Hi Love Guru,
I have been married to my wife for 10 years.
Five years ago, I met this amazing woman and we are great friends. Plus there is that spark.
Her one condition for friendship was that we don’t tell each other’s families.
I know everything about her, she knows everything about me. We even discuss our sex lives.
We also flirt, but nothing more. I sometimes feel I want more, but she does not. And I respect that.
I want this friendship forever even though, sometimes, I feel a moral question. At the same time, I am not cheating on my wife.
I want to go on holidays with my friend so that we can spend some time aaram se without having to rush home.
Is there anything wrong with this?
KR

Ans:

Dear Confused,

While that may sound like an ideal situation, that's not quite how a marriage works -- with a bit on the side!

And people who travel and are away from their partners tend to miss them enough that the sex is good and frequent when they do get together. So something really seems amiss here.

Tell me, do you love your husband?

If that is the case, work on the sex. Tell him how you feel (not about the gym instructor (!), about the lack of excitement). Become a little adventurous in the bedroom, or get counselling, if need be.

If, on the other hand, you're only married because it's convenient, well, I think it's only a matter of time before you cheat on your husband, if not with this gym guy, then with the next.

And I don't think he deserves that, do you?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.