Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Prasad Question by Prasad on Dec 28, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Maam, I am in a process of awaiting divorce from my wife and now I am in a relationship with my previous girlfriend.She is also in a process of awaiting divorce from court.We are in touch from a year ago and we both are planning to marry and everything was working fine but suddenly there are so much misunderstandings happened as she is observing my belonging things (Bags,tiffin,etc.)in my absense and I found an old lemon wrapped in paper in my bag.She is confused whether to proceed for marriage or not as I think.I have doubt whether she has got any option for marry as she is continuously busy on call and messages from a few days ago.We also decided to talk face to face and clear misunderstandings but due to her birthday came today we have postponed the meeting.We are working in same office as I have joined her in my office per my reference. Please help me know what decision I should take about my life.I dont want to lose her as she is my first love which came in my life twice.Hoping for a effective suggestion.

Ans: Dear Prasad,
Past relationships may not necessarily be the same in the present. People change, situations change...
What would she get by 'observing' your belongings? I don't understand that!
If she is still unsure whether to go ahead with you or not, then you may just be another option for her to choose from. I suggest that you stop being too available to her and then watch...Allow her to feel your absence and this will make her appreciate your presence in her life. This will help her realize your value...Otherwise, just on a whim, she might decide and marry you when you never gave her a chance to know your worth!
Take a PAUSE, be a little unavailable and then watch how she responds to it...If she is truly in love with you, I am sure she will do what it takes to appreciate you and also learn to understand what she wants for herself in life.

All the best!
Asked on - Jan 08, 2024 | Answered on Jan 11, 2024
Listen
Ok ma'am...thanks..I am really observing her as she is in my office .day to day the face comes in front..but the thing is that she says that my parents are looking someone which they want and they wish ahe could marry with the person which they decide..but when she came in my life she told me that I am totally alone we can plan our future from here..but suddenly how can just a miracle happen??I was always planning for life with her...but now she is working in my office but she says we can't come in our relationship in future..so I am so much confused what to do ..I am executing the changes which I have promised her.but still I am not getting the clue whether to continue with her or not .she is totally on the closing...plz guide me
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Hasn't she told you that 'we can't come in our relationship in future'?
Which part of this sentence do you not understand? What more do you want her to say that will convince you that she is not interested in you?
That's why I had suggested that you become unavailable to her. If she has feelings, your absence may possibly make her want this relationship and it will be her turn to make things work...
But I get this feeling that you are in desperate space and want to hear that All is Well...No, it isn't for now...
Either with the space that you make will get her back in an appreciative way OR you will realize your own worth...either way, you will be better than what and where you are now...Hope this helps you get on the right path...

All the best!
Asked on - Jan 14, 2024 | Answered on Jan 15, 2024
Listen
Dear ma'am, As per your reply now I am observing that she is behaving with me as per our prior relationship..but in future I don't expect this thing again to happen in our life I just want to know that will she be my lifetime love for my whole life as my true life partner? I don't want any other unknown person to be my life partner..plz help me with my query
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Who knows the future? Can we predict it accurately?
If she has already declared: 'we can't come in our relationship in future'?, then what makes you go over this again and again?
It seems like you are more into her than she is into you...and one-sided relationships rarely work. You will only end up hurting yourself and question yourself on: What went wrong?
It's maybe time for you to explore your world more...who knows you might come across someone who appreciates you for who you are...
It's about chasing a known person who doesn't value you OVER giving a chance to an unknown person who values you. What makes better sense to you?

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Listen
I'M 40 years old man, i have had troubled childhood. I faced abuse from my elder brother who later on developed mental health issues whiich broughg lot of stress to the family. I worked very hard to achieve reasonable professional success but my personal life has been very difficult. I got married with lot of difficulty despite being well placed professionally and decent looks. It was an arranged marriage but things went bad after a year. I caught my wife having an affair with her ex but i fogave her for the sake of myndaugher who was just 1 year old then. She keept on having flings with gym instructor and later on her colleagues which i dont have any proof of. She would humilate me in front of my maid driver and other people. But i wanted ti save my marriage for the sake of my daughter who was only 4-5 years old then. Finally she started asking me for divorce after every trivial fights. Fed up i finally agreed and we separated in 2021 November. During that time i came in contact with my school friend. She proposed to me during our school days but due to stress at home and other issues i said no but i always liked her. When we started talking around December 2021 and we realized we still love each other after 20 years. But problem was though i was divorced she was still married and she is from a different religion. She is trying hard to get separated from her husband but her family being very conservative is not allowing her to do so. I'm stuck with her emotionally. Now my ex-wife has started approaching me for reconciliation. Im totally confused now what should i do? Should i wait for my friend knowing that chances are very slim that her family would leave her. Or should i patch up with my exwife for the sake of my daughter. I dont feel any emotional connection with my exwife now as she was never nice to me. But my parents are telling me to go for patch up. They are nkt aware about my school friend and i doubt they would approve her due to religious beliefs. Pls guide me I'm totally confused. Thanks A confused Homo Sapiens
Ans: Dear Pratik,
At this point in time, choose neither. You need space to clear your head first.
Too many emotional situations to jump into one more...Give yourself time to figure out what is that you want out of life?
Do you want to get into another commitment in a short gap? It could be an attraction on a rebound as well; so take time to figure these things out well before you decide to patch up or wait for your friend.
You deserve this time off, to make sure that you not only heal from the marriage but also put things in perspective.
So no need to bring on a new confusion for the time being till you get strong enough in the mind to decide the next course of your life. Making a choice right now means you will be bringing in more confusions of either of the two women into your life as well. So, PAUSE and take this time...

Best wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |262 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Mam, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Even if your marriage is a lost cause, this lady in question seems pretty unsteady and unsettled in what she wants. Constant drams will only keep you on your toes and more than having any peace of mind, all you will be a part of will be high range emotions most times.
Do you want this kind of drama and pull and push behavior?
Do you want to be in an unsettled state with her being unsure most times?
Do you want to part of her moods where she calls the shots with little or no respect for what you want?

I guess you have all the answers but are willing to compromise it for reasons known best to you. At the end of the day, the decision on this will be yours...decide wisely knowing how it affects you or how it is straining you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x