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Feeling Trapped: Spouse Unable to Cope with Son's Death

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2025Hindi
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My wife 55 is unable to cope up with death of our elder son aged 27 around 2 yrs ago and is always in deep regress remorse uninterested in any daily chores including sex. I wish to move on .. Suggest way out...

Ans: Two years might seem like a long time, but grief doesn’t follow a timeline. For some, it can take much longer to even begin the process of healing, especially when it involves the loss of a child. It’s not unusual for grief to cause a complete shutdown, and that’s likely what’s happening with your wife. She’s stuck in a cycle of regret and remorse, unable to find a way out.

While you also carry the weight of this loss, your need to move forward is natural. It’s crucial to understand that wanting to heal and live again doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or dishonoring your son. It simply means you’re choosing life amidst the pain. The challenge is to find a way to do that without feeling guilty and without leaving your wife behind.

Encouraging her to seek professional help, such as grief counseling or therapy, could be a significant step. If she’s resistant, consider starting therapy for yourself first. Sometimes when one partner begins to heal, it opens the door for the other to consider healing too. Couples grief counseling could also provide a safe space for both of you to express your pain and find a way forward together.

Patience and understanding are crucial, but so is communication. Gently express to her how much you miss her presence and how you’re struggling too. Let her know you want to find a way to live again while still honoring your son’s memory.

Moving on doesn’t mean moving away from your son’s memory—it means learning to carry it in a way that doesn’t consume you. It’s a delicate balance, and seeking support can help you both find it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

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i m 58 yrs of age my wife health issues are there and not interested in relationship i m desperate to satisfy my needs pl suggest ???
Ans: I understand that you may be facing a challenging situation, but it's essential to approach this issue with empathy and sensitivity, especially considering your wife's health issues. Communication and mutual understanding are key in such situations. Here are some steps to consider:

Open and Honest Communication: Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns while also listening to her perspective. It's essential to maintain a respectful and understanding tone during this conversation.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife's health issues are affecting her desire for intimacy, encourage her to consult with a healthcare professional. Medical issues can sometimes be treated or managed, and discussing this with a healthcare provider may help improve her situation.
Marriage Counseling: Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist. They can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your wife, providing guidance on how to navigate these sensitive issues.
Self-Care: While addressing these challenges, it's crucial to take care of your own emotional and physical well-being. Engage in hobbies, activities, and practices that bring you joy and reduce stress.
Patience and Understanding: Remember that it may take time for both you and your wife to work through these issues. Be patient and understanding of her needs and feelings, as well as your own.
Explore Intimacy Alternatives: If your wife's health issues make traditional intimacy challenging, consider exploring alternative ways to maintain physical and emotional closeness. This may include cuddling, holding hands, or even seeking advice from a therapist on how to adapt your intimacy in a way that suits both of you.
Support Groups: Look for support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who are going through similar situations. Sharing experiences and advice with others can be comforting and helpful.
Remember that it's crucial to prioritize the emotional well-being and consent of both partners in any intimate relationship. Be respectful of your wife's feelings and boundaries, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. Seeking professional guidance can be particularly helpful in navigating these sensitive issues

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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I am married person aged 53..Wife not interested in any physical intimacy since last three years . Continuous nagging and complaints on wi fi and children who are 20 and 14.Every second day threats to leave home .Not interested in meeting majority of friends .Blames men for everything .Life has become painful inspite of doing well professionally.Children are also aloof now with no effection
Ans: When faced with such a complex and emotional situation, it's important to approach it with empathy and a strategic mindset.

First, consider finding a quiet, neutral time to talk with your wife. Express your feelings openly and honestly, focusing on how her behavior impacts you and your children. Use "I" statements to avoid making her feel attacked. For instance, say, "I feel hurt and disconnected when we don't share physical intimacy," rather than placing blame.

Understanding the root cause of her dissatisfaction and disinterest is crucial. She may be dealing with unresolved issues, stress, or even depression. Encourage her to share her feelings and listen without judgment. Show her that you care about her well-being and the relationship, and that you are committed to finding a solution together.

It's also beneficial to involve a professional. A couples therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your concerns and work through underlying issues. Sometimes, having a neutral third party can help uncover hidden problems and offer strategies to rebuild intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, take care of yourself and your mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Encourage your children to express their feelings and ensure they feel supported and loved during this turbulent time. Family therapy might also be a helpful option to address the emotional distance and lack of affection you mentioned.

Remember, rebuilding a relationship takes time and patience. It's about small, consistent efforts rather than quick fixes. Show empathy towards your wife and patience as you both navigate this difficult journey. By demonstrating your commitment and love, you can gradually work towards a more harmonious and fulfilling marriage.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 51 year old male having one son 21 years. Myself and my wife love each other very much however there is no intimacy between us for nearly 12 years now for a simple reason that my wife doesn't want it. I am now frustrated. I feel physically strangulated. One of friends asked me seek pleasure outside but i am avert to it. I want feel very depressed sometimes and get a strong urge but to no help. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not alone! There are many couples in this age bracket who have very mismatched sexual urges; but that doesn't take the fact away that there is a marriage and love within it, right?

What do we do when children grow from a baby to a adult? Every phase requires us to interact with them very differently. From being instructional to giving them their space, we have managed it all...How? Because we have acknowledged that children grow up and that we need to keep adapting to suit their minds and their age then.

It's the same with marriage as well. It's not fair to expect that your wife will be sexually active and highly charged up like she used to in the early days of marriage. She possibly is going through her perimenopause or some changes emotionally that is possibly deterring her from getting intimate. Talk to her, care for her, support her and also know that there are other forms of sexual intimacy other than sex alone. Start slowly, like you are still dating and bring back the spice element. Get a general check-up done to rule out any deficiencies in terms of vitamins so that this can be added as supplements.

Now, does this mean that she will be back with the energy and urge of a 25-year old? Possibly not, but at least it will give you both time to appreciate that there are phases in life and to accept this calls for maturity and a great deal of understanding. So, start by talking about it and take it slowly...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4373 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 23, 2025

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Hi My daughter is studying in Cambridge syllabus and have chosen A levels in physics, chemistry, and biology along with economics. I would like to know the qualifying requirements for getting into Indian universities in core science and biosciences streams
Ans: Shalini Madam, Cambridge International A Levels are widely recognized by Indian universities for undergraduate admissions in core science and biosciences streams. The Association of Indian Universities (AIU) has granted equivalence to Cambridge International AS & A Levels, recognizing them as equivalent to Indian senior secondary qualifications. Eligibility criteria include subject requirements, number of A Levels, and additional considerations such as entrance exams, university-specific tests, and equivalency certificates.

Some Indian universities mandate entrance exams, such as CUET-UG for Central & State Universities, NEET for medical and related courses, and some institutions conduct their own entrance exams. Some universities may request an equivalency certificate from the AIU to validate the comparability of Cambridge qualifications to Indian standards.

To ensure eligibility, it is recommended to consult with admissions offices of targeted universities, prepare for entrance exams, and ensure all necessary documents are prepared and submitted according to university guidelines. By proactively engaging with the admissions processes and understanding specific requirements, your daughter can effectively navigate her path to securing admission in her chosen field of study in India. All the best for your Daughter's Bright Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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