his wife and him are his business. If you want to know his thoughts on the matter, you can ask his wife; I'm sure she knows how he feels about it.

In any case, this is not an ideal situation. It's not only throwing both your marriages into jeopardy; it's also compromising your living situation. Tomorrow if it ends badly between the landlord's wife and you, she may prevail upon her husband to throw you both out. Or he may do it anyway, considering you're sleeping with her.

And there are both children to think of.

First speak to your own wife and find out why she's so indifferent and doesn't want to have sex with you. No one gives up having sex in their 30s for no reason at all; you're still both young.

Try and fix your own marriage and keep your nose out of the landlord's.

 

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Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu ji. I have been hesitating to ask this question. Now I dare to tell my story. Iam married for last twenty five years and having three girls. For the last few years my wife is least interested in sex and remains away from home frequently. In fact before ten years we were living in a locality where one of my wife's friend was living with her family. Her husband was fond of sex with different woman and for this he used her wife to make freinds, cajole them and call them at night for watching blue films. My wife also got trapped in the net and one night I found her missing from bed. The main door was locked from outside. I kept waching her return and she came at 2.30 in night. I pretended sleeping and did not tell anything to my wife but shifted to new colony. Husband of my wife's friend kept coming to new house during my and children's absence. One day I returned from office after one hour and found the man in my house. I asked my wife to stop all this and since than he did not came but my wife started remaining absent from house many often with the lame excuse that she is going to visit her parents. I am upset and doubt that she goes to her friend's house. Should I let it go on?.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's possible she is involved in this vicious loop...
When you confronted your wife when you found the man in your home, what exactly did she say or how did she react? I don't find you sharing this anywhere in your question...and this would give an indication as to where her mind is...
It is quite possible that your wife has been a part of the other couple's exploits and is willing to be a part of it. I guess it requires the two of you actually getting around to talking about what exactly is going on.
If this is going to be her lifestyle, it's necessary to see how this is going to impact the girls at home and also whether you choose to accept this as her lifestyle.

Should you let this go on? - How fine are you with not being a part of this marriage in a way that must be? Are you willing to compromise on your married life? How will this affect the children? How will you work around the fact that your wife is possibly sleeping around with random people? What will your future seem like as a family?
Check your answers to these and you will know exactly what you are okay with and what you are not fine going along with. That will define your next course of action. It's as simple as asking yourself: What is that will truly see me in a happy place? You will know after answering these questions...a good reality check is in order!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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