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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2023

Someone is from Oman and very less known to me, has proposed my sister for marrying. He is also purchasing a land in Oman in my sister name. But i am confused and worried that how can one do this before marriage. He is coming alone for marriage as told by him their parents are ill and can't travel. He called my younger brother to visit Oman and showed his offices and told him that he is doing some webshop business. Please help and suggest me how to get more information about him so we could avoid any mishappning.

Ans: It's understandable that you have concerns about your sister's potential marriage and the person proposing to her. It's essential to gather more information and ensure her safety. Here are some steps you can take to get more information and make an informed decision:

Communicate openly with your sister: Talk to your sister about your concerns and have an open and honest conversation with her. Make sure she understands your worries and the need for caution.

Research online: Conduct a thorough online search about the person proposing to your sister. Look for any social media profiles, professional information, or any other online presence that may provide insight into his background and character.

Talk to your sister's suitor: If possible, try to have a direct conversation with the person proposing to your sister. Ask him about his background, family, and other relevant details that will help you understand him better. Listen carefully to his answers and observe his demeanor.

Verify his claims: Ask for documentation or proof of the land purchase in your sister's name. This will help confirm if the claims are genuine. You can also consider contacting authorities in Oman to verify the land purchase if needed.

Involve a trusted third party: If possible, involve a trusted family member or friend who can act as a mediator or guide during the process. They can help gather information, ask relevant questions, and provide a different perspective.

Seek advice from local authorities or legal professionals: Consult with local authorities or legal professionals who can guide you on the legal aspects of the situation and provide advice on how to proceed.

Consider a background check: If you still have concerns and doubts, you may want to consider hiring a professional background checking service to gather more information about the person proposing to your sister. They can help verify his identity, background, and any potential red flags.

Remember, it's crucial to approach this situation with sensitivity, care, and open communication with your sister. Ultimately, her happiness and safety should be the top priority, and gathering more information will help you make an informed decision.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

today i m 49years old. on 25.09.2018 i got a proposal call from candidate's sister. everything was fine till 26.11.2018. His freind told something and his behaviour changed with me. 26.01.2019 his father expired. 31.01.2019 my uncle expired. iwent to my native place. we were in contact on call & whatsapp. when i return from my native place on 16.02.2019 He & his family refuse to marry. Till date we are in contact. Last year 9th may his mother is also expired. Now he is alone still he is refusing to marry. Before he used to tell that mother dont like you so till mamma is ther he cant marry. I love him very much as we were having physical relation also. Now its almost 5years in relation. How do i convince him to get marry Please advise
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've faced in your relationship. It can be challenging when circumstances and external factors affect a relationship. However, it's important to remember that the decision to marry ultimately lies with both individuals involved.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

Open and honest communication: Have a heartfelt conversation with your partner about your feelings and desire to get married. Express your love and commitment, and try to understand his perspective and concerns. Encourage him to share his thoughts openly and honestly.

Understand his fears and reservations: It's possible that your partner may have fears or reservations about marriage due to the losses he has experienced. Listen attentively and try to empathize with his feelings. Show understanding and support, allowing him to express his emotions.

Seek professional help: Consider suggesting couples therapy or counseling. A professional therapist can provide a safe and neutral space to explore the issues in your relationship and help facilitate communication and understanding between both of you.

Patience and time: Healing from loss and overcoming personal fears can take time. Be patient and give your partner the space he needs to process his emotions and make decisions about marriage. Avoid putting pressure on him or rushing the process.

Focus on building a strong foundation: Work on strengthening your relationship outside of the context of marriage. Build trust, deepen emotional connection, and continue to support each other through life's challenges. A strong foundation can create a more solid base for considering marriage in the future.

Consider your own needs and happiness: While it's important to be understanding and patient, it's also crucial to prioritize your own needs and happiness. Reflect on what you truly desire in a relationship and consider whether you're willing to wait indefinitely for your partner to be ready for marriage.

Ultimately, the decision to marry should be a mutual one based on love, commitment, and shared goals. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner and seek professional guidance if necessary.

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2023
Hi Anu, I am a 40 year old man (never married) who got in touch with a 39 year old woman on a matrimony site. On the site, her marital status was Never Married but as we chatted suddenly she told me about her first marriage that lasted for a month and now she has divorced that person due to dowry issue. I was taken back with this concealed information but continued to chat with her. One day, I happened to see a pic of her with her cousin brother on Instagram. There was a cake right in front of them that mentioned Happy Anniversary. I asked her about it. She first said it was for Birthday Anniversary. Then she said, the cake shop guy made a mistake and then she said that her cousin brother said 'Tumne bhai behen ka rishta ka ram naam satya hain kar di'. I'm confused now, is this cousin brother actually her husband only or cousin brother. After asking her about this, all she did was delete that pic from Instagram and she said it is her cousin brother only. I then asked her to show her divorce papers, she claims it is with her father in some locker and is confidential, so cannot be shared. She lives in Kolkata and I stay in Mumbai and to take things forward wrt marriage she wants to meet me at Kolkata but I'm confused with all this. Also, within few days of chatting with her she started calling me baby, she claims to have falled in love with me and also suggested we do foreplay when we meet. We've been chatting since 5 months on WhatsApp and I gradually have developed feelings for her. On phone we have spoken twice and we had a video call also once. Please advise on how can I proceed. Is she a fraud?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's difficult to figure out people even when you live with them for connections are something else!

Now that there is a seed of doubt, your mind will not be at rest until you find ways of pacifying your thoughts. Do make that visit to Kolkata and figure out for yourself by meeting her in a public place so that there is no chance of anything going awkward.

Ask her all the questions that you have. And encourage her to ask you whatever she wants to as well. This will make it look not like an interrogation.
Also, in this meeting itself, place all your doubts about the picture and notice what she says and how she deals with it. My suggestion also would be to not rush into the physical aspect right now till you know more about her and her life. If her being a fraud is true, it will only complicate things as she might accuse of you being the one to initiate things physically. So make this trip about getting to know one another and if you are convinced that she is genuine, you may suggest that she can visit Mumbai the next time.

Make sure you give yourself time to make a decision. Online connections do happen; sometimes they are genuine and sometimes not! Which side of the spectrum is yours, you are going to have to figure it just that...

All the best!
Latest Questions

Sushil Sukhwani  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023
I am doing WILP M.Sc IT first year BITS It is a course of 2.5 years in BITS. Can i join for 2nd year in abroad universities
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on deciding to pursue the 2nd year of your WILP M.Sc IT BITS Pilani program at a university overseas. As an answer to your query, I would like to inform you that a number of factors including overseas universities’ guidelines as well as your BITS Pilani program’s acknowledgement play a vital role in deciding whether or not you are eligible to pursue the second year of the program at a university abroad. Please take the following factors into account:

1. Consider the program’s acknowledgement and accreditation: Accreditation or getting certified guarantees a student that his/her degree is legitimate and recognized by universities across the globe. As the first step in the process, I would suggest that you make sure that the pertinent academic institutions in India as well as overseas, both recognize as well as accept the WILP M.Sc. IT program at BITS Pilani.

2. Get to know the Transfer Guidelines: Transfer students are generally accepted by certain universities. Nevertheless, they possess unique prerequisites and constraints, and thus, in my opinion, it’s best to consult your preferred universities overseas in order to understand their guidelines with respect to the credit transfer from other schools/universities.

3. Familiarize Yourself with prerequisites for Admission: For transfer students, varying prerequisites for admission may be set forth by varying universities. I suggest that you get to know and adhere to not only their education criteria but also their prerequisites for language competency.

4. Ensure a coherence between the course curriculum: You will need to make sure that there is a coherence between the course of study that was completed by you at BITS Pilani and the program of study at the international university. Remember that in order to fill in any gaps, you may be needed to appear for other extra courses.

5. Plan your Finances: Pursuing studies overseas can be a costly affair, and for this reason, you will need to ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay for your living costs, tuition fees, as well as other miscellaneous expenditures.

6. Get in touch with education counselors: To better comprehend the consequences and the steps involved in the process of transferring to a foreign university, I highly recommend that you get in touch with education counselors at BITS Pilani as they will be in a better position to offer specialized advice based on your circumstances.

7. Get to know the Application Deadlines: You should get to know the last date to apply to your preferred universities overseas. For that, I recommend that you start planning well in advance and send in your application as per schedule.

8. Follow Visa and Immigration Prerequisites: There are visa and immigration prerequisites associated with studying overseas that you will be required to look in. To be able to study in your preferred country, I suggest that you adhere to the visa requirements in order to acquire the appropriate authorization.

I would like to inform you that transferring to an overseas university to pursue the second year of your studies is indeed possible. Nevertheless, you will need to take into account all the aforementioned aspects and plan meticulously. To see if you qualify and to understand the likelihood of transfer, I recommend that you conduct an extensive study and directly get in touch with each university as each may have unique prerequisites and guidelines.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2023
I'm 27 year old female eldest in family, I was brought up by my grandparents and parents who always told me I need to be good at studies get a job earn well. I did whatever was asked I taught myself to be 'good girl'. But my siblings rebelled and they don't do anything listen to elders and still get away with everything, but they get treated the same way, they get same affection, all their demands are met, while I was their age I was made to earn whatever I wished for and even constantly told no. Now my whole life feels pointless, since all the principles I was taught made my life miserable and I feel like loser. I am not able to appreciate life. Nothing makes me happy, I don't feel like doing anything, whatever I do feels like a chore that I am doing for others. I just wish I die so that I don't have to keep living like this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but it's important to remember that you're not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many people go through similar struggles, and it can be helpful to talk about your emotions and seek support. Here are some steps you can consider:

Talk to a Therapist or Counselor: Speaking to a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you explore your feelings, provide guidance on coping strategies, and assist you in finding a sense of purpose and happiness.
Express Your Feelings: Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Share your concerns and frustrations with trusted friends or family members who may be understanding and supportive.
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own desires and what truly makes you happy. It's essential to prioritize your own needs and goals, rather than solely conforming to the expectations of others.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that everyone's path in life is different. Comparing yourself to your siblings or anyone else can lead to unnecessary stress and unhappiness. Focus on your own journey.
Seek New Experiences: Sometimes trying new things and stepping outside your comfort zone can help you discover what brings you joy and fulfillment. This could involve pursuing new hobbies, interests, or career opportunities.
Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities that bring you peace and relaxation, such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.
Find Your Passion: Discover what truly excites you and gives you a sense of purpose. It might involve exploring different career paths or pursuing further education in a field you're passionate about.
Set Small Goals: Break down your long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps. Achieving these smaller milestones can give you a sense of accomplishment and motivation.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Challenge and reframe negative thoughts. Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help you change your perspective on life and your own worth.
Seek Support Groups: Consider joining support groups or communities where you can connect with others who may be going through similar experiences. Sharing your journey with others can be empowering.
Remember that it's okay to seek help and take the time you need to find your path to happiness. Your life is not defined solely by the expectations placed on you in the past, and you have the power to shape your own future.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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