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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
AVINASH Question by AVINASH on Nov 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

HI, I am married person aged 45 , i am in a relation with girl who used to work in our office , now she is working somewhere else, but we are in still in touch only in calls and whats app, from last 4-5 months she is asking help me out her form some financial crysis, i am helping her also. but she is treating me like second grade citizen after i am helping her financially and talks me rudely. few time we had heated arguments also, we never had physical relation, whether i should contine or not.

Ans: Dear Avinash,
Your situation is complex, involving both emotional and financial aspects. Reflect on your priorities and values. Consider the impact this relationship may have on your overall well-being, your marriage, and your personal life. It's important to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you are comfortable doing so, consider discussing your feelings and concerns with your spouse. Open communication is crucial in maintaining trust and understanding in a marriage.Consider the long-term prospects of this relationship. If it is causing more harm than good, it may be worth reevaluating whether continuing the relationship aligns with your personal goals and values. Evaluate the nature of the financial assistance you are providing. If you feel taken advantage of or if the person is not appreciative of your help, it's crucial to reassess whether continued financial support is appropriate. Establish clear boundaries regarding your relationship, especially given your marital status. If the relationship is causing strain on your marriage or personal well-being, consider whether those boundaries need to be adjusted or reinforced.
Remember, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of those around you. If the relationship is causing distress or negatively impacting your life, it may be time to reassess and make decisions that are in your best interest. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide valuable perspectives during challenging times.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

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Relationship
HI, I am married person aged 45 , i am in a relation with girl who used to work in our office , now she is working somewhere else, but we are in still in touch only in calls and whats app, from last 4-5 months she is asking help me out her form some financial crysis, i am helping her also. but she is treating me like second grade citizen after i am helping her financially and talks me rudely. few time we had heated arguments also, we never had physical relation, whether i should contine or not.
Ans: Dear Avinash,
Your situation is complex, involving both emotional and financial aspects. Reflect on your priorities and values. Consider the impact this relationship may have on your overall well-being, your marriage, and your personal life. It's important to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you are comfortable doing so, consider discussing your feelings and concerns with your spouse. Open communication is crucial in maintaining trust and understanding in a marriage.Consider the long-term prospects of this relationship. If it is causing more harm than good, it may be worth reevaluating whether continuing the relationship aligns with your personal goals and values. Evaluate the nature of the financial assistance you are providing. If you feel taken advantage of or if the person is not appreciative of your help, it's crucial to reassess whether continued financial support is appropriate. Establish clear boundaries regarding your relationship, especially given your marital status. If the relationship is causing strain on your marriage or personal well-being, consider whether those boundaries need to be adjusted or reinforced.
Remember, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of those around you. If the relationship is causing distress or negatively impacting your life, it may be time to reassess and make decisions that are in your best interest. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide valuable perspectives during challenging times.

PS: I have replied this question earlier also

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear Madam, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, sometime cakes on birthdays for her and for her 2 daughters, for late father's, own mother even though her mother stays in different city, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems that you are happy in your marriage, then why are you afraid to tell this lady the same?
From what you have shared, she had associations with other men also while in her marriage and you are another one. Do you not get the feeling that she is using you for her needs or are you so fond of her that this has not occurred to you?
And also, you are not responsible for her life, her money or anything...what exactly are you getting by staying in touch with her? Please ask yourself this question and also if it is worth risking your marriage for all this?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

Hope this helps

...Read more

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