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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi there, I am in physically and emotionally love with my cousin sister who is 20 years younger to me, is it normal

Ans: The concept of romantic or sexual feelings toward a cousin, regardless of the age difference, is generally considered socially and culturally taboo in many places. Most societies have strict prohibitions against incestuous relationships, and this includes relationships between close relatives such as cousins. love or attraction towards a cousin, especially one with a significant age difference, can be complicated. It's essential to recognize that societal and cultural norms vary, and perspectives on cousin relationships can differ as well. In many cultures, romantic or intimate relationships between close relatives, even if distant cousins, may be viewed as socially unacceptable.Relationships with a large age gap can raise concerns about power dynamics and the potential for exploitation. it's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect for the boundaries of the relationship Remember that it's natural for people to experience a range of emotions, and seeking support can be an important step in understanding and addressing these feelings appropriately.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Relationship
Hello . I had a physical relationship with my first cousin sister in my teens .We were in love and wanted to marry too. But obviously it was not possible.Now we have started talking again . And I want to have this relationship again as I really desire her . Is it ok to go ahead ?I am 58..She is 53. I am divorced . She is married . Please advise .
Ans: Dear Aasheesh,

You’re 58 now, divorced, and perhaps seeking a meaningful connection or revisiting something that felt unfinished. She, however, is married. This is an important factor to consider deeply. Any attempt to reignite a romantic or physical relationship would not only involve her but also impact her spouse, her family, and potentially her sense of stability and well-being. While your feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment, so too are the commitments and responsibilities she has in her life now.

It’s also important to reflect on why these feelings are resurfacing now. Is it about her specifically, or is it more about reconnecting with a time in your life that felt exciting, safe, or deeply connected? Sometimes, our desire to rekindle a past relationship stems from wanting to recapture the emotions and experiences associated with it, rather than the person themselves. Understanding this distinction can help you clarify what you truly want and whether pursuing it is the right path.

If you feel the urge to express your feelings, I would encourage you to do so with honesty and respect, but only in a way that doesn’t cross boundaries or disrupt her life. You could share how much that connection meant to you and how happy you are to be back in touch. However, I would advise against pursuing a physical or romantic relationship unless her circumstances change, and even then, it would require careful consideration from both of you.

Ultimately, this is a moment to reflect on what you truly need and value at this stage in your life. If you’re yearning for love and connection, there are ways to explore this that honor both your past and the present realities of your lives. Perhaps it’s worth exploring these feelings further with a therapist or counselor, as they can provide a safe and supportive space to delve deeper into what this relationship represents for you and how best to navigate it.

You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and so does she. The key is finding a path forward that honors both.

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Me married from last 5years. But from last 10months me and my wife having disputes. Any reason
Ans: One possibility is communication breakdown. Over time, couples may fall into patterns where they no longer communicate as openly or effectively as they once did. Misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or unspoken feelings can lead to tension and disputes. It’s important to reflect on whether you both are expressing your thoughts and emotions clearly and listening to each other with empathy.

Another potential factor could be unmet needs or changes in individual priorities. As people grow and evolve, their needs, desires, and priorities may shift. If these changes are not acknowledged or discussed, it can create friction. Consider whether you or your wife feel that certain emotional, physical, or practical needs are not being met.

Stress from external factors, such as work, finances, or family issues, can also spill over into the relationship. If either of you is experiencing significant stress, it might contribute to increased irritability or conflict. Identifying these stressors and finding ways to manage them together can be helpful.

Changes in intimacy or connection can also lead to disputes. Emotional or physical intimacy might wane due to various reasons, such as busy schedules, health issues, or unresolved conflicts. It’s important to nurture the bond and find ways to reconnect.

Lastly, unresolved past issues can resurface and cause ongoing disputes. If there are lingering resentments or unresolved conflicts, they might continue to affect the relationship. It’s crucial to address these issues constructively, possibly with the help of a couples counselor if needed.

Reflecting on these areas and having open, honest conversations with your wife can help you both understand the root causes of your disputes. Working together to rebuild communication, connection, and trust can guide you toward a healthier, more harmonious relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |477 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Im married from last 3 months and we are from very conservative family. My wife and i never met before marriage and after marriage i asked her she had relationship before marriage but she denied. But after 3 months i received a call from her ex that she had relationship with him he had physical relationship with her atleast for 5 years straight and she had 2 bf before him too what should i do now with this information?
Ans: allow yourself to process your feelings. It's normal to feel a range of emotions—shock, hurt, confusion, or even betrayal. Give yourself the space to sit with these emotions without rushing to any immediate decisions or confrontations.

Consider the source of this information. An ex-partner might have motives that are not aligned with the best interests of your marriage. It's crucial to evaluate the credibility of the information and not act solely on a third-party account.

Open, honest communication with your wife is key. Instead of approaching the conversation with accusations, try to express your feelings and concerns calmly. Let her share her perspective and feelings. This conversation is not just about the past, but about building trust and understanding in your relationship moving forward.

Reflect on the importance of your wife's past in the context of your marriage. Everyone has a history, and it's essential to consider how much weight you want to place on past relationships versus the present and future you are building together. Focus on your current connection, values, and shared goals.

If this information continues to weigh heavily on you, consider seeking professional support. A couples counselor can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and help you both navigate this challenge. Counseling can also strengthen your communication, trust, and emotional intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision on how to move forward lies with you both. Reflect on the foundation of your relationship, your shared values, and your vision for the future. It's about understanding, forgiveness, and whether you both are committed to growing together despite the challenges.

...Read more

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