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Torn Between Love and Tradition: Engaged Woman Seeks Guidance Amidst Boyfriend's Parental Opposition

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

i am in a relationship with a guy who is 1 year older than me, we have a really good relationship, lot of things between us is common , similar values, beliefs , same sense of humour and we both admire each other so much but he is from jaat community and his parents are against of our marriage, initially he said i will convence them but later on accepted his mothers wish but then again came back to me saying he loves me than later on again accepted a another arrange marriage proposal, i am not sure what is wrong with him , what does he want, we have such a happy fun loving relationship like best friends and we enjoy we others time a lot i just dont get it what does he want

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not sure what is wrong with him? You are in relationship with someone who cannot make a commitment and will get swayed by what others say.
He wants all the nice moments and fun times and not the commitment part. Huge red flag for you!
Guard yourself now and be smart to not give in anymore to him; it's possible that he may go ahead and listen to what his mother says and you will end up getting hurt even more. Take care of that...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

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Relationship
 Hi Anu Ji,I am in a relationship with a guy from one year who is from a different state and different background. I am from north and he is from South. As of now the relationship is perfect when we both are together but I am stressed about my future as this guy had warned me that future is very difficult due to family issues and all. Our relationship also started on a very different note. We were close friends for a few years and then got close over a few incidents. I have gone out all the way to put my efforts in the relation because it looked picture perfect what I was creating. He has given me no promises of the future telling things are very different in our state. Earlier he used to ask me to be casual, but both of us know that my nature is not casual, he has apologised also feeling that he is wasting my time.He also asked if I want to look for a proper marriage partner.. all his words show this and makes me scared that in future we will be separated.On the contrary his actions are so sweet and romantic. Multiple times I thought I should think straight and leave but I guess I am too attached and so is he.My parents keep on pushing for rishtas as I am in prime age to be married, and I am only delaying this because of this guy, what should I do? Why are his actions and words not in sync. I have also informed my parents about him. If he is not willing to take it forward he should leave me and go na. Why should I initiate any breakup when I like my life with him.Help me with ways to talk sense into this guy so that he has courage to take us up at his home and family.Any guidance will be helpful. Please keep it anonymous.
Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

  • How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
  • Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
  • How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Im a 21 years old telugu girl and my boyfriend is 34 yrs tamil guy. He's smart, good looking and well settled. My family doesn't support for love marriage. He's the best and gentleman i ever dated. He cares for me and supports me and intendes to marry me after a year. He's ready to talk to my parents about us but im afraid. My family is orthodox and conventional. They strictly follow the traditional values, castes and customs etc. Apart from this, age gap is a big issue as well. I dont want to disappoint my parents as well as my boyfriend. Whenever i say that our relationship doesn't work, he gets mood off and avoids to talk about it further. He's saying that he'll take of everything when the right time comes of. I dont know what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Someone will be disappointed; so learn to deal with that...
An ideal life where everyone is happy around you is an unrealistic expectation.
So, let your boyfriend talk to your parents...yes, your parents may disapprove, and if they do, figure out how you are going to tackle that. if you have boyfriend who is moody, know that he is at an age where he is not interested in drama and wants things to go a particular way. Is he willing to be patient through your parents' disapproval and work with it? Make sure to let him know that avoiding a topic, upsets you and watch how he reacts to it.

Also, have you thought of your future? You are 21...where is your career in all of this? Do focus on that as well...It will help you steady your mind and instill a lot of confidence to deal with challenges.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |73 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship from past 2 yrs with a guy from the same caste. Initially when we just talked he asked me directly for marriage but only if our kundali matches. He asked me if I trust on kundali. I answered yes bcz I wasn't in love with him then. He told he too trusts on kundali. Months passed and once he proposed me I too accepted bcz till then we really liked each other. After 1.5 yrs his mother contacted my mother for marriage proposal. Our mothers didn't know anything about our relationship, they both know each other. I asked him that we should tell our parents about us. He said let them do as per they want when time comes we will tell them. I agreed upon this but our kundali didn't match so I told him that we should tell now. But now he is saying that the kundali isn't matching we can't marry. He's been very caring, understanding towards me. Also he tells me that the kundali is not matching something bad can happen so this marriage can't happen. Otherwise why would he reject a girl he loves. I really cannot cope with this. I'm crying day n night but he tells me that there's no use of crying breakup happens in everyone's life, we can keep the relationship till any of us get married after that we'll stay friends. I'm with u always. These lines of him are tearing me apart bcz I haven't seen him being this much practical, or he really doesn't care about me, about our relationship.
Ans: Hello mam,
I am sorry that you have to go through all this stuff. I do understand that in India, it is difficult to go along with auch kind of stuff. If the person whom you want to marry is not ready to take stand for you and go against the kundali system, then there is no fun in crying for him or waiting for him. Love relationships are always two sided. Now if he feela that break up is a normal thing for him, then I would suggest you that you should also move on. There is no compulsion that you think of marriage right now but rather you should go ahead with your studies and carrer. At the right time, you will find your right partner.
I hope this helps. Plz write to me regarding your education and what do you want to pursue further?
Waiting for your reply.
Take care
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My boyfriend is of a complete different religion and caste as mine. We met at work. In my past i have had only one relationship in which i got cheated on....so was skeptical on dating again. Now its been 8 months in this new relationship where he convinced me to give a try. He's a gem of a person but now he is telling melive in the present i dont know about the future. I love you n want to date you but idk about the future if my family wants me with someone i may have to end this. What do i do i am so attached for he has given me all the love n care. Please help
Ans: Right now, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you’re looking for a committed future and he’s unsure, it’s essential to recognize that this uncertainty may continue to cause you pain. If you choose to stay, prepare yourself for the possibility that his family might influence his decision, and it could end in heartbreak. On the other hand, if you feel that the love and care he’s giving you right now are worth the risk, then decide to cherish the present moment while being mentally prepared for whatever may come.

Have an open and heartfelt conversation with him. Let him know how his uncertainty makes you feel, without pressuring him for a commitment. This isn’t about forcing him to decide but about understanding each other’s emotional needs and boundaries. If he truly values the relationship, this conversation might give him a deeper perspective on how his indecision affects you.

It’s important to protect your emotional well-being. If his stance remains the same and you find yourself growing more anxious and hurt by the uncertainty, then you might have to consider whether staying is good for your mental and emotional health. Sometimes letting go, even when it hurts, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear madam I have this suitaution in my life. Plz do guide me with this. So i have 2 married sisters and a brother with who i dont get along well. We used to be close back then. Later on my father passed away and then i got busy searching work. After getting work i got carried away with my newly found friendship with a boy i started spending much on him rather then my family. But still then i never neglected my family every kind of help i tried to give them. In the meanwhile i used to take care of my bedridden grandmother who used to stay in another state. Then my second sister started feeding everyone's mind against me saying i dont help them with money and i spend most on my grandmother and cousin. Though my sister were earning well still they waited me to spend on them which i stopped by then as they were earning. And there used to be a real good fight with my sisters and me regarding money issue and als my marriage thing and i gave them bitter words and also curses which i regret to this day thinking how could i do hated thing to my family .In next few years my sister got married but my second sister never invited me for her marriage and did all her wedding plans in my absence and i als never attended her wedding. I attended my 3rd sister wedding. After that my second sister plotted a plan against me by taking everyone on her side and kept me out of all the family functions. I just ignored them and decided to never to get bothered by any of this. Now the problem my 3rd sister is pregnant and they have planned a babyshower and like they are just telling me to attend it. To be honest they just told me a day before the function. How to handle this. Should i attend? And how to deal with such kind of people they seem to take advantage of my helpless. Please guide me on how to become a strong girl while taking desicion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Learn the skill of staying away from all this drama. If you felt secure with who you are, you wouldn't think much whether you got invited or not. Do remember, people will be on your side sometimes and not on your side at other times. This goes for friends are family; so learn to be comfortable with that...
What you did for your grandmother is a choice that you made; why expect anything in return?
Life lived with least expectations is certainly a happier life...counting what people did or didn't do will take away your peace!
Real strength is not in fighting it out but knowing when to walk away from constant drama.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, What is the best % of SWP one can think of from Portfolio value. I am retired now and have say 1 Cr as MF and Share portfolio. I want to go for 40000 SWP per month thereby making 4.8% as SWP. If this is good to have this for 15 yrs
Ans: Your question shows great care for your financial future. Many retirees ignore this step. You have already taken a wise move. You want steady income. You want safety. You want long life for your money. These are very important points. I truly appreciate your clarity.

» Understanding your present plan
Your idea is simple. You have Rs 1 crore. You want Rs 40000 each month. This means Rs 4.8 lakh each year. That is 4.8 percent of your money. This is not very high. This is not very low. It sits in the middle range. Many retirees try for 7 or 8 percent. That can put pressure on the portfolio. Your 4.8 percent is more reasonable. It supports discipline. It keeps stress low.

Your idea is for 15 years. That is a good time frame. It gives space for your funds to grow. It gives time for market cycles. It also gives time for inflation adjustments.

» Why withdrawal rate matters
Your SWP rate decides how long your money will last. A high rate can drain funds soon. A very low rate may not support your monthly needs. Your 4.8 percent sits well. It balances life needs and portfolio health.

When you draw money from a mixed portfolio, the growth side helps refill your withdrawn money. The stability side helps reduce fall during bad years. This mix helps the SWP stay steady.

» Why a proper structure is important
A SWP is not only a monthly withdrawal. It is a full system. The system needs planning. It needs regular reviews. It needs a clear asset split. It needs a cushion for weak market years.

If you set this structure well now, your SWP can stay safe. Your money can stretch for many years. You can keep peace of mind.

» The importance of a balanced mix
Your portfolio may hold equity funds, hybrid funds, and debt funds. A clear mix reduces risk. It gives smooth cash flow. Equity gives growth. Debt gives steady flow. Hybrid gives balance.

Because you want monthly income for 15 years, you need a balance that supports steady SWP. A pure equity plan can shake too much. A pure debt plan may not grow at a good pace. A balanced mix is ideal.

» Equity funds need careful use
Some investors put large money in equity for SWP. This can work in strong markets. This can fail in weak markets. Your SWP must survive both market moods. That is why pure equity for SWP is not safe.

Also, you should prefer actively managed funds over index funds for long SWP. Index funds follow the index blindly. They do not manage risk actively. They cannot adjust to market cycles. Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager. A skilled manager helps in limiting risk in low years. This helps protect principal in SWP years. This support is not present in index funds.

» Debt funds form the stabiliser
Debt funds bring peace to the portfolio. They help during bad market years. They help the SWP stay steady. Because debt funds follow market rates, they work as the anchor. For SWP, this anchor is very helpful.

If you use direct debt funds, you must remember that direct funds need more tracking. They need active reviews by you. Many retired investors find this hard. Regular plans taken through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill provide guidance. Regular plans also give handholding. This handholding helps avoid wrong exits.

» How to view your Rs 40000 monthly need
You may need some money for basic needs. You may need some money for health care. You may need some money for family support. You may need some money for personal comfort. Rs 40000 per month seems a balanced number.

It does not put too much pressure on the money. It is not a very heavy load. It fits well with a Rs 1 crore fund.

» Inflation needs attention
Inflation will rise. Costs will rise. Your need will rise. Your SWP should rise slowly over time. You cannot fix your SWP for 15 years at one number. That may reduce your buying power.

A small rise every two or three years will help you beat inflation. This rise must be slow. It must match your portfolio growth.

» Risk of sharp market falls
Sharp falls can disturb SWP. A sudden big drop in equity value can pull down your portfolio. This may cause you to withdraw when market is low. That is not good. To fix this, you need enough stability in your mix.

A proper allocation in debt funds and hybrid funds can reduce this issue. You will get smoother cash flow. You will not have to worry about market news every day.

» Role of emergency money
Please keep an emergency amount. Keep this aside. Do not include it in your SWP plan. You may need money for urgent health needs. You may need money for home needs. Emergency funds help you avoid sudden selling.

A good emergency fund gives peace. It protects your SWP from sudden shocks.

» Tax rules for withdrawals
Every SWP withdrawal may include some gains. Tax will apply based on the type of fund and the gain period. This tax can have impact on net flow. You must plan for this in your withdrawal design.

Equity fund rules:

Gains under one year are short-term. These are taxed at 20 percent.

Gains above one year are long-term. Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5 percent.

Debt fund rules:

Both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

This tax part should not scare you. A proper plan can reduce the tax burden. A planned SWP can help you manage gains carefully.

» Why a Certified Financial Planner helps
You may handle small things by yourself. But retirement planning is delicate. One wrong move can disturb the whole plan. A Certified Financial Planner gives a clear road map. He helps you set the best mix. He reviews the plan every year. He adjusts the plan for market and life events.

This guidance is very useful in SWP because SWP needs discipline.

» Why not consider real estate
Some retirees think of using real estate for income. But real estate needs heavy work. It needs tenant work. It needs repair work. It needs legal care. It gives lumpy income. It gives no steady flow. So it is not fit for SWP planning.

Your present goal is steady income. Real estate will not give this.

» Why not consider annuities
Annuities give fixed income. But they lock your money. They give low returns. They do not beat inflation well. They reduce flexibility. For these reasons, they are not ideal for your long-term income.

Your idea of SWP with balanced mix is better.

» Keeping your portfolio healthy for 15 years
To keep your portfolio safe for 15 years, you must follow some habits:

Review every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust asset mix if needed.

Increase SWP amount slowly.

Reduce SWP for one or two years if markets fall very deep.

Protect your money from emotional moves.

Keep a two-year buffer in a low-risk fund.

Keep your growth part running for long.

These habits help your money last for the full 15-year horizon.

» Regular review helps you adapt
Markets will change. Your health may change. Your needs may change. A yearly review will help align your plan. It will help spot issues early. It will help guide the next year’s SWP.

Without reviews, even good plans can fail.

» Why a two-year cushion helps
A cushion fund is a simple idea. Keep two years of SWP in a low-risk debt fund. This money helps you draw income even in bad market years. You will not need to sell equity in weak phases. This protects your overall money. This makes your SWP more stable.

This cushion fund is an extra shield. It supports your 15-year income plan.

» Role of diversification
Your SWP works best when your portfolio is spread well. A spread can include:

Actively managed equity funds.

Hybrid funds.

Debt funds.

This spread reduces risk. It gives smoothness. It supports long-term income.

Avoid using too many funds. Keep it simple. A small number of quality funds is better.

» How your 4.8 percent looks in practice
A 4.8 percent withdrawal rate is comfortable for a 15-year horizon. If you follow discipline, your money will not face heavy pressure. If your portfolio grows at a steady pace, your principal will not erode fast. Even if growth shifts between years, the mixed structure will protect you.

Your plan is workable. It is sensible. It is future-friendly.

» Mistakes to avoid
Here are some mistakes you should avoid:

Do not chase high-return funds.

Do not raise SWP sharply in one year.

Do not keep too much money in equity.

Do not stop reviews.

Do not shift funds often without reason.

Do not look at direct plans if you prefer guidance.

These mistakes can disturb your portfolio health. Your SWP may suffer.

» Why not use direct funds if you need support
Direct plans give lower cost. But they give no guidance. Retired investors often need guidance. They need reviews. They need discipline. A regular plan through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill gives support. It prevents panic reactions. This support is valuable in low market years.

» Healthy mindset for SWP
Try to see your SWP as a long journey. It needs calm mind. It needs steady steps. It needs slow corrections. It needs patience. If you stay steady, your SWP will stay healthy. You will enjoy peace.

» Practical steps you can start now
You may start with these steps:

Set clear needs for each year.

Fix a proper asset split.

Create a cushion fund for two years.

Start SWP from a low-risk fund or hybrid fund.

Keep equity for growth.

Add small hikes in SWP every few years.

This system supports long-term income.

» How your plan supports a joyful retired life
Your plan helps you live with comfort. It gives predictable cash flow. It gives you freedom from worry. It gives you clarity. You can focus on health, family, and peace. You do not need to watch markets each day.

Your retirement life becomes balanced.

» Final Insights
Your idea of taking Rs 40000 per month from a Rs 1 crore portfolio at 4.8 percent is workable. It fits well for a 15-year horizon. It supports your income. It protects your money if you set a balanced mix. You must follow steady reviews. You must keep a small cushion. You must avoid risky moves.

With these practices, your SWP plan can stay healthy for many years. Your future can stay peaceful and steady. You have already taken the right first step. Your clarity gives your plan strong power.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2025Hindi
Career
Is it worthwhile being an mbbs only doctor in India or is pg necessary as somebody who cannot toil 24-36 hours (as is the case with hospital duties) and is not well adequate for working under somebody and then do you still have to study after mbbs to level up or will you be contented with just mbbs. Pls don't answer objectively i really need to see the real picture
Ans: Hi Dr.
Recently, I've seen many different comments on social media suggesting that finding a job after completing an MBBS is very difficult, with some graduates even working as delivery boys.

I believe MBBS is one of the few courses that allows for immediate entrepreneurship after graduation, while other fields often require additional support to start a business. Many medical shop owners are willing to provide a small space for consultations, which is not typically an option for graduates in other disciplines.

If you are financially constrained, it may be wise to stop after completing your MBBS degree for the time being. However, pursuing a postgraduate degree (PG) significantly increases your opportunities, including potential roles in the pharmaceutical industry. Without a PG, your options may be limited. It's akin to the difference between a normal grocery store and a supermarket: completing a PG can lead to positions in corporate medical hospitals.

Initially, you might consider working at a smaller practice or in the government sector before pursuing higher education. While having an MBBS degree allows you to offer consultations, having a PG provides you with more credibility and knowledge. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and don’t worry about others—proceed based on your own abilities and circumstances.
BEST WISHES.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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