Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

My wife blames me for everything, how can I save my marriage?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Harpal Question by Harpal on Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Thanks Anu Ma'am for you valueable response and suggestion. I will again give it a try to take her to professional who can councel her and guide for infusion into a family system. Yes, her maternal home don't provide a great smooth family relationships as her mother always complains about her Late mother in law and husband (my father in law). She always says that my father in law has given all his 15 years earned money from a govt job to his mother (my wife's Daadi). The same pattern of complaining is being followed here also about my mother, though I spend a little portion of (10%) of my income on my mother's care. But still I also listens this type of taunts. The other things you had said that with that 27 year old guy whatever happened will be blamed on me, yes, this has already happened she is saying that she met that guy only after my insistence but the truth is they both were getting attracted and smiling at each other before my go ahead. I definitely want to stay in this marriage for my daughter's sake and will give it a try as per your suggestion. Thank you once again.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your reply. I can only wish you the best in your efforts of making a humble appeal with your wife to bring the marriage back together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, Please keep me anonymous. I am a 45 years old married male. Ours was an arranged marriage. My spouse as well as my in-laws have cynical attitude towards life. They are always abusive towards everyone at their back even. Earlier, I used to take it lightly and also tried to make my wife understand that there are good people also in the world. I also used to think that she may not be having the same attitude at least towards me but I was wrong. I always did my best whenever she was in trouble or otherwise, be it in her social, professional or medical needs but instead of acknowledging she always found some ulterior motive of mine. She acts sweet whenever she wants anything or to get things done from me otherwise she becomes abusive. Moreover, since beginning she discusses everything over phone with her mother and acts as per her guidance. I don't think that anything whatever happens in between us be it good or bad or in our house is not known to her mother. Whenever we have any quarrel she immediately calls her mother and tells her only her side of the things and uses abusive words for me. I have even requested her that even if she feels like calling her mother to lighten up, she may do it, but at least in privacy so that I should not hear the words she uses. But, now after 14 years I am getting fed up and don't feel like being with her. I am continuing because of my daughter as separation may affect the child. We no longer share any emotional or physical intimacy. I am exhausted. Please advise.  Regards, Anonymous
Ans:

Sounds like you’re tired of the marriage.

I would suggest attending some marital counselling together before you decide to finalise a split, if only for the sake of your daughter.

I understand that the child’s situation is taking precedence over yours, and that’s good parenting, but how long will you carry on like this? It’s been so many years already.

Your wife speaking to her mother about everything is understandable, but within earshot so that you hear it too is not. She obviously has ulterior motives.

Visit a competent counsellor. I’m sure you’ll be able to make headway in this situation.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am 31 years old.. married for one and a half year, it was an arranged marriage, when my father came he was well and clear that my daughter studies or works for long hours she don’t like household chores but she earns well so can pay for help.. that time my mother in law was all happy and said I will help her, she’ll be like my child and all that... my husband also used to assure me that you will be treated really well, if you are working no body gonna point out, we are very modern. My mother in law is very modern she used to wear jeans and shorts and her Devrani lived in ghunghat... My mother in law hates everyone in her family, devarani, jethani, nanad, her own late mother in law father in law, her own mother, father, brothers, sisters, their spouses, their children... everyone. Yet my husband doesn’t understand she is doing wrong, I come from a big family... people fight and next day come back together... here it’s very very hard to survive in this negativity. Once I went home, because here I wasn’t getting enough time to study due to household chores... then behind me she created scenes telling .. your wife has disrespected me, didn’t eat anything for 15-20 days then my husband got angry on me... we fought and he blocked me, no contact between us for months. My parents came once to talk but she was too loud and insulting that they got sure we are NOT sending back our daughter to such house. Then our relatives interfered, sat together and found out there was no major problem everybody laughed.. saying we are not able to find any issue, but my mother in law still kept on complaining for continuously 4 hours... she was all negative.. I can back home, I know all I have to do is ignore her rest everything is okay to live by.. But I have lost trust on my husband,I know if he left me once, he can leave me again....living here is very difficult with all the hate, nobody comes to house for dinners.. it’s alone and hateful. I don’t say anything because that will only elevate the problem. It’s hell living here.. they all sit together and talk and when I go everyone shuts.. although I don’t care what that are talking about, I don’t give a rat’s ass even if they’re bitching about me. It’s just all negative and I wanna run away from here.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me here?
I have got the point that there is a lot of hate and negativity at your in-laws place and that it is far different from how you were raised. Also, that your husband blindly sides with his mother bothers you. But I will try and put things in perspective and make suggestions here.

Now, understand that certain families are the way that they are and unfortunately you have come into a place where people are isolated from one another and talk behind each other's backs.
Are you in a position to change all of this especially when you have realized that your husband isn't someone who is on your side?
So, when you can't change something, the only way to get through all of this peacefully is to accept it. But, that is the things that you are struggling with already and yes, it is understandable from your point of view.
Have an honest conversation with your husband; I am sure he is interested in making his marriage work too. That's the first step to actually make him aware that all this is affecting you.
Let's say, he is not bothered by it all and continues to go about all of this without realizing that he has a wife and he is also responsible towards the marriage, try and suggest getting to a professional (But do realize that the professional will not be able to change the way your husband's home functions). This is only getting the bond between you and your husband stronger so that you can be on the same side weathering the environment around you.
Now, if he refuses this intervention...then the onus is on you...what and how you see your life is totally a choice that you must make.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8864 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Money
I have 10lakh rupees with me which I want to use for my new flat interiors in 6months. Every month I am planning to add 1lakh rupees to this. Please let me know the right place to park the money with no risk. Currently I am keeping this in idfc savings account which gives better returns when compared to my icici Salary account
Ans: Since your requirement is for using the money in six months and you are looking for zero-risk options, your money must be kept in safe, liquid, and interest-earning instruments. You are currently keeping the amount in IDFC First Bank’s savings account, which is already better than regular savings accounts. But there are even better options for this short-term goal.

Your Situation and Goal

You have Rs. 10 lakh now.
You will add Rs. 1 lakh every month for 6 months.
You want to use this for interior work.
You want full safety for your money.
You want better returns than a regular savings account.
You do not want to take any market risk.

What You Must Avoid

Do not invest in mutual funds.
Even liquid funds are not 100% safe.
They are market-linked.
Their returns are not fixed.
They also have tax on gains.
Avoid shares, ULIPs, real estate, or corporate bonds.
Avoid any product with lock-in or price fluctuation.

Best Options for You

1. Auto Sweep Fixed Deposit

Your IDFC First Bank offers auto sweep FD.
Extra money in savings goes to FD automatically.
This earns better interest than savings account.
If you need money, it auto-breaks the FD.
This gives both safety and liquidity.
Keep Rs. 2 lakh in savings account.
Put Rs. 8 lakh in auto sweep FD.

2. Recurring Deposit for Monthly Additions

You plan to add Rs. 1 lakh every month.
Start a new 6-month RD every month.
This earns fixed interest and is fully safe.
Each RD will mature when your payments begin.
This matches your need for funds gradually.
Interest rate can be 6.5% to 7% per annum.

3. Fixed Deposits for 180 Days

If auto sweep is not available, use short-term FDs.
Place Rs. 8 lakh in three or four small FDs.
Each FD can be for Rs. 2 lakh.
Tenure can be 180 days.
If you need money, break one FD only.
Keep Rs. 2 lakh in savings for emergency.

What Not to Use

Don’t use mutual funds.
Even liquid or arbitrage funds can fluctuate.
They also have new tax rules.
Short-term gains are taxed at slab rate.
Also, there is no guarantee of returns.
Don’t use T-bills or government bonds.
They are not flexible for 6-month use.

Step-by-Step Execution

Step 1: Keep Rs. 2 lakh in IDFC savings account.
This gives quick access for small payments.

Step 2: Put Rs. 8 lakh in 180-day FD or auto sweep FD.
Check which gives higher interest.

Step 3: Start one RD every month with Rs. 1 lakh.
Total six RDs, each for 6 months.

After 6 months, your total money will be Rs. 16 lakh.
Your RDs will start maturing one by one.
Use the money for each phase of interior work.

Expected Earnings

FD of Rs. 10 lakh at 7% for 6 months gives about Rs. 35,000.
Six RDs of Rs. 1 lakh each may give Rs. 11,000 in total interest.
So, total interest you can expect is around Rs. 46,000.
This is better than a savings account and is risk-free.

Tax Points to Remember

Interest on FD and RD is taxable.
It is added to your income.
You must pay tax as per your slab.
Bank will deduct TDS if total interest is above Rs. 40,000.
Still, you must show all interest in your ITR.
If your spouse is in lower tax slab, invest in their name.
This reduces overall tax on interest earned.

Extra Safety Tips

Keep all deposits below Rs. 5 lakh per person per bank.
This keeps your money insured under DICGC.
Use your spouse’s name if you need more FD space.
Use scheduled banks only.
Avoid small NBFCs or unknown finance companies.
Always choose capital safety first.

Final Insights

You are on the right track.
Your decision to avoid risky products is wise.
Stick to FDs, RDs, and auto sweep for short-term goals.
This gives you guaranteed returns and easy access.
Do not be tempted by higher returns from market products.
Stay focused on safety and capital protection.
By following this plan, you will have Rs. 16 lakh ready in 6 months.
You will also earn around Rs. 46,000 extra without any risk.
This is the best balance between safety, liquidity, and returns for now.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x