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Is My Marriage Over? My Wife Is Talking to Her Ex-Boyfriend and Planning a Trip With Him

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Madam I am married in 2011 with blessed by 2 kids. our marriage was arrange and before our marriage we talk around 9 months together recently in July I got a news from my close relative that my wife is talking with EX Boyfriend with the help of his sister. I really shocked and sad when I listen this. she also planning to go outside of city with him for 10 days. The person is friendly with his mother side family also. my wife never talks with me for 1 months. After this what should I do .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This must be addressed and quickly as well. Where is your wife's mind at? What is her sister doing in all of this? What makes your wife leave her family and go on this trip?
Ask her, listen to her...reasoning out may not be the best option as she's surely got her emotions invested in this guy; so tread carefully...you need to lure your wife back, so do not do anything to make her jump into his arms, but do what is needed to make her look back and find her bearings back with her family.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |144 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me
Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Im married from last 3 months and we are from very conservative family. My wife and i never met before marriage and after marriage i asked her she had relationship before marriage but she denied. But after 3 months i received a call from her ex that she had relationship with him he had physical relationship with her atleast for 5 years straight and she had 2 bf before him too what should i do now with this information?
Ans: allow yourself to process your feelings. It's normal to feel a range of emotions—shock, hurt, confusion, or even betrayal. Give yourself the space to sit with these emotions without rushing to any immediate decisions or confrontations.

Consider the source of this information. An ex-partner might have motives that are not aligned with the best interests of your marriage. It's crucial to evaluate the credibility of the information and not act solely on a third-party account.

Open, honest communication with your wife is key. Instead of approaching the conversation with accusations, try to express your feelings and concerns calmly. Let her share her perspective and feelings. This conversation is not just about the past, but about building trust and understanding in your relationship moving forward.

Reflect on the importance of your wife's past in the context of your marriage. Everyone has a history, and it's essential to consider how much weight you want to place on past relationships versus the present and future you are building together. Focus on your current connection, values, and shared goals.

If this information continues to weigh heavily on you, consider seeking professional support. A couples counselor can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and help you both navigate this challenge. Counseling can also strengthen your communication, trust, and emotional intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision on how to move forward lies with you both. Reflect on the foundation of your relationship, your shared values, and your vision for the future. It's about understanding, forgiveness, and whether you both are committed to growing together despite the challenges.

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025
Relationship
Hi i am a married woman aged 45 years, i am happily married and have a loving husband. My husband travels a lot due to work and my son is studying in college in Pune. Everything was going fine in my life, but few months back a MBA graduate boy 23 years joined our office in my team. He had to report to me, and our company send us for sales corporatemeetings to Mumbai and other cities often. Gradually we became close and he confessed he had a crush on me. I was falttered but told him i am much older and married. Although i was very flattered that he found me attractive. I am tall 5ft 7 inches and kept myself very fit and always men keep hitting on me but i always ignore them. On our last trip together we went for a meal and had a few drinks together. Then i told him i was sleepy and needed to go to my room. He accompanied to my room and had a coffee. I had a bavk ache and he said he can massage me for 5 mins. I hesitantly agreed during the massage one thing led to another and we had sex and since then we have started having sex whenever we travel togther often. He says he truly loves me but for next 5 years he cannot marry anyone. I have now started loving him a lot i often fight with my husband. I want to continue this affair but am afraid if my husband finds out or if people in office come to know. Strangely another young man in office has starterd showing interest in me and asked me out for a coffee. He also says he likes me a lot anf is caring, I am confused shall i also go for a simple coffee. what if my husband or younger boyfriend find out. Is what i am doing wrong, i just want to live my life fully am i wrong ???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you do not have an open marriage, then what you are doing is certainly wrong. When has cheating ever been right? Especially when you did not mention anything wrong with your husband. I am not judging you; but I would suggest that if you want to keep this up, you either come clean to your husband or let him go. This isn't fair. You living your life to the fullest should not harm or hurt others.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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I am selling my 3bhk flat around 6000000 is it compulsory to invest that money in other property? if i want to invest it what is the best options available to avoid tax?
Ans: Selling a property attracts capital gains tax. Since your flat is a long-term capital asset (held for more than 2 years), the Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) tax rate is 20% with indexation.

LTCG Calculation = Sale Price - Indexed Cost of Acquisition
Tax Payable = 20% on the LTCG amount
However, you can avoid paying tax by reinvesting the capital gains under certain sections of the Income Tax Act.

Ways to Save Capital Gains Tax
1. Reinvest in Another Residential Property (Section 54)
If you buy another residential property within 2 years or construct within 3 years, you get an exemption on the LTCG amount.
The new property must be in India and should be held for at least 3 years.
If you sell it before 3 years, the exemption is reversed.
? Best for: Those who want to own another property.

2. Invest in Capital Gains Bonds (Section 54EC)
You can invest up to Rs 50 lakhs in NHAI or REC capital gains bonds within 6 months of sale.
The lock-in period is 5 years.
Interest is taxable but the capital gains are exempt.
? Best for: Those who want a risk-free investment with tax savings.

3. Deposit in Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS)
If you haven’t decided where to invest, deposit the LTCG in a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS) before the IT return filing deadline.
This gives you time to buy property or construct a house.
The funds must be used within 3 years, or they become taxable.
? Best for: Those who need time before investing in real estate.

Other Investment Options (But No Tax Exemption)
If you don’t reinvest in property or bonds, the LTCG amount will be taxed at 20%. You can still invest the remaining amount in:

Mutual Funds – Equity funds for long-term growth
Fixed Deposits – Safe returns but fully taxable
Stock Market – High risk, high return potential
These options do not offer tax exemption but help grow wealth.

Final Insights
If you want tax-free gains, reinvest in property or capital gains bonds.
If you don’t want to lock funds, pay LTCG tax and invest in other assets.
Use the Capital Gains Account Scheme if you need time to decide.
Plan based on your financial goals and liquidity needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Dear Sir, i'm 27 years old and wish to retire by 50. I live in my own home and investing 50k monthly sip to below funds from past 1 year. 20k tata small cap/ 10k parag parekh flexi cap/ 20k motilal oswal mid cap. Could you please guide me in long term if this would be sustainable or require some adjustments in funds or distribution? I'm hoping for higher returns to have enough big corpse at the time of retirement so not included large cap funds.
Ans: You are investing early, which is a great decision. Your goal of retiring at 50 is ambitious. A strong investment strategy will help achieve it.

Current Investment Overview
SIP Contribution – Rs 50,000 per month
Fund Allocation
Small Cap – Rs 20,000
Mid Cap – Rs 20,000
Flexi Cap – Rs 10,000
Investment Duration – 1 year completed
Key Observations
1. High Risk Allocation – Need for Balance
Your portfolio is heavily tilted toward small and mid caps.
These funds offer high returns but come with volatility.
A more balanced allocation will reduce risk.
2. Absence of Large Cap Exposure
Large caps provide stability in market downturns.
A portion of the portfolio should be in large-cap funds.
This will reduce portfolio fluctuations over time.
3. Flexi Cap Fund – Good Choice for Diversification
This fund type adjusts between market caps.
It provides flexibility based on market conditions.
Retain this fund for better risk management.
Recommended Adjustments
1. Optimizing Fund Distribution
Reduce small-cap allocation from Rs 20,000 to Rs 15,000.
Reduce mid-cap allocation from Rs 20,000 to Rs 15,000.
Add a large-cap fund with Rs 10,000 allocation.
Increase flexi-cap allocation from Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000.
2. Adding Debt for Stability
As you get closer to retirement, reduce equity exposure.
Start a small allocation in debt funds after 40.
This will ensure capital protection.
3. Tax Planning Considerations
Capital gains tax will apply when you redeem funds.
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Plan withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner.
Final Insights
Continue SIPs with a more balanced allocation.
Add large-cap funds for stability.
Include debt funds closer to retirement.
Plan tax-efficient withdrawals in the future.
This strategy will ensure a strong retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Hi ... I have been very bad a financial planning and have been living the good life without really bothering about the future. I am 48 and work with a MNC and make around 4.5L per month after taxes. I am married with a 17 yr old son who's in 11th. I currently have savings in my bank and equity to the tune of 35L. I have been investing around 80K per month in SIP's for the last 3 years. I have an apartment which is worth around 4cr now and I have a home loan of around 1cr remaining on it. In addition, I have a personal loan of around 40L taken for home interiors (4 more years pending on it). I feel I am not really set up well for my retirement. What would you suggest? My monthly expenses after all this do not have any room for savings.
Ans: You have a strong income and investments. But high loans are affecting savings. You need a structured plan to reduce debt and secure retirement.

Current Financial Overview
Income

Rs 4.5 lakh per month after taxes
Investments & Savings

Rs 35 lakh in bank and equity
Rs 80,000 SIP per month (3 years)
Assets

Apartment worth Rs 4 crore
Loans

Home loan: Rs 1 crore remaining
Personal loan: Rs 40 lakh (4 years left)
Expenses

No room for additional savings after all expenses
Key Financial Concerns
1. Home Loan & Personal Loan – Priority on Repayment
Loan EMIs are affecting savings.
Reduce home loan tenure by increasing EMI, if possible.
Try to prepay the personal loan first. It has a higher interest rate.
Avoid taking more loans until these are cleared.
2. Retirement Planning – Building a Strong Corpus
Your current savings are low for retirement. You need a better plan.

Increase SIPs when personal loan is cleared.
Allocate funds across equity and debt for long-term growth.
Consider PPF, EPF, and debt funds for stability.
Gradually move funds to safer investments as retirement nears.
3. Son’s Higher Education – Plan Early
Your son will enter college in two years. You need a dedicated fund.

Start a separate SIP to cover education costs.
Use debt funds for short-term needs.
Avoid withdrawing from retirement savings for education.
4. Insurance – Protect Your Finances
Ensure you have term insurance of at least Rs 1.5 crore.
Maintain health insurance for family with a high cover.
Avoid traditional insurance plans with low returns.
Final Insights
Focus on repaying personal loan first.
Prepay the home loan gradually for financial freedom.
Increase SIPs once debt reduces.
Start a dedicated education fund for your son.
Build a diversified retirement corpus with equity and debt.
A disciplined approach will secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Hello Sir, I am 49 Yrs of Age and working in Private Firm in Mid Management. Today my monthly expenditure is around 40000 and wants to retire at the age of 59-60. But my daughter is of 4 yrs only . As on date I invest on SIP - Monthly 40K and Equity - 1.5 Lks.. Portfolio of around 19 Lks. I have purchased two Flats -01 is free debt and on another Housing Loan of 21lks is upto 2032. FD is of around 35Lkhs. PF balance is of now- 22lkhs and PPF of Rs 6 lkh . Mediclaim for family of 50lkhs per year. Under 80 C - monthly premium of around 25 K along with terms plan of 50Lkhs. I want to purchase open plot in Nagpur for investment and future planning, Funds i will use from FD of around 25 Lks..is this wise decision? Also I have 35 lks parental Property but it will transfer to me after 10 Yrs .....Pls advise how to secure my daughter future and his education and also post retirement my expenditure.
Ans: You have a well-structured portfolio with SIPs, equity investments, FDs, and real estate. Your focus on retirement at 59-60 and securing your daughter’s future is crucial. Let’s assess your financial standing and guide you towards a more structured approach.

Current Financial Overview
Investments

SIP: Rs 40,000 per month
Equity: Rs 1.5 lakh lump sum investment
Total Portfolio: Rs 19 lakh
Real Estate

One flat is debt-free
Second flat has a Rs 21 lakh home loan till 2032
Fixed Deposits

Rs 35 lakh in FD
Provident Fund & PPF

PF Balance: Rs 22 lakh
PPF: Rs 6 lakh
Insurance & Tax Savings

Mediclaim: Rs 50 lakh per year
Life Insurance: Rs 50 lakh term plan
Monthly insurance premium under 80C: Rs 25,000
Future Real Estate Plan

Planning to invest Rs 25 lakh in an open plot in Nagpur
Parental Property

Rs 35 lakh property expected to be transferred in 10 years
Key Financial Considerations
1. Should You Invest Rs 25 Lakh in an Open Plot?
Real estate is not liquid, making it difficult to use in emergencies.
Selling at the right price may take years.
Property maintenance and legal issues can add costs.
Instead, consider investing in equity or mutual funds for higher flexibility.
It’s better to keep Rs 25 lakh diversified in liquid investments rather than real estate.

2. Retirement Planning – Securing Post-Retirement Expenses
Your current monthly expense is Rs 40,000. This will rise due to inflation. You need a solid retirement corpus.

Continue SIPs and Increase Contribution Yearly

Rs 40,000 SIPs are good, but increase them by 10% yearly.
This ensures long-term wealth creation.
Allocate FD Funds Wisely

FD returns are low and taxable.
Shift a portion to equity and hybrid funds for better growth.
Utilise PF and PPF Efficiently

PF will grow by retirement but won’t be enough alone.
Continue PPF for stable, tax-free returns.
Debt Fund Investments for Stability

Gradually move funds to debt funds five years before retirement.
This protects against market volatility.
Health Insurance is Well-Planned

Rs 50 lakh mediclaim is a strong financial shield.
Ensure coverage continues post-retirement.
3. Planning for Your Daughter’s Future
Your daughter is just four years old. You need a structured education and marriage fund.

Start a Separate SIP for Her Education

Allocate at least Rs 15,000 per month in equity funds.
Increase by 10% annually to cover rising education costs.
Use Debt Funds for Short-Term Needs

For school fees or immediate expenses, use debt funds.
These are safer than FDs and provide better returns.
Avoid Child ULIPs or Traditional Insurance Plans

These give low returns with high charges.
Instead, use mutual funds for higher growth.
Consider a Sukanya Samriddhi Account

This provides tax-free returns and stability for long-term goals.
Invest a small portion to diversify savings.
Final Insights
Avoid investing Rs 25 lakh in an open plot.
Increase SIPs yearly and allocate part of FD funds to mutual funds.
Start a dedicated education fund for your daughter.
Focus on equity growth while gradually securing assets in debt before retirement.
With structured planning, you can achieve financial security for yourself and your daughter.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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