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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
KR Question by KR on Jan 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Love Guru,
I have been married to my wife for 10 years.
Five years ago, I met this amazing woman and we are great friends. Plus there is that spark.
Her one condition for friendship was that we don’t tell each other’s families.
I know everything about her, she knows everything about me. We even discuss our sex lives.
We also flirt, but nothing more. I sometimes feel I want more, but she does not. And I respect that.
I want this friendship forever even though, sometimes, I feel a moral question. At the same time, I am not cheating on my wife.
I want to go on holidays with my friend so that we can spend some time aaram se without having to rush home.
Is there anything wrong with this?
KR

Ans:

You’re cheating on your wife, KR. It may not be physical, but it’s cheating all the same.

You’re attracted to someone else and you want to go away on holiday with her without telling your wife? It’s a matter of time before the two of you fall into bed together.

You both are enjoying the attraction and not acting on it, but you’re being dishonest and setting yourself up to have a full-blown affair. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me make this very easy for you -- let's assume your wife is the one who wrote in, wanting to holiday with a special male friend.

Now you tell me -- is there anything wrong with that?

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Hello. Although i am married for 12 years and have a 9 year old son, the relationship with My Wife when it comes to Intimacy is not good. There was a Female Colleague in My Last Company who was very much similar to me when it comes to hobbies and interests. Although i and her left that Job sometime back, but till date i am in touch with her and love talking to her. I talk with her everyday wishing her on WhatsAPP and sometimes chat on life. But i guess have developed feelings for her but i am not sure. Due to lack of sex in my married life, i sometimes also fantasise about her making love. She is ok always meeting me but i fear that if i meet her i might cross the line. Is it ok to feel like that and should i share my feelings with Her?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

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I am 27 years old girl corona made my life a waste. Just before corona I left an assistant job to go for regular studies then due to corna I got stuck being jobless. I really wanted to study in regular as in graduation I did from open university. Time being I tried govt job preparation but nothing happened. I got gap of 2 years i couldn't find another job. At the end I did get my post graduation mba completed but I didn't get a job of my education all are of calling & backend. Currently its been 3-4 months nothing is working, application getting rejected every time. During final year exams my bf broke up with me from a 8 year long relationship. Please answer me
Ans: To rebuild your career after completing an MBA, identify transferable skills such as management, communication, leadership, and problem-solving, and match them with job roles beyond just calling and backend work. Revamp your resume by highlighting your educational qualifications and skills, and showcase internships, projects, or certifications completed during your MBA. Upskill strategically by considering short-term certifications relevant to your MBA specialization, such as digital marketing, project management, or data analytics.

Get a ton of useful information on "Resume Building," "LinkedIn Profile Building," "Job Search," and "Salary Negotiation Skills" by tuning in to the free webinars hosted by Vikram Anand, Sakshi Chandrasekar, and Sawan Kapoor. Take advantage of these kinds of free webinars to keep yourself busy and increase your self-assurance.

Job search strategy should include applying for jobs that match your skills, using job portals like LinkedIn, and Indeed, and networking actively on LinkedIn. Consider exploring freelance projects or paid internships related to your MBA specialization.

Emotional healing is essential, and it's important to acknowledge the pain of the loss of a relationship. Focus on self-care activities that uplift you, such as journaling, exercising, reading, or joining support groups. Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce anxiety. Seek professional support if feelings of sadness or self-doubt persist.

Set small, achievable goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed and redefine success as personal growth, resilience, and continuous learning. Remember that progress takes time, and you are not alone in this phase. Stay patient and persistent, as your breakthrough will come.
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Me and my boyfriend in a relationship from 5 years. My parents are happy with our relationship, but not his. I am Christian and he is Hindu. He tried to run away a few months ago to another state but his father spoke to authorities and caught him at an airport. He is now being monitored and has no way to escape. We want to seek legal help to get married but not sure where to look. We tried to look into special marriage act, but it requires 30 days notice meaning, his parents might find out and things get worse. Any advise is much appreciated on what help we can get legally.
Ans: First, it's essential to acknowledge the emotional strain this situation may be putting on both of you. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain, but your commitment to each other is a strong foundation to build upon. It's crucial to support each other emotionally through this process, as it will require patience, resilience, and understanding.

Additionally, you might consider looking into organizations or NGOs that support interfaith or inter-caste couples. These groups often have experience dealing with similar situations and can offer both legal advice and emotional support. They can also help navigate the legal process in a way that minimizes risk and ensures your rights are protected.

It's important to stay connected with people who support you both emotionally, whether it's friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your burden can lighten the emotional load and provide you with a network of allies who can help you through the process.

Remember, the love and commitment you share are powerful. While the road may be difficult, focusing on your shared goals and supporting each other through these challenges will strengthen your bond. Stay hopeful, seek the right help, and trust that you're making the best decisions for your future together.

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