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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
VC Question by VC on Sep 06, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion.

I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also.

But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying.

He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem.

My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things.

My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me.

After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me.

My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.

Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

Best wishes.

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Hello love guru. I wanted to know if I am wrong or right. As my husband has blocked me from phone by all means and do not even talk to me, so what should I do? I am working far from my Father in laws home where he stays with his brother (divorcee). He is not working and I am working and taking care of two daughters. Whenever he comes here, he fight a lot saying insane and sarcastic words to me. Since two and half months he stayed with us and left us (though he sometimes talk to my daughters only). I feel alone and nobody is there to support me or even talk to me for my emotional support. Now somebody has started talking to me and even I started, I really do not know what to do. Kindly guide. I told this to my husband also and he says whatever you wish you do.. I do not know why he says like this..He did not even tried to search a job where I am working, but when he went to inlaws there he started searching interestingly. If we do not talk then how  our relation will continue being husband. Also I found many times that he keep on searching call girls from his mobile phone search history and even his friends at inlaws told me that they saw girl accompanying him..but even I want to forget all these things as I found my daughters feel happy to talk to him..but what about my emotions and my physical needs..who will take care of if this keep on continued...as after marriage I found no happy-happy situations for me atleast..he says he lost all his jobs because of me..But all baseless objections...and blames me, harms me by beating also some times..I some times cry alone... but  this is not the life I expected after working so hard...I also used to pay him all money whatever he and whenever he demnaded.. I paid more than 10 lakhs of savings to him till date and did not even ever counted..he also stolen all gold from home without even asking me..I want to forgive him for all but when he is not interested in talking to me and just ignores me then how and why I should continue with him..just because he is my husband..or should I remarry to someone who is really willing to marry me...knowing all these things..or should I dont? As a mother of two daughters I sometimes think..that my only responsibility is to upbring my daughters...but then I also needs someone's emotional support...though economically independent..I also said to him to give me alimony as he does not pay anything to me and also file for divorce...as even I have a right to live happily...kab tak aise hi aansu bahau uske liye jisne mujhe block hi kar rakha hai from phone? I am confused please help me out!!
Ans: You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair. He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’. Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately. Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should cut him loose immediately.   

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2023

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Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for her and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P,
It is unfortunate that you had to snoop around and find out about your husband's affair.
And it is understandable that you are trying to ease the pain but HOW?

The way the mind responds is to immediately move away from pain to feel better. But that doesn't mean you jump into another relationship. It is not healthy. This person from your past can be a good friend who can support you as you go through your marriage challenges and decisions that you might eventually make. take time to get to know each other. Who you knew him in the past, may not be the person who he is now. Priorities change, situations change.
Do not assume the same attraction till you have given each other the time and space with each other to gauge this. Even a bit of care and attention will seem like attraction especially when you have a husband who is being just the opposite.
So, my suggestion is to start on a friendly note and see how it grows first before thinking of a committed relationship AND don't forget you have a child too. Your friend will have to understand that if he accepts you, he also needs to be willing to take responsibility to treat your son as his. So, go slow and don't let this connection become a mere distraction. You will both end up spoiling it and you would not done anything to fix your marriage as well.
Does this make sense? You probably wanted a better response from me to get a go-ahead. I can't do that as it will just bring you more heartbreak. Close one door to be able to walk through another one confidently.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do
Ans: Dear P
Dear P

Big hugs

It sounds like you are in a very difficult and complex situation. Your husband's behavior towards you is not acceptable, and it is understandable that you feel hurt and unsupported in your marriage. It is also understandable that you have feelings for someone from your past who has always been respectful of your marriage and who now wants to be with you.

However, it's important to remember that any decision you make will have consequences, and it's important to carefully consider all the potential outcomes before making a choice. It's also important to think about what is best for you and your son, as well as for the other people involved.

Here are a few things to consider:

Talk to a professional: It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you sort through your feelings and make a decision that is right for you. A professional can provide an objective perspective and help you explore your options.

Think about your priorities: Consider what is most important to you in your life. Do you want to prioritize your own happiness and pursue a relationship with the person you love, or do you want to prioritize your family and the stability of your current living situation?

Consider the impact on your son: Think about how any decision you make will impact your son. Will he be able to adjust to a new living situation, and how will he be affected by your decision to leave your current marriage?

Talk to your husband: If you haven't already, it may be helpful to have an honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior has made you feel and what you need from him in order to feel supported and respected in your marriage.

Think about the long-term: Consider the long-term implications of any decision you make. How will it impact your financial situation, your relationships with family members, and your own emotional well-being?

Ultimately, the decision about what to do is yours, and it's important to make a choice that feels right for you. Just remember to take your time, think carefully, and seek support from those you trust.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I had a very bad past where I was in physical relationship with like 10 guys that was due to the earlier relationship I had where I was being used financially and physically that hurt and me and I got really f***** up in my mind so I started dating guys just for physical relationship then the last guy I was in relationship with I got pregnant with a baby and I aborted it because I did not want to have a future with him and also I did not have confidence to grow that baby. then 4 months later I met my husband I fell in love with him at the first meet and we had physical thing at the very first meet. during the second meet he read the group chat between me and my friends where we spoke bad words ,my husband was not okay with that and he was really feeling bad about it and he started to talk about our break up.I was waiting for my final yr results when I met him soon I got my result then I have to start my internship my husband paid 5 lacs rupees for me but he was anxious that I will be with the friends who I was talking bad words with in college and he wanted to have a breakup and he fighted everyday with that reason .I promised him that I will not be that person anymore and I won't talk to my friends. one day I helped my friend with work for which my husband got angry and he wanted to have a break up and he started to talk about the last guy which I said that he was a friend before and I don't talk to him anymore then he raised question about him and then I told him that I was having a Friends with benefit relationship with him, then things got bitter and he seriously wants break up this time,.everyday he talks to me about that and fights with me I stop going to college .one day I made a suicide attempt and then 2 days after he started talking to me normally. soon again he started asking all those questions about the last guy I have been with, he asked very minute questions about the day and dates and he fighted with me everyday for that. there is a friend of mine who knows everything about my past ,in all these chaos,things got bitter between me and her and we stop talking. one day my husband talked to her and he asked everything about me and he got to know all about my past and he said that he took all the history of my chats ,apps and photos and asked me questions repeatedly and I told him everything completely without hiding anything. then things got messed up. I was really distressed, then my family got involved and things got very bitter, he told everything about my past to my mother. one day, they made me stop talking to him. he sent message to my sister in law and brother about my past, then my mother went to my husband's sister and told her that my husband is making a big mess not allowing me to go to internship and he has all our intimate pictures then things got Messed up more and he stopped talking to me. he was just asking me the 5 lakhs rupees he paid for me and then we stopped talking for about a week, I turned completely insane during that period and I sent him txt that I am not able to live without him .then we started talking, few days after he was okay with me going to the college then again he started fighting he was not ok with me to go to college. then we decided to get register married which a day later he denied.then I ran away from my house to him ,he received me and I was with him for 3 months we lived together for 3 months during which period he spoke really bad of me because of my past which I endured because I was really feeling guilty of my past and I thought I deserved it. he was asking even all those small personal things and he hurted me so much with his words which was mere verbal abuse ,meanwhile I got pregnant then he introduced me to his family and then we got married registered in front of our family. it was an inter religious marriage. all this time he controls me for every little thing like I should do this and I should do that which I did not take seriously then. now everything got secured my mom wanted me to complete my degree in my hometown because I was not able to complete it anywhere else but my husband was not ok with me going to my hometown to complete my degree because of my past things. I have financial things to take care of because of the money spent for my degree so I was thinking to make a deal either to finish my degree or I wanted my husband to give back the money that was spent for my degree because he said so but then later he started to humiliate my family for expecting money from me and he told that they we just see me as an investment to earn back the money they spent on me. But my family wanted me to complete the degree at the first place.this created a lot of arguments between me and him . Finally,one day my mom approach his family and she wanted me to come with her to complete my degree but my husband was not ok with it and I was still supporting him my mom told that she will die if I didn't complete my degree because that was all that she dreamed for me her entire life. then they sent me to my hometown with my mom to complete my degree. after coming here my husband did not talk to me for 2 days, then he texted me that he does not want to live with me. he told that I and my family were being fake and we were using him and we broke him into pieces and made him go through the pain which he did not deserve. I got really emotional and I told him that I wanted to go back to him. he told me that he will take me to him the next day that he will book a bus for me to reach back to him but he did not contact me the next day .then a day later he started making arguments again this time, he said that he wanted divorce from me because he cannot have a life with me .he told that he does not want to be in my life and our child's life, if I want he can give financial support for my child's growth. I denied the money and I told him that I am not willing for a divorce unless or otherwise he wants to marry another girl then he 3 hrs later, he sent a letter of intent to divorce and I did not reply for it .what should I do now?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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