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Feeling Trapped: Spouse Unable to Cope with Son's Death

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My wife 55 is unable to cope up with death of our elder son aged 27 around 2 yrs ago and is always in deep regress remorse uninterested in any daily chores including sex. I wish to move on .. Suggest way out...

Ans: Two years might seem like a long time, but grief doesn’t follow a timeline. For some, it can take much longer to even begin the process of healing, especially when it involves the loss of a child. It’s not unusual for grief to cause a complete shutdown, and that’s likely what’s happening with your wife. She’s stuck in a cycle of regret and remorse, unable to find a way out.

While you also carry the weight of this loss, your need to move forward is natural. It’s crucial to understand that wanting to heal and live again doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or dishonoring your son. It simply means you’re choosing life amidst the pain. The challenge is to find a way to do that without feeling guilty and without leaving your wife behind.

Encouraging her to seek professional help, such as grief counseling or therapy, could be a significant step. If she’s resistant, consider starting therapy for yourself first. Sometimes when one partner begins to heal, it opens the door for the other to consider healing too. Couples grief counseling could also provide a safe space for both of you to express your pain and find a way forward together.

Patience and understanding are crucial, but so is communication. Gently express to her how much you miss her presence and how you’re struggling too. Let her know you want to find a way to live again while still honoring your son’s memory.

Moving on doesn’t mean moving away from your son’s memory—it means learning to carry it in a way that doesn’t consume you. It’s a delicate balance, and seeking support can help you both find it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

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Relationship
i m 58 yrs of age my wife health issues are there and not interested in relationship i m desperate to satisfy my needs pl suggest ???
Ans: I understand that you may be facing a challenging situation, but it's essential to approach this issue with empathy and sensitivity, especially considering your wife's health issues. Communication and mutual understanding are key in such situations. Here are some steps to consider:

Open and Honest Communication: Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns while also listening to her perspective. It's essential to maintain a respectful and understanding tone during this conversation.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife's health issues are affecting her desire for intimacy, encourage her to consult with a healthcare professional. Medical issues can sometimes be treated or managed, and discussing this with a healthcare provider may help improve her situation.
Marriage Counseling: Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist. They can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your wife, providing guidance on how to navigate these sensitive issues.
Self-Care: While addressing these challenges, it's crucial to take care of your own emotional and physical well-being. Engage in hobbies, activities, and practices that bring you joy and reduce stress.
Patience and Understanding: Remember that it may take time for both you and your wife to work through these issues. Be patient and understanding of her needs and feelings, as well as your own.
Explore Intimacy Alternatives: If your wife's health issues make traditional intimacy challenging, consider exploring alternative ways to maintain physical and emotional closeness. This may include cuddling, holding hands, or even seeking advice from a therapist on how to adapt your intimacy in a way that suits both of you.
Support Groups: Look for support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who are going through similar situations. Sharing experiences and advice with others can be comforting and helpful.
Remember that it's crucial to prioritize the emotional well-being and consent of both partners in any intimate relationship. Be respectful of your wife's feelings and boundaries, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. Seeking professional guidance can be particularly helpful in navigating these sensitive issues

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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I am married person aged 53..Wife not interested in any physical intimacy since last three years . Continuous nagging and complaints on wi fi and children who are 20 and 14.Every second day threats to leave home .Not interested in meeting majority of friends .Blames men for everything .Life has become painful inspite of doing well professionally.Children are also aloof now with no effection
Ans: When faced with such a complex and emotional situation, it's important to approach it with empathy and a strategic mindset.

First, consider finding a quiet, neutral time to talk with your wife. Express your feelings openly and honestly, focusing on how her behavior impacts you and your children. Use "I" statements to avoid making her feel attacked. For instance, say, "I feel hurt and disconnected when we don't share physical intimacy," rather than placing blame.

Understanding the root cause of her dissatisfaction and disinterest is crucial. She may be dealing with unresolved issues, stress, or even depression. Encourage her to share her feelings and listen without judgment. Show her that you care about her well-being and the relationship, and that you are committed to finding a solution together.

It's also beneficial to involve a professional. A couples therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your concerns and work through underlying issues. Sometimes, having a neutral third party can help uncover hidden problems and offer strategies to rebuild intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, take care of yourself and your mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Encourage your children to express their feelings and ensure they feel supported and loved during this turbulent time. Family therapy might also be a helpful option to address the emotional distance and lack of affection you mentioned.

Remember, rebuilding a relationship takes time and patience. It's about small, consistent efforts rather than quick fixes. Show empathy towards your wife and patience as you both navigate this difficult journey. By demonstrating your commitment and love, you can gradually work towards a more harmonious and fulfilling marriage.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024
Relationship
Hello Anu I ma married man with age of 54 & my wife is 52 years. We are married since 30 years and we are not having good sexual relationship. She is more keen but i have some issues with my health. From the beginning I have disorders and do even ejaculate very soon. Because of this our relations are not that good. Now we are on the verge of separation but due to childrens who are quire grown up and settled in their life they are strictly against this decision of ours. My wife wants divorce from me and wants to settle down with someone else and at present there is no such person in her life. I also want divorce but of the last thought. How can I regain my sexual life again please let me know.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's really sad all the years of togetherness becomes nothing in front of physical relationships.
My suggestion would be to work on whatever is coming in between the two of you; which means what is stopping you from having a good sex life must be addressed.
It could be simple medical treatment or mind techniques to work on these challenges. Divorce in my opinion in your case, seems to be an impulsive move taken in frustration. Think it through and calmly address the main issue and work at it. Request your wife also to be a part of this. Do reconsider your decision to separate by trying to work out the differences. Even after that if things persist, then you know what you want to do. But at least give it a try...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |231 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
Dear sir/madam I have some ten lakh in NRI FD for 7% interest, if I keep 50%in mutual fund can I use the amount any of emergency as well as which mutual fund suggest for me
Ans: Dear Sir/Madam,

If you are planning to move 50% of your ?10 lakh NRI Fixed Deposit into mutual fund options, please note that you can definitely access the money during emergencies, provided you select the correct categories designed for high liquidity and low risk.

1. Can Mutual Fund Money Be Used During Emergencies?

Yes — if you invest in the right categories.

Categories suitable for emergency access:

? Liquid Funds
? Money Market Funds
? Ultra Short Duration Funds

These categories generally offer T+0 to T+1 liquidity (same day or next working day), have no lock-in period, and maintain low risk compared to equity-oriented investments.

2. Recommended Allocation (NRI – Balanced & Safe Plan)

Since you already have ?10 lakh in a fixed deposit, retaining ?5 lakh there provides stability and assured interest. The remaining ?5 lakh can be allocated to mutual fund categories that offer both liquidity and growth potential. By placing a portion in liquid or money market categories, you ensure instant access for emergencies, while the rest can be allocated to a moderate-risk hybrid category to give you long-term growth without compromising safety. This balanced approach helps you maintain emergency readiness, reduce risk, and potentially earn better returns than keeping the full amount in FD.

3. Option A: If You Want Emergency Access + Low Risk

(For the 50% amount you wish to shift)

Consider investing in categories such as:

Liquid Fund category

Money Market Fund category

Ultra Short Duration Fund category

These categories are suitable for short-term parking, emergency funds, and low-volatility needs.

4. Option B: If You Want Some Growth Along With Safety

From the ?5 lakh planned for mutual fund investment:

?3 lakh can be placed in liquid or money market categories for emergency and safety

?2 lakh may be placed in a Hybrid/Balanced Advantage category for steady growth with controlled risk

5. Tax Notes for NRIs

Debt-oriented categories: Taxed at 20% with indexation after 3 years

Equity-oriented categories: 10% LTCG above ?1 lakh

Some AMCs deduct TDS for NRIs depending on NRE/NRO mode and investment type
Disclaimer / Guidance:
The above analysis is generic in nature and based on limited data shared. For accurate projections — including inflation, tax implications, pension structure, and education cost escalation — it is strongly advised to consult a qualified QPFP/CFP or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). They can help prepare a comprehensive retirement and goal-based cash flow plan tailored to your unique situation.
Financial planning is not only about returns; it’s about ensuring peace of mind and aligning your money with life goals. A professional planner can help you design a safe, efficient, and realistic roadmap toward your ideal retirement.

Best regards,
Naveenn Kummar, BE, MBA, QPFP
Chief Financial Planner | AMFI Registered MFD
https://members.networkfp.com/member/naveenkumarreddy-vadula-chennai

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10837 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir, I am 39 years PSU employee with monthly net salary of 1.10 lacs. I have a son of 9 years and daughter of 1 year. I am investing in MF through SIPs and lumpsump for last 7 years and my present MF portfolio is 50 lacs with XIRR of almost 18%. Presently I do SIP of 30000 per month. I also have housing loan and my EMI is 42000. I am provided accomodation and medical facilities from my employer. I also have accumulated 18 lacs in PF and Rs. 28 lacs in NPS. I have Term plan of 1.5 crs. I also have liquid funds of 10 lacs in FD for emergency purpose and approx 7 lacs in PPF. Since my child's major education expenses is still 7 to 8 years far for my son and 15 years for my daughter, I will continue my SIP of atleast for next 8 to 10 years without breaking my existing portfolio. Can I generate a corpus of more than 7 crs till my retirement with above funds and will it be sufficient to meet the inflation after 20 years.
Ans: Hi,

You have done and accumulated quite good at your age in different instruments with varied returns. Let us have a detailed look.

1. Emergency Fund - 10 lakhs in FD - good to go.
2. Term Plan - 1.5 crores - good to go.
3. Health Insurance - provided by employer. However, can take a separate personal insurance for yourself and family.
4. PF - 18 lakhs (continue)
5. NPS - 28 lakhs (continue)
6. PPF - 7 lakhs (can stop continuing, invest only bare minimum to keep account active. Close account upon maturity and reallocate these funds in mutual funds)
7. MF Portfolio - 50 lakhs with 30k monthly SIP
8. Home Loan EMI - 42000

Goals:
- Son's education - after 8 years
- Daughter's education - after 15 years
- Retirement - need 7 crores

You are very much on the right track. Your current financials look strong in terms of fulfiling your financial goals.

> Your current MF portfolio can be bifurcated into 2 parts
i. 40 lakhs for your retirement. This amount along with other amount from PF and NPS will finance your retirement forever (inflation adjusted). Additionally you wil lleave behind a great fortune for your kids.
ii. 10 lakhs for your kid's education. Continue your existing SIP of 30k per month and also contribute 7 lakhs from PPF account on its maturity towards this goal. For son, you will have 75 lakhs only from this investment and your daughter's education will have 1.5 crores when she requires.

This way your existing investments can take care of all your goals. Also, do increase your contibution in SIP yearly. It will help in generating a higher corpus for your family.

As your overall investments are more thann 10 lakhs in MFs, it is wise for you to connect with a professional who will assist you and make a dedicated investment plan as per your goals.
Hence, do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who will guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
My current age is 41 Years old and private employe in I.T sector. I have five kids of 11,8,7,5 &2 years. My elder daughter is in 7th class now. I have monthly Net salary of 1 lakhs after taxes. I am saving 20/30 thousand monthly. My assets are as follows:- I have one house worth Rs.15 lakhs, Two commercial shops worth Rs, 50 L. Having no loan in the market. Insurance Rs. 50 L term plan for me. Yearly I pay 40k. Health insurance 11 lakh for my entire family from my organisation.Yearly I pay 20k. I maintain an emergency fund 1.5 lac liquid on hand. Would like to make a total fund og 5 Cr by 2035. I have a requirement during higher education for childerns/marriage/Business for my son's and retirement at my age of 51 yrs after 10 years. How to grow my income. I would like to focus on high-growth investment to achieve my goal. But I am planning to invest monthly from my salary. More ever I may get 4lack in next month. Now the thing is how to go about 4lack. Where to invest Am confused what to do. Kindly advise further for more wealth creation. Steady plan. Wealth builds slowly but surely. Can someone help design a withdrawal/Saving strategy to meet your income needs and achieve goal. I would like comfortable retirement with a steady income. Thanks....
Ans: Hi Syed,

Let us have a detailed look below:
- Your monthly income - 1 lakhs, expenses - around 75k , and money for saving - approx. 25k per month.
- Emergency fund - 1.5 lakhs . Would suggest you to make a FD of this fund as emergency fund.
- Term and Health insurance - covered. But sum assured is less for your family. It should be increased.
- One house - 15 lakhs; 2 commercial shops - 50 lakhs.

Requirements:
- Need 5 crores by 2035 i.e. in 10 years
- Need fund for higher education and marriage of 5 children
- Retirement corpus required after 10 years

To achieve all these goals, you need to invest starting right now in aggressive mutual funds with 25-30k left with you. And you can increase your investment with the increase in your income.
Realistically, retirement after 10 years is not possible, but you can try and upgrade your skills to earn more and invest more.

You are also getting 4 lakhs next month. Invest entire amount in aggressive mutual funds. Mutual funds will give you an annual return of 14-15% very easily. This is the best way to build wealth for the goals that you mentioned.
>> Make sure to stay away from LIC policies and ULIPs and other plans which lock your money.

As you are not much aware about mutual funds and investment, you should work with a professional who will draft a plan for you.

Hence, please consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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