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Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
KR Question by KR on Jan 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Love Guru,
I have been married to my wife for 10 years.
Five years ago, I met this amazing woman and we are great friends. Plus there is that spark.
Her one condition for friendship was that we don’t tell each other’s families.
I know everything about her, she knows everything about me. We even discuss our sex lives.
We also flirt, but nothing more. I sometimes feel I want more, but she does not. And I respect that.
I want this friendship forever even though, sometimes, I feel a moral question. At the same time, I am not cheating on my wife.
I want to go on holidays with my friend so that we can spend some time aaram se without having to rush home.
Is there anything wrong with this?
KR

Ans:

You’re cheating on your wife, KR. It may not be physical, but it’s cheating all the same.

You’re attracted to someone else and you want to go away on holiday with her without telling your wife? It’s a matter of time before the two of you fall into bed together.

You both are enjoying the attraction and not acting on it, but you’re being dishonest and setting yourself up to have a full-blown affair. It’s just a matter of time.

Let me make this very easy for you -- let's assume your wife is the one who wrote in, wanting to holiday with a special male friend.

Now you tell me -- is there anything wrong with that?

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Hello. Although i am married for 12 years and have a 9 year old son, the relationship with My Wife when it comes to Intimacy is not good. There was a Female Colleague in My Last Company who was very much similar to me when it comes to hobbies and interests. Although i and her left that Job sometime back, but till date i am in touch with her and love talking to her. I talk with her everyday wishing her on WhatsAPP and sometimes chat on life. But i guess have developed feelings for her but i am not sure. Due to lack of sex in my married life, i sometimes also fantasise about her making love. She is ok always meeting me but i fear that if i meet her i might cross the line. Is it ok to feel like that and should i share my feelings with Her?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

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